DD convinced she has ADHD

[Theghostofchristmasarse]

DD is 10, academically very able, generally happy but hormones etc have been raging so moody, bit withdrawn, usual pre tern stuff. Her father and I broke up this time last year, she seemed nonplussed about it all and took it well, sees him lots, seemed to have settled well into going between us, obviously lockdown and missing school have had an effect...not very motivated to do school work but I get that.

A week or so ago it seems she emailed the 'worry' email at her school, saying she thought she had ADHD. This morning she's been crying, saying she's looked up symptoms and she has them all.
Neither I or her teachers have ever had any concerns, although her sleep is shocking, always has been.
I just don't know what to next, I've reassured her, will talk to her dad, pointed out she's totally able to focus on her games etc and that even if she is, it's not a bad thing at all.
Senco has said they can screen without her knowing, but not till she's back at school, can offer once a week counseling/chats, which will help. Hopefully we can get on top of her sleeping but with the current situation it's so difficult, even today I've been working all morning and have had to split my time between work and the kids, so again they've been left to their own devices.

Any advice?

Yes, definitely thinking anxiety could be part of all of it.
I'll look at weighted blankets...I did look but they were so expensive...
Neither of my two have ever slept well. I write this from my 5 year old DSs bed as I have to sit with him, every night,till he sleeps. He at least sleeps through the night, DD didn't even at this age, she could be up till midnight. I think it basically wrecked my marriage as I was exhausted for about 10 years...DH never took any notice or did bedtime rarely, none of the night waking etc. He was also an insomniac..
I think I'll try looking at sleep first, getting her out for a bit every day, less screen time...then see where we are once they are back at school. Things might improve, or the screening could come up with something.

I think the prices have come down, I got Dd's blanket from amazon I'll try to send a link, but you need to read up because you need the right weight for your Dd's weight

Dreamscene Star Weighted Blanket for Kids Children Sleep Insomnia Therapy Anxiety Relief Autism Reversible Fluffy Teddy Fleece Throw, Blush Pink, 100 x 150cm - 3kg, DBWESTRBL01 www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B08J82C8CN/ref=cm_sw_r_em_apa_fabc_JHSH6MZD1R1FR9VY77Y5?psc=1&_encoding=UTF8&tag=mumsnetforu03-21

This might not be big enough or heavy enough for a ten Yr old you'll have to check it out.

Sleep deprivation nearly destroyed my marriage too, still not recovered any intimacy and will see what happens when the children are older.

In the end the two things that worked best to help my Dd were bedtime tokens system, which is a bit like this :
www.drgreene.com/bedtime-pass-program
But we used loads of tokens at first and gradually reduced the number, so Dd used 32 the first night and gradually reduced down to 3, if she had tokens left in the morning she got a sweet (because sod it).

And this technique that's used for adults with 'middle insomnia', so Dd always woke at 1:30am for hours. 6:30pm bedtime because she was so tired. So she could sleep from 630-130 = 7hrs. 6am was morning, minus 7hrs she would sleep for, gave us a bedtime 11pm. The idea is for a few nights stay up until 11pm. Yes it will be horrible. Then gradually move bedtime forward in increments to a more reasonable time. We couldn't quite hack 11pm but did 9:30pm and then gradually snuck forward to 8pm. If we put her to bed much earlier she's up in the night again. She sleeps in later doing this later bedtime, until 7am usually.

At the mo I don't think Dd has adhd or anything but I do think she's complicated and I am a bit concerned about giving her what she needs to become a happy adult. I don't know if I'm right or not though.

I'll be interested how things turn out for you guys.

Make sure to talk about the positives of neuro-diversity. Look at the top people in science, technology and invention and you won’t see a lot of neoro-typicals. The people who change the world are often those who think differently.

Thanks both. I found a few weighted blankets, have got her one from Amazon, which she seems happy about. Had a little chat today about how she does some things like hyper focus and that although we still need to do the boring stuff like tidying her room etc, (it's actually disgusting, she just flings everything everywhere and leaves rubbish sitting there etc...I'd always thought she'd learnt that from my ex, who was a walking mess when it came to housework etc) but we will try timers to get things done, short bursts of boring stuff. Also know a child psychologist who's said we can chat about her later, just some advice about how to approach it. So feeling a bit better.
I watched about a million YouTube videos last night, that how to ADHD girl is fab, and others about signs in adults...so much of it is things I could tick off, for me and for her dad, but definitely for her too. Problem is consistency...I could put things in place but he might not stick to it. She's only there 2 nights a week, but often comes back hair unbrushed, teeth not brushed, having not had a bath, because he hasn't reminded her..
However I'm going with, look we all have these traits, it's normal not to be 'normal' as we are all different and it's actually a great thing in so many ways.. creativity, fun, crazy chatting...all things I love about her...it is making me think though about all of us in s different way to be fair.
Part of the behaviour from her dad, like innatentiveness and not sitting still etc, were the problems for us...is making me think about it all...brain is full! But it would explain so much..
Thet are off to their dads in a bit, once I've got her to clean her bedroom and clean out her rats, another battleground...maybe even just thinking about the way she's not able to keep attention on things like this and why she procrastinates and let's it get in this state in a different way might help my patience with her.

Bit of a revelation really. Going to talk to my mum later too, she diagnosed my brothers tourettes over 30 years ago when there was little help, resources or the internet to help.. hopefully we can come up with a few ways of helping her until school can give us some support.

Sleep for her is not switching off. Once she's asleep she's out for the count, but it can be the early hours. She has chamomile tea, stories on audible, sleep sounds...We've tried rewards, she doesn't care, can't hold concentration on longer term goals.but is obsessed by Roblox etc, so as a reward that might help.

As my BF who I freaked out about all this to last night said, it doesn't matter really in a way if she is, just being aware of it could be enough, but either way she's one intelligent amazing kid if she's managed to work this all out by herself!

@Theghostofchristmasarse DS has ADHD, very obviously, he was diagnosed when he was 5. Part of this is difficulty falling asleep. He doesn’t naturally produce melatonin which is the thing that gives us the prompts to feel tired. He now takes medication. Prior to this I never ever saw him slow down, yawn, rub his eyes or look even remotely ready for bed! It’s been fantastic for his bedtime routine.

Love to another one of 'us'. She sounds amazing.
Get her some transparent crates with lids for her room. It works. She'll love sorting things, and when the lid is on, the stuff can't get out to make a mess. Transformed my life!
Mindfulness for sleep. This is my favourite.
Have you seen this? I love it. adhd song
You sound great, too. She's lucky to have such a mum.

Have you considered that her dad could have ADHD too? It's strongly genetic.

I'm glad you found the YouTube 'how to ADHD' vlogs. I found them really helpful before dd had her diagnosis

I was going to suggest melatonin too. Melatonin is the sleep hormone type body releases. Speak to your doctor about it. It's available on prescription only in this country. In places like Australia it's available over the counter and seen as fairly normal to take! I reckon it could help your Dd a lot.

I've got that song running in my head on a loop now 😂

Thanks for all the advice, will make a list to talk to the GP about. Think my concern is a lot of it could be dismissed because of lockdown, etc.

We've just done the rat cages, given up on bedroom.
The last hour and half have gone like this: (all DDS parts said in sullen stroppy voice...)
Me: right, so we need to clean out rats and your bedroom, dad us expecting you at 1.
DD yes ok
Do can we do rats in 10 mins
Ok
10 mins later...
Ok so come off your roblox and let's do it
Ok
5 mins later
Ok, please put that down, you can go on it later
Ok
5 mins later....repeat repeat...
Eventually when I explained I know it's boring, but it has to be done, we could do just one cage, do the other tomorrow, and do bedroom tomorrow, we got somewhere. Took all of 15 mins to do the job, I explained throughout which bits I needed her to do...all fine without too much strop or meltdowns. Did it in bite sized bits, pick up that and put it in there, go and wash that...lots of praise. Maybe helped.

But it's like this for every single thing. Getting dressed, brushing hair, teeth...

I do think a lot of it is normal obsession with screens etc, but is it normal to have to do this for every thing?

Sounds like a normal day in our house

Just wanted to say that while it could very well be ADHD some chronic sleep deprivation presents with very similar behaviours. DD was the same as yours, couldn't sleep through the night for years and years, would be up again after 2 or 3 hours a night, etc.

We were having her assessed for ADHD and were convinced she had it (her dad does). But we saw a sleep specialist at the same time (about age 11) and he was able to get her sleep on a normal (ish) routine - OMG the difference was amazing!!! The ADHD behaviours were almost all resolved. During lockdown it worsened a bit because she wasn't on the normal routine which affected her sleep and some of the behaviours came right back. Fixed again once we put some effort into doing what the specialist recommended.

I don't want to discount that your daughter could have ADHD and I definitely think you're doing the right thing getting assessed/strategies but just wanted to mention our experience with the sleep thing. If there's any way you can get a referral to a sleep specialist it would be worth it.

Thanks, I'm going to speak to the GP Monday, see if they can look into the sleep. Lockdown doesn't help...

Was your GP useful op?

I'm hoping your GP was helpful OP. The description of your daughter sounds very like the presentation of ADHD in girls that I have seen (it's often misdiagnosed as anxiety, so that might be worth bearing in mind) GP will like asks you to complete a screening questionnaire and may ask you to do a period of 'watchful waiting' often at least a couple of months so definitely worth setting the wheels in motion. Persevere if you get pushed back. You have an incredibly perceptive DD to have joined these dots, so well done to her. You also mentioned in a previous post about other neurodiverse members of the family (I think you said that your ex was possibly on the spectrum?) this would definitely increase the likelihood of your daughter having something like ADHD. Good luck!

My teen was referred for an assessment by the GP end of October and we've just been contacted to start the process.

You can also book ADHD assessment with gopsych.co.uk/