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Original poster

Partner restricting kids seeing my mum

32 replies

Lola899 · 20/02/2021 22:20

Both our children are currently under the age of 2.

His side: My partner does not get along with my mum. He doesn't like traits in her personality and seems to think they will rub off on our children the more she is around them. He also has paranoia that she will tell them things that will disrespect him or turn them against him and doesn't find she supports us as a family/couple like his parents do. For example his parents buy the kids things all the time to help us out etc. He also doesn't feel acknowledged by her as a father and feels she tries to push him out of the picture. For example when I lived there temporarily she didn't want him in her house and that angered him as the kids are there and he felt inconvenienced to see them. He felt pushed out of the picture and felt she didn't care if he existed in the children's life or not. He is now trying to dictate that his parents should be in the kids life on a regular basis and my mum should only be entitled to seeinh the children 1-2 times a month for maximum two hours with my supervision.

My side: my mum doesn't speak badly to the kids about him. No one's perfect and everyone has bad traits here and there but doesn't mean to say just because they have that flaw it's going to be absorbed by the kids. I just find he's being paranoid and controlling and who is he to try and restrict and dictate when and how long we can spend time with my own mum. Throughout the relationship I have ignored him and seen her when I want with the kids but everytime I do, it ends up with us arguing and on the brink of splitting up. I'm sick of going through these arguments every single time. We've sat down time and time again to maturely discuss it and he just won't let any of it go.

Both of them have been in a room alone together to hash it out to see if we can get past things and it only made things worse. I feel so stuck in my position and feel like this is going to be a long-term stress that will never go away. I'm so torn about whether to stay in the relationship or not and even if it ends its still going to be a problem.

OP posts:

Thatwentbadly · 20/02/2021 22:45

Why were you not living with your partner when you still had kids together? I feel there could be some back story missing.

BunnyRuddington · 21/02/2021 08:31

Why were you not living with your partner when you still had kids together? I feel there could be some back story missing

That was exactly my thoughts too.

Isadora2007 · 21/02/2021 08:33

Shouldnt be seeing either set of parents currently!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

IceGrass · 21/02/2021 08:34

Sorry OP I came in to ask the same thing about what happened for you to move in with your mum and not love with the father of your children? I’m sure that’s coloured your mums view massively whatever happened to lead U.K. to that. It sounds like he didn’t have his own image to see them? Where you still a couple?

JackieWeaverFever · 21/02/2021 08:35

Why were you not living with your partner when you still had kids together? I feel there could be some back story missing

Yep. This.

BunnyRuddington · 21/02/2021 08:35

Shouldnt be seeing either set of parents currently

They could be in a bubble.

nimbuscloud · 21/02/2021 08:39

Or they may not live in the uk

SnuggyBuggy · 21/02/2021 08:41

I agree the living with your DM and not your DCs father is an unusual situation. Is this a case of you and your partner having relationship difficulties, you discussing this with your mum, your mum inevitably being told negative things about your partner, you getting back together but your mum remembering the negative things.

MonochromeMinnie · 21/02/2021 08:42

@Isadora2007

Shouldnt be seeing either set of parents currently!

Why not?

Dozer · 21/02/2021 08:44

Sounds like your mum v much dislikes your DP, due to his past treatment of you.

Your DP wants to significantly restrict her access to your DC and you strongly disagree and have enabled much more access. You and DP have repeatedly ‘almost split up’ over it, numerous times.

Unless there is significant back story as regards your mum, to justify your DP’s stance, it sounds like splitting up would be the sensible thing to do.

saffire · 21/02/2021 08:44

@MonochromeMinnie err you know, global pandemic and all that! Stay at home order in place in case you've missed it 😂

user141635812632 · 21/02/2021 08:46

What else does he do to try and control / isolate you?

DinosaurDiana · 21/02/2021 08:47

Is he trying to drive a wedge between you and your mum, to try and separate you ?

BunnyRuddington · 21/02/2021 08:49

err you know, global pandemic and all that! Stay at home order in place in case you've missed

The OP has not said that she is in the U.K. and if she were, she can see her DM if they're in a bubble.

Anyway, back to the thread.

SionnachGlic · 21/02/2021 08:49

'For example when I lived there temporarily she didn't want him in her house and that angered him as the kids are there and he felt inconvenienced to see them'

This seems unfair, unless there is a v good reason I can see why your DP might not be keen on DM now.

I think there is much more to this story. They hardly just like each other for no reason at all. If so, at the very least they both seem like difficult & controlling people.

Not sure what advice to give you as I think there is probably more to this....

happinessischocolate · 21/02/2021 08:50

He really thinks he's the centre of the universe doesn't he.

Why would your DM be talking to the dc about their DF, whether she likes him or not I'm sure she's got better things to talk about.

He sounds really controlling, I wonder if it's not just about the dc, and he's actually trying to cut off your support from your DM

SionnachGlic · 21/02/2021 08:50

*dislike...

crankysaurus · 21/02/2021 08:51

Also curious as to why you were there.

And did you mum prevent him from seeing his kids, is that bit accurate? Any particular reason why?

Fireflygal · 21/02/2021 08:51

Why did she restrict his access to his children?

Seems that he is now doing the same to her.

What's the back story?

HelloDulling · 21/02/2021 08:54

What are these personality traits that he doesn’t like?

Quartz2208 · 21/02/2021 08:54

I think you know that this is going to end with you splitting up the level of control he wants to have with the grandparents is too much and isnt putting the children first

MissyB1 · 21/02/2021 08:55

We need more context, there is obviously more history to this. But on the face of it your relationship sounds in a very bad place.

Dozer · 21/02/2021 08:57

If your DP had behaved in ways she couldn’t stomach, then your mum was not U not to allow him access to her home to visit you and the DC.

As a non resident parent during that time it was his responsibility to to sort out where to go during his access times.

Bagelsandbrie · 21/02/2021 08:58

@Thatwentbadly

Why were you not living with your partner when you still had kids together? I feel there could be some back story missing.

Yep that’s my thought too.

What’s the backstory here?

dementedpixie · 21/02/2021 08:58

There must be more to the story. Why did she stop him seeing his own children? What are her bad personality traits?

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