Toddler refuses to eat homecooked food or try anything new

[orangejuicer]

MN parents, help. My 2 yo DS eats a very limited range. He won't even try food that I make for him, and I'm worried that the food he is eating is more what you would give a 12-18mo.

I work FT and my DP is a SAHD. We've got into a bad habit of using toddler meals at lunchtime as that's easier for my DP who doesn't cook. The issue is that DS will basically refuse anything I make for him if it doesn't look similar to something from a packet. He also won't try new foods so won't try more advanced things which he should probably have been eating a long time ago.

A typical day would be
milk on waking
porridge or weetabix for breakfast
yogurt and rice cakes
toddler meal for lunch
another snack, maybe a soreen loaf or baby biscuits
toddler meal, sandwich or toast for tea
milk before bed

I am stressing over this so please be kind. What can I do? What does your 2yo eat?

t 2 he can eat any size, even 7 month old with no teeth can bite and chew and don't need their food cut down or pureed , if he prefers his rice mixed in to his curry sauce though that's not an issue. First off ditch the toddler meals. Get dp an Annabel karmel book and always make extra portions of your homemade food to freeze. If he eats better from your plate do that!

Thank you so much for all the replies, there are some great ideas here which I will definitely try. I think it's a confidence thing with me and together we've just got into a rut.

He had egg and toast for tea today and I cut the egg pieces a bit bigger this time, he didn't bat an eyelid. Teeny steps I know!

Thank you all.

Are you doing all of the meal planning, prep and cooking in addition to working OP? What does your DP contribute?

I do. He does the daytime childcare while I work, some cleaning and general household stuff (lots of DIY at the moment). We alternate bed and bath routine.

Keep adding new things to the plate. Even if they don't get eaten it still gices exposure. I try and serve things in srparate piles eg the chilli next to the rice with a side spoon of soured cream and cheese, then they can see what each thing is. Even if they don't eat all of the food types, they eat something.

Also, no pressure at all to eat. This is your food, eat it or don't. There is no alternative if you don't. Just make sure there is something on their safe list there, not just a load of stuff they don't like.

I would stop the toddler meals entirely. Leftovers or sandwich for lunch, I am sure your dp can manage that. The list of other things you gave wasn't terrible, so you will manage an acceptable diet on that. Wheetabix and a banana would be a decent breakfast, even if it is every day etc

By 2 you just feed him the same as you eat. Ideally at the same time, modelling behaviour is important

I can cook. And do all the cooking for my family. But I rarely “cook” anything at lunch time.

My DD is 3 and her lunches haven’t changed much since she was weaned. I usually aim for a mix of protein, carbs and some kind of veg. So a ham or cheese sandwich or wrap, scrambled egg or omelette with toast, crackers with cubes of cheese and bits of ham or chicken, soup and toast, pasta with pesto or macaroni cheese. All served with veg sticks or peas or sweet corn. Usually some fruit or yoghurt for after. My 5 year old has similar meals too. And to be honest I often have similar lunches.

Otherwise portion size, we have ikea kids plates and they eat off those. They’re healthy weights so I don’t worry too much if they want extra some days or eat less other days. I try and limit snacks to fruit, but covid and lack of school is making my elder child a snack monster which is affecting the toddler too. There isn’t really anything they can’t eat, I just cut up things into bite sized pieces. so a fish finger into 3, a fried egg into 4 or 6 maybe. A sandwich I’d normally use one slice of bread and then cut in half again, so what we’d consider into quarters.

I think your DH can make some simple lunches that will be healthier for your DS and cheaper than toddler ready meals. Surely he can make a sandwich?

I think you and your DH should have a conversation about what you think should be the best diet health wise for your son, what you would like him to eat and accept that both of you have been lazy in that department.
If you really want to change what your son eats, and move away from high processed, highly transformed, artificial and highly palatable food and opt for a diet rich of fresh fruit and vegetables, fresh meat, fresh fish, nutrient (and not additives) rich, you need to accept responsibility and stop making excuses.

Not knowing how to cook is not a valid argument. Nobody knows how to drive a car before learning to drive. We all learn new things , from how to use a computer, to gaming.
in 2021, with a zillion YouTube channels dedicated to cooking, blogs, books and so on, if you want learn to cook, you can. Never has it been so easy.

So, when step 1 (deciding how your son and your family should eat) is done, step 2 (his eating preferences and habits are your doing) is accepted, only then can you move to step 3, changing the way he and you both eat.

You have shaped your DS's taste buds and gut bacteria towards industrial food, and if you keep that food, while trying to integrate real food, or sneak it, hide it, it will just be a painful-for-all battle, like continue giving cocaine to someone, just less.

Make home version of the industrial food he is used to eat, and one by one, remove all the others and don't buy them again. Involve him in the buying, cooking of the food.
Co-habitation of bad and good makes no sense. IF you are determined to do good to your son, educate yourself on real food and the damage of bad.
Three books to get your started:

1. First bite www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B00PFBLNSC/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i1?tag=mumsnetforu03-21
2. In defence of food www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B002RI99LY/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i1?tag=mumsnetforu03-21
3. The science of skinny (this one is a weightloss book, but the first part explain how damaging process food is) www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B06XCPNLCQ/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i1?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

The more you wait , the harder it will be

My son has always eaten what we have. At 2 it was no different. When he was first learning to eat, say 6 months - 1ish, I would offer his food platter style, so a taste of a range of things. I’ve always included some of what we are eating on his plate even if I know he doesn’t like it, so he is exposed to it. If it’s something I know he definitely won’t eat then I add things he does eat to the same plate.

At 2 he was eating weetbix, porridge or eggs for breakfast. Fruit, rice cakes, cheese, yogurt, whatever for a snack. Sandwich, veg fritters, soup, sushi etc for lunch, different every day. Fruit again for snack. Anything we had for dinner, curry, stir fry, pasta, risotto, meat and veg etc. no milk, he didn’t like it and it’s not necessary.

If he doesn’t eat a meal I’m not bothered, he will eat again at the next meal most of the time.

Thank you for the book suggestions.

Obviously meant to quote Cormoran then.

I should have added this one www.amazon.co.uk/Dental-Diet-Surprising-between-Life-Changing/dp/1781809305/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=the+dental+diet&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1611650242&sr=8-1

It is nothing new, since Weston Price already highlighted how crocked teeth , narrow palates, didn't exist before industrial food (white flour, sugar and processed oils) and wrote extensively about it in 1930.

Dr Li's book is very recent and his food suggestions are easier than some of the Weston Price Foundation.

Refined food is damaging to health in many more ways than one thinks, beyond what a multivitamin can fix. A wrong diet will change the facial features and even the bone structure.

Cooking is not hard if your DH is determined and understand that his first role is ensuring health.

He could try making a chicken schnitzel:
3 plates with in this order
1 plate with flour
1 plate with an egg mixed
1 plate with bread crumbs.

Cut chicken breast into stripes, and put one at the time first in flout, then egg, then breadcrumbs and lay on a plate. Add extra virgin olive oil in a pan, heat it up a bit, and put the chicken to cook until brown. a tiny bit of salt, put two kitchen papers on a plate and put chicken on top to remove excess oil.
Later, when accepted you can add some parsley to the bread crumbs.

Industrial food is not plain, far from it, a ton of additives, salt, sugars, and oils are added to make it very tasty. Yet when a parent prepare a vegetable, many won't do much with it and then wonder why a child doesn't like it. Vegetables need to be dressed, seasoned . There is a big difference between a boiled pumpkin cube and roasted pumpkin in the oven with garlic, fresh rosemary, olive oil and coarse salt cooked a quite high temperature.
However, a boiled pumpkin to which one adds good quality butter and salt makes a delicious mash.

It doesn't take much to make vegetables taste nice.
It isn't difficult to cook. It does take time, but difficult , nope

Do you use Instagram OP? Lots of excellent accounts on there re weaning/baby led weaning. I know he isn't just weaning, but if you are struggling with confidence around it it might be helpful to reset it all as such.

Just use the search function or tbh I good start is baby lead weaning cookbook and I'm loving littleveggieeats at the minute. Lots of people recommend whatmummymakes but I don't personally follow her.

It might just be helpful to see pictures of food being served to get an idea of portion/size of food pieces.