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Original poster

Feel like a failure for not being able to put baby down for naps

41 replies

ASomers · 20/02/2021 01:47

I have a 6 month old and we have a good routine of 3 naps a day. This is a relatively new thing as a few weeks ago I was struggling to have a routine at all. I'm really happy we have more of a structure and my baby (and me) are really benefitting. She's been generally happy during the day and is sleeping well at night (after having got through a turbulent time of waking every hour every night).

The thing is, every nap is either a contact nap or a nap in the pram on a walk. I've never been able to put her down for naps and I'm now worried that I won't ever be able to. I know that it's my fault for getting into bad habits with feeding to sleep and using the sling to bounce her to sleep. However, as we've got a good routine (finally!), I'm really worried that if I try and put her down for naps, I'll disturb all of this and ruin what we've worked on. I also don't want to use any sleep training method that involves crying.

I just feel like I've got myself stuck in this situation and I'll never be able to put her down unless I do some serious sleep training and accept that she'll have a messed up routine (and be very cranky) for a while.

I don't know what I'm hoping for in writing this. I just feel like a fool really. I did lots of reading around things like breastfeeding and looking after a newborn when I was pregnant but I didn't read enough about napping and routines as they get older. I have only myself to blame really.

I just don't know how I'll be able to put her down...

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

MindyStClaire · 20/02/2021 07:46

It's so baby dependent. My first was like yours, I think it was largely a consequence of her silent reflux as she had to be held upright for ages after a feed and so naturally that's how she learned to sleep. The sleep behaviours stayed around much longer than the reflux! Whereas my second is just the easiest thing, I feed her to sleep and essentially chuck her at the cot from a distance and walk out of the room without a backward glance. It's incredible how different they are.

With both of mine, they had a development in their sleep at around six months where they started to prefer the dark for sleep during the day, and wanted stillness rather than to be rocked. This was the point DD1 started taking naps in her cot, so keep an eye out for that. I also second trying whatever you do for bedtime sleep. Try it every couple of weeks on the easiest nap of the day on a day where you're not too exhausted so it's not a disaster if it doesn't work!

willowsandroses · 20/02/2021 07:48

I think second babies are easier, OP

My theory is because they have to be! And it won’t always be lockdown. It’s hard when you have no choice other than go for walks.

Frazzled2207 · 20/02/2021 07:57

Mine were both non nappers. I used to look on in amazement when other mums told me they just put their in the cot and they would nap for 2 hours.

I ended up mostly taking for Walks and then they would stay asleep in pram for a bit when we got home (left them in the garage which is adjacent to the house which helped a lot).

When No2 came along I ended up having to go for a drive every day to get them to sleep. I did this for about a year

It does get a bit better and when they go to nursery they seem to get in a beautiful habit of sleeping en masse and do what they’re told.

Blood exhausting in the meantime though. Had two in less than 2 years and don’t know how I got through it all tbh! But I did and they sleep brilliantly now (at 5 and 7)

Give it a break and enjoy the snuggles. What baby does right now is not at all indicative of what he/she will be doing in a few weeks time. A good friend taught me a brilliant lesson about babies- whatever they do, it’s normally a “phase”. And you’ll be onto a new one soon.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

3-6 months old 6-9 months old Babies & sleep Children's sleep

FTEngineerM · 20/02/2021 07:57

@ASomers

Also, I should add that I'm a bit worried in the back of my mind that I wouldn't be able to manage this with another child. We want another baby (not for a while yet but we don't want a big age gap) so I'm concerned that if the next one needs all of this to nap, it just wouldn't be possible with a toddler. How do people manage this?

We had this panic after find out out we were pregnant with DC2 when DC1 was 6-7m old. It used to take aaaggges to get him to nap then he’s wake up after one cycle.

Now at 8m he naps on his own, stays down for as many sleep cycles as he needs between 1-3 cycles. He’s almost sleeping through the night too which is a dream.

I feel much more confident about DC2 arriving in the autumn.

Find a method that works and go with it, good luck.

willowsandroses · 20/02/2021 08:02

mindy can I just say you’ve been. Huge help for me with my non napper!

ElphabaTheGreen · 20/02/2021 08:11

Neither of mine ever napped in a cot/bed - it was on me, in a pram, in a sling or being driven around in the car until they dropped naps around three years old. Like many PPs have said, they managed cot/bed naps at nursery, but never with me. Any attempt I made at cot naps (and fuck me, there were many, including enlisting a sleep consultant) was screaming, wailing and underslept babies/toddlers which was awful.

There’s two years between them so, DS2 would just sleep in the sling while DS1 was awake and I played with him or DH would keep DS1 occupied while DS2 napped on me or we did a co-sleep nap so I could get some rest (neither of mine slept off me at night either...). The post-lunch nap which they shared for a while just involved putting them both into the car and driving, or DS2 in the sling and going for a walk with DS1 in the pram. There was absolutely no magical ‘they just suddenly did it one day’. They never did, but napping doesn’t last forever.

They are now 8 and 6, sleep all night in their own beds, and all of that sleep-horror/nap-guilt/exhaustion/driving/walking is a thing of the dim and distant past. And probably reason number one why I stopped at two!!

MindyStClaire · 20/02/2021 08:33

@willowsandroses

mindy can I just say you’ve been. Huge help for me with my non napper!

Me?! Oh, were you on one of those threads where someone with a non sleeping newborn was being told to just enjoy the snuggles? Nothing more likely to raise my blood pressure.

willowsandroses · 20/02/2021 08:40

Yes I was

(Sorry about the spelling, was holding a squirmy non snuggly baby!)

MindyStClaire · 20/02/2021 09:03

Well I hope you were savoring that and not feeling in the slightest bit irritated

Tyranttoddler · 20/02/2021 09:06

My dd always napped on me (except at nursery where she angelically naps in the cot and now just on a floor mat)
Anyway now she doesn't nap at all so essentially it worked great, I got all the snuggles and I don't think it matters.

YukoandHiro · 20/02/2021 09:40

@ASomers I wouldn't worry about the needs of a second baby yet, but even if things haven't changed by then a double buggy or a sling will sort your baby's naps for the first six months at the aeast

peachgreen · 20/02/2021 09:48

I couldn't either. Then suddenly at about 13 months she started resisting cuddle naps and in desperation I put her in her cot and she went to sleep. From then on she did it easily. She's now 3 and still goes into her cot for at least 2 hours, self settles happily and sleeps really well at night. They do it when they're ready!

TangBloodyFastic · 20/02/2021 09:54

Placemarking so I can keep coming back to it when I need reassurance
My LO will not nap anywhere on me and I feel exactly the same OP!

LikeTheOceansWeRise · 20/02/2021 10:41

My 9 month old is asleep on me as I type. We graduated from all naps in the sling or pram to sleeping in my arms... At least I can bloody sit down now!

I feel embarrassed to tell people that she still only naps on me, and I get pressure to get her napping in the cot. She's totally fine at night and is almost sleeping through, but daytime sleep has always been tricky for her. I read on here that daytime sleep involves a different part of their brain than nighttime sleep, which makes a lot of sense. She's just never been able to calm down enough to sleep on her own during the day.

It's annoying and can be really suffocating sometimes, but if it's what our babies need, then it's what they need. In the grand scheme of life, it's really not a big deal. I try to remind myself of that whenever it gets me down. I'm now going to text DP and ask him to ninja me in a cup of tea

willowsandroses · 20/02/2021 11:49

I text dp to bring me stuff as well 😂

Dyra · 20/02/2021 22:50

DD (17mo) napped solely on me until she dropped to one nap. Thankfully she did that early, so at about 10-11 months. Once she did that, she napped for longer, and started sleeping much better at night.

Up until recently, she still fed to sleep. For about a week, I was able to put her down still awake and she'd fall asleep by herself. Alas, there's now a molar working its way through, which has meant a return to feeding /comfort sucking to sleep. Despite this, she still falls asleep by herself at nursery... She doesn't sleep for as long though.

I think it's something they get to in their own time. I attempted sleep training once or twice, but got absolutely nowhere with it. I just tried my luck every now and then (usually when desperate for the loo) putting DD down, and eventually it worked!

Sleep training maybe encourages the development a bit faster, but only if the baby is receptive. DD only ever got increasingly agitated if I were in the room with her, but not holding her. Anything else (i.e. DH trying to get her to sleep) was met with immediate heart break, anguish, and tears.

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