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Original poster

Tantrum when leaving nursery

26 replies

shazza292022 · 22/02/2021 17:53

A few times now when I pick my son up from nursery, he has a tantrum. It happened again today and I'm feeling embarrassed and like I'm a bad mummy, that he doesn't want to come home with me. I'm a first time mum and always feel anxious about how to handle situations. I tried to get him to walk and hold my hand but he wasn't having any of it. In the end I had to pick him up screaming as he kept lying on the ground. He is 17 months..What I'm looking for is reassurance - has this happened to anyone else? Everyone else's kids went with them without a fuss! Also any tips on how to handle this?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

GrumpyHoonMain · 22/02/2021 18:02

Did something prompt it?

Wearywithteens · 22/02/2021 18:03

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

MeadowHay · 22/02/2021 18:05

Mines done this before a few times around the same age. Now at closer to 3 she wakes up in the morning and starts crying that she doesn't want to go! It's just one thing or it's another with kids OP. They'll outgrow it for something else soon.

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Endofthelinefinally · 22/02/2021 18:06

He has been behaving nicely for a few hours, is hungry and tired, emotional because he has missed you?

Do you take him a drink/snack/maybe a small favourite toy as a distraction when you collect him?

Changedusernamehahaha · 22/02/2021 18:06

This has happened to my sister many times. Funnily enough her DS will sometimes cry when she leaves him there then cry not to leave and go home with her.

Relax, take it as a good sign he’s having fun and just laugh it off.

Dowermouse · 22/02/2021 18:09

My dd did this leaving one setting, I'd assumed she was happy there, but actually she was bored and not being well cared for. I had to pull her out as I was heavily pregnant and couldn't get her into her car seat safely. The setting later closed after fail every part of it's first Ofstsd inspection. She is occasionally like this at school pick up, but is quickly able to verbalise what she has struggled with that day and it blows over.

Shufflebudge · 22/02/2021 18:10

Ha ha I remember this phase well. At first she cried when I left then she started crying when I came and shouting ‘no home’ at me. It stopped again after a few weeks. It’s completely normal.

constantly · 22/02/2021 18:11

I'd take a bag of crisps with me and hand them to him when you turn up 😁

LunaHardy · 22/02/2021 18:27

DD did this for a phase, turned out she was just knackered and probably emotional. I used to bribe her with a biscuit in the car.

EchoLimaYankee · 22/02/2021 18:29

Some children struggle with transitions from event or place to another. Perhaps talk to your nursery about how they can prepare him for going home. I know it’s tough at this age though. Could you bring him something from home to help with the transition a cuddly toy or an actual toy?

ParkheadParadise · 22/02/2021 18:35

Sounds normal.
This morning my dd started back at school. Some children were upset about leaving their parents. My dd was running towards the door shouting back at me "you're not allowed in my school"
At home time she was telling me how much she missed me.
Kids are weird.

Endofthelinefinally · 22/02/2021 19:03

I always took a bag of crisps and a drink to nursery pick up. (Only time he ever got crisps).

Original poster

shazza292022 · 22/02/2021 19:56

Hi thanks for your comment. Silly question but did you literally just hand it over when you picked your LO up? Or just if he started playing up?

OP posts:

Original poster

shazza292022 · 22/02/2021 19:58

I think he just wanted to keep playing and when I tried to get him to walk with me he wouldn't come

OP posts:

SuperbGorgonzola · 22/02/2021 20:01

Sometimes I think it's tiredness and a release of emotion. My son is always happy enough to come with me but then cries about driving down a particular road on the way home, for no reason whatsoever. We always used to like it as it has "bump ede bumps" but now he kicks off whenever we turn on to it.

Endofthelinefinally · 22/02/2021 20:02

Crisps and drink always guaranteed and our regular routine. Definitely not conditional on playing up!

BertieBotts · 22/02/2021 20:02

So completely normal.

They are absolutely knackered by nursery and seeing you is the moment they let it all out. Any kind of transition (changing activity, changing environment) is also really really hard for them so it's all kind of overwhelming all at once.

Yes to snacks - I tend to keep it as a sort of mini-bribe to get them in the buggy (or car seat if you drive there). It doesn't help for a meltdown inside the actual nursery, because you can't just hand them snacks there unless you want to be deluged upon by every other child, but once they get used to the routine that you leave and they get nicely into buggy/car seat and get a snack, it works like a charm.

For the actual inside nursery bit I'd sit with him and be sympathetic and just let him have a moment if he needs a moment.

It will be a phase and he'll grow out of it. Then someone else's child will do it :) Try and be sympathetic and reassuring to the mum now you know how she feels!

Sidewalksue · 22/02/2021 20:06

Mine used to cry when I dropped her off and cry when she had to go home (usually because she was having too much fun). I don’t think it lasted long.

Endofthelinefinally · 22/02/2021 20:16

With little children everything is a phase.

Sls668 · 22/02/2021 23:07

I work in a nursery, it’s totally normal. Bribery is the way forward and a nursery won’t judge 😉

GrumpyHoonMain · 22/02/2021 23:34

DS will tantrum when I drop him or pick him up. He just gets overwhelmed seeing me and goes crazy. So DH does pick ups and drop offs. When I have to do it I just strap him into a pushchair and let him cry it out. He usually falls asleep by the time we get home.

Titsinknicks · 22/02/2021 23:38

'i think he just wanted to play'.

Read The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read by Phillipa Perry.

There's an example in it that is very similar to what you describe.

If your child is immersed in play/whatever they're doing and you rock up to take them home you're interrupting them - imagine someone interrupting you during your working day and dragging you off with no notice. It's their equivalent.

Do you tell him you're leaving in three minutes? Then two? Then one? Or just tear him away?
Read the book it's really good.

MouthAche · 22/02/2021 23:42

I worked at a nursery...

ALOT of children do this. Its very common

ShinyGreenElephant · 22/02/2021 23:47

DD doesn't like saying goodbye so she runs to me but then cries about leaving her friends and looks back at them in devastation. I shove a banana in her hand and 99% of the time that solves the problem before it escalates

Somethingsnappy · 23/02/2021 16:28

Tired and emotional at the end of the day and you are his 'safe space' to vent his emotional and have a meltdown. It doesn't mean he isn't pleased to see you or doesn't want to go home, i promise!

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