Any experiences with a 3.5-4 year age gap?

[secondorange]

Feeling a bit upset today. A bit of background, had a horrid time when DD was born and developed a bit of PTSD from it I think. A perfect (sh*t)storm happened when she was born, I developed PND before I gave birth, lost my job on an unrelated note, then DH was made redundant, major fallout with my parents and it's never been the same, DD had an urgent health issue, my gran died, on and on and on. From that time I said I was DONE, never again.

I've slowly come around to the idea of having another and have been in therapy over this for about a year. Long story short we've decided to go for baby #2 after being terrified and on the fence so long. I just wasn't ready before that.

Well we were originally aiming for a ~3y gap but I had difficulty getting pregnant. Then I had a MMC. Now we're back to square one and IF I conceive next month it'll be a 3y4m age gap. Which I'm not getting my hopes up for.

Feeling a bit depressed about this honestly, being on the fence hadn't helped but now I feel as if I've screwed this all up. Wish I could start over with a 2.5 year gap or something.

Wondering if my children will be playmates with one another with the 3.5 to 4 year gap (what it's looking like now) or if it will be more of a mentor/mentee type relationship?

Does anyone have this gap between two of your DCs or between you and a sibling, what is it like?

3 years 10 months between my two DC, who are now 9 and 5. They generally play together well and have a pretty good relationship (with a few arguments, as you tend to get with any age gap).

When DC2 was born, DC1 was able to feed herself, get dressed, reliably go to the toilet etc, and was old enough to understand in advance that a baby was coming. She was also at nursery school part time. This made looking after a newborn so much easier than (I imagine) it would be with a one or two year old sibling.

There is no perfect age gap. Pros and cons to all and how well they will get on will very much depend on personalities of your children. Try not to overthink it.

I have a similar gap with mine. It's mostly fine. Any issues are due to personalities rather than an age gap.
There are pros and cons of whatever you do OP. Not many of us have the 'ideal' gap (whatever that is to each parent) for all sorts of reasons.

Meant to add there is 3 years10 months between mine. I like the gap because dd1 was out of nappies, at present school and was sleeping ok and was more independent as out of toddler years. They do argue though as they are both girls and chalk and cheese.

I think it can be a tricky age gap in terms of practical activities. My sisters both have 3-4 year age gaps with their dc and there's a window where they can enjoy the same activities (e.g. theme park, soft play) but after a while, the older one grows out of it but gets bored at tagging along (or is too old to be allowed access), but the younger one can't go along to other places that the older sibling would like as they're too young to be allowed in. So you end up with parents taking one dc each to different places rather than enjoying a family activity together. At home the younger one can't join in with a lot of games (e.g. board games) that the older one would like to play. When they're younger they do play together at home and informally, but I noticed when my DN hit his teens he basically ignored his younger brother and they don't really spend any time together. Obviously it's different for all families (and I don't have any experience myself as I just have an only).