Toddler refuses to eat homecooked food or try anything new

[orangejuicer]

MN parents, help. My 2 yo DS eats a very limited range. He won't even try food that I make for him, and I'm worried that the food he is eating is more what you would give a 12-18mo.

I work FT and my DP is a SAHD. We've got into a bad habit of using toddler meals at lunchtime as that's easier for my DP who doesn't cook. The issue is that DS will basically refuse anything I make for him if it doesn't look similar to something from a packet. He also won't try new foods so won't try more advanced things which he should probably have been eating a long time ago.

A typical day would be
milk on waking
porridge or weetabix for breakfast
yogurt and rice cakes
toddler meal for lunch
another snack, maybe a soreen loaf or baby biscuits
toddler meal, sandwich or toast for tea
milk before bed

I am stressing over this so please be kind. What can I do? What does your 2yo eat?

Why can't your DP cook?

I'd start with that issue first, ask him to get some toddler cool books and read them, follow the ingredients.

If your 2 year old refuses food take it away until the next meal time and keep trying new foods.

Sorry pressed post too soon, does he eat fruit, veg, eggs, meats?

Just simple boiled eggs? With toast, a fruit bowl with yogurt, some carrots stick and hummus. All simple textures just get him exploring.

If your DH is a SAHD then the first thing to tackle is that he needs to cook.

I assume you and he eat a meal? What do you eat?

I agree that your DH needs to start cooking some simple recipes, there are lots of good family food cook books around. He could start by cooking homemade versions of the favourite toddler meals and mashing it up to a similar consistency. What sort of things do you eat? Can you save leftovers from your evening meal for the toddlers lunch the next day?
Things like baked potatoes, cheese toasties, scrambled egg, hummus and pitta take get little cooking skills and are quick and easy for lunch.

He eats egg whites (not the yolks) and roast chicken. Both have to be cut up into fairly small pieces but he loves them. He just won't try other textures. I tend to have better luck with things when he takes them off my plate or if we are eating the same meal but mostly he is not interested.

The only fruit he has is a sliced banana. I have to sneak fruit into his porridge to get more into him.

I know I have a DP issue here, I also have my own paranoia about him choking so I am less inclined to offer him more complicated food, but I don't know what's normal for a 2 year old to be eating - in terms of actual size of the actual pieces, iyswim.

Argh

@FATEdestiny

If your DH is a SAHD then the first thing to tackle is that he needs to cook.

I assume you and he eat a meal? What do you eat?

I agree, and I will talk to him.

Mostly staples like pizza, cottage pie, spag bol, curry.
I had success with a home made curry but even then the rice needs to be mixed into the curry for DS to eat it.

@NannyR

I agree that your DH needs to start cooking some simple recipes, there are lots of good family food cook books around. He could start by cooking homemade versions of the favourite toddler meals and mashing it up to a similar consistency. What sort of things do you eat? Can you save leftovers from your evening meal for the toddlers lunch the next day? Things like baked potatoes, cheese toasties, scrambled egg, hummus and pitta take get little cooking skills and are quick and easy for lunch.

DS doesn't like cheese despite multiple exposures.

How would the baked potato work? Does he spoon out the potato, or is it cut up into wedges?

(I know these are ridiculous questions, please don't laugh but I really have no-one to ask)

A 2 year old can bite, chew, move food around their mouths so they don't need food chopping up into tiny pieces. Choking risk at that age is around things like whole nuts and grapes. Ordinary food should not present a problem but if you're not used to offering it, you probably need to build up to it.

You say his Dad can't cook so what does he eat for lunch? Can he not put together a cold lunch of sandwiches, wraps, omelette etc? Chop up veg and fruit into batons? He can stick with the basics while he learns to cook proper meals.

Go for a no pressure approach. Eat together, have the same food and stay relaxed.

I would try and offer real food as much as possible. Also, all children are different. My first had no issues, but second is very picky. Refuses all fruit unless is purée Ella pouch, bear fruit (dried fruit) or innocent smoothies. He also only east broccoli for a vegetable and tomato sauce (I purée carrots, green beans etc in there). It’s so frustrating. My third (13 months) has no issues and eats everything - loves all fruits cut up, avocado, veggies etc.

A jacket potato can be mashed with some butter, give the child a spoon or let him use his fingers and let him explore. Or cut it into wedges he can pick up. Or let him pick it up whole and bite it in the way that suits his mood.

Mostly staples like pizza, cottage pie, spag bol, curry

All these are toddler friendly!

pizza - serve as a whole slice and let toddler chew/chomp on it (similar to a slice of toast)

cottage pie - serve as-is on a bowl and spoon

spag bol - you just need to make sure pasta is bite-sized. So either do pasta pieces (penne tubes or twists) or cut spaghetti up into small (3cm?) bits

curry - fine. Mixing rice with curry is not a problem

Jacket Potatos - remove potato and mash with butter and put back into potato skin. Add topping and serve yo toddler in bowl with a spoon

I would cut the potato in half, mash the middle up with some butter (and cheese, but if he doesn't like it you could add some baked beans or tuna mayo), and cut the skin into strips - some toddlers like to eat it, some dont.
With regards to what is normal for a two year old to be eating, they can eat anything you would, except things like whole nuts and whole grapes and cherry tomatoes which should be sliced. You'll need to cut things into bite sized pieces for them, although softer things like fish he could have a go at cutting himself.
I would advise all parents to do first aid courses (or watch the st John ambulance videos online) so they know what to do if choking happens, and also go over it to remind yourself every now and then so you know how to react immediately. If it's any reassurance, I've been working with babies, toddlers and preschoolers for over twenty years, day in, day out and only had one incidence of near choking.

There's a lovely cookbook called My Daddy Cooks by Nick Coffer that your DH might find helpful if he 'doesn't' cook - unless it's because he just doesn't bloody want to, in which case that's your biggest problem...

Reduce the amount of snacks so that your DC gets a chance to be hungry.

One of my DCs is not great with sauce, so spaghetti bolognese and pies etc would never work.I don’t think that’s massively uncommon, so don’t panic if they won’t eat dishes like those.

Plain fish and rice is fine, go for very simple foods -omelettes, noodles etc.

Lots of good advice here already. Joe Wicks Wean in 15 might also be useful. Plenty of pictures, recipes and step by step stages, so lots to work through and good for making progress with confidence. Ellyn Satter Institute from US also has lots of behavioural tips and again can help you and DH feel confident about what you're doing. And doing any kind of 'food play' (not at meal times) can help DS get over squeamishness and fear of new food - messy, creative, reading, pretend toy food etc - DS may want to try and put it in his mouth, which is great (so let him), but be prepared for that and make sure whatever he's playing with is safe and suitable for eating! Finally, anything you can do to relax when you're feeding him is likely to help, as toddlers are very attuned to our emotions. Pausing for a few breaths if you're feeling stressed or anxious can work wonders. Best of luck with it.

Does your DP have additional needs or any other issues that prevent him cooking?

Him modelling good habits including cooking and eating a wide range of food is important. Toddlers learn by observation and social learning.

It strikes me a strongly milk/dairy based. Keep a small portion of your dinner to be reheated for lunch next day. Or bulk make sauces to go with pasta, rice, potato and put as portions in freezer.

My 2 year old is very picky. I will write what worked and choose the method that you feel comfortable.

1. Morning- offer milk with breakfast. Offer fruits on the side plate (or different type of breakfast). Do not mix it with his typical breakfast as I have learnt the hard way. They do not like it ;).

1. Slowly mix the toddler food with your food. Firstly cutting the pieces smaller and using the toddler food as a base. It is about the texture and familiarity. Increase your food over toddler food with time.

1. Involve him in cooking. My 2 year old makes her food and she is more interested in eating it.

1. My DD only eats whites but not yolks. The same her friends similar age. Not an issue. I make banana pancakes with eggs and she would eat it.

1. Once my DD was able to clearly communicate her issues with food everything went easier. She doesn't like certain food. End of story.

1. Don't stress it will pass and if not that is ok as well.

Your DH really needs to learn to cook, there’s a great cookbook called What Mummy Makes which is suitable for ages 6m+ but the recipes are suitable for adults too, I regularly make things for my 19mo and DH from there, the recipes are simple to follow and quick.

My toddler can be fussy particularly when teething and very suspicious of new foods particularly packet food for some reason which is a nuisance if I’m in a rush, I’ve had some success with serving something they like, with a little bit of something they don’t on the side, they’ll often just keep eating and “forget” they supposedly don’t like it

What do you mean by toddler meal? Like an Ella’s kitchen meal or a jar?

What kind of flavours does he like in his toddler meals? Then we can work out the equivalent.

Okay OP, Dh was also a SAHD and also doesn't cook. We had to come to a compromise but it was annoying (me doing the cooking the rest of the time doesn't bother me, but with the kids, when I'm not at home to offer alternatives, it did and does although it's less of an issue now).

So a few things:

1. He doesn't cook but that doesn't mean he can't prepare a simple cold lunch for your DS of sandwiches, cut up fruit and vegetables etc. I would also be inclined to insist that if DS doesn't eat anything, he isn't offered an alternative lunch beyond his usual snacks at a later stage but that he IS offered a good variety at lunch until he finds something he likes. A ham sandwich, cut into quarters and crusts removed is easy. Ditto peanut butter sandwich. Humous with carrot or cucumber sticks for dipping. Avocado slices. Baby corn (boil for a minute or two before - even DH can do that?) Cut up fruit - berries have always gone down well in my experience. If he does the same for himself and sits down to eat with DS, that may also help to ensure DS does at least try a few things.

1. Then DH needs to learn to prepare a few basics. At this point, I wouldn't be too worked up if, for example, he learns to make really basic things like fish fingers/crumbed chicken with oven chips and boiled vegetables. Grilled/Fried sausages. Teach him to cook a basic mince sauce to use with spaghetti bolognaise/shepherds pie etc. Pasta pesto can be enhanced with slices of cooked chicken/bacon and some peas. Boiled/scrambled eggs can be an adequate supper. Intersperse these meals with the pre-prepared toddler meals.

1. Begin "improving" the toddler meals. We used to stir cooked frozen corn/peas into the pre-made fish pie or chopped cooked carrots to the shepherds pie. Or serve half a toddler meal with fresh boiled/steamed vegetables on the side. Again, these are all things that even someone who doesn't cook can manage.

The problem with toddler and other ready meals is that they have a very similar textures, usually very soft, with only small evenly sized soft lumps requiring very little effort by the eater, they barely need chewing so people get lazy. Looking at the list of foods your little boy eats OP it strikes me that few of them require much chewing, or have much texture. I think you need to try to introduce more texture into his diet. Not easy I know, but if you can get him to try them then carrot sticks, sliced pepper, cucumber and apple slices with the skin on, dried fruit (clean teeth afterwards!) , bread sticks etc will start to get him moving his mouth more. You could try giving them to him in small quantities before his meals so that he is hungrier.

I also agree with the posters who say your OH involving him in watching/ helping with food preparation, even if it’s only having his own stirring spoon to hold will help both of them!

He can prepare healthy food through the day without having to cook a meal,

He can boil pasta and mix with grated cheese and offer that with some cucumber slices, carrot slices. Your DC may then get a little dip of the cheese and get used to the taste
Failing that mix tuna and sweet corn in with it.

Tuna sweetcorn or ham salad sandwiches on a variety of breads

I do tuna sweetcorn on toast with with grated cheese melted in top
Pilchards on toast
Beans on toast
Egg on toast
Spaghetti on toast
Avocado mashed in toast
Pate on toast
Jam/ marmalade on toast or bread once in a while

Breadsticks, humus with sticks of cucumber, carrot, celery and sliced tomatoes
Rivita with a bit of ham or Pate
Them polystyrene type cracker things with

If you have success sharing food, then sit down to eat dinner with him! I do this with my 2 year old, she eats the same as we do, curries, chilli's, roasts, stews, along with the "I can't be doing with cooking" meals like fish fingers etc. Choking isn't a concern except for grapes, cherry tomatoes etc.

In terms of what a typical 2 year old would eat, I’m a childminder so only do kid friendly meals
I wouldn’t give extra milk on waking at that age as they have it with breakfast, so more milk means less food.
Porridge/weetabix and fruit for breakfast
Fruit like half a banana and a handful of blueberries for snack
Lunch could be a cheese sandwich (1 slice of bread) with some cucumber slices, cherry tomato and spoonful of sweetcorn. Yogurt.
Or half a jacket potato (I scoop the potato out for them) with beans & cheese or tuna sweetcorn, raw carrot and cucumber sticks.
Or a veggie soup with cheese on toast.
Afternoon snack - cup of milk and slice of malt loaf or half a crumpet.
Tea - pasta bolognese, cottage pie, stir fry and noodles, mild chicken curry & rice, fish fingers mash & veg. I’d help by cutting pasta or fish fingers into bite size pieces but wouldn’t mash anything.