I cannot cope with my toddler at the moment

[OhToBeASeahorse]

I've posted before, many times.

He is so emotional. The number of break downs he has had today is ridiculous.

He is obsessed with the TV. We've let him watch a bit more since we had a baby (she is 3 months now) but he's obsessed. He just screams for it. He had refused lunch and dinner today because he just screams through it wanting to watch TV. Problem is it is the ONLY thing that gives me any breathing space.

I'm exhausted. I'm so tired of everything being a battle with him. The baby cant nap, if I leave the room he screams.

His life is normal as I can make it. Today we have baked then went to the park. He has had meals he likes. He screams when I put him down for a sleep or nap though most of the time within a minute he is fine.

I know his life has changed. But he has always been like this. Everything is a battle. Trying to get his wet weather gear on while the baby naps on a sling on me, getting him into his cot and sleeping bag, changing his nappy (he usually poos 3 to 4 times a day). Anything we play he is incredibly bossy, if I dont do exactly what he wants again more screaming. At the moment we go out and he will inevitably have a screaming fit that he wants to go home but wont walk or go on his scooter. I physically cant carry him and the baby.

I'm absolutely wrung out.

If he poos 3/4 times a day maybe he has something wrong with his stomach (a food/dairy intolerance? ) that’s making him so grumpy?

He doesnt have dairy as it flared up eczema. He is under a consultant but no joy

I was also caught on the poo detail, but more just to sympathise. That is a hell of a lot of pooey nappies to change.

I suspect stopping watching TV altogether would help though I can understand that might not feel bearable for you right now.

It sounds to me like this toddler phase is likely to be the one where you look back and think 'that really sucked and I found it hard and I'm glad it's over. I have a baby up all night and a toddler and for my it's the teeny baby stage I find scream-inducing at times. But he sounds developmentally normal, aren't they all oppositional NO NO NO screamy crying little darlings? He will grow out of it... one day at a time?

How old is he op?

He was 2 in sept. Very bright, can identify all letters etc

I have one of these. Everything is a bloody battle. He’s 2 and 4 months. He’d argue black was white just because he could. We have an 11 week old too, so I’m very much with you. I give myself a free pass to have ‘anything for a quiet life’ days occasionally (ie. Octonauts and Duplo all day if that’s what we have to do).

We’ve cut out his nap now (he did it himself really) which sounds like a nightmare but actually it means I don’t spend the best part of an hour trying to fight him into a nappy and upstairs, my life isn’t dictated by two hours in the middle of the day where we have to be at home, and he’s so exhausted by late afternoon that he falls asleep in seconds at 6pm and doesn’t wake up until at least 7 so we get a nice chunk of tantrum free time!

Ours is also a clever little sod (can talk for England 🙄) so maybe that’s part of the problem!

I have one like this too, only 18 months but ruling the roost.

My eldest was so laid back and easy going (and I didn't appreciate this at the time - thought it was my parenting skills 🤣🤣🤣)

You have my sympathy entirely. If I had any advice I would say pick your battles but try and be consistent. I think one of the main frustrations at that age can be not knowing what the answer will be (or expecting a different one because of last time)

Good luck!

Funnily enough naps are one of the few things he is always happy to do and he still has a good couple of hours.

I've had 2 comments in he park about 'we can see who wears the trousers in your house' which mortified me.

If he is allergic to dairy then you may want to trial 6 weeks without soya as the protein is very similar and it’s common to be allergic to both.

You know stupidly I've never thought of that, even though I'm avoiding both because I suspect the baby has CMPA. Thanks.

Is he struggling with the arrival of vis sibling?

Give him time

Baby 2 knows now different

Your son is having to share your attention now, this may be part of the problem

It will pass

Focus on him more than the baby

Sorry for typos

Cooking dinner

Sounds tough OP. Just wanted to say, for what it's worth, I think is nothing wrong with letting him watch a bit too much TV while you try to get through these few weeks. It's not going to do him any harm and if it gives you some breathing space, go for it. I am all for making life easier for yourself in these circumstances!

If the TV is becoming an obsession, i would recommend removing it entirely from the room and hiding it in a cupboard somewhere. At 2, he's likely to forget after a week or so and a complete reset might help the addiction.

He sounds incredibly frustrated too, is he verbal?

Yes, way above most other children I know of his age.

I'm sorry OP, I do empathise as have 2.5 year old DD and a baby

She's often a delight but equally things can be very difficult - getting dressed and coming home in particular I sympathise with and I feel like I have no authority whatsoever sometimes. She is also very very specific about her games so it can be very hard to get it exactly right and she goes ballistic if you hold the toy in the wrong way or say the wrong thing etc and so I have to end the game because she is getting too upset (I know her emotions are overwhelming at the moment but if I try to name the feeling etc she just shouts at me to stop talking!)

No help from me but I feel like such an ineffective parent a lot of the time!

Huge sympathy as my DS was very similar (and is still extremely hard work at 4.5yo) and it's unbelievably draining... and parents with more easygoing children can't seem to understand what a challenge it is!
DS had a TV addiction and in the end we went cold turkey, stuck it in an upstairs room with a lock on the door. I can't tell you what a massive difference it made to his behaviour. He seemed to regain more emotional equilibrium, the constant demands and tantrums about tv stopped after about 3 days, he started to play more independently and imaginatively instead of needing constant attention. I 100% understand what you mean about it being the only break you get because I felt that way too, but it's a false economy when the related behaviour leaves you feeling more frustrated and stressed.

Yes its def the tv that makes him worse. He did this at the start of lockdown last march when again we slipped. It was always 30 mins before bedtime and that was it. I'd love to go back to that but dont k ow if we can without going cold turkey

Does he attend a nursery at all? My dd is better when in a bit of routine with nursery a couple of days per week

Yes a childminder 3 days a week. He loves her. She says he is emotional but usually absolutely fine.

I'm.just not very good at parenting. Its really sad.

Hey I recognise you from other threads. You're a great mum having a tough week. Sorry I have no practical advice but please believe in your parenting skills. They're clear from your posts.

You sound like me! I had so many moments of introspection when I had a newborn and a horribly behaved 3yo, It was horrendous so I totally empathise. It actually got easier when I found some help w the baby so I could spend some dedicated 1:1 time w my first... 3yrs on she's still tricky but no longer feel utterly miserable like I did for that first year, and I am now expecting another so evidently the terribly memories of it all have faded sufficiently !

@StrawScarecrow that's very kind of you to say so, thank you.

@thejollypostwoman congratulations! I'm heartened to hear it gets better...

And yes, echo that you'll inevitably be doing so much better than you think you are !!
Would say we banned ipad which was a real crutch / enabled some peace and quiet but ultimately caused hideous behaviour... could you try an audiobook?