1 year of no sleep.. anyone else struggling?

[Syra]

I’m now closing in on one whole year of being woken up every 2 hours or more by a non sleeping baby.

I am breastfeeding and planning on weaning soon. I also co sleep and i think it does help somewhat.

I don’t really know why I’m posting to be honest I just needed to write down that I’m struggling. My mental health has been up and down all year. I’ve had issues with grief after losing a family member, Covid has been incredibly intense and now I feel like lack of sleep is really really pushing me to my limits. Im not a good parent when I feel like this.

I hear you. I haven't had a decent nights sleep since my youngest sister died.
Sorry I can't help you but you're not alone.

Hi op

My dc are tween and teen now but they never slept either.
The youngest had bad reflux so it wasn't uncommon to try and function on three hours sleep a night

I still remember it now and wonder how the hell we got through it.

My problem now is deep seated insomnia which I've had on and off for a couple of years and the lockdown x 3 has made it a million times worse so I'm often awake all night then home schooling and functioning all day and then I get into bed the next night and bam wide awake again.

I fell asleep around midnight and have been sat up since about 4 am so far this morning.

It's crippling

Have you tried moving the baby into their own room incase you're actually disturbing them in the night making them wake more?
Can the baby settle themselves to sleep without a feed if someone else puts them down?
You must be exhausted, no wonder you feel terrible.

I'm childless after 5 years of infertility, but honestly after a month of no sleep (new bed seriously hurts my back waiting for a new one) it's seriously making me question pursuing further treatment.
Just impacts everything, so sick of lying awake at night and being tired in the day.
Its not the same, but I hear you.

@stonebrambleboy
So sorry about your sister. That must be horrendous for you

@stonebrambleboy I’m so sorry to hear about your sister. That’s such a painful loss.

@AliceAbsolum I wouldn't let it put you off if you want children. There are plenty of children who do sleep as well. Good luck if you decide to continue trying

It sounds like your baby might need a little extra food to get him through the night. Are you feeding any solids? He shouldn't be waking so often.

Your rest is important to your health and well being, so maybe do some reading on feeding a one year old, and perhaps start him sleeping on his own. It might be a rough couple of weeks, but will be worth it to your mental health. Any family support with partner or parents?

Thank you, your words mean a lot.

@shouldistop No, he won’t settle himself. There’s lots of crying and he has to be held or rocked to sleep by my husband. Which we do a lot just to try and prevent me feeding to sleep every time.

Also we have a 3 year old so we can’t have him crying for a long time or leave him is his cot to cry it out because he’ll wake the 3 year old.

Every time I read about non sleeping toddlers, it's always co sleeping.

Not only is co sleeping dangerous (and miss me with the safe seven BS, totally unscientific), it means your child never learns to self soothe.

@mdinbc yes, I’m feeding him 3 meals a day plus the odd snack. He definitely doesn’t eat enough though. Whether I spoon feed him or leave him to feed himself it is an absolute battle to get him to eat anything. He is very fussy.

I really would try to do some sort of sleep training at this stage, are you sure your 3yo would wake? My 4yo sleeps through his baby brother crying but I suppose it depends how thick your walls are etc.
There are some no cry sleep training methods that might work, got to be worth a try.

I remember a long time ago (when both my children were under 2) I went to the dentist. I had such a feeling of relief just being able to sit in that chair for 20 mins and not have to be responsible for someone for that short period of time. I absolutely loved looking after my children and look back with fond memories of when they were young, but boy, was it hard work! I sometimes used to have to crawl up the stairs on my hands and knees, I was that tired.

Just to get this in here quickly before your non sleeping baby becomes your fault OP - sleep is developmental. There might be things we can do to help, but it's really up to the babies! They do it when they choose.

DD is 14 months old. Doesn't feed at night, has been in her own room since 6 months, we never co-slept - still wakes between 1 and 4 times per night. It'll get better when it does.

@FunkBus thank you for the very kind compassionate comment.

I co slept with my eldest who is now 3 and he slept beautifully. Barely woke through the night when he was with us and slept happily on his own from about 2 years old.

@Zoorhik oh that is exactly how I feel! 🙈

@KatieKat88 thank you. It helps to know there’s others in the same boat despite making different decisions. I hope you get more sleep soon.

@FunkBus

Every time I read about non sleeping toddlers, it's always co sleeping.

Not only is co sleeping dangerous (and miss me with the safe seven BS, totally unscientific), it means your child never learns to self soothe.

Do you have cause and effect the right way round there? Because in my experience a lot of parents co sleep purely because it's easier than dealing with screaming at 3am. Children who get put down to sleep at 7pm and then sleep through easily don't get pulled into their parents' bed.

I have never co slept and both mine are/were terrible sleepers. DS started sleeping through reliably at 18months. DD is 15months and still wakes every 2 hours (every 40mins last night)

I feel your pain; my 11 month old doesn’t sleep well and I’ve never co slept and he doesn’t feed at night; he can actually settle himself as well so I have no idea why he wakes so much. It’s soul destroying.
We did controlled crying and just risked waking our 3 year old and now he gets up every 4 hours instead which is so much better but after nearly a year of no sleep I’m still exhausted on that.

OP you are not alone. And high five for the comment about cause and effect with co-sleeping. Lots of parents don’t want to co-sleep but do it for pure survival having been woken multiple times every night for MONTHS.

I have also consistently tried to sleep train using various methods over the years and while some improvements happened never actually got my baby to sleep through the night. By the way he self settles in his cot every night - it’s night wake ups that are the problem!

My eldest was 3.5 years before she slept through the night and my 16 month old is showing no signs yet.

Hang on in there xxx

7 years with terrible sleeping DS Op, so I send you solidarity. It’s horrible but you adjust. I nap when I can and other than that my body has just adapted. So much so that on the terrifically rare occasion he does sleep I still wake up in the night and in the very early hours because that’s our routine! Just be nice to yourself and try to find a way of accepting it.

Personally I would do sleep training. I don't think waking every 2hrs and being upset is fair on the child. Sleep is developmental yes but it's also a skill that some children need support to learn. Which doesn't necessarily mean leaving them to cry for long periods, there are lots of other things to try. Although I'm not sure what would work with co sleeping. It doesn't sound as though the co sleeping is doing much for anyone.

I have very similar aged children and both have been awful sleepers.

We recently did some gentle sleep training on the youngest and it seems to have helped. Actually sleeping through most the time woo!

It’s the pick up / put down method which HV recommended so no crying it out. When they wake you pick them up: pat / sing / rock whatever they need until they calm down and then put them back down to sleep once calm and pat their back. It’s not great for the first week and each time can last 30-45mins as they just want boob or to co sleep etc but stick to your guns. Then slowly over time when they wake if they aren’t too upset you can try just patting their back instead of picking them up.

The first few weeks are the worse but it does get better.