Marriage after having baby

[Zozo24]

Okay so settle a debate for me so I don’t feel like I am going mad
I have recently given birth to my 2 month old son.
My partner and I have always discussed having children, but I am much more family oriented when we discuss future plans.

When I found out I was pregnant my partner was happy but it took a while for him to get his head around it. I was overjoyed but did everything I could to support him in feeling as prepared as possible to be a dad.

We recently moved in together into what we called our “family home” - so the idea of children was always there.

Because of me being family oriented, I have always wanted to get married. My partner said he wanted to have children first and move home which I was happy with and did this with him and my full support.

When I was pregnant we discussed getting married because my partner wanted our child to have his name. I said I was happy with this as but one day I would want us all to share the same family name (ie marriage).

Fast forward to now and whenever we discuss marriage my partner is very dismissive and can become very defensive, even if just the word marriage is mentioned. I can’t help feeling a little hurt by it. I know I’m postpartum so probably more emotional than normal but it makes me feel as though its all a little unfair on his half to be so dismissive after I’ve supported him - I almost feel rejected.

We are registering baby on Friday and I can feel that I’m going to be emotional about it. Am I ridiculous for thinking like this? It’s not as though I want him to get down on one knee right now - but he he no enthusiasm or excitement about the idea and that’s what bothers me.

@Zozo24 I know several cases where this happened, then the dad left the mum (on both good and bad grounds) and the girl ended up with a child not with her surname and it's nearly impossible to then change.

So I'd not risk anything, give your baby your surname and be nice about this, say you are not pushing him for absolutely anything, if he does not want a marriage it is totally OK (it would be for me too) but your baby, your surname :P

He's sulking because you've finally caught on to him future faking you. It has nothing to do with the proposal I bet. He's annoyed at you for pushing a conversation he has been avoiding for years and would rather kick the can down the road.

Of course he’s sulking like a child.

If he wanted to marry you, he would have taken what you said today and been apologetic and want to put it right.

So glad to see you spoke to him and have stood your ground. Yes he will sulk but if he is going to make you financially vulnerable by not being married he can't have the family perks of being married, like kids having his name. Best warn him now, when baby is born its wrist band automatically gets your surname for security reasons, not any choice in it, before he thinks you have said something and he sulks again.

@PurpleMustang

So glad to see you spoke to him and have stood your ground. Yes he will sulk but if he is going to make you financially vulnerable by not being married he can't have the family perks of being married, like kids having his name. Best warn him now, when baby is born its wrist band automatically gets your surname for security reasons, not any choice in it, before he thinks you have said something and he sulks again.

the Child is being registered today 🌺

It sounds like he's being very silly. He's upset that your son is taking both surnames instead of just his? Your son will still have his surname, what he's objecting to now is your son having your surname! Absurd.

Regarding putting pressure on him to get married, that's a BS argument. Marriage wouldn't necessary solve the problem - the wife doesn't automatically change surnames (I believe you have to jump through another hoop that takes a while after you have the actual certificate). Not everyone wants to take their husbands name, for example...

My parents are married, and both kept their own surnames. I have both. I'm married and expecting. Even though we like the idea of sharing surnames, DH and I both wanted to keep our own (considered basically all the options including him taking mine. In the end neither of us could bring ourselves to let go of our surnames, and triple barrelling is just absurd!). DC will have a double barrelled name - one surname from the maternal line, and one from the paternal.

Hold your ground.

He think he can take it all for free without giving you the security of marriage when you were clear. Fuck that shit

You can’t put the baby back but you can stop him playing your for a fool.