DD convinced she has ADHD

[Theghostofchristmasarse]

DD is 10, academically very able, generally happy but hormones etc have been raging so moody, bit withdrawn, usual pre tern stuff. Her father and I broke up this time last year, she seemed nonplussed about it all and took it well, sees him lots, seemed to have settled well into going between us, obviously lockdown and missing school have had an effect...not very motivated to do school work but I get that.

A week or so ago it seems she emailed the 'worry' email at her school, saying she thought she had ADHD. This morning she's been crying, saying she's looked up symptoms and she has them all.
Neither I or her teachers have ever had any concerns, although her sleep is shocking, always has been.
I just don't know what to next, I've reassured her, will talk to her dad, pointed out she's totally able to focus on her games etc and that even if she is, it's not a bad thing at all.
Senco has said they can screen without her knowing, but not till she's back at school, can offer once a week counseling/chats, which will help. Hopefully we can get on top of her sleeping but with the current situation it's so difficult, even today I've been working all morning and have had to split my time between work and the kids, so again they've been left to their own devices.

Any advice?

Have you gone through a list of symptoms with her? It doesn't always present as the stereotypical 'chattering, fidgeting, highly-distracted child', especially in girls.

She was in such a state earlier I left it at reassuring her, but yes, I have and some do tie up, but definitely not the fidgeting or distracted bits.
She's a chatterbox, but sometimes highly focused too. I did say we all have some if those traits and that lack of sleep, too much time on screens etc could contribute, plus when at school she will walk 4 miles a day to and from, so is naturally more tired. Her teachers have never said they've had any concerns.
She's very shy, does show off, messing around etc if we do zoom calls etc, won't talk on them, will just make silly noises, but that's the shyness I think.
She's very clever, mature at times, loves facts and learning....I think the other stuff I just put down to her personality, she's very like her dad, he's quite reticent and doesn't talk about feelings etc. If anything I'm more worried about her being anxious and not talking about feelings, she's never said I love you and whilst isn't cuddly, she can be very affectionate in other ways. She's not seen much affection between me and her dad, he never cuddled or showed affection, would just clam up, he still has never spoken to her about the break up and really doesn't talk about anything important. I think he's possibly on the spectrum and is a bit depressed, doesn't know how to talk to the children naturally, which is why we drifted apart I guess.

She goes find it hard to switch off, was always on the go, even as a baby. Didn't sleep through till she was 5.

Well being able to super focus is one of the benefits.

Why not have her assessed - privately if possible. I found out in my 40s that I have inattentive Add. I’ve started taking medication and it has changed my life for the better. If I had known earlier it would have helped in so many ways.

Can you tell me a bit more about how it's changed your life @Serenschintte?

After reading up on what could possibly be going on with DC2, I'm beginning to think that we all have a bit of a mix of the different types.

@JiltedJohnsJulie yes of course. It’s quite a list but I’ll give you some highlights

1. why i did ok at school and university but couldn’t understand why I could not get where I wanted to academically. There was this wall that i couldn’t get over
2. When I take the medication I can move between tasks so much better and more efficiently and I remember what needs to be done
3. Why I am so emotional and have often felt so socially awkward and not fitting in

3 why I can never remember peoples names

1. Why I leave all the cupboard doors open and lose things a lot and Ask my children the same questions multiple times and then wander off in the middle of their answers

That’s just a few. I like the inattentive add. It means I’m creative, imaginative and fun and spontaneous and really good at noticing details. But I’m also impulsive around food (dopamine level issues in ppl with add) so I struggle with my weight and I’m obsessive about my phone (also the dopamine)

Think you have more or less described me, although I also have ichthyosis so weight is ok (burn a lot more calories).

How did you go about getting diagnosed?

The school have said they'll screen her, I'll look into it but it's not as if it's affecting her day to day life, she's generally happy etc..but I won't dismiss it..I am not sure if I could afford private, her dad could possibly...no idea how much it would even be?. I'm more worried about how she's kept this to herself. She goes love to look stuff up and is very black and white about facts etc that she finds on the net...
I feel like a terrible parent if I've missed this. I'm a teacher too, teach loads of kids with all sorts of diagnosed things but grammar school, so usually very high functioning.
It's got to have been compounded by not being at school I think.

If you could get her assessed privately I'm sure I've read on here that not all schools accept private assessments. I'd read up on it but I'm sure you're much better going through the school.

How to ADHD on YouTube has some useful videos on day to day things, like how to study.

I've been looking at some stuff about ADD and ADHD in girls...lots of it definitely rings true...

I'll take a look thank you. Yes, just looked up average fees, could be over 1000 in total, I can't afford that, just don't have it.

I don't know if talking through videos and coping techniques is going to make things better or not at this point...it might just put the idea firmly in her head.

I don't know if talking through videos and coping techniques is going to make things better or not at this point...it might just put the idea firmly in her head.

Sorry wasn't suggesting she looked at them, they're more for tips to help you when she's struggling

Oh yes, I know, I just want to make her feel better. She does seem happier now, maybe just talking about it and knowing I know has helped. I'll ask the senco at my school for advice, maybe give the gp a call. One thing that made me think us that it said about sleeping and bed wetting. She still does, occasionally, wet the bed, used to every night until about a year ago.
Also being highly emotional and crying easily, plus shyness.
Oh god, I'm an awful parent aren't I...

Oh god, I'm an awful parent aren't I..

Not at all, you've listened to her and are taking advice. That's not a bad parent.

My dd wasn't diagnosed until she was 15. The hormones kicked in, and things just started going wrong for her.

There's an excellent YouTube blogger - search for 'how to ADHD'. There's one specifically about ADHD in girls. There's vlogs on many different elements of ADHD.

Please follow up on her concerns, even if the school hasn't seen anything. Girls are excellent at masking their difficulties.

I’d definitely say puberty is a trigger for girls so it might be new/worse for her now she’s getting to that point (possibly). You might not have missed anything, and if you have, we’ll we can’t be experts in everything, now you know it’s a possibility and seems like you are being really caring and thoughtful about it.

I feel for your daughter OP. My dd is 10. She is extremely shy also. During the last lockdown she had some meltdowns and struggled being able to plan some work. She is doing very well at school but struggles a bit in some social situations and loses focus sometimes. Interestingly her dad my ex partner was diagnosed with ADHD two years ago. This can increase the risk of children having it.

I paid for an Educational Psychologist assessment privately for my dd. She asked me to complete some behavioural questionnaires and based on the scores it suggested my dd could have ADHD or aspergers - and be high functioning. I took the report to my GP and my dd has been referred for an assessment by a Consultant Paediatrician.

Don't feel guilty about it - there were one or two things I noticed about my dd as she grew up that made me think maybe??

I’m not in the Uk. It was an accident really. My son was having mental health difficulties- I asked for some Councelling. I went to the therapist - she can prescribe as well and provide psychological therapy like a psychologist and after some sessions and talking about my family she asked me how I would feel about completing a screening questionnaire for Add. It was quite a surprise to get that diagnosis. I had no idea. Apparently lots of women in their 40s are being diagnosed. As we present differently to boys/men and most of the research was on them. Girls tend to be more the inattentive type - dreamy etc. boys more hyperactive

And your definitely not an awful parent.
My oldest has a language disorder- didn’t get diagnosed until he was 9. Despite all the signs and being seen regularly in hospital and having a school speech therapist when we lived in the the NHS didn’t even mention it. I didn’t know it excited. It was only when we moved to Europe - to a country where everyone has to have health insurance- that he was diagnosed.
The clinicians we say for his glue ear and speech issues were horrified by the care/ lack of appointments by the NHS. Sadly everything is so underfunded they so the bare minimum.
And children who have needs but are not disruptive and so clever that they sort of bob along under the radar are missed. It’s very upsetting but is in no way your fault.

Thank you all so much.
I think maybe there have been a few things but to be honest, as she's always been happy, bright, it's just not been a concern. Teachers have never said anything of concern. Plus I guess I'm so used to boys who have ADHD and how that presents, I've never even considered it could present differently.
I'm in awe of her really, having the awareness to tell me.
My brother has tourettes, her dad is definitely on the spectrum I think...
Thinking about her inability to keep on top of things like brushing her hair etc, that's all kicked in with puberty. But also lockdown, the separation.
I guess it could be lots of things masking it and compounding it too.
She's happier now, we've had a nice evening, watching Harry potter, which she watches repeatedly, maybe that's part of it, it's familiar I guess. We've had a chat and I've explained that whilst school will look into it, it could take a long time, and it could mean that they give her strategies to help, which we can do too in the meantime. We've talked about it being important she sleeps well and that she keeps talking to me too.
Guess that's all I can do for now, apart from try to get some routines in place and maybe phone the GP? I have a senco at my school, guess I could ask her for advice too.

That all sounds really positive

I was diagnosed last September at 39, have a look at this questionnaire, it's a really good assessment tool.

www.advancedassessments.co.uk/resources/ADHD-Screening-Test-Adult.pdf

That's brilliant thank you.
Having a look...nearly all of the first category kind of fit.

Those things could be caused by anxiety

Hi OP, my Dd is age 6 and I've had several reasons to post on here in the past asking for advice. People have pointed me at adhd and other similar things before now. I don't know what I think about that at this stage. The thing I wanted to mention is sleep. Dd has always been a bad sleeper as a young baby, then particularly from age 4-5. We worked with a sleep consultant. And she's been prescribed melatonin by the doctor. However I put most of the issues down to a mix of anxiety and massive habit. I wanted to mention to try a weighted blanket. We got Dd one just after Christmas and she LOVES it. She's out like a light at bedtime and so far we've only had one bad night with her up.