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Original poster

TV, baby and in laws. Wwyd?

44 replies

October89 · 15/12/2020 10:48

My in laws will be having my daughter when I got back to work early next year. My issue is they often use the TV as entertainment for her and my niece. I've told them that the only time she's sat in front of the TV is when I need 5 mins to do something and then it's just a sensory baby video. I'm definitely not against kids watching TV or anything, I just don't want my 9 month old being constantly entertained by a TV... I play and talk to her constantly to help her develop. They've also said my niece (she's 4) has awful concentration issues and constantly asks to watch the TV instead of doing activities. I'm not saying the TV is the problem but it's not something I want to risk. How would you bring this up? Again, no judgement to anyone!

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Clockstop · 16/12/2020 19:38

I had this choice. Inlaws offered to do childcare of my DD and her cousin who was the same age. I said no because they used the TV a lot (and expected me to drop off giving me a huge commute unnecessarily). I chose a nursery instead and was very happy with it. DD is now 5 and loved her nursery years, she made lots of friends who went up to school with her and it helped her transition really well. Cousin has had issues with that as in-laws didn't really take him to any play groups, he's also hugely speech delayed which might not.be the screen time but it wouldn't have helped!

Chewbecca · 16/12/2020 19:38

I look after my GD and have the TV on (CBeebies) from about 3 or 4pm. We do lots of stuff before then (swimming, park, reading etc).

If I was asked to not put the TV on for more than 10 mins and to ensure the whole day was filled with stimulating, educational activities, I would, sadly, reconsider.

timeturnerplease that’s also the case with a ‘no napping rule’. With no nap, my GD is grotty and grumpy.

OverTheRainbow88 · 16/12/2020 19:40

Yea I’m Surprised by the no napping rule, it’s healthy for 2 year olds to nap.

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hf2345 · 16/12/2020 23:20

Your baby probably won’t just stare at the tv all day anyway they’ll soon get bored and start whinging. I didn’t find tv entertained my baby at that age.

GrumpyHoonMain · 17/12/2020 00:21

This exact reason was why I chose to pay for childcare rather than rely on mum. She never played with us and used to stick us in front of the TV for hours, did the same to my DN when she was used for childcare, and I didn’t want that for my DS.

Timeturnerplease · 17/12/2020 07:01

@Chewbecca and @OverTheRainbow88 My daughter has not napped more than half an hour a day since she was 12 months old, and is a perky, happy little thing. Before that she would only have 2 x half an hours a day since 3 months. I was exactly the same as a baby.

When she got closer to two she started refusing to nap until 5pm, meaning she was then up until 10pm and I was working 10pm-1am (teacher) and then up again at 5am with her. Trust me, that’s not sustainable for anyone.

Now she happily doesn’t nap all day and MIL is happy to go along with it because I have no issues with her putting CBeebies to give her some peace in the afternoons. She goes to nursery one day a week and even they acknowledge that she’s an unusually awake little person.

They’re all different. A friend’s son napped three hours a day till he started school and slept 12 hours a night.

ChristmasTreeOhChristmasTreeOh · 17/12/2020 07:09

If your daughter is anything like mine, she really wasn't very interested in tv at that age. She'd be intrigued by loud colour adverts, but wouldn't watch anything much. Definitely wouldn't of sat and watched for hours on end. Maybe the odd very short cartoon before she was off doing something else.

She's coming up to 18 months now and watches a few cartoons before bed (moon and me, and in the night garden). She loves bits of both of these but will continue playing while they are on.

I could have the tv on all day but she really doesn't pay much attention to it. There's the odd program she'll sit and watch but nothing really holds her attention for an entire show. Not even short cartoons.

I wouldn't worry about it. If it's a big issue, pay to send her to nursery.

TweeBree · 17/12/2020 07:19

@hf2345

Your baby probably won’t just stare at the tv all day anyway they’ll soon get bored and start whinging. I didn’t find tv entertained my baby at that age.

This. I'm one of those people who has the TV on all day for company, including when kids are around. They never watch it for too long.

You could always bring a rotation of toys in a bag for her to play with? Otherwise, you'll need to pay for more structured care if it matters to you.

Julestherabbit · 17/12/2020 07:25

As pp have said- if you are getting free childcare you don’t get to choose. We relocated partly for free childcare. It’s been a nightmare. When you aren’t paying someone you don’t get to set the rules.

Looneytune253 · 17/12/2020 07:27

I'm a childminder and I often have the TV on. They rarely actually watch it tho. They're just too busy playing

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 17/12/2020 07:38

Looneytune253 do you? Whenever I say this is why I chose a nursery and not a childminder I’m told I’m ridiculous and they don’t have the tv on all the time at all.

NewYearNewPlumbing · 17/12/2020 07:43

How many days a week?

Childcare is either a proper parenting job or a proper professional job. It is understandable that they don’t want the full time job of setting up activities and playing all day.

If this is one or two days a week, let it go. If more, you need professional childcare.

Harrysmummy246 · 17/12/2020 09:57

@OverTheRainbow88

Yea I’m Surprised by the no napping rule, it’s healthy for 2 year olds to nap.

Depends on the child. We stopped DS nap soon after 2 as the evening routine was getting longer and longer. Even letting him doze for 10 min at nursery massively affected things.

JayDot500 · 17/12/2020 10:43

Our TV is on all day. We work (from home) during the day and it's always on age appropriate cartoons. Both DC (4 and 1) don't pay much attention to it tbh. They've got toys, piles of books and crafts that they will absolutely spend all day getting busy with. Plenty of mess to clear up throughout the day!

I would suggest making sure there are books and toys for your child to play with alongside the TV at your IL's. Perhaps not messy toys, like play doh. DC2 (just turned 1) will throw a book in my face until I read it to him, but the TV won't catch his attention unless it's nursery rhymes or choir-like singing. DC1 is playing play doh while the TV gets ignored.

heydoggie · 17/12/2020 13:55

Honestly TV on all day is the worst thing you can do in terms of speech development. Its actually worse having it as background than them sitting and watching it.

My two year old loves Hey Duggee and watches a few episodes every day but she's actively watching and has picked up words from it, if its on in the background while they're playing studies have shown they can't focus on what they're doing as well, they understand adults talking to them less well with the background noise and its negative all round.

I can understand letting them watch up to an hour a day but having it on in the background just seems like a terrible idea.

Looneytune253 · 17/12/2020 20:52

@OnlyFoolsnMothers to be fair you are being a little bit ridiculous. A bit of telly never hurt anyone. It can be very long days for the little ones and a bit of downtime never hurt anyone. There's always so much going on, even more so in a nursery. We spend most of our days out in the woods or reading books or crafting so the telly on at other times means nothing.

PaTCh64355 · 17/12/2020 20:55

If you want proper childcare you need to pay for it and it’s not cheap!!! Perhaps put her into a nursery a couple of days a week to have some variety?

BackforGood · 17/12/2020 21:15

As everyone else has said.

You look at what is on offer and then decide if that is the childcare you want to use.
It doesn't work the other way round, that you tell people to change their ways to suit what you think is right.

Now, I'm inclined to agree with you, I wouldn't want my dc sat in front of a TV for most of the day, so therefore I wouldn't use that form of childcare. I would - indeed did - pay childminders who went out and about, doing things with my dc each da, and were young enough and energetic enough, and who were doing a job for their income, not a favour to help someone out. So they worked at doing the best at that job.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 18/12/2020 06:31

Looneytune253 guess we will agree to differ on this one.
I have no issue with tv at all, saves me many a time with two little ones but that’s because without some time I would never cook a meal or bung a load of washing in.
When however I’m paying £70 a day for childcare no way do I expect a tv to be put on, the nursery manages not to

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