How do you do it?

[QforCucumber]

I'm shortly due to return to work full time after maternity leave with ds2. The thought of keeping on top of the house, school requests, being productive at work and looking after myself is really making me anxious. How do you stay organised? I feel like a useless parent when I see mums with emergency sweets or able to make school costumes when I feel like I've made a huge achievement just getting ds1 in clean and ironed uniform.

Day will be -
8:15 leave house for nursery and school drop off at work for 9.
4:45 leave work, childminder collection then nursery collection. Home by 5:30 latest.
DH will be home around 4:30 and will begin dinner, put a wash on and run the hoover around (hes always been home before me and done this) however he's now studying for uni alongside his full time job so assignments will take priority.
This is 5 days a week. We do an online shop already for Sunday deliveries. I feel as though once we've cleaned and caught up on a weekend we will just want to vegetate and switch our brains off.

Is it really as stressful as I'm imagining? 6 month old ds2 wakes every 2 hours at the moment too which isn't helping my concerns.

You and DH it in turns to do the nursery/school drop off. Or one does nursery and the other does school. Ditto with pick up.

Eek sorry, just seen your update. Highly recommend changing things in a way that means you can share responsibility for the children drop off and pick up. You can get so much done in that time when he's gone to get them.

What about the organised dad method? That's been amazingly helpful here.

I'm reading the organised mum method now. Dh could definitely get on that in the time he's at home before us getting in.

Dh doing pick up and drop off just doesn't work, we'd have to either buy another cad purely for that purpose (seems pointless) or I'd have to drive past the nursery/school on my way home from work to give him the car and him go back out to collect them (also seems a bit daft) he's more than capable though of doing stuff at home in the hour/45 mins he's back before us. My worry Is when it comes to a uni deadline or exam looming but that's only for another 18 months- the promotion the course will bring will be worth it.

I think its definitely a matter of getting organised at home, I'm the cluttery messy one at home and I'll have to get on top of that to feel less stressed!

I'm a single mum, work full time, no family backup at all. It's perfectly possible with a bit of planning.

At the weekend, you get everything ready for the working week. Clean, ironed clothes, food plan done, homework complete, school bags ready, petrol in car.

During the week, use school lunches and after school club, take supper out of the freezer at 7am, build a timed routine that your DCs get used to. Then let it run.

You'll scrap daily hoovering pretty soon (mine gets done once a week), and learn to cook things for supper that take half an hour or less. That leaves plenty of time for homework, play, a quick tidy up and an hour chilling on the sofa before bed.

I only have one child which is easier. My worst issue being a single parent is when I got flu. Doing the school run while feeling like death warmed up was awful but it's only happened once. At least I never have trouble sleeping and being busy means I don't have time to worry about much.

I don’t know why people have to be so unpleasant and start playing Top Trumps - she’s not saying she has the hardest situation imaginable, just asking for tips on how to be organised and make the most of the time they have.

And I’m sure that many who are working full time with kids don’t have two hourly wake ups to deal with if their kids are older and don’t have any additional needs.

My twins are 4 and both have disabilities and I have ME and two conditions which cause severe pain, plus my twins don’t sleep well. They started school after half term and there’s no way I could manage working full time - I have a very part time job, rest of the week I do housework, work on my own small business and rest. My capacity is much lower than it was before I was so unwell and before I had children who don’t sleep much!

You will adjust somewhat but organisation is definitely your friend. While I’m making their dinner I wash up their lunchboxes and put their uniform on to wash, repack their bags for the next day. Lay out their uniform ready for the morning.

I get up half an hour earlier than everyone else to make lunchboxes and put their breakfast out then DH gets them washed and dressed. I got a magnetic whiteboard for the fridge where I write down things to remember as they come to me - stuff we need from the shop, days I need to send stuff into school, things like Christmas jumper days, appointments etc. I also have Google Keep and can make lists and share with DH for other stuff that needs doing.

Sounds like your DH has an hour to get dinner on and then cleaning which should be more than enough to keep mostly on top of the housework - kitchen one day, bathroom another, living spaces another, your bedroom, the kids room(s) etc. Floors don’t need to be done every day especially if you’re all out of the house most of the time. I do most of the housework in one day a week at the moment, obviously with tidying and wiping surfaces etc each day.

I’m sure it seems daunting to do everything you’re doing now plus going to work every day. Between you it should be fine though - you need to figure out where the priorities are and start from that.

OP you will find your own rhythm, it's fair to say some weeks you'll be brilliant and some weeks you'll wonder what is going on. There are some good tips on here, it depends on your priorities. I would definitely recommend getting DH on board with some tasks. The main thing to realise is that it gets easier in the long run in terms of the running around. The other thing to think about us that things change, i found that just as i got myself sorted with one phase something would change like an activity would move to another day and throw the routine out again.
The main battle is in your head. Don't give yourself an internal negative running commentary . If something doesn't go right, learn from it and move on. You will be amazing.

Lots of good advice on here. Getting the petrol tank filled is a really good point as this can easily tip me over the edge.

Re school I've found having way more uniform than you think you need is helpful. Lots of charity shops will have basics in for grey pants/skirts. We have 5 skirts and 7 polo shirts, 3 jumpers, ridiculous levels of socks/tights. Always have next half size of school shoes in for when the magically grow out of their old ones over night.

I make sure uniform is all ready for the week on sunday evening. Learnt this the hard way.

I'd recommend meal planning and eating the same meal two days in a row. That means you only gave to rehear something on the second day and it saves a lot of prep time.

Haven’t read full thread so might be repeating
Getting clothes ready night before (even underwear and socks)
Bags emptied each day and organised with what’s needed for next day
Washing on most days
Quick hoover
Keep on top of washing up
What works for me is doing more in weekday evenings to have more time for us at the weekend but I know that doesn’t work for everyone!