Toddler said I hit people

[lucylouz]

My LG is almost 3 she comes into our bed every morning and she has this thing where she will either be all over me or her Daddy, she can never seem to love us both at the same time. It's like she thinks if she's getting attention from one of us she has to be mean to the other one, not sure if anyone else has experienced this and it's normal?
Anyway this morning it was her Daddy's turn for her to be all over 'I love you Daddy' 'I want a cuddle' 'I don't love Mummy' etc etc. Anyway he is lapping it up and I just think the best way for approach this situation is to ignore her so I turn away and tried to go back to sleep. Then she said 'you're so kind Daddy, Mummy isn't kind she hits people' I would just like to say firstly this is 10000% not true!! We actually had a conversation the other day because she said her friend at pre-school hit another friend and I was telling her that it wasn't kind to hit people and she must never do that.
I turned to her and in a stern voice said she must never ever say that about me because it isn't true. I also asked her Daddy (who was just lying there) to say the same so he just said 'yeh don't say that about your mummy, she doesn't hit people' and then she started crying. So he was then cuddling and kissing her saying 'aww don't worry don't cry' and comforting her. He then went on to give him his phone so that she could watch peppa pig (which I think is almost a reward).
How would you have handled this situation? I said I think he needed to be a bit more serious with her so she realised she can't say these things but he thinks I should have just left it?
I just worry she could go to pre-school and say something like that and rightly so social services would be contacted. Again he thinks I'm being over dramatic. But I work in housing and have attended several child conferences around child protection so I know how serious these things can get just from a passing comment like that.
Have any of your LOs ever said similar lies at this age? I'm quite shocked.

They all chat a load of nonsense at that age. My dd sighed and said to me 'I wish you'd stop smacking my bum' when I'd never once laid a finger on her

They all tell little lies at that age. You addressed it when she said it, I wouldn't worry any more about it. My 4 year old told me the other day she went on a holiday down the toilet and was swimming with poos and wees. Pretty sure that wasn't true.

Children talk shite.
You corrected her, done.

Ah the lies they tell!! I think this morning was all for the attention from daddy like you say. They come out with such rubbish at that age, all 3 of mine did similar things for attention. If I made a big thing of it they would remember it so next time they could play that card for attention thinking they were clever. Depending on the situation I would try to ignore, later in the day I would mention it just sort of casually and how I was disappointed and surprised they told lies, for us that worked much better than a telling off. But every child is different x

You are massively massively overthinking this.

I actually feel quite jealous that you have managed to get this far with a three year old and this is the most upsetting/naughty/shocking thing they have done so far

Telling lies at this age is NORMAL. It's a development stage testing out their understanding of the world and language skills. Don't get upset about it, its a good thing!

Your DH handled it absolutely fine. Correct the lie and don't give it too much attention. Whatever you don't don't get upset by the words of three year olds! it gets worse the closer they get to four

My friend works in a nursery. They hear all sorts from toddlers - they talk shit, don’t worry.

Thank you everyone. I'm glad I posted now as I was even overthinking posting on people incase that people might actually think I hit people or even worse her she is our first and so far only child so sometimes all this still feels so new to me still! She does tell lies a lot atm but they are just funny things like the next door neighbours cat ate her breakfast.
I did think at the time I don't want to make a huge deal of it because then she will remember and could use that card again when she's wanting attention or wanting to push boundaries. It probably hasn't helped that it's caused a big rift between me and her Dad now because I felt he gave her too much attention afterwards. I will do as you all advise and forget it now.

I agree, the problem with making a big deal of this and treating it very seriously is that it may make it more likely for them to do it again if they're doing it for attention. "Don't be silly DD, of course mummy doesn't hit people" and that's the end of it. Obviously an older child telling lies is a more serious issue.

If she says it again you can brush it off but also use it as an opportunity to (briefly!) let her know why it's important to tell the truth on this one.

So and 'oh that's a bit silly' and then add that it's important not to be silly about people hurting because you're her mum and dad and will always believe her and take it seriously if she does say that someone is hurting her or any other child, and she will never be in trouble for telling you about it, even if she's a bit scared about it. Then just move on and watch Peppa pig

Don't worry about it, they're wee shites at that age. Especially girls.
My LG when she was 4, shouted very loudly in a very busy beer garden "DON'T HIT ME DADDY" when he was trying his best to stop her from shouting and being unruly.
He's never ever laid a finger on her. He was absolutely fucking mortified and everyone was looking at us!

If your child is upset, it's right to comfort them.

That doesn't mean you change the message- don't give in, back down, etc.

She's been 'told off' by both parents so yes, she's upset. Comforting her saying things like 'that's ok, come on, we love you, I'm sad too, let's watch peppa pig' is fine.

@OverTheRubicon

If she says it again you can brush it off but also use it as an opportunity to (briefly!) let her know why it's important to tell the truth on this one.

So and 'oh that's a bit silly' and then add that it's important not to be silly about people hurting because you're her mum and dad and will always believe her and take it seriously if she does say that someone is hurting her or any other child, and she will never be in trouble for telling you about it, even if she's a bit scared about it. Then just move on and watch Peppa pig

That's good advice. I never even thought that it could make her worry about telling me in the future if someone actually is hurting her. I will do this thank you.

My DD went through a phase of asking me not to hit her friends. She once said it to me in front of her nursery teachers, I was mortified! I think they all say things like that and most people understand to take their words with a pinch of salt so I shouldn’t worry to much.

@MissCrowley oh god!!! That is mortifying but also made me feel much better that it's normal so thank you for sharing!

@picklemewalnuts

If your child is upset, it's right to comfort them.

That doesn't mean you change the message- don't give in, back down, etc.

She's been 'told off' by both parents so yes, she's upset. Comforting her saying things like 'that's ok, come on, we love you, I'm sad too, let's watch peppa pig' is fine.

Yes that's true.

I find it hard when in the moment to know what the best way to react is. Appreciate all of this advice, thank you.

I just would have laughed and said don’t be silly and then that would have been it. She is 2 years old, they do and say silly things. It is also normal for them to be favouring one parent, if they say I don’t like mummy or whatever you just say that’s a shame because I love you(or similar.

At least she listens to you. You told her recently that hitting is a bad thing to do, so when she decided you weren't nice, saying that you hit is where her mind went.

My dd is 3 and she hits us when she's angry. I always say don't hit, mummy doesn't hit you! She has said a few times, yes you do! I say right missy, tell the truth now, does mummy hit you really? And she always says no. I have never smacked her.
I think they say these things to hurt us!

If my granddaughter has a bruise or a scrape or even a stomach ache she says her daddy did it. It’s just a faze they go through.

There's a thread in Classics which is hilarious and lots have people have contributed the shit that their children have said particularly to nursery staff. I can't link because I'm on the phone but it's well worth a read!

You wanted your DH to ignore her crying? My 3 year old sobs his heart out when he realises he’s done something naughty, like fuck would I ignore it just because his daddy was in a huff about perfectly normal 3 year old behaviour

You had a conversation about friends hitting being bad. She wanted to push your buttons (because toddlers are power hungry dictators) so she thought of the worst thing. You reacted, she won. She will do it again. She needs you and Dad to be in charge not her, however much she likes the power! Give her attention when she does positive things and ignore her when she is trying to split you or provoke a reaction. Get dh on side and both agree that when she tries to be all over one of you, you will give each other attention, not her. When she is nice to both, both give her positive attention. Don't give her negative attention like crossness or telling off except unless it's a planned consequence.

Your husband was right in this. She’s only three snd displaying typical three year old behaviour. You, on the other hand, are displaying less “normal” behaviour. You both told her off, job done. But you wanted to get punitive on top of it. And to even ignore her crying. And then got on your husbands case because he wouldn’t join you.

It’s not ok. She’s tiny. She doesn’t understand. You need to expect her to behave age appropriate.

To extrapolate it into wider consequences because she may tell others is really ott but I assume it was a way to justify your reaction.

I’d apologise to my husband, say you over reacted and try to have more measured responses in future. If she’s a typical kid you’re going to here a load more bullshit

If you behave in this punitive way when she’s three, how are you going to cope as she gets older? Don’t be that parent, the harsh strict punitive one.

@ScrapThatThen

You had a conversation about friends hitting being bad. She wanted to push your buttons (because toddlers are power hungry dictators) so she thought of the worst thing. You reacted, she won. She will do it again. She needs you and Dad to be in charge not her, however much she likes the power! Give her attention when she does positive things and ignore her when she is trying to split you or provoke a reaction. Get dh on side and both agree that when she tries to be all over one of you, you will give each other attention, not her. When she is nice to both, both give her positive attention. Don't give her negative attention like crossness or telling off except unless it's a planned consequence.

For goodness sake. She’s three. 😱

I was once given a food parcel (box) from school as my then 5 year old had told people (adults) that we were too poor to buy food.

Seriously.

We did eat. Actually every day. Multiple times.