Feel like a failure for not being able to put baby down for naps

[ASomers]

I have a 6 month old and we have a good routine of 3 naps a day. This is a relatively new thing as a few weeks ago I was struggling to have a routine at all. I'm really happy we have more of a structure and my baby (and me) are really benefitting. She's been generally happy during the day and is sleeping well at night (after having got through a turbulent time of waking every hour every night).

The thing is, every nap is either a contact nap or a nap in the pram on a walk. I've never been able to put her down for naps and I'm now worried that I won't ever be able to. I know that it's my fault for getting into bad habits with feeding to sleep and using the sling to bounce her to sleep. However, as we've got a good routine (finally!), I'm really worried that if I try and put her down for naps, I'll disturb all of this and ruin what we've worked on. I also don't want to use any sleep training method that involves crying.

I just feel like I've got myself stuck in this situation and I'll never be able to put her down unless I do some serious sleep training and accept that she'll have a messed up routine (and be very cranky) for a while.

I don't know what I'm hoping for in writing this. I just feel like a fool really. I did lots of reading around things like breastfeeding and looking after a newborn when I was pregnant but I didn't read enough about napping and routines as they get older. I have only myself to blame really.

I just don't know how I'll be able to put her down...

It will come In time. She might not be ready yet. If you need to be hands free you could get a sling for her to nap In?

What happens if you try to transfer her once asleep? We use same sleep signals for naps as for bed. So set routine of nap times then up to bedroom bum change sleeping back on dark room white noise on cuddle until asleep and gently transfer. In pram he is laid back hood over to make it dark white noise on. We started around 7 months ish.

I am a mother of five. First four sleep routines for day and night in their own cot sorted easily. Baby number five however totally nightmare. Will only sleep if I am holding her or out walking. I have come the conclusion that personality plays a big part.

I was never able to put either of my dcs down for naps. Their eyes would spring awake (like exorcist) and start bawling their eyes out.

With dd (my first) I tried everything. In the end, I just took her outside for walks in all weathers to get her down and then pushed the buggy/rocked it in the house to keep her asleep throughout her nap. Yes, she woke up if she was stationary as well.

Boy did I lose a lot of weight.

When she went to nursery at 1 years old, the nursery eventually managed to get her down with the other babies and she slept in a darkened cot in a communal nap room on her own. She would NEVER do that at home. Peer pressure, I guess.

Exactly what @Truelymadlydeeplysomeonesmum said - my first was like yours. When she dropped to two naps I still took them both in the pram. It was exhausting. As she got older and took one big lunchtime nap I used bed rails on my bed and fed her to sleep and rolled away. Nursery of course could get her to sleep no problem.
I assumed everyone just basically sleep trained their babies to nap elsewhere. Baby 2 is four months and will self settle ANYWHERE. I've done nothing different.
Go with what works for you now, and don't worry about a "rod for your back" or whatever. Things often change quickly and the years when they're happy to be held for long are over fast. I barely get a hug out of my 3yo now.

Snap @blueshoes. Never got DS to nap in his cot. Would sleep in his pram during/after walk.

Told nursery he wouldn’t nap in a cot. First day there slept perfectly fine in the cot and continued to do so, and then napped on a mat in the toddler room. Not sure how they did it but I never mastered it.

Ha ha @blueshoes is right - I lost my baby weight SO fast first time and was my slimmest since a teen. This time, with lockdown and an easier baby.... well let's just say I'm still carrying a spare tyre that I need to shift!

Mine is like this; no idea why. Pram or sling or car seat. It means the ‘sleep when they sleep’ advice is largely redundant!

Mine didn't either. It was so frustrating!

Then one day, around 7 months, she just did. Suddenly she took long morning/lunchtime naps in the cot, dropped her third nap and slept through the night. Amazing.

Don't give up hope - I'd love to claim it was my exceptional parenting but pretty sure it was a developmental thing and nothing to do with me!

My dd3 is 7 months and napping in my arms right now. She is exactly the same, the house is a tip and I never get anything done, with the other 2 I used nap time to get things done. It is exhausting and wears me down, she will only nap in my arms, the sling, a moving pushchair or the moving car. Although sitting snuggling her while she sleeps is quite lovely really. I really wish there was a solution to this, it I haven't found it yet.

Oh and she is up several times a night every night too, exhausting.

Make sure you have a cup of tea, laptop, remote controls and a phone.
Get on the sofa, cuddle to sleep, with a duvet on. That's important. Because you flip the baby so they are between your knees all warm and cuddled up. Then you drink tea, watch TV and play Candy Crush.

Contact nap with extras for mummy.

Babies don't seem to have read the books and are very frustrating! Don't beat yourself up about this. Both mine would not nap without being held or walked in a pram or in the car. For DD1 I tried so hard but she just would never sleep without contact. I tried cry it out with DD2 until I was sat crying in the garden listening to her scream and I thought WTAF am I doing? She wants me, I want her.

You can only fail at parenting when you stop loving your children and you're absolutely not in that category! Respond to the child you have, don't worry about what you're supposed to do, think of baby books as tools not commandments, and muddle through. As soon as you think you've nailed it, it will change!

You are being so hard on yourself OP. Be kind to yourself.

Mine slept in my arms or the buggy while I walked. They are older and I miss lazy days at home holding them. This is a short stage and it will pass. Children come prepackaged with their own personalities so this might just be how she likes to sleep and nothing to do with you developing bad habits.

I suggest you rest on the sofa, hold her in your arms and enjoy the closeness and bonding and give yourself a break. And ignore everyone. Now that mine are bigger, those are the days I really miss and look fondly back on.

My youngest would only sleep with me holding him until he was 12 months old, now he will go to sleep if I put him in his pram and turn the hoover on or if he's really tired he will fall asleep without the noise of the hoover. I never thought he would be able to nap alone ever but this just happened one day by accident and now it works every time.

My ds will still only nap with one of us at 2 and a half. He must have maddies do you know on the telly too. I tried everything to get him to nap in his cot, it was very stressful. I manged it for a few weeks, then he got really unwell and needed the cuddles, then was rushed to hospital in an ambulance with a temp of 40. After that scare, I just held him when he needed me to.
I don't know what I'll do with dd who is 5 weeks. I'll cross that bridge later.
You're doing so well, no two babies are the same and yours may just be telling you to slow down and take them in.

My 2 yr old still only sleeps on me or in her prom for nap. Goes down like a dream at night but never in the day. I made my peace with it a long time ago.

I know how frustrating it feels as I can render but it will change and now I am in the position of looking at my giant offspring and reminiscing about how I could never put them down.

Everything people told us would be making a rod for our own backs has been proved wrong. They just grow up.

render = remember

Thank you so much everyone!! This has made me feel so much better. I thought I was being ridiculous not being able to put my baby down!

I also totally get what those are saying about losing weight too from all the walks! I think I'm the most active I've ever been!

Maybe I just need to come to terms with the fact that it's just who she is and embrace the cuddles/walks and perhaps try again in a month or so and see if anything has changed.

Also, I should add that I'm a bit worried in the back of my mind that I wouldn't be able to manage this with another child. We want another baby (not for a while yet but we don't want a big age gap) so I'm concerned that if the next one needs all of this to nap, it just wouldn't be possible with a toddler. How do people manage this?

Couldn't put mine down until about 18 months. Always in the pram! Just one of those things. Sleeps fine now she is older, no problem. I used to walk round the block til she fell asleep then transferred her into cot so at least she got used to sleeping in it and waking up in it.

@ASomers

Also, I should add that I'm a bit worried in the back of my mind that I wouldn't be able to manage this with another child. We want another baby (not for a while yet but we don't want a big age gap) so I'm concerned that if the next one needs all of this to nap, it just wouldn't be possible with a toddler. How do people manage this?

I don't know, but people do manage.

Your next baby might not be as clingy or your toddler might be able to talk about how the baby needs you now but there'll be time for lots of stories when the baby is sleeping.

Don't worry about the future too much, try to focus on now. And since you can't get up here's a !

With DS I used to be able to get him in the cot for his first nap but the other ones were usually on me or in the buggy. When he went down to 2 naps he used to do the first half of his nap in the cot, I'd run round like a headless chicken doing housework and then he'd have the second half on me.

It’s really hard.I could probably get my daughter down for a nap in her cot once a week, the rest of the time she would only sleep in the car. It was awful, she wouldn’t even sleep in the pram. She completely dropped her naps at 18 months and I couldn’t have been more pleased. It was so stressful.

My DD is 20 months and has never napped in her cot (except at nursery )

At the weekend she naps in the pram, but thankfully she only needs it rocked a little bit, then we can leave it stationary.

I remember how desperate I was during mat leave for her to nap in the cot but she just never would. Maybe if I’d persevered more it would have worked, I don’t know.