What do you like about parenting?

[Chillypenguin]

Hi,

I’m not sure if this is the right board so please move if not. I’m currently 30 and thinking about TTC. This is a complete turnaround compared to my twenties when I was adamant I didn’t want any, and I’m still not sure. The idea of a child and a family I like in my head, but I’m concerned about the daily grind.

I keep seeing threads on here asking which years of parenting did you enjoy, and lots of people reply saying 5 - 10 (give or take). That’s only 5 years!! Then it seems babies / toddles / teenagers are an endurance test, with the carrot of ‘things will get better’.

What’s the end goal? Do you overall enjoy having children day to day? Obviously you love your children, but if you could have your time again would you have them? What would I be missing out on if I didn’t have them?

I’m guess I’m asking is it worth it?

Sometimes there seems to be an assumption that hard work=bad/not worth doing. Think about it. People run marathons. They climb mountains. They learn to play the trumpet. The sense of coping with something hard is part of the pleasure.

Neither I nor anyone else can tell you if you personally should have children.

But for me the rewards were a mixture of the things that are obviously enjoyable (cuddles, giggles, funny things they say, watching them grow up into their own people) and that sense of achieving something hard.

And it's a lot more varied, a lot more up and down than you'd think from people who go on a online forum in a moment of frustration. A 2yo will scream they hate you one moment, then tell you you're the best mummy ever the next. You don't have to wait 5 years for them to do something so lovely it melts your heart. And then something so frustrating you can feel the steam coming out of your ears.

Mine are 6 & 10 & I think this is my fave bit. They are independent but still want me and still want cuddles. One of the thing I really appreciated about kids is how clever they are and how they make you see the world through their eyes & appreciate little things.

Mine is only a baby still.

The first few weeks were really really hard. I was actually diagnosed with pnd but I think it was more a combination of taking a while to recover from a difficult birth and subsequent infection, inability to feed the way I wanted and the grief it triggered for my own mum. Plus isolation due to lockdown.

It’s still hard and isolating sometimes and I’m really tired as she’s only 5 months. But getting to be her mum is still the absolute best thing that has ever happened to me. I look forward to waking up in the morning just to get another day with her, even whilst also thinking I’d give my right arm for another hour’s sleep. She wakes up smiling and looking around for me and we have a huge cuddle whilst I just breather her in.

She giggles now and it makes me laugh for joy. If she’s fretful in her sleep she will throw out her arm and grab hold of me and it soothes her. She watches what I’m doing really carefully and smiles at me when she catches my eye. The first time she rolled over I burst into tears of pride like she’d just won a gold medal at the Olympics or something. I tried sitting her in her high chair just to see what she made of it for the first time yesterday and she was so ridiculously excited that it made me excited too, about sitting in a bloody chair.

She is not a big fan of naps and will only ever nap on me which on the one hand is quite draining but on the other an excellent excuse to sit on my arse and watch Netflix.

I knew when I was ttc that it was a very much a heart (or ovaries maybe) over head thing. I was mid 30s by the time I met DH and it took us a long time to get pregnant, meanwhile I’d built a great life of fun, friends, not rich but enough money and time outside work to do what the hell we wanted. I knew that objectively having a baby would make life harder, more restricted and probably duller too. But I wanted one, more than any of the other stuff. It’s not really logical or something you can reason your way into I don’t think.

My DD is 8 months, and parenting so far has been repetitive and overwhelming and brimming with joy. It's reset my priorities and given me a different perspective on life. I love being her mum, and I 100% think the sun shines out of her arse.

It helps to accept that life is different now. The days of hangovers, sleeping in and multiple holidays a year are over. But that's OK - life would be boring if it always stayed the same.

There are good bits about every stage, it's just on those threads people pick out the best or worst bits so it comes across as black and white which is really not.

Babies and toddlers and tiny kids are adorable and often hilarious with it.

It's lovely watching them figure things out and the process of them growing and learning.

They can be really sweet and affectionate. It's lovely to watch their relationship with each other / your other family members.

If Bio kids it's fun to see what family members they look like.

Camaraderie with other parents and other members of your family with parents. Feels like you're part of something important. It's a massive experience I wouldn't have wanted to miss out on.

Children make big events like family Christmas or weddings or holidays more fun! It's just great to see them getting together and making those memories.

You get to see life through your child's eyes which is amazing. Reminds you of things you would have forgotten or missed.

Hopefully if you're nice to them, they'll come and see you and be a voice for you when you're old!

Also the cuddles are magic. You are their absolute favourite person, and that warms me to my core.

I never wanted kids in my 20’s. Then some triggered in my 30’s. It could have been hormones, FOMO, or even a sense of ‘moving into the next stage’.
I love it and as a pp said, I didn’t realise it could be so much fun.
The early years are hard. Sleep deprivation takes you to the edge and there are always challenges but the feeling of love is immense.
I love seeing the world as a big adventure from their point of view. I’ve learnt so much along with them - dinosaur expert here along with space, volcanoes, the environment, big cats and all manner of things.
So the best bits for me are love, fun, learning and adventure.

It depends what child you get.

I have one that is loving, affectionate, will show empathy and lightens my life.

I have another that was a grumpy baby, an angry toddler, a difficult child at home and school and an aggressive teenager. All the positive things posters above have said about their DCs I never experienced with this DC. You can’t assume they will love you, care about you, be kind to you. Is it worth it to give give give for 20 years to have nothing to show at then end? I wouldn’t do that again.

But not all DCs are like that. It’s a gamble you take.

Thank you everyone, it’s so nice to hear the positives, and the honest negatives.

I guess in real life people complain about the hard stuff, rather than gush everyday about the positives.

I’m definitely ready for a change and 100% like the idea of seeing someone develop and getting to know my whole new person.

When I got mine, all of a sudden I knew why I was put on this earth, to keep my children safe, at the same time I was aware of the most terrifying fear that there is, the possibility of something happening to them. Its a real pandoras box and once opened cant be shut I wonder if I would wish children on my children and I honestly dont know what I would choose for them :)

If the main question if is it worth or not then to ME personally no not worth it. Everyone is different though.

Yes there are lovely times but the monotonous boring stressful irritating times outweigh that so to me because it isnt 50/50 or even 40/60 no its not worth it.