3 year old goes to bed late

[moocow1]

My Daughter is 3 and goes to bed at 8pm every night no matter what time she wakes up in the morning, and no matter what time you start her bedtime routine. She has been the same since about 2 years old. She dropped all naps very early and never appears to be tired.

All of our friends children of the same age are all absolutely exhausted by 630/7 and can't stay awake.
My Daughter would stay up until 10/11pm if we didn't put her to bed.

We have a 9 month old as well and it would be really nice to have a few hours to ourselves in the evening, but we just cannot get our eldest to sleep any earlier.

Could it just be that that's how she is, or could it be that we are doing something wrong?

She wakes up anywhere between 630-730. if I'm honest with myself, she does watch quite a lot of telly during the day when I am at home with both her and the baby. She does watch telly at night before we take her upstairs to bed. She attends nursery 3 full days a week which I assumed would tire her out, but she's not tired after it at all. I would say she eats some healthy food, some junk food each day. Our nighttime routine is occasionally bath, book, bed, however the bath really perks her up and she gets all hyper after it so we don't do it as often before bed. We read her a story and she watches a 3/4 minute video on my phone (clearly the snout of screen time she is receiving is an issue isn't it!), I then lie in bed with her until she falls asleep. She will ask for a million things while I'm lying next to her and kicks up a fuss if I won't get something for her.

From my post, I can clearly see I need to reign in the TV time (particularly before bed), I guess we could also work on giving her less sugar, but she doesn't have loads. Is lying in bed with her not helping as well? Do other people do this, or how else do you get your 3 year old to sleep?

Thanks

@PinkSkiesAtNight is the culture that parents don't need kid free time? I don't worry about separate time, but my DH seems to thing everyone else has separate adult dinners and watch movies together from 7pm ! We all eat together at 7pm, as I want to give a proper meal rather than beige oven junk and I can't be bothered to cook and clear up twice. My kids 4 & 1 get into bed at 8pm so not asleep straight away, we do 2 books then sleep music. We don't do evening baths as it wakes them up, but they either have an late afternoon bath at 5pm or a morning shower. They both wake at 7am, the baby still has 1 big nap mid morning and an occasional afternoon cat nap every few days never at the weekends !

Ps sometimes we all eat beige oven junk together, just not at 5pm !

If she's sleeping all night, and waking up happy then it's not something that drastically needs changed, however you could try altering your bedtime routine to start wind down earlier and maybe she is in bed and settled and hopefully drops off a bit earlier?

We have a 4yo and do some tv time while I make dinner, dinner anytime between 5-5:30pm, no screens after dinner, some quiet play, bath, jigsaws and orchard games while DS has cereal and milk, teeth, two stories and bed for 7-7:15pm and he's asleep by 7:30 at the latest. Cutting screens after dinner really has helped him wind down and settle nicely at bedtime, as well as some one to one attention with games before bed. Obviously that might be hard with your baby though

My almost 3yo goes up between 7.30-8pm. We've had the same routine for a while now - bath time 6.30-7pm. Milk and tv show 7-7.20pm. Couple of books until 7.30pm then teeth and bed. Sometimes he doesn't want a story so we go up earlier, sometimes we run over and he goes up later. He doesn't always fall asleep straight away but he does eventually and meanwhile we start our child free time! Wakeup time is any time from 6-9am. No more naps during the day for a while now.

I do try to limit TV in the day time but since lockdown it's been on far more than it used to be. He's actually learned loads of words from some of the programs and currently loves number blocks on repeat which I'm fine with. Do what you need to do to survive the day and maybe just get your daughter used to going up to bed earlier. She'll soon figure things out x

I would scrap the screen time before bed. I don’t think looking at a screen before you sleep is helpful for anyone to get to sleep (inc adults!). For my 3 year old, we have always stuck to the bath, book, bed routine, ever since she was born. She does get hyper sometimes but it’s generally a last burn out before bed. This evening she was jumping on her bed for about 20min before she finally settled down, then she dropped off in less than 5min. She sleeps around 7.30-8pm for 12 hours. No naps during the day now.

Mine isn't dissimilar to this OP, maybe not quite so late but she's never been great at sleeping.

We used to spend hours trying to get her to sleep, she hated not being held and then when we managed to progress to her going to sleep in her cot, as soon as we got up to leave she'd be wide awake again and crying.

I would highly recommend the calm app - she chooses her story every night and it helps her drop off whilst listening. It's entirely different to having mum or dad read to you as I find that's much more interactive. I did their free 7 day trial and it was a revelation so I quickly paid for the years subscription! Good luck.

Oh I'm very jealous of all these children sleeping in till after 7am! DD is usually asleep around 7.30pm - we do bath, books & bed. Like others I wouldn't let her watch anything on the phone before bed. We did gradual retreat sleep training to get her to go to sleep by herself - makes a big difference when you can just say good night and close the door rather than feeling like you've lost your evening sat in a dark room.

My 3 year old DD usually goes to bed at 7. I’d say normally asleep by 7.15. But she wakes up between 6 and 7 (most days it’s about 6.30. 7 is a good day!) so it seems like she’s getting the same amount of sleep, just shifted forward an hour ish.

At 3 she shouldn't be watching more than 1h screen time per day

Aaaaaaand todays prize for 'most MN answer' goes to.....

I still feel like you need to make sure she isn't doing it for attention. She just had her world rocked 9 months ago and may have found the perfect way to get your undivided attention.

Is she getting one on one time with you in the day?

I don't really see the problem with a 3 year old going to bed at 8pm. Why are you comparing her with other 3 year olds and their bedtimes? You do what works for yourself and that's an 8pm bed time.

@beingmoreme yes, it's very much a culture like that. Kids are often up until 10pm/11pm, which is too much even for me! I need at least an hour or two of me time. So, yeah, we eat together around 6/6.30, he has a shower/bath and then 15 mins play time before bed and stories. It makes my life easier as there is more room for flexibility when we are out. My friends have to rush home at 5pm to get dinner on by 5.15. I prefer our way. I'm a single parent now, but I don't think you need 3 or 4 hours to yourselves every single night.

Cut the screen time before bed
Cut the sugar a few hours before bed
DEFINITELY cut the laying in bed with her until she falls asleep, that's ridiculous. She's old enough to understand the concept of going to bed at her age, even if she doesn't like the idea. It will be a very tough transition if she's used to falling asleep with you there but that I'd say was the biggest issue without a doubt.
Put her down at 6:30/45 and leave her to jr.

DEFINITELY cut the laying in bed with her until she falls asleep, that's ridiculous.

I find this so sad. I love sitting with my son while he goes to sleep, we have a cuddle and a chat. Admittedly, he goes to sleep quite quickly usually, and if he is playing up, I will walk away for 5 minutes, and then go back, but it's my favourite time of the day.

I think 8pm is a perfect bedtime tbh. Much before that and you are so rushed sorting dinner, baths etc.

Maybe as she gets older you can introduce that she spend 20/30 mins in her room by herself looking at books before you go in and give her a final story and cuddle.

don't think you need 3 or 4 hours to yourselves every single night well I definitely want it!!! I live for it!
Many of my friends are not British by birth and their preschoolers were usually up until 9/10pm. The all have to adjust this when they start school. I’d rather get into an early bed routine now.

DD is 3 and refuses point blank to fall asleep before 8.30pm. This has been her consistent schedule, and it’s the same regardless of how stimulated she’s been that day and what time we start the bedtime routine. She doesn’t have screen time straight before bed and we do a long wind down, stories, relaxing bath etc. No nap since she turned two (she was never really a napper anyway).

It can be a bit of a pain given that most of the other small children we know seem to be in bed by 7pm - friends always want to do Zoom chats at 8pm-ish when we’re still doing bedtime. However DD does then sleep straight through until 8.30 am (today she didn’t wake up until 8.50!) so we’ve concluded it’s just her natural body clock and she’s a bit of a night owl (which we are too, so possibly genetics at play).

For us it’s not a problem at the moment as we’re WFH and don’t need to rush anywhere. But if it doesn’t change I can see it becoming an issue once she starts schools and we have more of a schedule to stick to!