How do you do it?

[QforCucumber]

I'm shortly due to return to work full time after maternity leave with ds2. The thought of keeping on top of the house, school requests, being productive at work and looking after myself is really making me anxious. How do you stay organised? I feel like a useless parent when I see mums with emergency sweets or able to make school costumes when I feel like I've made a huge achievement just getting ds1 in clean and ironed uniform.

Day will be -
8:15 leave house for nursery and school drop off at work for 9.
4:45 leave work, childminder collection then nursery collection. Home by 5:30 latest.
DH will be home around 4:30 and will begin dinner, put a wash on and run the hoover around (hes always been home before me and done this) however he's now studying for uni alongside his full time job so assignments will take priority.
This is 5 days a week. We do an online shop already for Sunday deliveries. I feel as though once we've cleaned and caught up on a weekend we will just want to vegetate and switch our brains off.

Is it really as stressful as I'm imagining? 6 month old ds2 wakes every 2 hours at the moment too which isn't helping my concerns.

To be honest, this doesn’t sound massively difficult. A short commute, support from spouse from 16:30 daily plus all weekend? And online food deliveries to boot? Definitely no harder than anyone else who works. Sadly vegetating and switching off isn’t often an option for parents of young children. I’m sure you’ll manage OP. Probably just feels worse because of the stress of a small child and baby/lack of sleep.

Honestly that schedule looks like a walk in the park to me. Get a cleaner so you don’t have to waste time doing that, make sure DH keeps on top of his fair share of school requests etc. Perfectly possible to vegetate and switch off weekend evenings if the children go to bed easily, but certainly not during the week. It can be quite intense but you will get used to it!

Wow! I don’t agree with the previous comments OP. I think that sounds really hard, and personally I wouldn’t be able to cope (that’s why I work 3 days).

Could you work 4 days? Or could your DH? Or both drop a day?

Not being rude but leaving at 8.15 back 5.30 latest is living the dream! Most people I know who work FT are leaving closer to 7am.
My working day ends at 6 then I have a 1.5 hour commute (on a good day....)

Can't see an issue there OP. I used to leave at 7:30am for a childminder drop off, home by 6:30pm after childminder pick up, no other half to cook or help. I did my cleaning on a Saturday, just blitzed everything after I finished work. Washing was thrown in periodically throughout the week. Cooking tea often involved cooking two meals at the same time and doubling up and putting in the freezer for midweek. Days out happened on Sundays and then Sunday nights I did the ironing. I had a day off mid week for any chores or shopping.

Why are you doing all of the collections if your dh is home before you???

It may be no more difficult than anyone else, but I've never had to do it before - ds1 started school while I've been on maternity leave and now going between 2 drop offs, getting myself to work, 2 pick ups and home to do homework, eat, washing, tidying, cleaning etc is making me wonder what has to give?! It's all new to me so my apologies for wondering how people do it without getting too stressed.

Sorry my commute is so much shorter than yours

Was feeling guilty that I'll barely see my 4 yr old and 6 month old working 5 days but probably the thought will be worse than the actual events

You have time in the morning and evening. You aren’t out of the house for that long!

-The organised mum method is good for keeping on top of the house.
-Yoga can be done in 30 minutes to look after your mental and physical health.
-Meal plan.

• put aside some time on a Sunday night to check diary for the week.

I was going to say the same as pp re dh doing the collections - is it on your way home but out of his way? Any extra time the kids get at home will be more beneficial than running the hoover round if possible...but I know sometimes kids nursery pick up times are inflexible and so on.

I also echo a previous post in that if its within your budget it might be worth paying for a cleaning for a couple of hours 1 morning just to take away a bit of the burden.

@freakyfairy we only have 1 car and childminder doing school pickup and nursery are between my work and home. Dh drives a company van which cannot be used to carry the kids in.

I have 2 kids and work full time. I have a cleaner 3 hours a week and this is the only reason it works, without her my house would be a shit tip. She gets all the "heavy" cleaning done, then I just have to keep on top of it for the week. I wash clothes during the week, leave them dry in a basket and she irons& puts away.
I have an always packed bag that sits by door. Clean clothes, nappies, wipes, snacks, calpol, emergency sweets 😂, etc. Can always leave house quickly. Repack as soon as you get home.
It's relentless but very doable.

Ah I see,..that's a bummer it would have been nice for you if he could do that part.

You will be fine. That is quite short hours compared to some.

Top tips:
Pack the bags the night before.
Clothes selected night before.
Make a coffee to take in the car.
Clean the bathroom when the kids are in the bath.
Clean the kitchen as you cook.

Seems similar to mine and dh schedule (pre covid). You just get used to it tbh.

sleep train Ds 2 to start, waking up every 2 hours is not sustainable, plus you will be a danger on the roads with that little sleep.

If that were my routine l would be up at 7am, 20 - 30 minutes for shower, hair, dressed, whilst DH looks after DCs, washes, brushes teeth and gives breakfast to them. Then switch, Dh to shower and dress.
You get to read, / play with Dcs for 30 minutes. Then plonk with toys, and you both do one quick cleaning job, ie one does the bathroom, one the kitchen for 15-20 minutes. This can cover a house over 5 days.

Evenings you have plenty of time if you are sharing duties.

What l found helped with stress levels is to take an alternate child/baby with me into the shower in the mornings, takes only 5 minutes extra and avoids stressful evening bathtimes, (which l found hard work,) mine only had baths at the weekends and showers with me in the mornings.

Also l think it is very important for each of you to have a lie in at the weekend,
and have half a day off to do whatever you want,
ie DH has 1pm till 5pm on Saturdays for x hobby and you have 9 to 1pm on Saturdays to go out with a friend, play sport etc.
This can be flexible but each of you must have a break.

If you can afford a cleaner, then do that... Or even once a fortnight really helps. Otherwise I would create a schedule for everything, plan a rotating 10 day meal plan, clean 1 room a day etc.

Thank you these are the kind of things I was looking for, I will admit I'm quite disorganised at home (yet manage to run a team at work!) So think it's going to be a shock to the system after a slow, quiet maternity leave.
@Dragongirl10 DH leaves the house at 7:30 so the morning plan may not work out but some of your other points are super useful thanks!

Cleaner may have to wait a short while as we balance figures of 2 sets of childcare. I did look into dropping a day but tbh as I'm in a senior role id only be doing myself over as I'd have the same workload to do in one less day

Your DH needs to be as productive as possible from 4.30pm until you get in from picking the kids up. You need to be sitting down to your dinner as soon as you get in, no excuses. The kids will be whiny and hungry.

Emergency sweets are always at the bottom of my bag. Quite handy when I have a melt down too!!
Lower your standards (you don’t need to vacuum every day), make easy dinners which free up time to sit down.
The weeks will feel busy so try not to plan too much for the weekend.

Also it gets easier as they get older.

Also, other people will always have a crazier schedule than you. That doesn’t mean yours is easy.
We both work part time, school is a 10 minute walk away. My commute is 40 minutes, my husband’s is 10 minutes. We have a cleaner.

It is a dream compared to some people but it still feels busy and needs juggling.

Husband leaves for work before we are up so he sorts a bottle for the baby, cup of milk for eldest and travel mug of tea for me. I shower the night before and get up at 6.50 and get dressed. Kids up at 7, downstairs for milk whilst I eat breakfast. Bags all packed and in car the night before. Into car for 7.45, drop eldest at breakfast club, youngest at nursery then straight to work. Pick both up at 5pm and come home. Snacks and TV for the kids whilst I start prepping dinner and sort kids bags for next day. Bath and bed by 7, by which time husband is home. He puts washing on and does any ironing whilst I cook. We usually eat by 8pm and are washed up and tidied away by 8.30, giving us two hours to chill before bed!

Get a cleaner, make sure you meal prep so you don’t end up having to go to the shops multiple times a week. And sleep train the baby - it’s not feasible to work full time when they are waking every 2 hours. Good luck!

I know we need to sleep train him, for some reason it makes me really nervous- which is bizarre because we did it happily with ds1. I think, because I know he will be our last, I want to baby him for longer. The 2 hourly waking isn't sustainable though I do agree, hes refused bottles until the last few days so also slowly moving away from bf now as feeling completely touched out. These stresses added to the return to work are probably what are making me feel totally overwhelmed with the idea of everything.

Be positive OP :) it will seem daunting because it's been but you will adapt and before long will feel amazing that you are doing it!! The hours you leave and get home for are pretty good leaving you a couple of hours in the morning and evening to be with your DC so try not to feel guilty although that is natural.

Make things easier by meal prepping on a Sunday so some evenings you don't need to sort dinner. Get a cleaner one day a week if you can afford it. You have lots of time to be together and relax at the weekend :)

The broken sleep will be the killer but hopefully that will get better x

I'm a single parent to a 2 year old and I work full time.
DS wakes up about 6am. He watches tv while I wake up in the shower.
If we have a chance we read a book or play.
7.30am we leave the house (or aim to).
8am nursery drop off. 5 mins drive to my work. I'm a teacher and head of department.
8.10 ish start working/ marking students work/ preparing lessons.
9am - 3.45pm School day. Three days a week I have meetings or revision classes until 4.45pm.
Until 5.30pm more marking, planning etc.
Collect DS from nursery.
6pm arrive home. Give DS a snack. He eats meals at nursery but tea is very early.
6.30pm bath time and usually bed by 7.15pm for DS.
7.30 ish. Cook my own dinner. Usually something quick. Plus put on a load of washing.
Followed by an hour of work for school and a maximum of an hour watching tv.
9..30/10pm Into bed exhausted.

I prioritise cleaning in my house to the rooms my DS uses. Tidying and hygiene are the priority. Anything else doesn't get done unless I find the time or something becomes urgent. I can not afford a cleaner like many other posters have suggested so just do what i can.
I recommend having all clothes for nursery and work organised by Sunday night. My DS clothes are organised into nursery clothes in his drawer so easy to pick up in the morning and get spares out if he needed a change of clothes during the day. I have 8 sets of clothes for him for nursery so I don't have to do a mid week emergency wash of his clothes.
Good luck with your return to work.

You will absolutely adapt, it takes some getting used to.

I highly recommend the organised mum method for cleaning as it distills it into 30 minutes per day. It made me feel like I was on top of things.

Absolutely sleep train the baby as soon as possible. It will help you and baby immensely.

I prep overnight oats the night before in a Tupperware box for me, and have my breakfast at my desk which saves me about 15/20 minutes in the morning