Tell me about your 3 year age gaps!

[Tucancrossing]

I currently have a 1 year old and always thought I'd have a 2 year age gap, probably just because that's the gap between me and my sibling, but it's coming up to the time I'd need to get pregnant and I'm just not ready. I feel like I was only just pregnant, and I really didn't enjoy being pregnant so would happily put it off for a bit. My baby still feels so little and I want to enjoy just him for a bit longer. So really I'm starting to look at a 3-3.5 year age gap. If you have this gap, what is their relationship like? Do they still play together and enjoy the same things, or do they have more of a big sibling/little sibling dynamic with the older one helping the little one? Both seem fine to me, I just want to get my head round what it would be like, as my sibling and I were so close in age we did everything together, had shared parties, shared friends etc.

Sorry, should have said DS1 has just turned 5 and DS2 is 18 months.

3 years 3 months between my two. The eldest has just turned 6 but so far so good. They play together, share a room (their choice) and help each other out all the time.

We have a two year gap (exhausting at the time but DSs are very close and it got so much easier after the youngest turned 18 months). We also have a four year gap, and they bicker a lot, but play together lots. We also have a 3 year gap (well, 2 years 9 months) and it’s proving the easiest! Older one v independent and helpful. Younger one dotes on her.

I won’t be trying a 5 year gap!

Very similar story to you @Toucancrossing! I always thought we'd aim for a 2 year gap between our kids because that's what there was between me and my sister. And like you- with our first child I was pregnant after the first month of trying. When our boy reached 1 I also realised I wasn't ready to go through pregnancy again, so we waited.

Then when he was 18 months old we tried for 6 months and didn't get pregnant (which if I'm honest even though I knew logically it might not be as quick it was still oddly surprising and saddening when nothing happened). We gave ourselves a break as I was finding it all too stressful and then tried again shortly before our son turned 3 and after 4 months of ttc I found out I was pregnant. I'm due in May so can't comment too much but I will say it's nice that our son is able to understand that there's a baby girl in mummy's tummy and he's asking questions about her and showing an interest in her. (He'll be 3 years 7 months when baby arrives).

We have a 3.5 year gap and it’s been perfect.
I think so much of it is down to personality as well as age gap and I’d say they complement each other really well. They play together so well and have had so much fun together over the years. They’ve grown closer over this last year with no one else to play with! They also fight a lot. It’s a bit love /hate but definitely more love. My dh says he and his sister got on really well as kids and also fought a lot (they have a four year gap) and they’re very close as adults. Sometimes one will yell “I’m never playing with you again!” then ten minutes later I’ll overhear them happily playing again, haha.
They do like playing similar things - they both like imaginative games and spend lots of time playing sylvanian families together. It definitely doesn’t feel like too big an age gap.
I also liked it that my dd was slightly older when the younger one was born. She was very understanding that I had to take care of her brother a lot. We didn’t have issues with jealousy but again I think that can be a personality thing. I think with a two year gap it can feel at first like you have two babies as two year olds are so little (of course there’s lots of positives about that age gap too).
Another plus is that I felt ready for another baby by then. We were aiming for a three year gap but took half a year to conceive but it was all good. I don’t know if I’d have coped well with the two year gap, my dd was a high needs baby and took so much out of me, I didn’t feel ready til she was three. I think readiness of the parents is so important, more important that aiming for an “ideal gap” which doesn’t really exist.
Anyway in case you couldn’t tell I love a three year gap All the best whatever you decide!!

3y 5m gap here, age 3 and 6. They play together but also fight a lot and annoy each other. I think it probably has as much to do with their personalities as the gap.

3y3m gap between my DS and DD.
It was brilliant,he started nursery a month before DD was born and was a bit worried that he will feel like I send him there as some kind of rejection because of a new baby.I was soooo wrong.He loved the nursery,was absolutely besotted with baby sister and I was of course hugely relieved.
He was very caring towards her,couldn't wait until she was big enought to interact and play together.Even now (they are 4&7) they hate being separated and they really love each other,to the point that when I tell one off,another comes to rescue the one that is in trouble and give comfort.
I did not plan this exact gap but I am glad it happened.
The only downside was that my DS decided to continue to co-sleep with me and his sister but I think it contributed very positively to him feeling so content with new situation.

There's a 3 yr 5 month age gap between DD and DS.
DD was always very protective of her little brother.She doted on him when he was a baby and as they got older they were very close but still had the odd sibling fall out.I was able to give DS a lot of one to one attention while DD was at nursery school.
They're now both in their twenties now and closer than ever.They have gone on holidays together and pursued outdoor hobbies together.They live with their partners in different towns but still talk and confide with each other.

I have a 16 year old DS and a 13 year old DD. When they were little they played together all the time (except when their friends were round as their friends only wanted to play with other boys /girls). When DS hit teenage years they got pretty fed up with each other, and they have had some major fights. Now DS is maturing they get on a lot better. Still fight sometimes but generally rub along together pretty well.

The thing is - whatever gap you end up with will work for you, and you'll think it is the right gap so don't worry about it x

I wanted as small a gap as possible, I got 3 y 3 m.

They are the closest brothers I’ve ever come across. They have always played beautifully together, and although ds1 does baby ds2 a bit now that they are older (11 and 14) it isn’t much of an issue.

The one problem is that ds2 does underestimate himself a bit, as he believes he should be able to do everything his brother can, which he obviously can’t.

Whenever I have met anyone else who has a 3 year gap with their two kids, we have always agreed that is is the BEST gap to have!

My 2 have always played together from as soon as the youngest was able to. My daughter adores her big brother. And it’s lovely seeing them play together. It’s been a blessing through the lockdowns. Yes they squabble, but that’s what siblings do!

I had three year gaps and one two year gap.

The three year gaps were nice. The two year gap made me feel that the two year old never got the time in the limelight that he needed. I had three DCs at that point and that contributed too - oldest starting out in school, youngest a baby, DS spending a lot of time in the car seat.

It was nice to have the older one out of nappies and able to amuse herself to some extent by the time the next baby arrived. I noticed that difference when I had a two year gap. There was so much wiping. It was also hard to get out anywhere because of all the napping.

Three years have me a chance to recover my figure to some extent too, and to get back to a normal night's sleep.

The sex of the babies makes a difference. I had DD, DS, DD (then two more DDs). Oldest DD had her own set of friends in her teen years, and DS had his, then the three youngest DDs were a little group, more or less, though with six years from DD2 to DD4 there was a limit to the togetherness.

The teen years were fairly pleasant. They never bothered with each others' clothes or other stuff. This was possibly down to vastly different height and body shapes, but three years is long enough for clothes to go out of style.

We have a 3.5 year age gap. It's very early days (DC1 is nearly 4 and DC2 is nearly 6 months) so it will be interesting to see how they get on as they get older. But based on our experience so far:

• 15/30h funded childcare for DC1 is a huge bonus, it makes it affordable to keep sending him to nursery while I'm on maternity leave, he gets all the advantages of nursery and I get some quiet days with the baby.
• DC1 is reasonably independent, potty trained etc (although we've had night-time accidents and pull-up leaks) and can be briefly left unsupervised eg when changing baby's nappy or putting her down for a nap
• DC1 is generally very affectionate towards the baby (almost too much so ), wants to cuddle and play with her and is often happy to help eg by fetching things
• The biggest challenge has been his behaviour - I'm not sure how much of this is normal 3yo behaviour and how much is due to having a new sibling, but he's been testing boundaries a lot and that's been really difficult to deal with especially alongside the sleep deprivation of nights with a newborn

I do feel guilty that I don't have as much energy, time or attention for DC1 any more... I guess I would feel that whatever the age gap, but at 3.5 he's had quite a long time to get used to being the centre of attention. He has recently started being a bit rough with the baby, which I think must be a jealousy/attention thing

2.5 and 3.5 years here.
The 3.5 was miles easier when small and as adults they all get on well.

I can whole heartedly recommend 3 school years as an age gap ( which we have between all 3). Close enough for support at school but not too dependent or too much Comparing. Also not having GCSEs and a levels at the same time - the blessing of this is just not possible to estimate till you get there !!

3.5 year gap here and I love it. I loved that the first was able to dress herself, potty trained, could play a bit on their own, had a few mornings a week at preschool, so i got one-on-one time with the baby. Then went off to school fulltime the following year, so I could go to toddler groups with the younger one.

My two do get on well. They never really did playing together with dolls or imaginative play, but they will play boardgames or silly messing around things together building a fort or something.

The older one is a bit bossy but the younger one is more laid back so the dynamic works lol!

I am worried about the teenage years as I think the gap will seem quite big for a while, eg when the oldest is 14/15 and the younger one 11. But hopefully by late teens they will have more in common again.

We have a 2y 9m gap between our eldest and second baby which turned out to be twins. I think it's pretty ideal as our son was potty trained, settled at nursery (he did mornings from 16mo) and could entertain himself a little or play with me chatting/ directing rather than beside him the whole time. Also the iPad could work its magic in emergencies!

He was not at all interested in the babies until they began to interact - and even then not much. But now they are 14 months old, walking, playing peekaboo, laughing at his antics etc there's a noticeable change. I think it will only get better. He hugs them, kisses them, gives them bites of his cookie (so cute) - and yes, grabs their toys, is a bit rough sometimes but he'll learn. Once they are 3 he'll only be 5 and I think they'll play together a lot.

I think it's good being on the younger side of 3 year gap (or under) because my son can't really remember a time before his siblings were here. He isn't jealous of them directly as far as I can see. Of course there's times he wants more of my attention than I can give in that moment but there's always naptime or if we are out, they are in the buggy and I can chat to him. He knows he's a big boy and that's special to him.

2yr 11m gap here. I love it so far. The first year seemed so much easier than friends who had a 2 year gap. DD was independent in terms of going to the toilet, getting dressed, getting a piece of fruit for a snack she also understood more e.g. waiting 5 mins whilst I fed DS.

They are now just 2 and just 5. They have always played quite well together (DD likes babies) although there was obviously some juggling with a crawling baby and a 3 5yo. The last few months have been particularly good. DD plays imaginary games and DS joins in with a bit of help e.g. they ride toy cars together and pretend they are going somewhere. It's helped DS's language massively! They have bedtime together e.g. bath, story. DD started nursery when DS was 6m which gave time for activities with just DS until lockdown obviously. I guess one downside would be it was harder to plan days out for DD when DS needed to nap, but we could usually find places that suited them both.

There is a dynamic of DD mothering a bit, but as DS grows they are also becoming friends more. I'm sure their age gap will feel wider again at other points. Personally I quite like that they are more separate and not treated as a pair, but sounds like you had a great experience of being a pair.

I wouldn't change the gap because no way was I ready earlier and would have found a smaller gap tough in the first year. There may be some trade offs as they get older but I needed to do it that way.

Thanks so much everyone! This has been really interesting and helpful to read through. Seems like most people feel it's a really good age gap which is great to hear 😊 Definitely like the idea of having finished potty training, and not needing to buy a second crib, double buggy etc. Would definitely prefer another year of just me inside my body before embarking on the joys (🙄) of pregnancy again 😆