I just give up. 5.5 no routine and feeling so low

[nocturnalke]

I know there's been a million threads like this. But I have no one else to talk to. I'm the only one in my friendship group with a baby and I'm pretty sure my partner and mum have had enough of me going on.

I've written a couple of posts about napping. The recent one was very helpful and started using the huckleberry app which worked for the first few days. Now my daughter is 5.5 months and only naps for 20 mins, usually three time a day but sometimes only 2!

I just give up on trying to sort out a routine with napping and feeding. The stress of thinking about it and the failures every time are making me so low. I cry a lot when my partner is at work, which I think some of it is covid, weather etc.

DD just has no routine whatsoever. I try so hard. Yesterday she only had an hour total of nap times. I tried everything to get her to go sleep (bearing in mind we couldn't walk due to icy paths). So she had an earlier bedtime last night and she slept quite well until 6:10 this morning which is early for her. I washed and dressed her and then attempted to give her 7oz bearing in mind she hadn't fed for 12 hours. She had 4oz and then refused anymore - so that means for feed times are out the window. And her nap times are different cause she woke up too early. This change in napping and feeding seems to happen every day. There's no routine. I try to keep it consistent at bedtime to reflect the night/wake up time but she reacts differently every night.

Like I said Ive just given up trying to get a routine sorted. She literally does what she wants and I'm so low that the stress is making me feel worse hence the giving up. But I don't have the energy anymore. Every day is a battle. I was really just looking for somewhere to moan so I'm sorry if this post has bored you haha.

Some babies sadly will only sleep 20 mins at a time and wake up refreshed if they have a good nights sleep. A babies sleep cycle can be 20 minutes.

Is she sleeping a solid 12 hours at night?

Give yourself a break, OP. She’s still so young - routine will come in time, but babies haven’t read the manual!

I would follow her cues for feeding, so long as she’s getting enough in 24 hours and has plenty of wet nappies. Re napping, will she sleep in a sling? In her car seat? In the pram? Sometimes you have to engineer them into a snooze which you can then transfer into a cot.

I hope you’re ok. It’s tough but it won’t be forever.

She’s sleeping through the night? Winning!

@Scbchl she 'usually' sleeps around 8-7 but not solid. So she might wake up for dummy or a feed. So more around 10 hours. The 20 mins nap time I've sort of come to terms with because I know overall she's doing fairly well at night. It's just the lack of routine thats stressing me out.

You poor thing . I know routines are recommended but sometimes it’s less stressful to just go with the flow, some kind of routine will emerge but not necessarily the one you think is right or when you think it should happen. If you are getting a full night’s sleep then that’s quite amazing at 5 months and maybe you should regard it as a reasonable trade off for less nap time in the day. Once she starts crawling/toddling it’s likely she might nap for longer. There’s no right or wrong - try and resign yourself to going with her flow, strap her to you when you need to move around and get things done, see any nap longer than 20 mins as a bonus rather than a goal or expectation..

What really helped me was trashing the idea of a routine (ie set times) and instead focusing on getting into a rhythm. Have you got the huckleberry app? That can really help sorting out naps, and you focus on how long baby was awake for, rather than what time it is.

It doesn't matter if she feeds at different times from one day to the next, or naps at the same times, so you can stop beating yourself up about that one! I would just get into the rhythm of wakes up, feeds, is awake and plays/is stimulated in an age appropriate way, gets tired, naps and just do that (or your own rhythm) in cycles until bedtime, then bath, feed, cuddle and sleep. So the cycle is your "routine" rather than things having to happen at fixed times. We don't do everything at exactly the same time everyday and babies don't need to either.

Neither of mine had a routine, I really would try not to stress about it. Given the lockdown shit as well, it's not like you have fixed anchor points of going to a baby class or visiting friends at certain times etc.

One of mine was like this. No routine whatsoever.
Once they got on the move with crawling and walking everything changed. They dropped to 1 nap after lunch for at least 2 hours and slept all night.
My first was a baby you could set your watch by!

You honestly sound like me. Most friends don't have kids, the ones who do very in routines and sleep training and oh it all seems to work for them!

Best advice? Deep breath and stop. Yes have a general winding down thing for bed but apart from that, seriously relax and let it go. 5 months is the most horrible age imo and nothing ever works. Just get through it. Sleepy snuggles on you whenever she nods off, watch movies, take her around in a sling. Whatever. Make sure you get time for a shower, decent food, bit of self care. You'll get through it. But these stages will come and go and it's important to learn to try and accept that this is how babies are and there is no point driving yourself mad.

My 'routine' is for my sanity.
I get up, make the bed and have a decent coffee. I an excited for what I do for lunch (mine is now on solids). I think of one chore I really want to get done, anything else is bonus. And enjoy her!

Some kids you cant get into a routine no matter how hard you try especially at 5.5 months as she is still very little. As for the varying amount of milk shes taking, shel take what she needs when she needs it. Shel just be like you and be hungrier some times more than others and growth spurts will make a difference.

The baby whisperer helped me with my 6 month old to get into a "better" routine but he was waking every half hour night and day for a feed so that helped him to sleep a few hours more solidly at night and take better sleeps during the day. You could give that a try but she may just be not needing as much sleep during the day as shes doing so well at night.

Wow she sleeps through, that’s a dream. Why does lack of
routine worry you? My LO was better napping at 7 months and then it was very wispy washy was 12monts-18 months until she started nursery and fell into their schedule

Also found that the less I sleep the worse I feel about it all, so really focus on making sure you get some rest time even if it's going to bed really early.

Thank you everyone for the speedy responses!

She occasionally sleeps through the night, but usually wakes up for feed around 2:30, which sounds silly but if she wakes up for a feed at this time, the next day is actually more manageable!

I'm glad it seems okay to just go with the flow because for my sanity I think that's the approach I need to take.

Huckleberry app says her next nap is due at 10:50 so I'll see what happens.

Thank you everyone. I really just needed to get it off my chest.

@Lelophants

My 'routine' is for my sanity. I get up, make the bed and have a decent coffee. I an excited for what I do for lunch (mine is now on solids). I think of one chore I really want to get done, anything else is bonus. And enjoy her!

This is really good advice, have your own routines and slot the baby in rather than making yourself ill trying to Slot into a non existent routine of hers

Routine is easier when you’re going out and about - well that was my experience anyway. A routine when stuck in at home was horrible. That’s why I found it easier second time as we were out almost every day.

So I’d suggest waking up at the same time every day and trying to get out in all weathers. If it’s slippy, get some decent walking boots and grips and try a small walk with a pushchair for example? I’d get out every morning if you can.

We don't have a routine either and DS is 9mo. If
I tried to enforce a routine on him I'd drive myself crazy as there's no way it would work! Always have slept/fed on demand. I really do think it depends on the baby. Mine doesn't even sleep through yet and I'm not holding out that he ever will lol. I think it's best just to go with the flow as it causes unnecessary stress. Enjoy your baby!

The problem is you have tried to impose a routine too early and now you're dealing with the consequences.
My DS is 18 now, but I didn't even think about trying to get him into any sort of routine until he was about 6 months old.

My 'routine' changed daily. Same pattern of x hours awake before nap and x hours between bottles but the times were different depending on night wakings, wake up times etc. This made things easier and less stressful. Eventually it became a routine but we just went with it for a while!

I think the advice about a rhythm rather than a routine is good. We also used huckleberry so I just did naptime when that app said and scheduled feeds and meals around that. But honestly as soon as you get in one routine they drop a nap or start having more meals etc.

Waking only once a night for a feed at her age is amazing. My baby is nearly 14 months and I would love to have her sleeping so well. Try to relax - probably part of the problem is lockdown means you have so few distractions, it’s just you and her and nothing else to think about. I have a four year old in Reception I’m failing at home schooling so I barely notice his little sister’s routine!

Honestly around this age my baby was the same. There was no routine and he napped for 45mins at a time. At about 6-7 months he got himself into a proper routine when he went to 3 naps a day. Then he dropped the 3rd shorter nap at 8ish months.

My advice would be to concentrate on awake periods so you dont end up with an over tired baby, and just go with it. It'll reduce your frustration.

I've never had a routine. It doesn't work for me or my daughter so I've never tried to push it. Routines make things easier for mums I think but they aren't a necessity. If you send little one to nursery they'll get them in to a routine as it fits them.

I don't have a routine with my 6mo - it bugs me sometimes as I don't know if he's going to want to eat or sleep during one of our (online) baby groups, but he's happy, and that's all that matters. I was way more stressed when I was trying to get him into a routine / pattern, mostly around trying to get him to nap more, but now I go with the flow we're both in a better place.

I'm sure it depends on the baby - there must be some who thrive on routine, but I tend to think routines are mostly for the parent/s