Torn on buying a games console...

[ElphabaTheGreen]

I have two DSs - 8yo and 6yo.

Their current screen time is an hour of TV in the morning so that DH and I can get ready for work. They then get half an hour in the afternoon on the computer or on a spare iPad we have with heavy parental controls on it, but only after homework and instrument practice is done. They usually spend their time using coding apps to create their own games or school related stuff like Reading Eggs, Get Epic or Maths Prodigy. They get a bit of extra time if they’re doing something like Microbit or Raspberry Pi with their dad as he’s teaching them proper programming and circuit-building. DH has zero interest in games consoles and can’t see why I’m going around in circles about it - he can’t see any point in them.

Pre-Covid they had limited access to a games console at their school breakfast club, so I had my guilt assuaged that they knew their way around Minecraft and FIFA because of this but it wasn’t something I had to police. They at least didn’t look like complete know-nothings around their friends.

Obviously this is now currently not happening and they won’t be going back to breakfast club after lockdown for various reasons.

They both want a games console. I am perfectly happy with the amount of screen time they get and DO NOT want something else I have to bargain and negotiate with them about - it’s why they’ve never had their own tablets. They’re creative and terrific at entertaining themselves - on the rare occasion they claim to be bored, they’ve found themselves something to do within less than 30 seconds and I don’t want this to turn into begging for gaming time, which I’m pretty sure it would. Outside of Covid, they also have lots of activities like dancing, gymnastics, music and swimming that I want to get them to easily, without having to prise a controller out of their protesting hands.

Conversely, I’m fully aware that gaming is how kids today socialise. Two of DS1’s closest friends ‘meet’ regularly via Switch to play MarioKart together and that makes me feel a little sorry for DS1. I don’t know how much I’m affecting their social interaction in holding out on a console - DS1’s teacher describes him as ‘everyone’s friend’ and he gets along with absolutely everyone so it seems OK for now but I don’t want him to get excluded because his parents are ‘old fashioned’.

Also for context - I’m an ex-gamer. I feel like I wasted hours/days/weeks/months of my teens and twenties parked in front of a console and I do not want my bright, energetic boys heading the same way. I’d also rather not have a console in the house as I bordered on having an addiction and I’d rather not have the temptation quite frankly (although playing a bit of Kart with my DSs also has some appeal...).

Thoughts??

Leave it as long as you possibly can.

If you do, make sure you master the parential controls on the console to limit the time rather than enforcing anything yourself. Do this before they get their hands on it.

Kids seem to be OK with the console telling them it's shutting down, rather than you doing it.

If they haven't made a big deal about wanting one, leave it. If they're desperate, allow it but with strict allotted hours.

It's easy to dismiss the social side of gaming, but for a certain age of boys it's now the most dominant pop culture sphere of their demographic. Beware turning it into forbidden fruit.

Beware turning it into forbidden fruit.

That’s one of my main concerns.

They’ve seen an ad on TV a few times for a Switch and I get a Paddington Hard Stare during this but that’s about it. They’ve learned over many years that pestering me gets them the exact opposite of what they want! They’ve also commented in passing a few Christmases on the trot, ‘I’d ask Father Christmas for a Switch, but I know you’d tell him not to bring it.’

Still very mixed feelings...

I had a read through a long thread yesterday on console time/restrictions that others have for DCs of similar ages. Helpful in some respects but the range of responses was so massively varied I still have no idea what to do.

I can understand your concerns and would leave it a bit longer. They sound great kids.

Our Nintendo Switch has saved our sanity since the first lockdown.

Eldest DC is currently playing Minecraft online with a friend while on FaceTime at the same time.

They both end the game so happy and enthused.

We also all love Just Dance on it. And have some really fun Mario Kart games.

We got one when ds was about 8 by then he had enough other interests for it not to take over his life. Yes some days he's glued to it but then he might not touch it for a week. And in current situation it is how he is connecting with his mates.

I have no doubt a good time would be had by all on a games console but it’s to the detriment of what else that I’m concerned about. I also thought that first lockdown would be it - there would be no alternative and we’d have to get one. But we held out and I’m so glad we did - the boys became so adept at stuff they wouldn’t have done otherwise, and not with the extrinsic motivator of more gaming as a carrot but because they just genuinely wanted to and didn’t have anything else to do, which I think is so much healthier and has set them up with some genuinely useful life skills.

I’m particularly worried about behaviours I see in my 8yo around screens. Yes, he has a lot of interests, but he’s like a drug addict around screens so I can really see him letting everything else slip or turn into a battle if I try and keep him going with his other interests. He knows he gets to chose a half hour of TV a day - he will literally try to watch exactly 30 minutes. If he choses a show that lasts 28 minutes, he will insist on watching 2 minutes of something else to get his ‘quota’ (I’ve put the kybosh on this insanity and told him he watches a show to enjoy a show, not to hit a time limit, so won’t let him do this). He also sneaks extra computer time when my back is turned. He’s more than capable of monitoring the time he knows he has so if he does go over time, he either gets that amount knocked off his time the following day or he loses his computer time completely, depending on how much he’s gone over. I can just see a whole new world of bargaining and policing opening up for myself, which I just can’t face. I can’t see either of them being DCs who just ‘leave it’ for weeks at a time. I bet if we set up a Sunday gaming afternoon, for example (which does appeal to me), DS1 would either refuse to do something else like go out if we wanted to do that instead (once lockdown allows) or he’d angle and mither to have it rescheduled to another day so he doesn’t miss out on his ration. The thought just exhausts me.

But then, is he like this because I have turned it into a restricted activity...? I don’t think our screen time limits are that strict, though, compared to others with DC of the same age so I’m still very mixed.

Most people don’t think this hard about the decision to buy a console. Personally with your son’s behaviour right there, I’d not do it. But I’m one of those parents who just decided to buy it because it will be fun. So what do I know?

Mine are 7 nearly 8 and 6, I think for the 8 year old if he is wanting one I would consider it. My 7 year old talks and plays with his friends on his. I'm not going to lie they do have devices on their minds and ask for them a lot but stick to a limit and really stick to it. a couple of hours on an evening and that's it. Once everything's back to normal they won't have much time to go on them again so you can lower their time on the device then.

I think there’s a happy medium somewhere. I don’t personally believe restricting something too much is helpful as I think it makes it more desired in a way.

OP: have a listen www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/p07kg0cf
There are others that you can find from here as well I believe.

I've got to be honest, I wouldn't take much notice of parents of children the same age as yours now. They have not yet seen the result of their decision. Bluntness and I have very different experiences and our children are older, so we've been where you are and beyond.

Faulty - don’t worry, I’m definitely taking more notice of those posters who have ‘been there done that’ rather than those who have yet to see the longer term consequences of their choices. It’s those who have benefit of hindsight that I’m most interested in hearing from!