Please help fussy eater at wits end!

[Alicia870]

My dd is 2 and literally has always always been a really bad eater. It's got to the point now I'm finding it so demoralising and feel really stressed about her health and well-being and really want to try and improve things.

Even with weaning she never wanted to be fed she would just refuse or try to do it herself. We mostly did finger foods but hardly anything really went in and up until she was one she honestly hardly ate. We went off the fact that people say to just keep offering and introducing and eventually they'll eat more.

She probably didn't really start eating much as in actually swallowing the food until 18 months. At that stage she would only accept certain things and it's just this rut and now I feel completely stuck. She eats absolutely no meat and never has. Sometimes I'll try to mash cod or shredded chicken into potatoes but if she finds the bits it's over! She'll eat toast with butter, dry cereal (won't have it with milk) any kind of fruit which is a good send, yoghurts, pasta, potatoes, potato waffles, chips, peas, a bit of brocoli. Bottle of milk at bedtime
That is literally it!! She refuses absolutely anything else. I feel like she's really lacking protein and iron. Give her a gummy multivitamin but she won't take anything with iron in it.

Just feel like such a failure :( it's the same limited foods all the time and despite continuing to offer meat, eggs etc it's always a meltdown. If she could just eat fruit all day that's what she would do. Please help me!!

Seriously fussy eater here. He's now 7, and it's taken YEARS of constant work. But he'll now eat small amounts of things he would never of touched when he was younger, like tuna, homemade meatballs, fish etc. Time and understanding and gentle persistence was the key, but also never giving in to buying him shit just to get him to eat (caveat - he doesn't have a SEN eating issue, which is why I could do what I did) but also never, ever forcing him to eat what he didn't want when he was a toddler BUT making him at least try the food, even if it was just a lick, when he was old enough to understand (4 or so).

Before, he would never eat food that touched each other, nothing with sauce, if even a crumb touched a piece of another piece of food he would refuse to eat. He would only extremely limited things. They say it takes 12 intros of new food to get a child to like anew food, well it took him several.years in some cases to even try a new food. I would make sure at least two of the healthy things I knew he would eat would be present at every meal, and would always offer the food I cooked along with the healthy items. Massive praise if he tried even a lick of the new food - if he didn't like it, that's totally okay - no fuss made, new food got put to the side, we would eat it and he would have his plain rice and broccoli. As long as I could.get him to have some sort of carb, vegetable (we were super lucky he'd eat broccoli), dairy and protein (he refused egg for years but loved ham), I took it very very slowly. It is so dependant on each child how to approach it.

One night when he was two he went to bed hungry because my mum had guided me by saying "he's fine, don't force him! If he doesn't want to eat don't make him!" So we didn't and then he was awake screaming with hunger at 2AM in the bloody morning....I put some crab sticks (not actual crab, the surumi kind you get cheap in the super markets) on a plate in front of him that he'd refused the night before (sugary, yes, but fish meat and we were trying anything to get new protein source into him) and he gobbled the whole.plate and loved crab sticks ever since. It was a massive breakthrough because before then he'd totally refused anything new, and suddenly he clocked that sometimes new foods were actually potentially nice to eat.

I would stop the milk at bedtime which will have a knock on effect of her being more hungry in the day .

Try not to get into battles over food. Seriously avoidant children need professional help but 'fussiness' to some degree is pretty normal and we shouldn't expect all kids to be the same.
My DD likes dry, crunchy foods best, doesn't like wet food or sauces and is much happier when food doesn't touch other food. She's actually pretty easy to feed at home but trickier eating out. My DSD was probably fussier and less healthy in her preferred foods but her food choices improved as she got older.
My advice would be not to stress, don't make treats dependant on eating other foods, offer a range of foods but keep it simple and allow snacks but not unlimited amounts. Filling up on milk is a common tactic for food avoiders.

OP I had this with DS and he is over 6 foot tall now and eats everything. We went to different paediatricians and I used to get so depressed seeing his friends tuck into bloody veggie lasagne and fruit salad when DS was happiest dipping a satsuma into salad cream and ketchup. They all said just give him what he wants, as long as he's having fruit and yogurt and carbs of some sort just don't worry. I didn't and eventually he just started trying things, when the pressure was taken off of him and it was his decision.

10 years later and DD came along and was exact he same. She can still be a bloody nightmare at 6, wailing and gagging if you get her to try anything else but on certain days she says can I try some such food.

Just feed him what he likes, don't try to trick him, he'll get there much faster without the angst and pressure at every meal timeNd you'll feel so much better too.

@huuuuunnnndderrricks I agree with this! Tonight going to reduce the amount to about half what she usually has.
It's particularly hard today considering she is bound to be hungry tonight and I suppose that was always my fall back knowing she was getting a bottle. But I know there's no real benefit to it. She might be more like to be hungry and eat better next day. Soooo hard :(

I saw so many of my friends kids not eating but they drunk copious amounts of milk . It really fills their tiny tummies so they aren't hungry and therefore won't try new food .

She's gone to bed without bottle and actually didn't make a fuss. Don't want to speak too soon. Feel awful in case she's hungry she had a slice of toast before bedtime but really has eaten next to nothing today but wel see if it makes a difference at breakfast time

My other tactic was is a hungry child wanted food after bedtime, I would offer a snack. But always exactly the same one. Dry oatcake and a glass of water. But effectively just a simple plain (not sweet) snack.

Sometimes my kids have days when they don't eat much. But honestly try not to make mealtimes such a battle, it sounds like it's very stressful for you both.
I won't eat food I don't like, but I'm 36 and can articulate that quite clearly, and think of alternatives.

I wish my 2 year old would eat as much as your DD @Alicia870

We are down to about 4 different foods- 2 of which are different fried cereals 🤣

Ooh dried cereals... hopefully they aren’t fried

You’ve learned that the old chestnut “if they’re hungry, they’ll eat” doesn’t apply to kids like this. Stop trying to starve her into submission. Ignore the HV who told you to do it.

Please just let her eat what she wants to eat. Life will be easier and happier if you do.

I have two autistic kids who are extremely fussy. Yes, it’s been a nightmare over the years and people made me feel like shit for “allowing” this to happen. Somehow they’re tall and healthy and a healthy weight.

Oh please don’t leave her hungry, you need to make much less of a big deal about it, it’s often a phase. She’s eating banana, blueberries and grapes- honestly be happy she’s eating that.

My son ate fruit until 2 weeks ago and now won’t touch it. I’m assuming he will again at some point.
I would never let him go hungry, it’s unkind and unhelpful. You’re making it into a big deal when it doesn’t have to be.

She isn't starving her by not having milk , she is adjusting her intake so she will be hungrier the next day and so on . If the child asks for it I'm sure she will be allowed some . Toast is a good alternative and will fill her up just as well .

@huuuuunnnndderrricks

Op says but really has eaten next to nothing today
And then no milk.

I think you need to stop your focus on trying to get her to eat meat. It's creating a needless battle and isn't necessary for a healthy diet, and sausage rolls etc aren't healthy anyway.

Why not focus on offering her a range of fruits/veg since she eats some of those items more readily? Dark green veg has plenty of iron. And simple switches such as French toast/eggy bread instead of normal toast will boost iron and protein

Try her with cooked and raw versions (many children prefer raw) and foods of different textures in case that is an issue for her, offer her a few different things in a plate each mealtime and ease off the pressure. Sit with her and model good eating habits.

Give her time and space to play and explore her food, make mealtimes fun, and don't react if she chooses not to eat.

Some recipe ideas below:

www.mummycooks.com/blogs/advice/what-to-plan-when-raising-your-baby-a-vegetarian

www.happyveggiekitchen.com/tots/

Just to update she ate a whole bowl of cornflakes and slice of toast for breakfast this morning. I really hope dropping the milk at bedtime helps.

Is that more than she normally does ? That's a great improvement if so . Well done 👍