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Parenting

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Original poster

TV, baby and in laws. Wwyd?

44 replies

October89 · 15/12/2020 10:48

My in laws will be having my daughter when I got back to work early next year. My issue is they often use the TV as entertainment for her and my niece. I've told them that the only time she's sat in front of the TV is when I need 5 mins to do something and then it's just a sensory baby video. I'm definitely not against kids watching TV or anything, I just don't want my 9 month old being constantly entertained by a TV... I play and talk to her constantly to help her develop. They've also said my niece (she's 4) has awful concentration issues and constantly asks to watch the TV instead of doing activities. I'm not saying the TV is the problem but it's not something I want to risk. How would you bring this up? Again, no judgement to anyone!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 15/12/2020 10:51

With the greatest of respect if you want educational-esque childminding then pay for it. You can make suggestions about other things they can do with her but ultimately it’s their choice whether they have the time/ can be bothered etc.

SephrinaX · 15/12/2020 10:53

If they're providing you with free childcare then there's not really much you can say...If you want a more stimulating environment for your child then you'll have to pay for a nursery or childminder.

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/12/2020 10:55

I don’t let my toddler watch tv so I wouldn’t accept free childcare if that was how my child would mostly be occupied. When you accept a massive favour like childcare from grandparents I think you have to be comfortable with the level of care on offer and leave them to it as long as you believe will be safe.

Whose idea was it for them to have her, yours or theirs? I’d look at other options where you know the people caring for your daughter are on the same page as you about nurturing development etc.

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Carrotcakey · 15/12/2020 10:55

Pay for nursery or a childminder.
Problem solved.

Original poster

October89 · 15/12/2020 10:55

I'm not asking them to teach her, it's my job to do things like that. I just don't want her sat in front of a TV for hours.

OP posts:

SpaceOp · 15/12/2020 10:56

As per PP. You can have a few broad ground rules for people babysitting but broadly speaking, family looking after your children for free means you don't get to be hugely prescriptive. To be frank, even in paid environments you could tell them no TV and they might still put your child in front of the TV but the difference is that they will be incentivised NOT to do that because they would potentially lose the income if you decide the care is insufficient.

So, if you think they won't do a sufficiently good job, go find professional care.

crazychemist · 15/12/2020 10:56

Realistically, there isn’t a lot you can do. This is how they provide childcare. There’s a tiny chance your DH could make some suggestions, but I doubt even that would work and I really don’t think they’d listen to you.

As others have already said - if you want to be able to make rules, you usually have to pay. Free childcare can be amazing, but you don’t have control. You need to decide how much watching TV at that age matters to you.

Original poster

October89 · 15/12/2020 10:56

It was theirs.

OP posts:

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 15/12/2020 10:58

Yes but that’s their choice because sitting and playing with her could be too much of a chore for them, they may not want to visit parks and feed the ducks etc. That’s their choice.
Why do you think they default to the tv?

piglet81 · 15/12/2020 10:58

Are you paying them for childcare or are they doing you a favour?

LittleMissLockdown · 15/12/2020 10:58

@SephrinaX

If they're providing you with free childcare then there's not really much you can say...If you want a more stimulating environment for your child then you'll have to pay for a nursery or childminder.

This pretty much sums it up. If you want proper childcare where you can ensure she's being properly stimulated and entertained then you will have to pay for it.

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/12/2020 10:58

Do you want them to have her or are you feeling pressured? Can you afford nursery or childminder instead?

They will have the tv on all day. Some people do. If you’re not happy with it you need to decline.

newnamenancy · 15/12/2020 10:59

They're offering free childcare. You cannot start making demands like no tv I'm afraid.

You won't get them to constantly talk to and engage with your child (who actually does this?!?) I'd imagine they have their style of childcare set already. Either you agree to this or find another option.

As an PP said, if you want educational and enriching childcare pay for it.

MadameButterface · 15/12/2020 11:00

Even if it was their idea, if you want to be prescriptive about childcare when you’re not around, you have to pay for it, like everyone has already said.

Milkshake7489 · 15/12/2020 11:04

I agree with pp, if you accept free childcare you can't be so picky about activities.

Remember, they are doing you a favour. If you don't like how they entertain your daughter, maybe nursery would be a better option for you?

tyrannosaurustrip · 15/12/2020 11:44

Honestly, I would give serious thought to alternative childcare arrangements, even three days a week. Let them have her one day if they really want, and then she might be so much of a novelty they're more engaged with her. But putting her in front of a tv all day at that age does have developmental impacts.

During lockdown 1, I had a 15 month old and we were outside, in the park, I showed her videos of nursery rhymes etc but she was too little to be very engaged for long. I really think there is no benefit to them at all at that age.

Now she's back in her childcare and since 18 months I really see the benefit to her: they do arts and crafts, they sing songs, its genuinely enriching and her words have come on so much. My parents initially wanted to watch her and were a bit annoyed I wouldn't let them (they are too old, and realistically couldn't handle her for more than a few hours at a time) and even they are raving about how much benefit she's getting.

You could say to them: we've never let her watch more than 15 minutes tv a day, that's the government/WHO guidelines, will that be a problem if Dneice is watching telly and see what they say. But I can't imagine it will be compatible.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 15/12/2020 12:05

I understand what you're saying OP. I have an 8.5month old and he only watches tv when I need to settle to take a bottle (hes a pain to feed, but will instantly relax when watching In The Night Garden). I dont put it on for him any other time though.

I do agree with others though. When you hand your child over to others you kind of have to accept that people 'parent' differently. You have to be ok with this.

OverTheRainbow88 · 15/12/2020 12:52

I wouldn’t hint and would just tell them you would prefer tv was kept to 30 min a day or whatever you feel happy with. It’s then their decision whether or not to listen I guess.

BertieBotts · 15/12/2020 12:53

You need to accept their terms or pay for childcare, sorry.

Respectabitch · 15/12/2020 12:58

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

This.

If you must compromise, perhaps she goes to them 1 day a week. This won't do her any harm and will still save you an appreciable pile of money.

WalesStar · 15/12/2020 13:06

Just say thanks for the offer of childcare but you’ve decided to send her to a nursery/childminder instead. Then you can ensure your DD won’t be watching TV.

BeautyAndTheBump1 · 16/12/2020 19:02

Have they specifically said they wont be playing with her or is it just a fear theyll dump her in front of the tv all day?
Do they have many toys / activities at their house? Maybe try hint at a 'sort of' schedule - like 'so after she has had her breakfast she likes to play x for an hour, then she likes x, then can watch tv for 15 before she has a nap.' kind of thing.

GintyMcGinty · 16/12/2020 19:05

Like others have said if you want educational childcare you need to pay for it.

If you are getting free grandma care then this is how it will be.

Moltenpink · 16/12/2020 19:13

Honestly if you are working full time then kids get rushed around so much and worn out by constant nursery stimulation, you might be happier knowing they are having a relaxing day or two being spoilt & watching tv.

Timeturnerplease · 16/12/2020 19:26

Honestly, if it’s free childcare then you don’t get to complain beyond the really key stuff.

My MIL respects the no napping rule for our just two year old, but beyond that I don’t dictate anything that happens there. She goes to the park every morning, but in the afternoons they let her watch a fair amount of tv. To be honest, she’ll only sit still for 15 minutes to watch it and after that it becomes background noise to her making MIL play babies/kitchens/hide and seek/colouring anyway.

She goes to nursery one day a week and they are really pleased with her development, and say her speech is exceptional, so I don’t actually buy into the idea that tv (good quality stuff - CBeebies, not American rubbish) is entirely bad for little ones.

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