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Original poster

Losing my mind-baby sleep

26 replies

Pinkmoon33 · 07/01/2021 12:06

Hi all. Any advice please welcome. My 4 month old is going through what I think is called the 4 month sleep regression. He used to only wake twice at night (2am and 4am) but now it's all over the place. What's making me most upset is the fact he no longer stays asleep for daytime naps. I spend 20 mins -an hour getting him to nap, he only sleeps on me in a sling or on my shoulder then he sleeps for 20-30 mins and wakes. I am so pluckin tired I can barely stand up. I feel like such a shit mum today because he woke crying in his sling after 10 mins and I tried to soothe him, feed him and put him back down again and he wouldn't stop crying. i just want to sleep but because he doesn't nap in the day anymore I can't catch up on my sleep and because he wakes up so much at night I can't sleep then either. I love him but feel guilty about how angry I feel right now. This feels like being slowly tortured. Please help with any tips or advice. Please

OP posts:
Ohalrightthen · 07/01/2021 12:08

How is he fed, how do you get him to sleep in the day, and do you have a partner who can help out?

Sway19 · 07/01/2021 12:09

It’s called parenting OP. Totally normal and will pass

Thatwentbadly · 07/01/2021 12:13

Normal I’m afraid. It will get better.

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Original poster
Pinkmoon33 · 07/01/2021 12:15

I get him to sleep in the day by putting him in a sling or walking him around on my shoulder. I have no idea how else to make him take a nap. He used to sleep for an hour in the morning and a 90mins or so on the afternoon but now fights naps and just wants to be awake all day.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinkmoon33 · 07/01/2021 12:15

He is mixed fed

OP posts:
3rdtimelucky2019 · 07/01/2021 12:20

It passes. Sorry, no other advice unfortunately you have to ride it out. It's so difficult. As you have a baby under 1, you're allowed a bubble. If there's someone who can provide that support, use them so you can nap. Alternatively if you have a partner, you need to go to bed really early evening (I'm talking 6-7pm) and baby is left with them until bed time. You then get a solid stretch of sleep and you'll be able to cope.

Ohalrightthen · 07/01/2021 12:26

Sounds like he's overtired. Only two naps a day is very, very little for a baby that small, he should really only be awake for 1.5-2hours at a time. Try the huckleberry app, and go for as much sleep as you can get however you can get it. Pram, sling, car, bouncy chair...

Then time how long he goes between feeds in the day, and stick to that at night. If he doesn't need a feed, send his dad in to settle him. Does he fall asleep on the boob? If so, go for that instead of bottles overnight if possible.

1jan2020 · 07/01/2021 12:32

Sounds like he's overtired. Only two naps a day is very, very little for a baby that small

Agree with this - mine was on 3 naps a day until around 6.5 or 7 months. I think that may be the issue OP!

Flowers to you - sleep deprivation is so so tough.

BendingSpoons · 07/01/2021 12:34

Will he fall asleep feeding? I used to bf lying on my side so I could snooze whilst feeding and whilst he slept.

Itllbeaninterestingchristmas · 07/01/2021 12:34

Push him out in the pram that gets them off to sleep

Margo34 · 07/01/2021 12:41

I am so with you OP except just turned 3 month old now wakes every 45m - 1.5hr at night and won't be put down to sleep day or night. I've got no one to create a support bubble with snf family many miles away and shielding. My DH isn't supportive and I feel like walking out. I'd like to try co-sleeping but DH refusing so it'll be me and baby on the floor (but there really isn't space).

If you have the space and a supportive partner maybe try co-sleeping and let me know if it helps!

LikeTheOceansWeRise · 07/01/2021 14:42

It does get better OP but it's so bloody hard! Definitely go to bed as early as you can at night, those 7pm bedtimes saved me. And try and get him down every 2 hours to see if you are missing his sleepy window. So when he's been awake for 1hr 45, give a quick top up feed and pop him in the sling. We walked around with white noise on our phones too, this helped cancel out any disturbing noises. At that age we were on 4 or sometimes 5 naps a day, albeit usually shorter 30 minute ones.

Try a walk in the pram too. If he doesn't usually fall asleep like that, he might surprise you. If he doesn't at least you got some fresh air.

EVERYTHING is a phase with babies. It will get better!

Original poster
Pinkmoon33 · 07/01/2021 14:56

Thanks all. How do you get your baby down for a nap in the day? What do you do? He will sometimes yawn and if I put him in his basket he will just stare at me, then start crying for me to pick him up. Sorry to sound dense but how do you help a baby to nap without putting them in a carrier?

OP posts:
ParadiseLaundry · 07/01/2021 15:00

I would just cuddle or feed mine to sleep at that age, then cuddle them while they slept and watch Netflix.

NelliePig · 07/01/2021 15:01

Rocking, white noise, feeding to sleep (some people think this is a bad habit, but I think my boob has powers for being able to do this! She falls asleep on the bottle too!) Rocking the pram, wearing a sling.
The gentle sleep book by Sarah ockwell Smith, goes into the science behind why babies do this and it really stops you feeling mental, it also has some very gentle ideas for helping baby sleep. It's only a few pounds on Ebay new too.

We are 6 months here and it got better when I understood the issues, stopped trying to put her in a routine and listened to my baby. Her cues and paying attention to her wake time. If she needed to to go in the sling that's where she went and she stayed her.

At this point it's more about acceptance and doing what you need to do to get some sleep rather than trying to fix it.

Good luck xxx

edgeware · 07/01/2021 15:04

It will pass honestly, the 4 month regression is the worst but the fussy behaviour does pass. But you will have to teach him to fall asleep after, the newborn sleep phase is over!

I know how you feel with ‘how do you do it’! For daytime naps I always took my DS1 in the pram (the weight FLEW off) and I did a pick up, put down method to get him off to sleep in his cot in the evening (or daytime sometimes). He could roll at this point - but I would put him on his tummy with a light up/music animal thing besides him so he would look at that - and bum pat him. If he cried I’d pick up, cuddle till calm, and put back down again. Repeat!

Thatwentbadly · 07/01/2021 15:27

@Pinkmoon33

Thanks all. How do you get your baby down for a nap in the day? What do you do? He will sometimes yawn and if I put him in his basket he will just stare at me, then start crying for me to pick him up. Sorry to sound dense but how do you help a baby to nap without putting them in a carrier?
Breast feed, rock or take them for a walk.
Shallistayorshalligo · 07/01/2021 15:49

It is not very often I respond here, but I feel for you, so I share my experience. My mum's baby Bible was Dr's Spock book and she brought it to me when my baby was born. Dr Spock was a very famous pedestrian in his time, did give some crazy advises (like putting babies to sleep on their tummy, which led to cot death), but there were a couple of advises in his book, which I took on board and they actually did work for me.

You see, he did believe, that after 3 months old babies can be "trained" to sleep. Yes, the stomach is still very small, so they need to be fed every 3-4 hours, but after being fed they have to go to sleep again.

This is pretty clever advise, but how do you explain it to your baby?Grin Dr Spock believed that there are two sorts of cry one baby can produce: a distressed cry, and a capricious (sort of pick me up) cry. While you mustn't ignore the distressed one, you should pay no attention to the capricious one Smile

Once you start "training" your baby, it is going to be hard. My husband had actually to chain me to the bed, so I did not run to her with every her winge Grin.

So, imagine, your baby goes: ahem.. Ahem. Ahem! Aaaaah!
You do know they just have been fed and changed. Stay still. In a few minutes the baby will go ballistic. Pick them up, calm them down and go back to your bed. Repeat as many times as necessary. They will get your message eventually.

I wish you best of luck. My kids are 16 and 11 now, this was long time ago. I am very grateful to Dr Spock, his book saved me life, ha ha

LikeTheOceansWeRise · 07/01/2021 15:51

We used the sling til 6 months, now at 8 months she naps on me or in the pram because I got fed up of pacing about for hours with a heavy baby. I'm a firm believer that good daytime sleep means better night time sleep - so I do whatever needs to be done to get her to nap during the day, and this makes her nighttime sleep much more consistent.

I keep meaning to attempt to get her napping in her cot... But I just can't summon the energy for that particular battle

Ohalrightthen · 07/01/2021 18:43

@Shallistayorshalligo

It is not very often I respond here, but I feel for you, so I share my experience. My mum's baby Bible was Dr's Spock book and she brought it to me when my baby was born. Dr Spock was a very famous pedestrian in his time, did give some crazy advises (like putting babies to sleep on their tummy, which led to cot death), but there were a couple of advises in his book, which I took on board and they actually did work for me.

You see, he did believe, that after 3 months old babies can be "trained" to sleep. Yes, the stomach is still very small, so they need to be fed every 3-4 hours, but after being fed they have to go to sleep again.

This is pretty clever advise, but how do you explain it to your baby?Grin Dr Spock believed that there are two sorts of cry one baby can produce: a distressed cry, and a capricious (sort of pick me up) cry. While you mustn't ignore the distressed one, you should pay no attention to the capricious one Smile

Once you start "training" your baby, it is going to be hard. My husband had actually to chain me to the bed, so I did not run to her with every her winge Grin.

So, imagine, your baby goes: ahem.. Ahem. Ahem! Aaaaah!
You do know they just have been fed and changed. Stay still. In a few minutes the baby will go ballistic. Pick them up, calm them down and go back to your bed. Repeat as many times as necessary. They will get your message eventually.

I wish you best of luck. My kids are 16 and 11 now, this was long time ago. I am very grateful to Dr Spock, his book saved me life, ha ha

This is good advice, for an older baby. This is called Controlled Crying and isn't appropriate for babies under 6 months.
Shallistayorshalligo · 10/01/2021 14:13

Why is it not appropriate? This is my positive experience, both my kids were trained this way and it did work. It did take a week approximately in both occasions and we were having a good night sleep afrerwards, waking up just for food.
My babies grew up in to absolutely normal human beings without any mental issues.
So I would like to know, why you say it is not appropriate?

ParadiseLaundry · 10/01/2021 16:40

My babies grew up in to absolutely normal human beings without any mental issues.
So I would like to know, why you say it is not appropriate?

You've just said they're 16 and 11. They are still children. You have no idea if it damaged them or not.

Skyla2005 · 10/01/2021 16:47

Have you tried a swing chair. The ones that swing on their own battery operated. We used o W for daytime naps on a gentle setting and they slept soundly it was a life saver

Kittykat93 · 10/01/2021 17:31

Christ I wouldn't be recommending controlled crying with a baby this young!! Babies cry, they dont sleep for long periods at a time, they need to be fed a lot,its natural, however draining it is for the parents. You have to try and go with the flow, if you need to cuddle the baby to sleep then do so, or feed to sleep or rock or whatever. I certainly would not recommend leaving a small baby to cry.

Ohalrightthen · 10/01/2021 21:16

@Shallistayorshalligo

Why is it not appropriate? This is my positive experience, both my kids were trained this way and it did work. It did take a week approximately in both occasions and we were having a good night sleep afrerwards, waking up just for food. My babies grew up in to absolutely normal human beings without any mental issues. So I would like to know, why you say it is not appropriate?
Since Dr Spock there has been a LOT of research - the scientific community reached a consensus that sleep training as you describe is not appropriate for babies under 6 months. It's to do with the stress levels and potential damage to the bond, i think.

Basically, it was bad advice that we as a community learned more about and discarded, like putting newborns on their fronts and putting them in their own rooms from birth.