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Original poster

Dummies. Good or bad?

38 replies

yellow · 27/10/2004 15:57

What is the argument with dummies. Am 32 weeks pregnant and have decided I don't want to start using one on DD only because I don't want her to get in to the habit. My MIL thinks this is ridiculous (like she does with everyhting I do) and says "I will soon chnage my mind when she is screaming all the time".

What are the pros and cons?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

JoolsToo · 27/10/2004 16:04

she may have a point!!!! (the changing your mind bit!) - never say never

tortoiseshell · 27/10/2004 16:05

Pros - can be a lifesaver when you need some sleep, you can take a dummy away, but not a thumb, cons - can become dependent on dummy, some argument about teeth - don't know if that's true, have to sterilise them, so is a pain if you're out and baby drops it in muddy puddle and then screams for the rest of the trip!

See what your baby is like - ds had one for 2 days, and then wasn't interested. Dd has sucked her thumb since her 20 week scan, and it will be a nightmare to break that habit! Her thumb is her best friend!

hana · 27/10/2004 16:07

this is like breastfeeding or not....cloth or not.... working or not.....nurseries or chldminders etc etc etc!
Whatever makes you comfortable.
Think the view is that long term use can affect speech, they become dependent on it - if they lose it during the night can be tricky it's essentially breaking the dummy habit.

My dd sucks her thumb - still doing it at 3. So we have THAT habit to break. Will be interesting to see what comes up here....

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puddinggal · 27/10/2004 16:07

we swore that we never use a dummy. That lasted until ds was a week old! See what happens when the your little one arrives. My sil tried my neice with a dummy and she just spat it out! so the choice might not be yours!!

bundle · 27/10/2004 16:13

my 2 didn't bother with dummies till they were around 9 mths old. dd1 carried on having one at night until her 4th birthday when we said enough is enough and we had lots of moaning but no real trials and tribulations. dd2 is a bit more take it or leave it.

hana, dd1 never had hers during the day, and in eg the mornings when she woke up I always insisted she took it out before she spoke. i personally can't stand seeing children with them in their mouths all day, a bit like a pipe!, but they're a much easier habit to break than thumbs.

never say never is my advice...

Stripymouse · 27/10/2004 16:13

I agree with tortoiseshell - don?t waste any time thinking about it now....
wait until you have your baby and let them decide for you. My DD1 sucked her thumb from day one and enver needed one - to my relief as I was anti dummy at the time. Then DD2 came along and could not work out how to suck her thumb. Although generally more contented, after several nights struggling, I did give a dummy a try and have never looked back. I have totally changed my opinion on them - if they help soothe a child then that can?t be bad! As for being addictive - easier to take a dummy away than a thumb!
Mils - aaaaagh. I am sure that 99% of PND is actually caused by mil induced stress. If I had a penny for every time mine told me how I was bringing mine up wrongly and how perfect her boys turned out I would be wealthy enough to pay for her to live far away...

blossomhill · 27/10/2004 16:15

Your MIL definitely does have a point. I didn't want my ds to have one but was soon running out to the shops for some the day I got back from the hospital. With dd I had some in my hospital bag ready!
It really helped sooth them both and I really can't see the harm personally.
I do have a confession though..... dd still has hers at bedtime, she is 5

bundle · 27/10/2004 16:18

blossomhill! i thought we were tardy

blossomhill · 27/10/2004 16:19

Honestly the fuss she made when we took it away on her 5th birthday was just not worth the hassle. She was still awake 3 hours after going to bed! Funnily enough the first night we took it away was fine but she was having none of it the 2nd night
Def. have to give it to Santa this christmas!!!!

Original poster

yellow · 27/10/2004 16:20

Thanks everyone!! Think your right and will wait and let DS decide. Apparently I would not have one but did suck my thumb for years.
Love the MIL point Stripymouse!! Totally agree.

OP posts:

bundle · 27/10/2004 16:22

blossomhill, ours was just two nights of whining, got away v lightly

blueteddy · 27/10/2004 16:26

Dummies have been worth their weight in gold in my house!
DS1 was horribly colicy 4 the first 3 months & without the relief of the dummy I would have probably ended up in the mental hospital!!
He only used it 4 bed once he was past around a year old & gave it 2 Father Christmas on his 3rd christmas in exchange 4 his presents!
DS2 was introduced 2 a dummy on the first day out of hospital!
I would say wait & see what kind of baby you have b4 making the dummy decision!

Grommit · 27/10/2004 16:30

Dd had a dummy and was a serious addict until 3.5yo. I give ds (11mo) a dummy only when he is upset, teething, overtired.. He goes to bed most nights without - I am hoping he will not be such an addict as dd who could not sleep without a dummy. Just see what your baby is like - some do not like dummies. I would recommend buying one just in case...

Angeliz · 27/10/2004 16:38

My dp was against dummys but i bought some 'just incase'. I think dd was all of a week when dp said, "where are those dummys on our first tear filled night" Bless!!!
So i blame him

aloha · 27/10/2004 16:45

Babies do vary and are unpredictable. My son really did need his to be as happy and content as he could be. Sucking is a much stronger & important reflex in some babies than in others. I think my son was fairly extreme in his needs, but you never know. But as everyone says, don't worry about this now, and it's certainly not worth a row with a MILosaurus

bonym · 27/10/2004 17:06

I was dead set against dummies when I was pg with dd but gave in in desperation as she just wanted to be on the breast constantly - midwife said she was not hungry, just comfort sucking. It proved to be a godsend but she ended up having it (at bedtime only after about 18mths) until she was 3 and I was I finally managed to get her to give it up by using a start chart! I would agree with other posts that you should wait and see until after baby is born. It's very true that before you have your 1st child most people have very fixed ideas about what they will and won't do, a lot of which go out the window when you're faced with reality!

MrsBigD · 27/10/2004 17:18

I concur that you should wait and see how your bump turns out but get a dummy just in case... can be a life saver. also dont' give too much on what MIL says. I'm lucky my MIL is great it's my mum whos the saurus!

dd only took dummy when she was poorly but she's an avid thumbsucker and even worse... nail biter!

ds does want dummy but is unable to keep it in his mouth... I think it's his cunning plan for body contact as we have to hold it in if we want it to stay in and him quiet... clever little so'h'so's they are!

WestCountryLass · 27/10/2004 23:22

Dummies can be great for soothing bad gas and colic as the sucking helps peristalsis in the gut so I would not rule one out yet.

I have had a DS who gave his dummy up at 3 and a DD of 16 weeks who never took to one. DS was given one in NICU as he liked to suck and I wasn't there all the time.

Don't rule one out!

BadHair · 27/10/2004 23:31

Ds1 had a dummy from 6 weeks old on the advice of my sane, rational and lovely doctor as he was demanding to suck something every half hour. I was breastfeeding so it was really difficult having to whap my baps out every 30 mins just for him to have a 2 minute suck to get him off to sleep.
Ds2, on the other hand, never wanted one and didn't even suck his thumb.
What I'm trying to say is the same as everyone else - just go with what suits you and your baby and don't worry about what your MIL might say.

KateandtheGirls · 28/10/2004 00:50

I didn't want to give either of mine dummies, just because I don't like the look of it, especially with older children. But of course once the babies came along and you're sleep deprived and stressed I would have been happy if a dummy had helped either one soothe themselves.

However, DD1 couldn't use one - she had sucking difficulties, and we had a hard enough time getting her to suck from a bottle - she completely refused to suck anything else (a dummy, my breast...).

DD2 nursed constantly, but never wanted anything in her mouth that wasn't my breast (a dummy, a bottle...).

So as everyone has said, play it by ear. For some babies they can be a lifesaver. Personally I would try and wean them sooner rather than later. I don't have a problem with an older baby or toddler using one to fall asleep, but I really don't like seeing a toddler walking round with one all day. On the other hand, I had to have braces because of an overbite caused by thumbsucking, and it's a lot harder to break that habit.

captainCOD · 28/10/2004 08:49

I decided not to use them for aesthetic reasons
and so that if a kid was unhappoy I knwew about it ratehr than putting one in
BUT lots of poeple LOVe them so there you are

Chuffed · 28/10/2004 09:07

You will probably get a MAM one in your bounty pack. dd hasn't been that fussed. She used it constantly at 3months during her growth spurt and then didn't want it anymore. The occasional night during teething she has used it and now isn't (only 7mths) so will just play it by ear. We also said we didn't want to use a dummy.

aloha · 28/10/2004 09:22

If the cause of unhappiness is a strong but unsatisfied desire to suck (but not hunger) then a dummy does not mask the cause of the unhappiness, but actually brings about happiness. It's a subtle but important difference. People whose babies are not particularly needy for sucking will never really understand.

aloha · 28/10/2004 09:23

Also ds's physiotherapist told me the other day that sucking in babies has very many important jobs to do including developing abdominal muscles... She was generally pro.

Aero · 28/10/2004 09:30

Used to be totally anti right up until I worked in a day nursery and saw not only the comfort certain children gained from it, but as soon as they were calm, the dummies fell out, got cleaned and put away and were forgotten about until such times as they were needed again and I realized that they were more a useful device for soothing a distressed child than a total eyesore.
Despite this, I still didn't really want ds1 (now 6) to have one, but like many others he just wanted to suck all the time (either boob or finger) and I physically couldn't keep up to the demand so we gave in and tried the dummy. I cried the first time we gave it to him as I guess somehow I felt some sort of failure on my part - seems ridiculous now! Anyway two further children down the line and we're still using them! Ds1 and dd (now 4) have long since given them up and hopefully it will be as easy with ds2 (9 months) to give them up at around 2.5 -3 years old. In the end they only used them at night anyway or if verrrry distressed eg after a fall or whatever.
Never say never - while they're little there's really no worries and when they're bigger, you can be in control of how much they use them. Let your baby guide you!

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