3 year old goes to bed late

[moocow1]

My Daughter is 3 and goes to bed at 8pm every night no matter what time she wakes up in the morning, and no matter what time you start her bedtime routine. She has been the same since about 2 years old. She dropped all naps very early and never appears to be tired.

All of our friends children of the same age are all absolutely exhausted by 630/7 and can't stay awake.
My Daughter would stay up until 10/11pm if we didn't put her to bed.

We have a 9 month old as well and it would be really nice to have a few hours to ourselves in the evening, but we just cannot get our eldest to sleep any earlier.

Could it just be that that's how she is, or could it be that we are doing something wrong?

She wakes up anywhere between 630-730. if I'm honest with myself, she does watch quite a lot of telly during the day when I am at home with both her and the baby. She does watch telly at night before we take her upstairs to bed. She attends nursery 3 full days a week which I assumed would tire her out, but she's not tired after it at all. I would say she eats some healthy food, some junk food each day. Our nighttime routine is occasionally bath, book, bed, however the bath really perks her up and she gets all hyper after it so we don't do it as often before bed. We read her a story and she watches a 3/4 minute video on my phone (clearly the snout of screen time she is receiving is an issue isn't it!), I then lie in bed with her until she falls asleep. She will ask for a million things while I'm lying next to her and kicks up a fuss if I won't get something for her.

From my post, I can clearly see I need to reign in the TV time (particularly before bed), I guess we could also work on giving her less sugar, but she doesn't have loads. Is lying in bed with her not helping as well? Do other people do this, or how else do you get your 3 year old to sleep?

Thanks

1. At 3 she shouldn't be watching more than 1h screen time per day
2. Screens just before bed is crazy - it won't help her settle down. Screens should be off for at least 60 mins before the bedtime routine
3. If she's inactive during the day of course she won't be tired at night - I know it's hard with a baby but you really need to do some proper stress-free activities with her, and get outdoors for an hour every day.

Why does she have to be downstairs with you until 8pm? Send her upstairs for brush / bedtime routine and let her play in her room until time for bed?

My 3year old has just started to drop the last 1hr nap and is out cold at 7pm- however she’s an early riser, anything between 5.45-6.45.
She is non stop talking and active- I would say on many occasions hyper and so exhausts herself easily.
I don’t really worry about screens, our routine is dinner, bath, book, 15min iPad and then bed.
You could either try waking her up at 6 every day for a wk and see if she will sleep earlier or accept the bed time and know that when she starts school it will probably all change and she’ll truly be exhausted by 7

I would change the video on the phone and staying in bed with her but slowly and one at a time to start with. My dd watches something on my phone after bath to calm her down and let's me sort out her butt length hair with no drama but not in bed. Maybe an extra story instead, then sit by the door, then other side of the door until you don't need to.

Once that's sorted I would try getting her in bed ten mins earlier and keep that up for a week or so, then another ten mins earlier. Gradual change when she doesn't get out of bed for every little thing.

At 3 she shouldn't be watching more than 1h screen time per day sorry this really pisses me off- I like the OP have a newborn and if you hadn’t noticed we are in the middle of a winter lock down. The child won’t be scared for life- calm down!!!

My 3 yo goes to bed at 8.30! But, he doesn't wake up till about 8.30 - 9, so still gets 12 hours+. I think it's the lack of routine at the moment, as we don't have the school run with older dc. When he starts preschool, I think bedtime will be earlier.

Ditch the video just before bed, it will just make her brain buzz.

Omce that's gone. Work on her doing more in the day, get her playing, running, clambering up the stairs etc. Wear her out a bit more.

Also, she's possibly just doing it for the one on one attention, the baby probably takes you away from her. And this way, she has you all to herself from getting upstairs.

She has your undivided attention, plus she gets Mum snuggles, so she will push to have that as long as possible at night.

My 3yo is the same - asleep about 7.30-8 and wakes 6.30-7.30.
I think 11 hours sleep is pretty normal?

NHS says 10-13 hours for a 3yo, so think yes, 11 hrs is fine @StacySoloman

NHS says 3-5 year olds need 10-13 hours in total
www.nhs.uk/live-well/sleep-and-tiredness/how-much-sleep-do-kids-need/

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

At 3 she shouldn't be watching more than 1h screen time per day sorry this really pisses me off- I like the OP have a newborn and if you hadn’t noticed we are in the middle of a winter lock down. The child won’t be scared for life- calm down!!!

I'm not un-calm - I'm just posting the advice of our paediatrician.

I know it's tough parenting a toddler in lockdown (I have one myself!) but part of being a parent is putting your DC's wellbeing first. No, the odd day of too much telly won't harm them, but day after day, week after week of hours of TV? That's crap.

I don’t lie down with mine though, 2 stories, kiss goodnight and lights out. Sometimes she plays with her toys on her bed for a bit.

My Daughter would stay up until 10/11pm if we didn't put her to bed.

My daughter was like this. In the end, we decided that was just how she was. She didn’t nap in the day and she didn’t need a lot of sleep. She liked to sleep for 9 hours, from about 10 until about 7. In the end, we just let her be her. Much easier all round and made for much less stress and a much happier child. She’s always been that way, although she’s now at senior school, so has caught up with herself! She sleeps very deeply.

All kids are different. If you think about it,sleep patterns must be a normal distribution like everything else. Sometimes you get a child on the tails., for whom 7-7 will never work.

It sounds as though your daughter has enough sleep so I wouldn't worry about it. It's when they are grizzly and tired there is a problem. Kids are all different. 8pm is not that late.

More exercise. The guidelines say an hour outside a day but tbh unless mine has been running around for at least 3 hours she just doesnt need that much sleep. If she's not doing anything, she won't get tired.

Well if you apply the same principle to an adult doing sleep hygiene, no transmitting devices in the bedroom and no devices 30-60 mins before bed and move bedtime by 15 mins every few days.

Have you tried putting lavender in her bath and on her pillow? I gather she has never settled down to sleep on her own if you lie with her until she falls asleep.

My 4yo goes to sleep between 8 and 8.15, wakes up between 6.30 and 7.20. He has done this for at least a year. I am in a country where later bedtimes are normal, and the kids are generally healthy and happy. I do feel that the UK has a bit of an obsession with '7pm' bedtime. Not all kids are the same. If I put mine in bed any earlier, he just faffs around until about then anyway and then turns the light off himself and is out like a light. You can still have a couple of hours to yourselves in the evening.

Bedtime sounds within the range of normal to me. My DD has always gone to bed at 7.30/8. At 3 we had success with a gro clock so that in the morning she played in her room for a while.

I would be trying to work on her settling to sleep more calmly, as that must be tiring for you. Easier said than done though.

I'm definitely a fan of a daytime bath in lockdown as a way of occupying them. I also like a post dinner walk/scooter for tiring them out. You mention junk food. When is she eating it? We couldn't give DD anything sugary too close to bed.

Thanks everyone.

Unfortunately it sounds like 8 is a pretty normal time to go to bed then. She is getting her full 11 hours sleep and she wakes up happy and ready for the day each morning.

She hasn't napped since about 2 years old. The few times she did nap at that age, she was then up until 10pm.

I wish she would go to bed earlier, but I think it is just who she is 😩.

We will definitely be working on the screen time towards the end of the night, however unfortunately sometimes in the day when I've had almost no sleep in the night with the baby, it will have to be done.

Will be taking peoples ideas on board about getting her out of the house to do more exercise, but most days we are out walking and splashing in puddles etc.

Maybe acceptance is the best thing!!

My 2 and a half year old started going to bed later and later. We went back to basics, no tv after 6pm, we'd go up to her room for a story while she drank her milk, then toilet and teeth brushed followed by another story and asleep by 7 (or Ive left the room at least!).

We have a Gro Clock which we've managed to teach her not to call mummy or daddy until the sun is up, as soon as it's up we can go downstairs, I've set this to 7am, I don't change it and I only wake her if she's overslept and she's going to nursery.

3 yr old goes to same time as 5 yr old as they share a bedroom. Both go to bed at 8pm. Occasionally 3 yr old will ask to go to bed earlier around 7:20/7:30.

My kids find stories too exciting before bed and it wakes them up to ask never ending questions!
So our routine is in to bed then something like zog / room on the broom on the iPad to watch in bed on their tablet.
I usually pop into the bedroom to turn screens off as they normally drop off as soon as the programme has finished if not before.
Screen time is not necessarily a bad thing in moderation and with a new baby I would allow them a quiet time to wind down alone.
No point in forcing them to bed when they are not tired.

Can’t see anything wrong with an 8pm bedtime for a three year old. I wouldn’t change it if she’s waking up happy in the morning.
My kids watch far too much tv but I definitely wouldn’t let them on my phone just before bed- I would definitely stop this

I do think it’s pretty normal unfortunately. Mine are 7 & 2 and except when my eldest was really little and I didn’t have to work, I don’t remember a time when mine went to bed before 8. We get home from work/nursery 5/5:30 ish, dinner usually cooked by 6:30-7, then bathtime and usually to bed sometime between 8-9. My 2 year old doesn’t nap during the day usually goes to bed 8-8:30 ish and up 6-7am. I think that is pretty normal. We don’t get anytime during the week. We have to work 8:30-10:30 most nights and then right to bed. But on the weekends we do make a point that weekends are for us and we stay up til 11 ish to actually see each other.

but part of being a parent is putting your DC's wellbeing first Award for the most patronising line on MN today!
Of course your paediatrician in against tv, the dentist is against sugar, there’s a balance in reality!
What do you suppose a mother with a newborn breastfeeding does when they are feeding for hours a day and their eldest won’t play on their own. I’m not saying letting them zone out all day but yes I think many in that situation are exceeding the hour limit so please stop being so judgemental !!!