I cannot cope with my toddler at the moment

[OhToBeASeahorse]

I've posted before, many times.

He is so emotional. The number of break downs he has had today is ridiculous.

He is obsessed with the TV. We've let him watch a bit more since we had a baby (she is 3 months now) but he's obsessed. He just screams for it. He had refused lunch and dinner today because he just screams through it wanting to watch TV. Problem is it is the ONLY thing that gives me any breathing space.

I'm exhausted. I'm so tired of everything being a battle with him. The baby cant nap, if I leave the room he screams.

His life is normal as I can make it. Today we have baked then went to the park. He has had meals he likes. He screams when I put him down for a sleep or nap though most of the time within a minute he is fine.

I know his life has changed. But he has always been like this. Everything is a battle. Trying to get his wet weather gear on while the baby naps on a sling on me, getting him into his cot and sleeping bag, changing his nappy (he usually poos 3 to 4 times a day). Anything we play he is incredibly bossy, if I dont do exactly what he wants again more screaming. At the moment we go out and he will inevitably have a screaming fit that he wants to go home but wont walk or go on his scooter. I physically cant carry him and the baby.

I'm absolutely wrung out.

He likes watching videos of himself on my phone. I absolutely use it far too much around them but I'm literally attached to a child for all but 5 mins if every day when DH takes the baby for a bath. She cosleeps actually ON my arm and then lives in the sling.

Anytime he is quiet I know he is doing something he shouldn't- like when he found the matches abs was trying to light them

Have you tried an audio story? My DC will listen to them happily whilst playing instead of the TV.

That's a good idea. How do I find them - is it like Audible - i e will it always cost?

We use audible which has a monthly charge. But DC actually only listens to the Winnie the Pooh dramatisation so might cancel our subscription and buy it. Can get audio books through the library.

I’ve a difficult one, now 3.5 years and a 5 month old.
He loves the iPad but he only gets it if he’s good. It’s easier to hide than a tv.
We watch old children’s tv such as mr benn which are calmer. Sometimes we’ll watch something then play based on it such as watch Thomas the tank engine and then build the island of sodor with the brio and then a Thomas story. We watch the old Thomas series. Or fireman Sam and then play putting fires out (I hate that game)

If your ds likes messing with things he thinks he shouldn’t, could you strategically leave things out that will appeal to him, that are safe and that he thinks he shouldn’t be touching?

Try not to be so critical of yourself. You have 2 very small children and it is an exhausting time, you must be very tired. You have to lower your expectations of yourself and also of your son. He may be advanced in his language etc making it easy to forget he is still a baby really. At 2 no matter how advanced he may appear, developmentally he is unable to understand how his behaviour can impact on others, he has no ability to empathise with others, he can't rationalise his emotions and lives in the moment. Actions speak louder than your words at this age, even though he may be very verbal, trying to reason with him is impossible, as developmentally he just can't at 2. Any consequence for a behaviour needs to be immediate. E.g, taking away an item if he is throwing it, brief time out if he hits, leaving the park after 1 warning if not behaving. Try to lower your expectations and give both of you more slack. Ignore as much undesirable behaviour as you can, divert his attention if possible and if not walk away if you can. It will get worse initially as you are not reacting to his tantrum or giving him attention by talking the issue over with him, but it will improve if he sees you are not reacting. Remember with a toddler, whatever gets attention will be repeated. When you get upset with his behaviour he feels you have lost control and does not feel contained. While ignoring irritating behaviour go overboard with praise, if he sees how proud you are of him (even if this is difficult when he is challenging), eventually he will feel proud of himself too. I know this is easier said than done, but just refuse to battle with him and offer lots of praise. He sounds like a very normal 2 year old, it will get better

@OhToBeASeahorse

Yes a childminder 3 days a week. He loves her. She says he is emotional but usually absolutely fine.

I'm.just not very good at parenting. Its really sad.

You ARE absolutely good at parenting!! You love him and that's enough. He is just acting out for you because you're his safe place. Lots of kids do this, testing the boundaries when they know it's safe to do so. Doesn't make your life easy but it definitely doesn't make you a bad parent. DH had this sort of thing with our DD for about a year. Also bright, very verbal but omg the disagreements between them were legendary. Yet for me it it was mostly sweetness and light for that time. Drove him potty (and to tears more than once).
In the end I would echo what others have said about consistency being what brought DD around. Some examples of what we did - even if you don't want to ban TV, set a time of the day before which there is none for example. So eg when the clock shows 15:00 we can watch or something until it shows 16.00? And a choice of two for moments you know usually trigger - do you want to scoot pretending we are flying in a bubble or riding a dragon today? Do you want to put your shoes on first or your coat? Have you got a sling for your baby to nap in (or can she nap in the pram whilst you rock it in the room you're in?). Whatever makes it easiest for her naps to happen - she's small enough it doesn't matter for a few more months if it's a bit random and would help you to be able to get on with helping your son. Wishing you good luck in any case. Toddlerdom is a lottery!

You sound as though you think this is more than toddlers toddlering. Are you concerned about additional needs?

I think I'm more concerned I'm rubbish. I shouted at him this morning and felt awful.

He grabs at anything he can get. I cannot trust him to stay still for one minute. This morning I was putting his screaming sister in the car seat and within 10 seconds he has unplugged our hall lights and is swinging them round. He refused to clean his teeth so I had to hold him down while he screamed, I picked him up so he could spit and he just swiped at anything he could see to knock over.

Got to the childminders, put his wellies and coat on list to shield from the rain for the walk round the back of her house had a meltdown that his coat wasnt done up, so I had to put the baby car seat down in the rain to do it.

I'm knackered.