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Parenting

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Original poster

I forgot to give my toddler his dinner.

52 replies

Giraffle · 12/02/2021 14:41

I feel like an awful mum. I’m currently working full time as is my partner so my 19 month old son goes to his Nans (my MIL) when we work.

Wednesday night my son was up the whole night because his teeth hurt, and then I had been working since 6:30am when I finished work at 3:45 yesterday and I headed straight to the supermarket to get some shopping for us and my MIL (Nan) to drop off to her when I picked up my son. I got to her house around 5:30. Generally speaking he eats at 5 pm. When I got there she mentioned he hadn’t eaten yet as he had a big lunch and wasn’t hungry so I said no problem I’ll give him some food when we got home. On the drive home, he had fallen asleep so I waited in the car until he woke up around 6:15pm (it’s also extremely bitter cold here and windy so didn’t want to bring him from sleeping straight into that!). I brought the shopping in, put it all away, and we sat played and read books till he went to bed at 7:15. Me and my partner eat after my son goes to bed on a weekday, it still didn’t click that he hadn’t had tea.

He slept all night (rare at the moment) and woke up in a good mood this morning. I was making his breakfast and it suddenly hit me that he hadn’t eaten any dinner last night. My stomach dropped, I felt devastated and I haven’t stopped crying all day I feel so awful. I just feel like how could I forget something so important. It’s never happened before and will never happen again I just hate myself for it and I can’t get past it. My partner has been trying to calm me down because we know my MIL gives him a lot of food when he’s over. I just can’t bare the thought of him going hungry.

Has this happened to anyone else before?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

notalwaysalondoner · 12/02/2021 15:10

A child that age can easily communicate hunger, sounds like he was stuffed by his grandmother and had a lovely night's sleep. If anything it's good you didn't feed him as then he would have been overfed or just left it all. You're doing a good job!

Jenala · 12/02/2021 15:12

He would have let you know if he was hungry in his behaviour. If he was happy this morning and slept through the night he certainly wasn't harmed. If he ate lunch late, say 2.30 or 3, when he normally eats at 5, then he only last ate a couple of hours before when he normally would. He's had a nighttime fast that's just a tiny bit longer than normal. It's fine

WishIWasAsGoodAsBlueysMum · 12/02/2021 15:13

Mine frequently skips meals if he’s had lots to eat earlier in the day. Last night he had a yoghurt at tea time because he wasn’t interested in food and had had a crumpet and some fruit early afternoon. It wouldn’t even cross my mind to think of that as bad parenting!

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abikeindividual · 12/02/2021 15:13

Also, please ignore the posters saying "stop crying about it" like you're being ridiculous. We're living through a pandemic, no doubt you're knackered and mum guilt can make you feel guilty over the silliest things! Don't let anyone make you feel worse, just focus on the supportive comments you've had

vintageyoda · 12/02/2021 15:14

You sound a little overwhelmed OP. I completely agree with all the others who have said not to worry. If you made a habit of it then there would be a concern but it's a one-off that your child doesn't seem to have even noticed.
You sound like you need a nice deep bath a big cuddle from your DH and a cosy night on the sofa. It's okay, I promise.

LyndaSnellsSniff · 12/02/2021 15:27

Awww don’t stress about it. He’s clearly perfectly content and loved.

When DS2 was tiny, his childminder used to drop him back home at a certain time. I’d always be there at the front gate to take him. One day DS1 had a friend round after school and his mum was there too. I completely forgot about DS2 coming home and was surprised when the doorbell rang. There was our childminder holding DS2. I felt terrible!

I’m sure I’ve done many such things.

MessAllOver · 12/02/2021 15:36

Really not a big deal. At that age it's not a health risk and he's perfectly capable of communicating his discontent (loudly).

My DS also didn't eat much yesterday. He'd had a particularly busy day at nursery and I popped upstairs to run his bath and came down to find him asleep face down on the table. Luckily not in his plate but beside it. It happens. He had a big breakfast this morning.

CatAndTheChild · 12/02/2021 15:44

My 6 year old when she was at school had the hot dinner. She'd often come back home and not ask for food, so I wouldn't feed her. She only once woke up hungry in the night.

Other things I've done:

Turned up late to pick her up from school - it was the night she usually went to an external ASC but she'd been on a trip so missed being able to go
Forgotten to put her a drink in her lunchbox on the one day a week she has a packed lunch
Tripped over her when she first started crawling and left her bruised
Let her have a whole day of only eating cake

I think you sound an excellent mum, doing your best. Well done. He won't remember this at all!

VintageStitchers · 12/02/2021 15:53

Stop beating yourself up. There’s no law that says kids have to eat 3 meals a day otherwise you’re a bad parent.

If your son was genuinely hungry, he wouldn’t have slept so well so clearly, he wasn’t actually hungry at all.

My DS (10) never eats lunch when at school (takes a packed lunch but doesn’t eat it), and only sometimes when he’s at home. He eats breakfast and dinner usually and that seems to be enough for him.

I was the same at his age and always full of energy, so I’m not going to stress out about it.

RunningFromInsanity · 12/02/2021 15:53

It literally doesn’t matter.
Move on.

Also if he’s usually a poor sleeper yet slept though on an empty stomach maybe think about adjusting his normal meal times?

Megan2018 · 12/02/2021 15:59

Oh god, I do things like that. It’s fine.

The other day DD napped at a completely weird time for her, which meant she had lunch at 4pm and then didn’t get dinner. I felt bad that she only had 2 meals but she was tired (end of a cold).
I made up for it the next day, but if they were really hungry they would tell you.

The other week I forgot to offer DD any water all morning (she still has BF). Felt dreadful but she wasn’t bothered and was fine.

DappledThings · 12/02/2021 16:07

Really not worth being upset about. Like everyone else has said he would have left you know if he was hungry.

Also you're nicer than me, if mine ever fall asleep in the car at that time of day they get rudely awakened the second we are home regardless of the weather!

CaMePlaitPas · 12/02/2021 16:09

I am sorry you're feeling overwhelmed, crying all day isn't an entirely measured reaction for something like this. Are you seeing someone for your anxiety?

I have two toddlers and if they never ate dinner again I would sigh with relief and skip off into the sunset; I make it but they hardly ever eat it.

As others have said, he would have got upset if he had been hungry, you're worrying for absolutely no reason!

Original poster

Giraffle · 12/02/2021 18:38

Thank you to all of you who commented. It’s made me feel a lot better and realise this is okay as it’s a one off. I suffer with an anxiety disorder and have had very little sleep recently so I think it just built up. I have mum guilt about a lot of things, like working full time, being tired on the weekends, and just worrying I’m not doing something right.

MIL gives quite a bit of food compared to me and I always wonder if I give him enough. Though one of the comment has pointed out maybe him eating so much is making him sleep poorly and thinking of it he does sleep better on the weekend. But he does eat anything that’s put in front of him no matter if he’s full or not so she will just give him lots. I may look at that in the future so thank you.

For those saying stop crying, or get over it. Just a kind reminder that some suffer with anxiety and my reaction though may seem unnecessary to you is one I can’t control. Please be kind.

OP posts:

AnnLouiseB · 13/02/2021 06:38

If he had been hungry he would have let you know! Don’t worry about this - he will be absolutely fine and no harm done.

whatwherewhywhenhow · 13/02/2021 09:10

I’ve forgotten to give my kids dinner once or twice and I felt bad for two minutes until I realised I’ve forgotten to eat myself here and there (especially if busy at work and forgot lunch or I’d had a big lunch then forgot to have dinner) and they’d let me know if they were hungry.

Honestly, no harm done and no need to worry.

Kokosrieksts · 13/02/2021 13:48

Relax and stop panicking. He slept all night so clearly wasn’t hungry or in discomfort. It’s a one off, breathe and move on.

BikeRunSki · 13/02/2021 15:38

I remember putting dd to bed once when she was about 3, after a very busy day. I kissed her goodnight abs she looked at me very sorrowfully and asked “Mummy, when are we having tea*?”. D’oh!

*we’re in Yorkshire. This is the main evening meal. Not a couple of biscuits and a glass of milk.

Aria2015 · 13/02/2021 15:46

Oh yes I've done this! In fact on my son’s 4th birthday we had a little family party (pre covid) and at 4pm he had a meltdown which was super unusual for him. While trying to calm him down I realised he hadn't eaten anything since breakfast (about 8 hours prior!) and breakfast had been a yogurt and some chocolate buttons (you can have chocolate for breakfast on your birthday!). I'd been so preoccupied with the party I'd forgotten to feed him! Once I realised I got some birthday dinner down him and he was as right as rain! These things happen, please don't be hard on yourself!

SummerHouse · 13/02/2021 15:50

Mate, seriously. I would hand both my children to you right now and know they would be in better hands than mine.

I forgot to give BOTH of mine breakfast one day. It's not a big deal at all.

WishMyNameWasWittyNotShitty · 13/02/2021 15:57

Big hugs coming your way OP, your LO would have definitely let you know if he was hungry.

Try not to worry over it, you sound like you are juggling loads at the minute, and your bub missing a meal isn't the end of the World.

You are doing just right, and bloody anxiety is a bitch for making you think otherwise xx

Sheleg · 14/02/2021 23:15

crying all day I feel so awful. I just feel like how could I forget something so important. It’s never happened before and will never happen again I just hate myself for it and I can’t get past it.

This is way out of proportion, honestly. You made a mistake. Calm down!

RuledbyASD · 14/02/2021 23:25

Do you have a big support network OP? In the nicest possible way, you sound a little fragile. Is everything else ok?

RuledbyASD · 14/02/2021 23:30

Besides, the fact that you're even asking yourself this, shows what a fab mum you are!! A crap mum or one that is neglecting their child, wouldn't give it a second thought.
Fact is, he goes to sleep every night with a full tumtum and a smile on his face. That day was obviously no different or he'd have woken up :)

You're a great Mum 💞

Yummymummy2020 · 14/02/2021 23:39

I did this too before and felt awful but the others are right he would have let you know for sure if he was hungry!!!

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