Please help fussy eater at wits end!

[Alicia870]

My dd is 2 and literally has always always been a really bad eater. It's got to the point now I'm finding it so demoralising and feel really stressed about her health and well-being and really want to try and improve things.

Even with weaning she never wanted to be fed she would just refuse or try to do it herself. We mostly did finger foods but hardly anything really went in and up until she was one she honestly hardly ate. We went off the fact that people say to just keep offering and introducing and eventually they'll eat more.

She probably didn't really start eating much as in actually swallowing the food until 18 months. At that stage she would only accept certain things and it's just this rut and now I feel completely stuck. She eats absolutely no meat and never has. Sometimes I'll try to mash cod or shredded chicken into potatoes but if she finds the bits it's over! She'll eat toast with butter, dry cereal (won't have it with milk) any kind of fruit which is a good send, yoghurts, pasta, potatoes, potato waffles, chips, peas, a bit of brocoli. Bottle of milk at bedtime
That is literally it!! She refuses absolutely anything else. I feel like she's really lacking protein and iron. Give her a gummy multivitamin but she won't take anything with iron in it.

Just feel like such a failure :( it's the same limited foods all the time and despite continuing to offer meat, eggs etc it's always a meltdown. If she could just eat fruit all day that's what she would do. Please help me!!

Hi OP, here to offer some solidarity as my boy isn't great either, especially recently. Things I have found marginally help but mainly make me feel less stressed:

• family mealtimes. He definitely likes watching us eat and try things. He may sometimes then try stuff if he sees us eating it.
• serve yourself style meals. Rather than dumping food on his plate we have recently changed to bowls of food in the middle and he helps himself. Can't guarantee he eats loads still but we don't get the same meltdowns. Think it has really taken that pressure and overwhelming feeling away.
• this one is hard. I know. But you MUST show absolutely zero reaction if she doesn't want to eat. Mine will say "no, all done" and I just nod and say "ok, we just need to wait here while mummy and daddy finish". That's is. No persuasion. No trying to get them to eat. Just ignore and carry on talking about something else. Don't talk about food at the table too.
• limiting snacks and food between meals helps. My son loves fruit too but I need to watch how much he gets as he will fill up on fruit.

I'm not going to pretend this stuff has made insanely big changes because to be honest he still doesn't eat great. But I find it so much less stressful. The bowls in the middle really has made the biggest difference both to his mindset and my stress!

Keep going, you're doing amazing. They will get there I'm sure!!

@Rosebud1302 thank you!!
Sorry you're having difficulties too - it's beyond frustrating!

Good idea bout the serving style. She is actually still in a high chair and now I think of it, it might be time to stop that. I'm
Sure she would be fine to sit up with us at the table. Possibly it might help. (Though I know she is so stubborn and set in her ways that I can just see her getting off the chair if she wasn't having it).

I am so aware recently of her snacks as she honestly will just snack all day on fruit. It's such a catch 22 as I feel like she's likely hungry as she never has a decent start to the day so therefore feel I have to make sure she's not hungry but know snacking makes her less likely to eat meals.

It's a nightmare!! Nursery tell me she's super fussy too. She's always starving coming home from there as I know she never eats what they give her. She just comes home and stands at the fridge saying 'grapes' 'blueberries' and I give in as I know she's so hungry. Then won't eat her dinner! Ahhh

Can you take the tray off her high chair so she is “at the table” with you but still sat in the high chair (with straps so she can’t escape)?

And for that matter, can you get her “proper dinner” on the table faster when you get in rather than give her fruit? This might need batch cooking and microwave hers, or a lot of slow cooker meals to start with.

OP, just want to say it usually passes - my previously fussy eater tucked into squid this evening and asked for more. A health professional told me during the worst of the fussy phase that they can get vitamins and minerals from fruit as well as veg - obviously it’s higher in sugar so not ideal but it’s ok, just make sure she has varied fruit. Can you slip a spoon of well baby vitamin into her milk? That has iron in, it’s quite sweet so my kids don’t mind it.

The list of what she'll eat is very similar to what mine will eat, it's extremely frustrating. I did traditional weaning (he also had no interest in feeding himself till he was 1, but would gobble up purees) and I was wondering whether he would have been less fussy with BLW so it's nice to know that it probably wouldn't have made a difference.

Have to rung your HV? Ours was actually very helpful. He's still extremely fussy, won't eat meat, but meals are a lot less stressful and don't involve crying.

Definitely limit snacks to 2 a day. I always have tea on the table when he gets home from nursery. Make sure there is something she will eat at every meal - for us, it's carbs - and keep offering the other stuff. Don't force her to try it, but if you keep offering she might get familiar with it and try it. The other night he deigned to eat a small flake of fish! We don't let him get down till we're finished, occasionally he might pick away at a few bits while we continue to eat.

OP I feel your pain, DS is 19 months and we are in a very similar situation- but he won't even eat fruit. He will more or less only eat Yoghurt, cheese, banana smoothies, baby crisps /crackers, fruit purees and buttered toast and pancakes. Milk of course. But anything else is a no.

I'm so worried all the time that he isn't getting the nutrients and things he needs, and feel like I've tried everything. Makes you feel like such a failure.

Really hope you get some good suggestions on this thread, when I posted it seemed mostly people being critical as to why I was concerned as DS is big for age. 😒

I have a 2yr old fussy eater too! He eats toast, dry cereal, croissants, chicken nuggets, chips, bananas, apples, grapes and that's is it. None of them are consistent. I offered him a banana this morning and completely ruined his entire life, tears screaming the lot.

There's very little you can do apart from offer them a variety of foods, it's really important that you don't get stressed about it. If they have energy and are running round they are fine, that's what the HV told me. It's not ideal but I was told to just feed him what he eats and do my best. Don't push or let them feel your frustration. My son has days where all he barely eats anything.

I find if I leave something on the side he will keep going back and forth to check it out and will pick it up and have a good look. He will often lick something then put it back. I personally find leaving him be works best, I don't make a fuss if he touches the food or licks it, I pretty much ignore it.. if I make a fuss he totally pulls back whereas when he's left to it he will explore.

Feel your pain! Another fussy eater here. We've tried all the tips but effectively he lives on bread, apples, cheese and Weetabix. He does take a multivitamin (the wellbaby one - it's a liquid so if your DD won't take from a spoon then you could put it in milk?)

I go through phases to be honest. At the moment I'm trying to be calm and just let him get on with it. He loves helping with cooking, and I'm hopeful that might lead to an interest in actually eating what we're cooking - pipe dream so far. He's just started nursery, and while they're also drawing a blank at getting him to eat he does chatter away about all the food he sees and, again, I'm crossing my fingers that this leads to trying things. We've had some success with savory muffins so he's just had vegetables for the first time!

We were actually referred to a dietician although COVID meant we only went once. They strongly recommended messy play, at least 5 minutes every day. Our DS detests it and just walks away rather than touching anything, but maybe it will go better for your DD!

I feel so relieved reading this - my 3 year old is the same. I don't know how to expand what she'll eat. To make it worse she won't eat pasta, rice, potatoes or bread so it's so hard to feed her. She's a sugar addict and just wants sweet stuff constantly.

God it's just awful isn't it. I think it's the hardest part of parenting because you have to face it every single day, there seems no end in sight, it affects their health and makes you feel like the worst mum ever!

I remember before I had her being judgy about fussy eaters and thinking the parents just didn't bother. It makes me so upset to think other people probably think that of me! My MIL is always making a big deal out of it and making me feel rubbish. She seems to expect to hand her biscuits and treats but still expect her to sit down and eat a dinner of meat and veg and it's so infuriating. I hate having to constantly say she won't eat that. She keeps asking 'will she eat a sausage roll or some ham or some beef' and it makes me feel so awful to keep saying no no no. I feel I'm constantly acknowledging it, almost bashfully sitting in the corner with my tail between me legs feeling like saying 'I know I've failed, it's my fault'. I absolutely hate it! This morning we sat her at table beside us and she ate some corn flakes and have resisted giving her anything else tho she's asking for it.

It's sooooo hard!!

My very fussy 2 yo is now a very fussy, 6ft 17yo who's barely had a day's illness.

I never solved the fussy eating but he does seem to have had the nutrition he needs, somehow.

I have actually, on occasion, wondered if his fusiness is his body knowing what it needs. For example, he's always refused all dairy, even custard and sweetened yogurts that most kids seem to love. He also suffered from eczema, where there may be a link.

I used to put extra eggs in any baking I did, to smuggle some protein in that way.

DS (5) is worse (which may not be much consolidation as he went downhill constantly from around 1)

He now eats bread and fruit. (Recently gave up yoghurts 😖). Also nuts (under protest) and crispy bacon. Other than that he gets his protein from drinking milk.

I've basically given up as he has very strong opinions about (not) trying new foods.

Today was just another nightmare of battles. I made chicken potato bake for dinner and thought I'll just offer it to her as she likes plain potatoes and broccoli, but because it had sauce on it it was a complete and utter no no. She cried wanting a banana but I said no :( I felt so bad but I just don't know what else to do. My mum was looking after her earlier and said she only ate plain spaghetti for lunch :(
She goes to bed with a bottle of milk and I snuck in the well baby with iron.
I just feel so so stuck and feel so unsure how to go about it. The health visitor told me not to offer alternatives if food is refused but how can I let her starve?

If she has spaghetti, banana and milk in a day, she's had what she needs.

People used to tell me DS2 would eat if he was hungry enough, which I'm sure is true but he would have gone several days, I'm sure. He was (and is) incredibly strong willed, which is a good thing in life generally.

Choose your battles and certainly don't worry about what others think. You've got a lot of mountains to climb if you're going to worry how others judge your parenting through toilet training, tantrums, learning to ride a bike, learning to read.....GCSE results, employment choices......

@Aria999

DS (5) is worse (which may not be much consolidation as he went downhill constantly from around 1)

He now eats bread and fruit. (Recently gave up yoghurts 😖). Also nuts (under protest) and crispy bacon. Other than that he gets his protein from drinking milk.

I've basically given up as he has very strong opinions about (not) trying new foods.

Your son sounds like he may have the characteristics of ARFID- www.arfidawarenessuk.org/the-link-with-autism. It might be worth reading about if you've not heard about it before. I heard a talk by a dietitian experienced in ARFID and she had some good tips for helping with it. A referral to a dietitian could possible be helpful for you? Sorry if I'm completely on the wrong track.

You're not alone, the list of food your DD eats is very similar to my 4 year old. Lots of fruit, but only fruit that he's familiar with - he won't try new fruit, we got a mango the other day he refused to try it.
Zero meat or fish apart from processed/beige crap (chicken dippers, sausages, fish fingers). Only wants plain pasta, flips out if we serve it with sauce. We just give him plain pasta with peas/sweet corn/carrots.
He'll eat toast & cereal. The list of things he won't eat/try is massive. It's bizarre his twin sister will eat/try everything.
We just serve him stuff we know he'll eat, can't be bothered with the stress/battle at mealtimes.

If we're having a complete meal that he'll eat nothing from (i.e. Chinese takeaway), he'll just have bread & butter and a banana or apple. I figure he's not going to starve.

I was a fussy child growing up, didn't eat pasta until I was 7 and didn't have any sauces on anything until I was 18, I've recently only started to just have gravy on my roast at 25 🙈That being said now I'm older I will try food, I still normally hate it but my diet is so much better from when I was younger. I eat each food group now! Turned out I don't like the texture of some foods, so even if I like the taste, I struggle with the texture. It can also be related to having an over active sense of smell, meaning you can go into over sensory. I found when I got older if I made the food myself I found it easier to eat then when other people made me food. Might be worth talking to your HV? I remember when I was younger having to take iron and multi vitamins to just top up on what I was missing out on food

@ribbonola thanks that's interesting. I think it's mostly not him though. He's healthy, strong, tall for his age, very full of energy, fairly enthusiastic about foods he likes. But it's a bit like a phobia. I was and am similar so I kind of get it.

Anyone there?! Please help I'm at the end of my tether!!
Today took a really strict stance and now my child is hungry and I just want to run away and feel so helpless don't know what to do.
Took two mouthfuls of corn flakes this morning. Refused to eat any more and explained to her she has to eat her breakfast. Fail.
For lunch tried her with chicken goujons, boiled egg and sliced ham. Picked her way through one egg white.
Made chicken pasta bake for dinner she nibbled at a piece of garlic bread but wont touch the pasta but she's starving and it used to be one of our fail safes.
Just feel so helpless I don't want her to be hungry but she has to understand she won't just get what she wants by refusing and throwing tantrums. I just want to cry and cry

I know that post sounds dramatic but I honestly just feel so lost. I feel like a complete failure, it's just exhausting cooking and trying so hard for it all to be rejected and feels so impossible.

Try adding protein to fruit smoothie? If she loves fruit this might be a way in? I have a likely ASD child who eats only dry and beige foods. No protein. But I add seeds, spirulina etc to smoothies and reassure myself that way that she's getting some protein in. Will also eat bliss balls- dates blended with pistachios dipped in dark chocolate, a source of iron along with protein. I feel for you, it's really tough.

Maybe ask to see a Dietitian? We saw one and she was absolute about not making food a battleground. Put something they like and something new on every plate. Make no comment. It's slowly helping.

Today has just been tantrum after tantrum and so many tears. It really breaks me to see her like that but I know we have just pandered to her and allowed her to get away with silly snack like diet and no actual substance. I completely see how offering her alternatives just encourages her to kee refusing but it's so hard!!
Today is really the first day she's probably ever felt hunger to this extent as we haven't allowed any snacking but it hasn't made any difference!