Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Tell me about your 3 year age gaps!

43 replies

Tucancrossing · 22/02/2021 15:24

I currently have a 1 year old and always thought I'd have a 2 year age gap, probably just because that's the gap between me and my sibling, but it's coming up to the time I'd need to get pregnant and I'm just not ready. I feel like I was only just pregnant, and I really didn't enjoy being pregnant so would happily put it off for a bit. My baby still feels so little and I want to enjoy just him for a bit longer. So really I'm starting to look at a 3-3.5 year age gap. If you have this gap, what is their relationship like? Do they still play together and enjoy the same things, or do they have more of a big sibling/little sibling dynamic with the older one helping the little one? Both seem fine to me, I just want to get my head round what it would be like, as my sibling and I were so close in age we did everything together, had shared parties, shared friends etc.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

BunnyRuddington · 22/02/2021 16:46

Gosh I wish they'd played together or helped one another. I suppose they like one another but never really been interested in the same things.

I did try for a 2 year gap but it didn't work out and ended up with 3 y 3 m. So if you want 3 years, you might end up with 4 or more.

Original poster

Tucancrossing · 22/02/2021 19:25

@BunnyRuddington I know you can never plan these things precisely 😊 I was lucky enough to get pregnant the first month (first night 😆) of trying last time, so I don't anticipate any issues, but I know it's not always the same every time!

OP posts:

Jeanswithanicetop · 22/02/2021 19:30

We have 2 years and 9 months. DS is the oldest and showed no interest in his bag sister until she was a bit more interactive, but had they been born the other way round it would have been different - DD loved babies at the age he was when she was born, she’d definitely have been the sort of big sister who would have fetched a nappy and gave cuddles!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

1 year olds Families General parenting

Bettyboop82 · 22/02/2021 19:32

I’ve got a 3 year, 3 month age gap and my baby is 6 months old. It’s been really really hard meeting everyone’s needs so far and am hoping it will get easier as they get older!

Newsinglemum58 · 22/02/2021 19:33

All the books recommended it but I found it hard. Very different temperaments and just far enough apart they are at different stages much of the time. Maybe it comes into its own in the teen years..

NamelessNinja · 22/02/2021 19:36

Exactly 3 year age gap here, which was a bit bigger than we had planned.
However I'm really glad of it now 6 months in, eldest was potty trained and much more independent at 3 than 2.5 (although had a regression when she was born). He's a very gentle child and has been nothing but kind and loving towards her although did have a wobble behaviour wise towards us with tantrums for a couple of weeks.
He is her favourite person and she smiles and laughs at him constantly and he does like to play with her and entertain her but not for long.
However I've got no idea how it will work later down the line so can't advise you on that!

SacreBleeeurgh · 22/02/2021 19:37

Gosh, I find these negative reports really surprising - we have an exactly 3 year gap and it’s been an absolute dream - eldest was potty trained and toileting independently, sleeping well, could mostly dress herself and fetch herself a snack, entertain herself for a few min without needing constant input and had a good understanding of the concept of having a baby sibling, so it’s been brilliant, there’s no way I would have wanted a smaller gap. She’s also really, really helpful. We’re at 4.5 and 1.5 now and they get on like an absolute house on fire and adore each other. In contrast my sibling and I were 18 months apart and fought like cat and dog from the off and have never, ever got on. At the end of the day OP there’s always an element of luck in whether siblings bond or not, but practically I couldn’t recommend it more.

LDParty · 22/02/2021 19:37

3.5 - 4.4 is perfect I'd say. Baby 1 gets to be a baby and isn't rushed. They're old enough to understand more and by the time baby 2 is a few years old they will be fast friends if the relationship is well supported.

cookiedoughsweetiepie · 22/02/2021 19:42

3.5 years here. And different genders. Worked brilliantly in the baby toddler years as oldest was quite independent and toilet
trained and could dress
Himself etc.

Most of the time is fine. They are now 7 and 10 and find things in common still. Animal crossing and minecraft and football and other sports. Food and activities.
They bicker sometimes-but so do all. The oldest lords it over the youngest sometimes as he beats her to most things. But we manage.

I remember one school hols was a bit tough perhaps 4 and 7. Felt like a big gap with v different needs. But those pockets of time never last long and just force you to get inventive!

LockdownIsDragging · 22/02/2021 19:51

More or less exactly 3 years here and they have never got on. My son has always been intensely jealous of his younger sister and whenever I gave her any attention in the first year he would deliberately wet himself. If I had my time again I would go for a smaller gap.

Rodent01 · 22/02/2021 19:57

4 years 3 months between my girls and it’s been great! They play for hours together at 7 and 3, yes, they fight sometimes, but that’s siblings. Had proper baby time with DD2, DD1 was never jealous and dispute all my misgivings at the start, it’s been easy on everybody!

Scbchl · 22/02/2021 20:00

I think regardless of age gap you cant really guess what their relationship will be like as everyone is so different. My second and third have 3.5 years between them. They played when little but now at 8 and 11 mostly fight like cat and dog. The easiest sibling relationships likely between my 16 and 8 year old as they dont fight at all.

Oh12lookanothernamechange1234 · 22/02/2021 20:00

@Tucancrossing I fell pregnant with DS whilst on the pill, I missed a few as I was poorly. It took us a year to get pregnant second time around with DD!! There is 4.5 years between ours , obviously I wanted a small gap, but DS is nearly 6 and DD a feisty 18 month old. They love each other to pieces 🥰

fortyfifty · 22/02/2021 20:14

2y 10m gap. Two girls. I got lucky as the eldest has always acted more maturely for her age and loved being a big sister and the youngest loved being helpless and babied for a long time! They have always got along very well and played together until DD1 went to secondary school. Then they had phases where they seemed so far apart in age and then DD2 would go through a new phase and they'd seem on the same wave length again. They are now 18 and 15. But it is probably down to their personalities and parenting how well they get on - not necessarily their age gap.

Pissghetti · 22/02/2021 20:15

I'm due to have my 2nd baby soon and will have a 3.5y age gap. I've read every old thread I can find on this gap and most people say it's been very good. I'm really hoping this turns out to be the way!

Oliack1417 · 22/02/2021 20:17

3 years exactly between my two boys. They are inseparable, and have been since the youngest could walk/talk. They argue about everything but you cannot separate them! It's been the perfect gap for us.

Wincher · 22/02/2021 20:17

Mine are just over three years apart (although four school years). It definitely helped that the oldest was out of nappies, the pushchair, the cot etc in good time before the new baby came along. They generally get along although not always... Lots of my friends also had a three-year gap as it meant getting the free hours at nursery just in time for maternity leave, so it feels like the normal gap in my circle! I recommend it.

FurryGiraffe · 22/02/2021 20:21

We have a 3 year gap (almost exactly) between our two DSs. They adore each other and have played together really well from the time when DS2 was around a year. Of course they squabble from time to time, but they generally get on incredibly well and play together loads. They're 4 and 7 now.

Mind you, BF's two DC have a 22 month gap and also get on brilliantly. She deliberately went for a small gap because there's 3 years between her and her sister and they fought like cat and dog. I think personality and luck have a lot to do with it.

FurryGiraffe · 22/02/2021 20:23

Oh good point Wincher about free hours at nursery. If they're in childcare a fair amount, then a 2 year gap is a killer in cost terms! If you go for a three year gap then by the time the second is at nursery the first one has funded hours so you don't have to find two full sets of nursery fees at once.

Thatwentbadly · 22/02/2021 20:24

I have 3yr 2mth between my girls and they are now 4.5yrs and 1.5yrs. It took until DD2 was past 1 before DD1 said she was glad I had her, before then she said she loved her but wished I hadn’t had her. She has become too used to having me to herself - I become a sahm when DD1 was 2 yrs old. I was just saying to DH that I was glad for DD1 sake that she had a younger sibling to play with during lockdown. They play is not perfect and there is obviously an ability difference but they do play together. When DD1 was in school by 2.30 in the afternoon DD2 would be bringing me her shoes and coat and saying DD1’s names because she wanted to go and get her from school. DD2 has a lot of vocab but about 60% of what she says is DD1’s name. She is her idol.

Lisyloo725 · 22/02/2021 20:25

I have a three year and a few days age gap - boy and girl. They play together brilliantly- even aged 5 and 2.
The little one was really good with her words which likely helped.
But yes it’s a great age gap. Eldest was potty trained and scooting around when little one came along. Their relationship is incredible.

Lemon27 · 22/02/2021 20:26

@NamelessNinja

Exactly 3 year age gap here, which was a bit bigger than we had planned. However I'm really glad of it now 6 months in, eldest was potty trained and much more independent at 3 than 2.5 (although had a regression when she was born). He's a very gentle child and has been nothing but kind and loving towards her although did have a wobble behaviour wise towards us with tantrums for a couple of weeks. He is her favourite person and she smiles and laughs at him constantly and he does like to play with her and entertain her but not for long. However I've got no idea how it will work later down the line so can't advise you on that!

This is exactly my situation. I found the gap a good thing when #2 arrived as #1 was potty trained, sleeping very well and generally not as demanding as a younger child would have been so I was able to devote time to the newborn and him separately without too much trouble. If we had another I would probably do the same, #2 is coming up to 1 year old and I can't imagine getting pregnant again yet, like you I feel I was JUST pregnant

My BIL has 2 under 2 with a very short gap and their lives are chaotic to say the least, their eldest doesn't sleep and is still very demanding and then throw a newborn in. After seeing their situation I much preferred how we did it and would probably hope to do the same again if we had another.

bettertimesarecomingnow · 22/02/2021 20:34

My two are so close even now aged 8 and 12 (girl and boy)

They spend so much time playing together and off having adventures and they always have. I think this is fairly unusual tho?

My son adores his sister and always has done. She's a bit less keen but still enjoys his company and is often found snoring her head off in his bed if she wakes in the night - he, clinging to the edge uncomplaining!!

AlowYew · 22/02/2021 20:40

I have exactly a three and a half year age gap.

They're now 6 and a half and just turned ten.

They are best friends. Yes, they fight occasionally but they adore each other and they are the same sex as well.

Fuck it was hard in the early days. C section. Bad recovery . Husband back to work three days after youngest child's birth etc etc

But, it gets easier as they get older. Absolutely without a doubt.

Good luck and enjoy

BillyAndTheSillies · 22/02/2021 21:03

3.5 year gap here. We struggled - and still struggle with jealousy. Eldest DS was the first grandchild on both sides and lavished. But when there's no opportunity for attention seeking they are best friends.

When eldest is at school, the baby wanders around from room to room calling "brother? Brother". They're inseparable. DS2 will bring board books to DS1 to read and just snuggle on his lap.

I really love watching them together. We actually would have liked a bigger age gap, but if anything I now wish we'd made it closer. But that is purely because DS1 got so used to being an only child/grandchild it was a bit of a shock not being the baby of the family any more. He never took it out on the baby, he's always been gentle and very loving with him - he took it out on us.

Flip

1 2