I feel as if I am getting everything wrong with my 3 week old baby

[Ahorsecalledseptember]

I really wanted to breastfeed him, but it didn’t work out. I am feeding him expressed breast milk, but I don’t make anything like enough to satisfy his needs so we are very reliant on formula milk.

I know babies this age like to feed little and often but it’s pretty much constant. I can give him a full feed and thirty minutes later he is rooting frantically and crying. It means going anywhere is nearly impossible. I’ve attempted two walks with him and both times he’s just screamed until I’ve given up and gone home.

He clearly gets exhausted and over stimulated but I haven’t a clue what to do when this happens other than to hold him. But he won’t be comforted, he thrashes around and headbutts me.

I’m honestly at a loss. I don’t know why he’s always hungry and I don’t know why he won’t sleep.

I wonder if he has silent reflux. So he is crying because he’s uncomfortable.

Will he sleep if you hold him upright and keep him on you? For the first 5 weeks or so both my kids only slept on one of us. His crying in the pram made me wonder if he was uncomfortable when lying down. And it would explain the constant need to feed because he’s using it to soothe the reflux pain. But in turn it’s making it worse.

Oh it’s hard when they’re tiny.

For what it’s worth, at that age mine liked to feed constantly at that age and be held (by me 99.9% of the time).

No cha he just wriggles and squirms, kicks and cries. It’s very wearing.

Sounds very much like silent reflux- my baby has it, consequently only sleeps on her tummy without being in pain. Not recommended, she’s on medicine and we are awaiting a hospital appointment.

@Ahorsecalledseptember

The other problem is that skin to skin works him up as he smells milk on me.

I was just going to say, sometimes they wont settle due to the milk smell. Is there anyone you can get to try and settle him, are you bubbling with anyone? That may work, equally it may not, mine would rarely go to sleep for anyone else.

Not really, oh is at work.

Not got much practical advice to give OP but I just wanted to say that the best thing my GP ever said to me was there's no such thing as right or wrong. You try something and it either works or it doesn't. That stood me in good stead many times.
You're not doing anything wrong.
My daughter (now 19) was very similar and it took me a while to figure it out. The only thing that helped was putting her in a sling or holding her so that she was facing outwards. She was a very a nosey baby and just wanted to see the world,whether it was out walking or just indoors. I carried her around the house the whole time facing outwards. She was happy as Larry then!

I’m sorry I didn’t mean to upset you.
The pram can take a bit of persistence. I frequently walked a good mile before mine dropped off in the first week of trying.
Both mine settled really well on their sides which you can do during the day.
A warm bath can help, my 5 month old has reflux quite badly and a bath really helps to relax her. I’ve spent hours pacing up and down the hallway holding a baby against my shoulder because they settle when I’m moving. It is exhausting when all you want to do is sit down though.

Oh you poor thing. This sounds like my first baby (now 2 years old). It took my second baby (now 6 months) to make me realise that IT WASN'T ME. Likewise, it's not you. It's not your fault your baby is unsettled, I promise. And this comes from an exclusively breastfeeding mother. I honestly don't think that breastfeeding makes a massive difference to how settled a baby is so please please stop beating yourself up over not breastfeeding - it really really doesn't matter. If I were you I would persevere with the dummy. My first baby took a few weeks to get the hang of it but it was a real game changer. You can try a few brands - my second baby only took a dummy at 5 months old when we got Mam ones. If that really won't work, thats also okay. You could try sling - works for some, but sadly not for my sons! The trick is to not allow him to be awake for more than around 60-75 minutes without a nap. This time increased as he gets older. My 6 month old is currently on 2-hour awake windows. Off they don't get their naps they get so so overtired and crotchety and impossible to settle! So try anything you can... Does he settle in the car? Fast pram walk with white noise? While feeding? And once you've got him sleeping, prioritise napping above all else (other than feeding obviously!).

As for feeding... It always amazes me how much newborns need to feed. I didn't bottle feed so someone else will have better advice but in my opinion, if the baby seems hungry, offer milk. My sons always fed way way more often than the internet said they were 'supposed' to. Good luck... And solidarity! I have been there and I assure you it's not you - babies are all different!

The early days are really hard OP, especially when feeding doesn't work out as you want it to. I stopped BFing DD2 after a couple of weeks and tbh it was a relief when my milk dried up as the rooting was torture, once she couldn't smell me anymore she was a lot more relaxed and will settle for me very easily now - my eldest was FF so I felt less guilty about switching this time. Both of mine have always drunk more than on the side of the box and way more regularly, both have cluster fed in the evenings so we basically always have a bottle on the go from about 7pm. My hands look bloody awful from all the bottle washing!

Don't be discouraged with the pram or sling - sometimes it takes a bit of getting used to. DD1 only ever liked going at a fast pace in the buggy and so far DD2 hates the hood being up so had a proper whinge in the park today while it was raining.

It's really really hard at that point, I am sure you're doing fine! Have you tried nipple shields? Mine couldn't latch properly until they were a couple of months old, so it was shields until that. But they worked awesome. I used the simplest sling possible, K'Tan it was called, it was almost like putting on a t shirt and it snuggled baby so close he'd go to sleep pretty soon.

I feel for you OP. My son had a tongue tie and even after it was shipped, he just couldn't latch. We tried every position, nipple shields etc, but in the end we turned to formula after pumping was relentless and by this point PND was setting in and I was already feeling distant from my baby and the pumping made that worse. It's taken me a long time (my son is now 1) to 'forgive' myself. It's shameful that society makes women feel guilty for not bf especially when often the woman did want to. Thinking of you. The early days are very hard work, it feels never ending.