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Parenting

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Original poster

would your parents/ILs smack your children?

29 replies

wannaBe · 04/11/2007 22:14

Was at my parents' house today and we were having a conversation about kids' behavior, and my mum started to tell how my sister#s eldest ds is def having his moments atm, and she then went on to say "I smacked him the other day.". I was , because although i was smacked as a child, and I believe it did me no harm, I would be really if my mum had smacked my child as I don't do it.

Apparently my sister was ok with this, but she was only told after the event.

Would your parents do this?

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andiemisletoe · 04/11/2007 22:16

no my mum wouldn't but not sure about ils would put them on the naughty step if they did though and be

JARM · 04/11/2007 22:17

No, my dad and inlaws wouldnt.

I dont smack as such - tap the hand if really necessary, but no-one else would dare.

My dad is a behaviour worker though, so knows techniques to dealing with tantrums and strops.

Inlaws dont see the kids enough to have any influence over discipline, and the short time they do see them, we are very much there and in control of the situation.

onepieceoflollipop · 04/11/2007 22:20

I am fairly certain that my parents and ils wouldn't smack my children. However we have had various comments about the "new" forms of discipline that are now "fashionable" e.g. naughty step. (the underlying message being that smacking is better )

My fil recently shouted at dd1 who is 3, I was absolutely furious. He was only watching her for one minute and she irritated him and he couldn't be bothered to walk over to her and intervene. He never apologised - justified it by saying they always shouted at their kids. dh told him it still wasn't acceptable.

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purpleturtle · 04/11/2007 22:23

MIL smacked ds1 once . She subsequently denied it. We had been staying with them, but left the morning after that incident. I will never stay there longer than 3 days again.

In her defence there were some pretty horrendous things going on at the time, with which my PILs were not really coping, and I just think she took leave of her senses.

But even so...

whomovedmychocolate · 04/11/2007 22:24

Not if they wanted to live beyond the moment I heard about it!

islandofsodor · 04/11/2007 22:31

Yes, they would and occasionally do smack my children.

emmaagain · 04/11/2007 22:41

I would not permit anyone to assault one of my children, blood relation or not. So that's a no from me...

lemonaidtreasonandplot · 04/11/2007 23:01

We don't smack, and DH's parents or my mother would never smack DS. My father might, if he got in the right (wrong) mood, which is one reason he's never going to be left alone with him...

beowulf · 05/11/2007 09:37

I don't smack mine, so far, and I hope I never will. DH and I were both smacked as kids, because that's what they did back then.

If my parents or DH's parents smacked one of the children, I don't think I'd be angry or upset - they're good people and DH and I are balanced adults with good relationships with them, so their style of discipline can't have been that bad. I would ask them not to smack the kids again, as I think it's not appropriate to use physical force on a child when you don't want them to do it to you. But I certainly wouldn't be furious, and I wouldn't let it harm our relationships. If they walloped either DS I'd be cross, but I don't think that's a likely scenario.

SueBaroo · 05/11/2007 16:08

My ILs are softer than butter, so no

Hulababy · 05/11/2007 16:10

No. Both nknow that we do not use smacking as a form of discipline and they follow our wishes.

I would be very cross if they did smack DD and it would mst likely have a negative affect on our relationship. I would have to say something, and it wouldn't be pleasant no doubt.

happystory · 05/11/2007 16:14

My mother smacked ds once and it caused one almighty ruckus when we found out. Relations slowly slowly improved (am talking years) but she never looked after the kids again

12lbnaturally · 05/11/2007 16:15

My mum has often said in front of me when my son has misbehaved "IF you were my son I would smack you", my husband's reply to her was "if you ever smack my children I will smack you round the face."
Needless to say she has never smacked my children. Whether you agree with smacking or not I don't think its a grandparents place to do it.

colditz · 05/11/2007 16:18

They might, I doubt it, but they might. And it would be the last time they ever had the opportunity.

paolosgirl · 05/11/2007 16:20

No, they wouldn't - although we were both smacked as children (and shock horror have both turned out absolutely fine, with no psychological problems and great relationships with our parents) - but it's not their place to imo. It's a difficult one, though

Meeely2 · 05/11/2007 16:22

no, my parents and in laws are far more patient with my kids than I am

Meeely2 · 05/11/2007 16:25

btw, i used to get smacked by my grandma - very rarely but if i deserved it I did. IME kids behave differently at grandparents so there is not the big need for any form of discipline - i know both my boys are angelic at the in laws house and come home the demonic children!

I think my mother expected the same level of discipline as she gave while we were away - thing is we were more respectful (who knows why!) of our grandparents so rarely played up and always did as we were told....

hifi · 05/11/2007 16:25

i have specifically banned both sets from smacking, i was really badley treated as a child and my mother darnt even go there.

my sister even warns me she is about to smack hers as she knows i hate it.

Elibean · 05/11/2007 16:53

No, they would not. And if they did, I'd be to say the least.

Then again, my father never smacked any of us; my mother did - my sister, on the hand, when small, to stop her touching dangerous things (sister started wetting herself again after being dry so mother realized it wasn't a good idea ) and my younger brother years later on the leg, when he was about 4, out of sheer frustration and in reaction.

I don't think for a minute she'd smack any of our kids now - but to be fair, she's 78 and rarely looks after any!

seeker · 05/11/2007 16:55

Not if they wanted to live to see another day!

Pennies · 05/11/2007 16:57

They probably would. I'm pretty certain they left my dd to cry (for about an hour) when she was only 4 months old. I wouldn't leave them with them.

happystory · 05/11/2007 16:57

And from the child's point of view, although my mother did smack us (not often) I would have been mortified and devastated if my grandparents had ever smacked me

PeterDuck · 05/11/2007 17:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ProfYaffle · 05/11/2007 17:30

My parents don't believe my kids can do any wrong so they wouldn't in a million years.

MIL shouted at dd1 once, dd1 (sensitive child) responded really badly and got very upset I was enough at that. Don't think they'd hit her, if I thought they might I wouldn't leave her with them.

Budabang · 05/11/2007 17:37

MIL wouldn't. She has more patience with DS than I do.

My Mum wouldn't.

My Dad might. He has slapped my sister's 2 boys - both of them for running out on the road even though he was shouting at them to stop. He got such a fright. My sis was ok with it because of the reason but wouldn't be happy if it were regular.

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