Am I a bad mum to be bored with my toddler?

[lamby12]

DD 2.5 and a handful. OH on 12 hour shifts and overtime due to xmas. I work 2 days and she's at nursery and OH has 2 days off, so it's only 3 days a week that I have wake up to bedtime on my own with her, but I'm bored to tears and just waiting for nap time/bedtime. Struggling more each day to be motivated with energetic play...

I think I've just maybe had too much 121 time this year as I was furloughed for 4 months and nursery closed so we had every day together. Feels like we might be back there in Jan!

Due to Covid (tier 3 since pretty much throughout where we are) not much to do or anywhere to go.

It's just a moan really, but am I a bad mum or do others feel fed up at home with a toddler now? Struggling for the energy/will to get out exploring... anyone else just staying at home a lot?

not bad parent, & do lower your expectations. Doing your duty is fine, you don't have to enjoy every minute of it.

Right there with you. So boring, no backyard and nowhere to go.

Out of entertainment ideas and try to limit screen time but it’s so tempting rather than playing trucks or cars or whatever.

@yeOldeTrout @UsedUpUsername haha so glad you replied. I was just about to delete my post as I felt so bad writing it.

So glad it's not just me. Don't have many mum friends to talk to and ask.

I long ago lowered my expectations on days filled with baking and painting... but often she's running round shouting while I'm wondering what to do. We have spurts of doing the housework etc and she 'helps' but I can't really get on with anything that requires proper focus and a few minutes of toddler play gives me a headache now. No idea how I did 4 months. I think it's the hangover of the years boringness making me feel like this.

In fairness, running around shouting is perfectly entertaining with a toddler, I wouldn't feel the need to completely eliminate it!

I really feel for anyone with a toddler this year, I'm surprised any of you have stayed sane.

Toddlers can be boring. That's why we make friends with other Mum's that also find it hard.
I know you can't socialice this year and I feel your pain.
I hated the mindless play too. Fortunately ours had a train set that he used to play for hours.
I was saved by the playgroups and friends. It's too full on otherwise.

I'm so glad I'm past those years, I really hated 'pretend' play/ role playing. Running around wasn't so bad, but I did love going to soft play/ the park and letting DS run free without having to actively entertain him.

Honestly, being a mum is hard enough at the best of times, even without the added pressures 2020 has thrown at us.

The best mums are those that remember to look after themselves, too, and if that is achieved by sitting DD in front of the TV for a little while, fine. She will enjoy it. I think half of my peers were raised on the little square box and we all turned out just fine.

You can also find education programmes, like those that help with counting or letters etc. She will enjoy those just as much AND learn something!

Yep it's horrible! I'm back to work full time and they're now 8&12 so much easier these days 😉

Thanks @UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername

@BlueJag yes I had a lovely mummy group but we're sort of fizzled as we haven't been able to really see each other for the year. Hopefully it'll come back as and when restrictions lift... if ever...

@VimFuego101 glad to hear someone else say they hate pretend play! @LindaEllen yes I've totally let down my previous hang ups about too much screen time and we just go with it now when I can't take any more play/tantrums/etc I think we'll look for some more educational programmes though to balance it!

@custardbear yes I am actually looking forward to working days now when I don't even like my job much - but just the day in the house on my own wfh. Lonely but a nice break from toddler mayhem.

I am trying to tell myself it's not because I don't like being a mum (I love it and TTC #2) and that it's just this year, all the time together with me and DD, no mum friend time (or any friends) and the lack of anything else that gives variance like the odd day out, meal out... anything!

DD is a late talker (only just starting with the odd word) so I feel bad when I'm not putting every effort into language/talking to her, but I'm quite a quiet person anyway so I sometimes forget to narrate the whole sodding day!!!

She's super hyperactive (probably explains the late talking - we had an assessment for anything behavioural but at the moment the acceptance is she's just a live wire and late talker) she never bloody stops being on the go. Even when the TVs on, she's watching it from climbing angles.

Also - I have one mum friend with same age toddler (2.5) we don't live near but text a lot and she's permenant out - walks, exploring, parks, anything... am I really bad staying in loads?
I can't really keep up with what's open, if there's facilities, etc... all important when solo with a toddler

I would try and get out for a walk every day, your DD is probably bored too.

You're not a bad mum for staying in, but imo it is easier to deal with toddlers if you get outside and exercise them frequently. Being outside lifts your mood, there's less whining and it fills the day and tires them out. So if you're a bit down, getting out more might help.

The day goes SO much quicker when you’re out and about!

Playgrounds are open (most places) so if you have one nearby, I’d head there and let your little one burn off some energy - reduced the amount of time you have to entertain them!

But you’re definitely not alone - full days with a toddler are a lot, especially full days indoors

Hi @NewMum0305 @MessAllOver @user1493494961 we are going for a walk every day, at least one. I suppose I mean we're not doing big trips out / days out. My friend seems to be out all day every day.

We are in mostly besides the walk though, so I know it would be good to make the effort to get out a bit more.

Just wondered if it was only me who finds themselves not quite making it out the door much and starting to loose the oompf to get out. In the summer we did lots of stuff, but it's dragging now to keep up the 'let's make the best of this' energy!

Staying in isn't working for you, you are bored and she's climbing the walls. Go out as much as you can, it's worth it. They grow up hardy with any weather and your days will pass so much quicker. There's nothing to lose, look now at your nearest good walks and go, maybe get her a balance bike for Christmas.

If you hate it, it's not like you are forced to keep it up but I think you'll be surprised how it makes the days pass and the DC calm down.

It's even better if you can meet another mum at the playground with take out coffee and mince pies.

You just need to wait until toddler is not looking each time you take a bite .

The tedium of toddlers is one of the most challenging aspects of parenting I think. The 'Twirlywoos' and 'Hey Duggee' give you time for a coffee break. I think it really helps to go to the park every day, unless there's an actual blizzard.

Would it help you to make a timetable for the day and then lists of things to go in there?
So e.g. 11-12 each day is 'activity time', then 1:30-2:30 is quiet time TV, 3-4 is activities etc. Whatever works.

In the lists make headings for all the key areas of child development (gross motor skills, fine motor skills, understanding the world, etc) then write things down you can do under the headings (park, scooter, ball / colouring, threading, maxi hamma beads / water play, tower building, cornflour&water etc.

Then over the course of 3 days make sure you do something from each heading?

That helped me years back with a 2.5yo.

@Tavannach @MessAllOver @LetsSplashMummy thanks for the advice. Yes I think I just need a kick up the backside to get out a bit more. Have definitely got in a bit of a rut of not doing so which is probably making things harder.

In lockdown when we had 4 MONTHS together every day and the parks were shut (OH was doing overtime then as well, key worker) we had a fab routine, we got up, breakfast, morning dog walk with the pram, snack and FaceTime grandma, a few chores she could copy, lunch, nap, snack, FaceTime other grandma (yes we FaceTimed both every day!) play in the garden, some inside play, tea, TV, evening walk round the cul de sac, bath, books, bed... I think it kept me sane and the days flew.

Now she's a bit older she just tantrums at the occasional FaceTime so we've knocked that on the head, she's not in the tottering phase any more and only has a nap 50% of the time so I think I've just lost my way a bit.

Probably need to get a new routine in my head and make sure it involves more outside trips. She's grown so quickly I've my confidence dealing with her at a park on my own. Imagine the most hyper child known to jump of the 2m high platforms of the play structures at the park.... that's her. I worry about controlling her. I need to get over that I know.

Thanks @TeenPlusTwenties I certainly need more routine so we actually do stuff, I try that. X

I could almost write your posts! I feel totally the same way, I think I'm burnt out from lockdown (also have a keyworker husband doing long hours) and am currently struggling to enjoy him. Mine is just shy of 2.5 and doesn't sit still. We spent most of the summer in the garden.

By 8 o'clock, we can often have done painting and baking, the days are so long! Luckily the parks are open, we go at least once a day (we have been known to visit 2 different parks in a day). Plus a good long walk. He enjoys being outside, it helps his mood a lot.

This is me. Completely understand where your coming from and I always think I'm a bad mum unless I'm entertaining my DD. She's 3 and it has been so hard this year. We all need a pat on the back!

I'm with you op! The 'let's go and explore' mentality has worn off now. The poor local ducks have been fed to within an inch of their life!
I get so so bored with pretend play. Fucking cooking, chopping plastic veg, pretending to drink a cup of tea and being offered more every second. Drives me up the wall. Not to mention the relentless reading of the same books he chooses each time even though he has loads.
If I can be arsed, I tend to play 'find me somethong' game where I ask him to find me something of a certain colour. If I really really can't be arsed, I put paw patrol on.
We've got to get through this too you know. None of our previous mum examples who go on about screen time and stuff have been lockdown with their toddlers.
You're doing well. You're not alone. Crack open the snacks, get out the plastic toys and when they don't work, get a Disney plus subscription! And have a drink at the end of the day

I think my toddler is just sick of the sight of me by the afternoon these days. We used to have a good timetable of stay and plays, a class, swimming, park, supermarket and lockdown was hellish.

I find toddlers way easier to cope with by getting outside, to the park, for a walk or even just making a trip to the post office or coop into an outing, since lots of usual things like playgroups are shut. That way we get to lunchtime and naptime without me really noticing the time as much. I am in awe of mum’s who stay in all day with a toddler. I would go demented. And they are often not as fussed by the weather as we might be.