What do you like about parenting?

[Chillypenguin]

Hi,

I’m not sure if this is the right board so please move if not. I’m currently 30 and thinking about TTC. This is a complete turnaround compared to my twenties when I was adamant I didn’t want any, and I’m still not sure. The idea of a child and a family I like in my head, but I’m concerned about the daily grind.

I keep seeing threads on here asking which years of parenting did you enjoy, and lots of people reply saying 5 - 10 (give or take). That’s only 5 years!! Then it seems babies / toddles / teenagers are an endurance test, with the carrot of ‘things will get better’.

What’s the end goal? Do you overall enjoy having children day to day? Obviously you love your children, but if you could have your time again would you have them? What would I be missing out on if I didn’t have them?

I’m guess I’m asking is it worth it?

I’m guess what I’m asking is what do people get out of it? From an outside perspective it seems like a lot of sacrifice - what makes it worth it? Like I said, whilst I like the idea of a child, it’s not something I just assumed I would do. It’s absolutely a choice to me, and hence I don’t want to regret the decision.

I’m quite analytical and an over-thinker and yes, there’s a definite chance it’s just FOMO. I’m absolutely not rushing the decision but interested to hear some experiences.

Life is harder after kids for sure. It's pretty easy to see the things you'll lose. I'm knackered, my career has taken a step back, I'm fatter and some days I'd do pretty much anything for an hour to myself.
But my life is also a lot more joyful. My kids make me laugh every day. You remember how to take pleasure in much smaller things. The world becomes a bit more exciting somehow. I can't remember what i did without them really. They are the best decision we ever made.

Mine are only 1 and 4 though. The teenage years might be all together different 😂

For me, it was biological/primeval. When I was pregnant, I felt a link to every woman who had ever walked the earth.

Day-to-day, dullest thing ever. Whilst sleep-deprived.

A love the purest you've ever know. Pride so great you could fell a mountain. Raising and knowing the best human who has ever walked amongst us.
.

I freely admit to having a child because of FOMO, or more accurately fear I might regret not having one when it was too late.

It's very, very hard and I didn't enjoy anything about the first year. Now she is a proper little person (18 months) I really enjoy spending time with her, watching her develop, seeing the world through eyes etc. But it's still very hard and my life would be much easier without a child in lots of ways (some of that might be too the current situation though).

Cuddles and milky breath. So happy to see you and such a bundle of joy.

I definitely have realised since becoming a mum that it is way more fun than it is portrayed to be. Pre kids I kind of got the impression from society that it was going to be mind-numbing, drudgery, depressing and relentless. It is relentless, but it is interesting, funny, fascinating, and really fun. Drudgery - it’s a lot of the same thing day in day out (feeding them, cleaning up, washing them), but you do that for yourself anyway right? It’s just routine, but I do quite like routine. It’s really satisfying to see a child develop from your input. Of course it can be hard and frustrating, sometimes just for half an hour or sometimes for a month or two. But I have laughed at/with my kids every single day since they were born, without exaggeration. It’s so cool that they are their own people and have traits and interests that aren’t from either of their parents. It’s cool to see them learn stuff at school and have their own experiences outside of you. Anyway. I don’t want to romanticise it too much but equally it does get my goat how some people like to bring the doom and gloom and tell people how shit it’s going to be!

Also, the days can be long but the years are so so so short. So hey, if you hate it it will be over in a flash.

My son is 23 so I am out the other side, and he wasn’t planned, in fact I was actively trying not to conceive.

It cost me my marriage.

It was utterly worth it, even the 12 years we spent just the 2 of us. He has brought me so much into my life, met many friends through his school and his activities, introduced me to different music and made me laugh. He has made me a better, more patient, more understanding person and given me experiences that cannot be forgotten. Now he has moved out and is making his way in life, I still give thanks that I was privileged to be his mother.
And he still makes me laugh, yesterday he was texting me about something and I couldn’t stop laughing.

I get joy and happiness and love. There is nothing better. But it isn't for everyone and going into it get something out of it is not the right approach in my view. Go into it to love unconditionally and completely x

I found the first years really challenging, now I'm loving the chat!
It's a joy to watch my son grow, he's a true mix of my family's characteristics and his Dad's, and a total hoot.

Being a parent is something I'm not fussed about really - I mean, I do all the stuff I need to do to keep DS alive but that's setting the bar low. And the abstract concept of being a parent doesn't appeal at all. But DS is my absolute favourite person in the whole wide world - I think he's hilarious and find everything he does endlessly endearing/funny/fascinating. I could just watch him for hours. I did actually watch him play with a magnet on the fridge for an hour on Saturday afternoon and it was the highlight of my day.

I love it. It’s knackering and relentless, but nothing beats the fun, the laughs, the love and the zest for life kids bring into the world with them.

It's bloody hard work. Your life isn't your own anymore. You spend your time ina permanent state of worry or disciplining or refereeing (if you have more than 1).
Is it the hardest thing I've ever done? Yes
Would o do it again? Mostly yes!
Do I love them? 100% yes
Am I proud of them? 100% yes!
Are they wonderful and funny and a joy?
Yes yes yes!
Will I ever have the carefree life I had before? No.
Do I miss that? Yes.
Would I swap? No!!!

It's definitely hard and I'm also an over thinker and a worker but having that connection to another person is such a basic joy. Just go in with the right expectations and you can try to learn to see things through their eyes. The world is an amazing for them!
I have lost my old life really but it's worth it. Siting here with our 15 month old in myh arms after he woke up and wanted a cuddle. He is back to sleep now.
It's not for everyone but it's worked out better than i could have imagined. Good luck! As long as you love them that's 99% there

I love it - sure it's relentless and boring but it's an absolute joy. Yesterday my baby gave me a load of lovely smiles and my toddler has me in stitches laughing every day. There are parts that are utter crap though but it's worth it definitely.

I often think about my "old life" and apart from the holidays, it wasn't all that much fun really.

What I get out of it is that I am extremely proud of my children.
They are making the most of the opportunities available to them, they are considerate to others most of the time, they mostly do the right thing and they are lovely people.
That makes up for the times when I've cleaned up their bodily fluids, been awake all night worrying about them, gone without food for them and been beside myself with fear for them at particular times.

Would I do it again if I had my time over? Hell, yes.

Life is harder after kids for sure. It's pretty easy to see the things you'll lose. I'm knackered, my career has taken a step back, I'm fatter and some days I'd do pretty much anything for an hour to myself

Yes to this. I have a 9 month old, and the days can be really long/frustrating. Especially in lockdown.

However, from an entirely selfish point of view, I am a much better person than I was pre-child. Im kinder, more patient and much more understanding. I also admit to having a child because I didnt want to regret not having one. I didnt feel a strong impulse to have kids. I think its been harder because of that, but equally I wouldnt change it.

I have hurt my back. My dc each gave me their favourite cuddly toy to help make it better and my eldest had brought me a cup of tea.

When I come back from anywhere they are really pleased to see my. When I pick up my son from school he clocks me, waves and runs like a whirling dervish to hug me.

I think what I like best is that they love me so so much. And I then!

I think having kids really helps you grow as a person and shifts priorities to things both more basic but perhaps more important.

I was a child really when my eldest was born. Now I have two tweens I am an adult (not always a perfectly organised one or anything but definitely an adult.)

Not saying it's the only way of growing - there are others - but if you have kids you will definitely grow and develop personally.

@Chillypenguin

Hi,

I’m not sure if this is the right board so please move if not. I’m currently 30 and thinking about TTC. This is a complete turnaround compared to my twenties when I was adamant I didn’t want any, and I’m still not sure. The idea of a child and a family I like in my head, but I’m concerned about the daily grind.

I keep seeing threads on here asking which years of parenting did you enjoy, and lots of people reply saying 5 - 10 (give or take). That’s only 5 years!! Then it seems babies / toddles / teenagers are an endurance test, with the carrot of ‘things will get better’.

What’s the end goal? Do you overall enjoy having children day to day? Obviously you love your children, but if you could have your time again would you have them? What would I be missing out on if I didn’t have them?

I’m guess I’m asking is it worth it?

I think your question illustrates something. You ask if it's worth it, but like whether it's worth buying a car or maybe better to manage with public transport and hire cars. Is it going to be overall a plus or a minus for your life?

If you have a child you won't really think like that any more or make decisions that ways You will always be thinking about your child. It may well be a real sacrifice and not at all "worth it" in that sense but it won't really matter as you'll be operating in different parameters.

Yes it was worth it for me.

I have a family, we love each other. That is the summary of what could be a 10,000 word essay.

Of course I moan about cleaning up sick or listening to stupid arguments or battling for support from services but it is all worth it.

If I didn't mean about my kids I would only moan about something else anyway

I haven't noticed my childless friends and colleagues skipping for joy most of the time.

@Bumpsadaisie

I have hurt my back. My dc each gave me their favourite cuddly toy to help make it better and my eldest had brought me a cup of tea.

When I come back from anywhere they are really pleased to see my. When I pick up my son from school he clocks me, waves and runs like a whirling dervish to hug me.

I think what I like best is that they love me so so much. And I then!

I was convinced that I did not want kids... DD was a contraceptive fail. DS because I didn't want DD to be an only child.

I so would not change a moment - even the stressful, dull and sleep deprived moments. Or the time when we lost her in Ikea or when I drove off leaving him in the shopping trolley. If I did I would have missed seeing him become a well regarded adventure cyclist or her a fine artist.

The kids have brought so much fun and laughter, heart ache and frustration to my life. It has given it light and shade and I get the privilege of seeing a person grow up and become an adult. I get told I am the best mum on pay day and growled at when being a human alarm clock, followed by a cup of tea and an apology.

My kids have given me the capacity to love & I love them for that.

I didn’t want children until I was 40, now have DD 16 months.
I had a breeze of a pregnancy and birth and have adored parenting to date, even with Covid.

It’s very hard to articulate but I feel I have an entirely different perspective on the world now and my reasons for doing everything have pivoted to be about DD.
I don’t find it much of a grind, but the sleep deprivation is hard.
She has definitely brought out the best in DH and I, there’s just so much more joy. And we were very happy childless-it’s just now everything is better.
It’s very hard to define though @Chillypenguin

If you are getting the itch though I’d listen to it, I wish I’d been younger so we could do it again!