I feel as if I am getting everything wrong with my 3 week old baby

[Ahorsecalledseptember]

I really wanted to breastfeed him, but it didn’t work out. I am feeding him expressed breast milk, but I don’t make anything like enough to satisfy his needs so we are very reliant on formula milk.

I know babies this age like to feed little and often but it’s pretty much constant. I can give him a full feed and thirty minutes later he is rooting frantically and crying. It means going anywhere is nearly impossible. I’ve attempted two walks with him and both times he’s just screamed until I’ve given up and gone home.

He clearly gets exhausted and over stimulated but I haven’t a clue what to do when this happens other than to hold him. But he won’t be comforted, he thrashes around and headbutts me.

I’m honestly at a loss. I don’t know why he’s always hungry and I don’t know why he won’t sleep.

Are you winding him properly? The signs of gas and hunger can be mistaken at that age? Equally he could be over tired.

Try a feed followed by a good amount of time winding and then put him to sleep. Wake time should only be around 30 - 60 mins at this age I think.

Are you waking with him in a sling or pram? My first hated the sling and would thrash and go mental.

If you are struggling a dark room with white noise on always seems to help mine calm down.

Unfortunately with babies there is no one size fits all they are so different. It will take some time and trial and error but you will figure it out.

Stay strong and keep doing what you believe is best for your baby I'm sure you are doing a fab job.

I think week 3 with your first baby is the hardest. You are so, so tired and the euphoria has worn off and the colic kicks in. If your baby in is gaining weight it maybe he is crying due to colic or even reflux. Babies who are in pain tend to try and feed because they think it will.make them feel better. Some babies feed 12 times a day and it's completely normal. I think you need to phone your local health vising service and try and get to the bottom of why your baby is unsettled. If it any consolation, most people find things are easier at six weeks. Colic seems to cease at 3 months. Reach out to anyone who may be able to support you and let them know you are finding it tough.

You are not getting it all wrong! It's hard. Have you tried a dummy? Sometimes they just want to suck.

Hi, yes you do make enough, or you can make enough, it's that expressing is very inefficient compared to a baby's sucking. It's very depressing to see that you've managed to express about a tablespoonful in ten minutes, been there.
Maybe he needs more milk, or perhaps there's something else. Have you tried wearing him in a sling, some babies like it. Plus he'd be less able to headbutt you. I would suggest a chiropractor but with Covid, probably not a such good idea.

Well, he does have 90 ml of milk for each feed, whether breast milk or formula. Except today I’ve given up and am just feeding him whatever.

He has had colic but Colief has helped with that and he’s burping much better.

He is awake now and he must be shattered.

Oh and have tried the dummy but it causes as many problems as it solves as he spits it out then gets upset.

Is he tired? This is something i didnt realise when i had my first that they cry when tired. A dummy was a lifesaver getting him to sleep.

Absolutely exhausted. Warm,fed, cuddled, loved, clean, safe. Wont sleep.

Have you had him checked for a tongue tie? Neither of mine (both with tongue ties but only the second diagnosed and treated) could keep a dummy in so they were pointless.

I don’t think anyone truly warns mothers how much newborns feed- I remember being told every 3hrs in breastfeeding class, such bullshit! It made me worry I was doing something wrong or my boobs weren’t working
Also my first baby didn’t sleep, she was always awake and alert- my second now is far more typical and sleeps lots. Every baby is different.

My advice, stop worrying, stop trying to do too much- sit back, feed and rest. If you are formula feeding as well have your partner give a feed to allow you to walk on days you can’t get out with your LO, to clear your head.

Put some music on, might help him to sleep? One of mine wouldn't sleep if too hot, and would only drop off with the window open.

(Not sure where the cake emoji came from)

I know, but it’s a bit different with breastfed babies, I think.

He’s purportedly had a tongue tie snipped.

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

(Not sure where the cake emoji came from)

Ha, cake is absolutely essential, as is wine.

OP, my apologies if I'm wrong... but are you the same mum who posted last week whose baby had similar issues? Baby had been to hospital and you were concerned something might be wrong with them but didn't want to go back to A&E?

Have you tried going for a walk using a sling? Also, the dummy can take a little bit of perseverance in the beginning

Wine might help baby sleep if I could express a bit more!

Also babies have growth spurts every five minutes it seems like, when they just want to feed ALL the freaking time. It does seem as if they've gone temporarily bonkers.
It seems there's one at 2-3 weeks...

You're not getting anything wrong. Babies are COMPLEX as anything. You think it's one thing but no it's not. Don't let yourself get worked up. Overtiredness is awful at that age, and colic can often be explained as this. Don't go on water the formula box says, if he is taking 90ml, make more next feed. Make sure you burp half way through, babies are very uncomfortable when they haven't been winded. You've got this mama!

It’s hard at first. Neither of mine got the memo that babies are supposed to nap after 30-60 mims awake.
A push in the pram I find does work well or a drive round the block. If you would be happy to mix feed you could just sit on the sofa and give him a nipple to suck on, they quite like dozing and sucking especially if they’ve got wind or tummy ache. Do make sure you’ve got food, drink and a fully charged phone before you sit down as if it’s a cluster feeding thing you’ll be there some time.

If you can get away with not giving a dummy then don’t do it. When they lose it in their sleep they end up waking and crying because their ‘comfort’ has gone.

Your baby might be cluster feeding at the moment which is completely normal and nothing you have done wrong or that you can control. It’s just how babies are.

The exhaustion at this age is rife I feel for you. My DD had a weird breathing issue for her first few weeks of life and would do a strange breathing stop them blood curdling scream a few times a night and keel her awake. I think it may have been colic looking back but I’ll never be sure.

The over stimulation. Have you tried white noise? When they’re really fussy strip them off, put them down your top so your skin to skin in a dark room with some white noise on. It’s really good for calming them.

3 weeks is still incredibly early and I promise it does get easier it does just feel like forever which I can’t lie about.

My daughter is one now and I’m pretty sure I started feeling more in control when she was around 3 months old. Then it quickly became more fun and therefore easier after that.

And one at 4-6 weeks, so keep an eye out.
As for encouraging repose, second-hand wine is temporarily effective, also those teething powders are great and Calpol often knocks them out for a bit helps them drift off.

He can’t latch. I’d love to give him a nipple to suck on, I’d love to just breastfeed normally, but we can’t and I have to accept this. Please don’t suggest these things, it’s incredibly painful for me

I hate sounding like I’m just shooting everything down but he has screamed on the short pram journeys we’ve had so far, if he’s in a crying mood he fights the sling and I’m not sure cluster feeding applies to formula fed babies?

The other problem is that skin to skin works him up as he smells milk on me.

He’s only 3 wks OP it will get better - sorry you are having such a rough start. Every baby is different so pls don’t stress, formula is fine so pls be kind to yourself