Breastfeeding/sleep 2 year old hell

[herechickchickchickchick]

I’m at my wits end. My daughter is nearly 2. She has been an awful sleeper since birth, she was still waking 8-10 times at 20 months old. She was exclusively breast fed. Recently diagnosed with epilepsy it told this wasn’t why she wasn’t sleeping at night.

I did gentle sleep training and night weaning at 20 months which helped greatly and she only woke 1-2 times at night. I’ve had to repeat sleeping training twice more but she is now screaming for over 2 hrs for boob at night when she wakes even though I’m right next to her to comfort her. She hasn’t been fed to sleep for four months, but I do sit with her until she falls asleep.

If I give in and give her the boob she starts waking more and more until we are back to hourly wakings. If I don’t give it to her she cries and screams for hours even though I’m right there. Last night was 2.5 hrs. She woke at 2am, screamed for hours, I caved in at half four, asleep by five then she was up again at 5:45 fed her back to sleep and then she was up at 7.

I need sleep, I’m done with breastfeeding. I’m starting to resent her. I have done everything possible these past two years to help her sleep, seen multiple health visitors. Everyone keeps saying it’s normal but I don’t know anymore who is going through what I am.

My mental health is suffering, my work is suffering, my husband works nights so can’t help. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know if this is a breastfeeding issue or a sleep issue or a combination of both.

She has a nap on the afternoon for an hour or sometimes drops this one. She has plenty of exercise. Eating is hit and miss but she’s a healthy weight. She has a good bedtime routine, warm room, red night light, teddy and a drink in with her, she’s not teething, she has a snack before bed, she has a noise machine on.

She is fine during the day (terrible twos have started) and lack of sleep doesn’t seem to affect her, but it’s killing me.

Help

That is so hard. My eldest was the same. He rarely napped and when he did it was for 15 minutes, he woke early (sometimes 4.15am wanting to get up) and woke constantly through the night. I remember well the seething resentment I felt somethings after caving in to feed him with tears in my eyes as I was so tired and he was screaming.

We did the Jay Gordon method for night waking method to try cut that down. It’s very gentle and it really helped when I was going through this:

www.drjaygordon.com/blog-detail/sleep-changing-patterns-in-the-family-bed

Thank you, she usually doesn't wake until after midnight mostly so I'm not sure how this would work. I will look into it though x

I think I picked 11-6 to be the hours to not feed DS. Even if you picked a smaller block of hours to start with, it might help - I found it a compromise between taking some action, and being gentle. Good luck

Thank you

Sounds brutal. But the key thing is that you say you eventually give in. This means she will definitely scream next time, for at least as long as you made her wait the last time eg more than 2.5 hours. I expect you know this.

Has the doctor not offered any suggestions about supporting her sleep if it is indeed due to her epilepsy? You could ask for a referral to a sleep clinic - there's one at st Thomas's I believe. Good luck

@diddlediddle

Sounds brutal. But the key thing is that you say you eventually give in. This means she will definitely scream next time, for at least as long as you made her wait the last time eg more than 2.5 hours. I expect you know this.

Has the doctor not offered any suggestions about supporting her sleep if it is indeed due to her epilepsy? You could ask for a referral to a sleep clinic - there's one at st Thomas's I believe. Good luck

I gave in as I was shaking from being so tired and having stabbing pains in my face

I'm angry at myself for giving in too

@diddlediddle

Sounds brutal. But the key thing is that you say you eventually give in. This means she will definitely scream next time, for at least as long as you made her wait the last time eg more than 2.5 hours. I expect you know this.

Has the doctor not offered any suggestions about supporting her sleep if it is indeed due to her epilepsy? You could ask for a referral to a sleep clinic - there's one at st Thomas's I believe. Good luck

Sorry posted too soon, drs won't do anything and they say it's not connected to her epilepsy

I have no issues getting her to sleep it's keeping her asleep

@Kimber56t

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I'm guessing your words were unkind

Thank you

Does she have a dummy? I'm wondering if having something to suck would help her get back to sleep?

You poor thing, it sounds really tough.

@alecguinnessgenuineclass

Does she have a dummy? I'm wondering if having something to suck would help her get back to sleep?

You poor thing, it sounds really tough.

No she never took to a dummy or bottle and she's too old to start.

She's such a light sleeper once she's stirred, if I don't get her back off quickly some how she's awake awake if you see what I mean. She's never done the "put down when drowsy" bollocks and has only ever fallen asleep a handful of times on her own

Don't be angry at yourself, it's totally understandable you gave in. I'm simply pointing out that it's the reason it keeps happening and getting worse. I would suggest giving in sooner if you need to give in so you don't reinforce the crying as much.

You need some help. You are too tired to do this on your own. Can your partner take some annual leave and take over the nights for a few days? You have a baby so can form a support bubble - could a family member come to help? Do you have the money for a night nanny to come to do the nights for a week - I don't know what the rules are on this atm but personally your mental health should trump them or else do this when you can.

@diddlediddle

Don't be angry at yourself, it's totally understandable you gave in. I'm simply pointing out that it's the reason it keeps happening and getting worse. I would suggest giving in sooner if you need to give in so you don't reinforce the crying as much.

You need some help. You are too tired to do this on your own. Can your partner take some annual leave and take over the nights for a few days? You have a baby so can form a support bubble - could a family member come to help? Do you have the money for a night nanny to come to do the nights for a week - I don't know what the rules are on this atm but personally your mental health should trump them or else do this when you can.

Parents are ill with covid. Mums in hospital really unwell.

Husband has annual leave in February so we re going to make a plan for then.

I wish I had the money for a night nanny even for a few nights but lowly band 2 nhs workers get paid peanuts

‘Put down when drowsy’ HAHAHAHA.

Nope. That phrase can go in the bin along with ‘self settle’, ‘rod for your own back’ and ‘this too will pass’.

My DS who was like this ended up stopping bf completely at 2.5 years, as I was pregnant again and the milk was almost gone. His sleep did eventually gradually improve but he’s 6.5 now, and will still occasionally throw in a 5.15am wake up. Thankfully DD was a better sleeper and not so dependent on bf to settle - I stopped feeding her at 2.5 as well because I’d had enough.

Does she still nap hun?? Our little boy is 2.5yo and is still having 1 nap a day...they recommend a nap between 12/1ish for 2 hours...have u tried white noise and maybe get a new sippy cup/beaker and explain this is her new cup to have her bedtime milk from xx

If the waking is due to epilepsy, do you need a proper medical opinion on this?

My daughter woke at that age for a different reason (severe obstructive sleep apnoea), but until the medical problem was addressed no sleep training was ever going to be successful, she just wasn’t old enough to go calmly back to sleep after waking up in panic. In her case, surgery fixed the problem and then she slept just fine. Is your daughter receiving treatment for the epilepsy?

Does your daughter understand that she isn’t suppose to be feeding at night? I found it really helpful to read stories about night weaning before we started, it really helped DD to understand that expectations had changed because she was getting bigger.

Aw op I didn't want to read and run. You're doing a wonderful job of meeting your little ones needs. Some children are just not good sleepers. It's really tough and so hard when you had it cracked a bit and then something happens and you're back to square one. I've recently come across this lady who is a peadiatric nurse, IBCLC etc etc. you might find helpful (tips to maximize sleep and help getting to sleep) and reassuring. She has a book as well. Look for the posts on habit stacking and how much sleep children need.
Wish I'd seen it when mine were younger
instagram.com/lyndsey_hookway?igshid=15epbm0321ydu

@lambo88

Does she still nap hun?? Our little boy is 2.5yo and is still having 1 nap a day...they recommend a nap between 12/1ish for 2 hours...have u tried white noise and maybe get a new sippy cup/beaker and explain this is her new cup to have her bedtime milk from xx

She's naps for about an hour or sometimes she drops the nap herself, she has white noise and a non spill cup with water in it

@RecipeStealingBitch

‘Put down when drowsy’ HAHAHAHA.

Nope. That phrase can go in the bin along with ‘self settle’, ‘rod for your own back’ and ‘this too will pass’.

My DS who was like this ended up stopping bf completely at 2.5 years, as I was pregnant again and the milk was almost gone. His sleep did eventually gradually improve but he’s 6.5 now, and will still occasionally throw in a 5.15am wake up. Thankfully DD was a better sleeper and not so dependent on bf to settle - I stopped feeding her at 2.5 as well because I’d had enough.

I want to take the pill to stop my milk as she's a fiend. She's put me off having anymore she is pure contraception lol

[quote Goingtogetfit]Aw op I didn't want to read and run. You're doing a wonderful job of meeting your little ones needs. Some children are just not good sleepers. It's really tough and so hard when you had it cracked a bit and then something happens and you're back to square one. I've recently come across this lady who is a peadiatric nurse, IBCLC etc etc. you might find helpful (tips to maximize sleep and help getting to sleep) and reassuring. She has a book as well. Look for the posts on habit stacking and how much sleep children need.
Wish I'd seen it when mine were younger
instagram.com/lyndsey_hookway?igshid=15epbm0321ydu[/quote]
Thank you I will have a look x

@crazychemist

If the waking is due to epilepsy, do you need a proper medical opinion on this?

My daughter woke at that age for a different reason (severe obstructive sleep apnoea), but until the medical problem was addressed no sleep training was ever going to be successful, she just wasn’t old enough to go calmly back to sleep after waking up in panic. In her case, surgery fixed the problem and then she slept just fine. Is your daughter receiving treatment for the epilepsy?

Does your daughter understand that she isn’t suppose to be feeding at night? I found it really helpful to read stories about night weaning before we started, it really helped DD to understand that expectations had changed because she was getting bigger.

The consultant said it's likely it wasn't but she would have had the epilepsy since birth as it's not through head trauma so I don't know.

@crazychemist

If the waking is due to epilepsy, do you need a proper medical opinion on this?

My daughter woke at that age for a different reason (severe obstructive sleep apnoea), but until the medical problem was addressed no sleep training was ever going to be successful, she just wasn’t old enough to go calmly back to sleep after waking up in panic. In her case, surgery fixed the problem and then she slept just fine. Is your daughter receiving treatment for the epilepsy?

Does your daughter understand that she isn’t suppose to be feeding at night? I found it really helpful to read stories about night weaning before we started, it really helped DD to understand that expectations had changed because she was getting bigger.

I always tell her no booby until the morning but I will find a book to read to her

@herechickchickchickchick I would see if ur able to get her to nap for longer around 2 hours as the waking maybe due to being over tired...have u tried giving her some milk in her cup instead of water xx

[quote lambo88]@herechickchickchickchick I would see if ur able to get her to nap for longer around 2 hours as the waking maybe due to being over tired...have u tried giving her some milk in her cup instead of water xx[/quote]
That's such a good idea I don't know why I didn't think of that.

I will try that tomorrow night as she's holding onto her drinks bottle as she sleeps lol x