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Do women really prefer daughters??

88 replies

zebra · 25/09/2002 14:21

After the news item on the front page of mumsnet. [But I can't get to it because I can't seem to log in (I have 7 email addresses & 5 usual passwords, and can't face trying all the combos).]

Anyway, we have the only girl on DH's side of the family (5 boys and 2 more on the way). Honestly I just want 'em healthy, but some friends have told me how much they really wanted a DD and it gives me the creeps.

[Part of the situation for me is I had a dreadful relationship with my mother who always wanted with me the relationship she didn't have with her own mother.]

And plenty of moms have told me that girls are sulkier as teens.

Why the obsession with DDs?
What's wrong with boys?

OP posts:
Tinker · 25/09/2002 19:10

Scatterbrain - COME BACK NOW young lady! There shall be no more storming of. Enid told me to get lost on a thread once (not quite that bluntly but..) She doesn't mean it (I think!!!)

Tinker · 25/09/2002 19:11

off even

FrancesJ · 25/09/2002 20:02

I can honestly say, hand on heart, that I don't mind what sex d?2 will be. But, being insatiably curious, I'm miffed that during both scans (16wks and 36wks) he/she/it kept it's legs firmly stuck together, as if with superglue, so I couldn't find out. Yes, this is nature's way of telling me to not be so darn curious - I'm going to have to wait, but I want to know!!! We haven't even got to the final few names bit, and I'm 39 weeks pgnt. Hope it's legs aren't actually stuck together, anyway. As per clothes, don't think it matters - everyone's taste is different, and every small child looks gorgeous just because small children are so gorgeous, I think. Isn't it nice that we have so much more choice over clothes now, though - that we can dress our children in whatever we want, pretty much, without worrying about colours/styles. I'm saying this because I remember my mother telling me she was most disgruntled when she went out with me, as a tot, wearing a blue coat, and all her relatives frowned, saying she 'couldn't dress me in blue, I was a girl, and I'd grow up to be confused'. Apparently I looked foul in pink, but was doomed to constant pink or confusion (Mother chose confusion as an option). Glad things aren't like that now, and I can feel free to dress dd in whatever takes mine, or her, fancy, and that covers a multitude of style and colour, believe me

FrancesJ · 25/09/2002 20:04

And if it was entirely up to dd, it'd be red wellies, pink pjama bottoms, a tiger mask and, just to complete the ensemble, a see-through rainhat with spots on it that's two sizes too small

susanmt · 25/09/2002 20:46

I have to admit I REALLY wanted a girl the first time round. I never told anyone how I felt, because I felt stupid feeling that way, but I was really desperate for a girl. I got one, and it was only after she was born I even admitted to dh how I had felt. With No2 I didn't mind - I had my girl, I got a boy, we are delighted.
Most of my friends seemed to have boys first time and I felt like I was always standing up for dd being a girl, and trying to make people realise that she is herself, not just 'a girl'.
We are not having any more children, but that is not cos we have one of each, it is because we only want 2 - if ds had been a girl we would still have been stopping at 2.
What I don't like is people asking me if I think there is a difference between dd and ds because they are male/female. I don't think I can possibly tell at age 2+7months and 7 months. dd is herself, ds is himself. I hhope I can continue to value them like this, and not stereotype.

rosehip · 25/09/2002 21:01

I have one of each, daughter first (desperate for a girl) then a boy (desperate for a sister for first dd). Feel really guilty now about the whole thing 'cause he is gorgeous. Ideal world (loads of energy/money/time/patience) 2 girls (sister bonds) and 2 boys (brother bonds) thats because something really pulls at my heart strings when I see 2 little girls playing together - yes, I know the fighting etc... but I guess it's just a girl thing and then I'd feel guilty 'cause ds was on his own ......

manna · 25/09/2002 21:04

boys are fab!

sb34 · 25/09/2002 21:38

Message withdrawn

janh · 25/09/2002 21:51

Coo, what a mixed-up lot we are.

First time round I desperately wanted a boy, not a soppy girl, and got DD1, who I forced into dungarees etc.

Second time, having a lovely DD already, I wanted another DD, and got one, but she was nothing like the first one and has been an "interesting character" all her life.

Third time, wanted another girl but got a boy. He is very loving and affectionate and it is nice to have both kinds but sometimes I still kind of hanker after a girl (even though adolescent girls are horrendous and he isn't - yet.)

Fourth time I had amnio, so found out early on that we had another DS coming, so had time to get used to the idea. But lots of people were shocked that I was even having another, having got the precious boy.

Little girls are definitely easier and more fun to live with, more sociable and chatty and better at friendships etc (well, most are) but I think as they hit puberty and adolescence, boys are easier. But I suspect that when they grow up and get partners it still is "a son's a son till he takes a wife, a daughter's a daughter all her life" and that's the big difference.

Twink · 25/09/2002 22:07

Tinker, I'm so glad it's not just me. People often comment on the fact she's wearing blue trousers, & rugby shirt and so am I, it's not a conscious thing but happens frequently - will I ever get independent thought back ???

Have I got the only 3 year old trainspotting dd ? She is fanatical, knows the colour of slow trains, fast trains and is upset if we don't see a 'truck' train on a daily basis... I made the mistake of taking her to our local town by train and now she expects to do it every time (not always practical as station a big walk from town, although try to as often as poss !)

Rhubarb · 25/09/2002 22:13

I prefer girls as in my limited experience, all the boys I have had contact with, bar one, are noisy, rough, vicious and far too energetic for their own good! However I cannot stand girly girls either. But the main reason for wanting girls is that I have this thing about willies - I can't stand them!

Rhubarb · 25/09/2002 22:14

Oooh, did I really write that? I must stay off the beer!

WideWebWitch · 25/09/2002 22:15

Blimey Rhubarb, how ever did you get pregnant?

lilibet · 25/09/2002 22:16

Roobs, how did you get babies if you can't stand willies??

lilibet · 25/09/2002 22:17

great minds and all that www!

Demented · 25/09/2002 22:26

Tinker, I do that all the time, it's a bit embarrassing when you are out and you suddenly reaslise you are dressed the same as your three year old!

Rhubarb · 25/09/2002 22:36

I was going to say that I don't know what to do with them, but that's even worse isn't it!!!! I must stress that I am talking baby's willies here - they stand up on end when you least expect it, shoot wee everywhere, and well, I guess I could be talking about men too couldn't I? Oh why don't I just dig a grave for myself right here and now! I'll get my coat...

susanmt · 25/09/2002 22:51

ROFL Rhubabrb I really needed a laugh!!!

ScummyMummy · 25/09/2002 23:15

I'm so glad I had boys, despite being very keen to have 2 girls. If I hadn't had my boys I'd never have known how fab and varied they can be. I think there's often a wee bit of truth behind gender stereotyping- ie boys & girls TEND towards certain behaviours/likes and dislikes- but there's so much overlap and variety from child to child. I do hate the way girls are so often described as "clever and manipulative" and can in any case boast a boy with many wily traits in that direction! Also have one who is very sweet with babies and younger kids. I dress one of my sons in pink and purpley colours quite often because it suits his colouring. Expect the day will come when peer ridicule puts a stop to that Would still like a girl someday, if I ever get round to trying for another, but would be happy either way as I also quite like the idea of being surrounded by sons, something I could never have imagined saying a four years or so ago!

Tissy · 26/09/2002 08:59

When I found out I was pregnant, I desperately wanted a girl, but didn't tell anyone, and was ever so relieved when she arrived minus a willy! This thread has made me think hard about why it was so important...

I think the main reason is that dh has a son (15) from his previous marriage, the apple of his father's eye, and I wanted there to be absolutely no comparison. I get on well with him, but I've never felt like a stepmother, and was very conscious of the presence of his mother in his and our lives. She left dh for another man, took an unreasonable amount of the best stuff from their house, leaving dh with junk, took his son away but demanded money for every little thing he needed (this after running off with someone considerably better off!),and has generally been a pain i the *rse.I wanted this baby/ family to be completely different in every way. I know that if we'd had a boy it would have been, but there's no accounting for gut feelings! I also think that it's been easier for dh's son to accept a baby sister than a brother- I think he was a little worried that he was being replaced!

I've also had a great relationship in the past with my sister's dd, and did enjoy the dressing up bit, and doing girly things, even though I was a bit of a tomboy myself.

Dd does wear a lot of pink- we're still at 8 months working through all the clothes that we were given, but we just love her in dungarees and rugby shirts!

Tillysmummy · 26/09/2002 09:53

I really wanted a girl and have a girl. I wanted a girl because I have an extremely close relationship with my mother and I wanted that with a daughter. I want to be at her wedding (although she may chose not to marry of course ! And she may prefer the fairer sex..who knows!) and although I know it's not always the case it is more the case that if and when you're children get married the husband always seems to settle into the wife's family and the husbands family are never quite so involved, I guess the old saying, you lose a son. Having said that my dh's parents we see every week so there's an exception.

Anyway enough of my waffling, I don't mind what I have if I am lucky enough to get pregnant again. As long as it's healthy and happy.

Scatterbrain · 26/09/2002 10:02

That's really interesting - complete opposite of me I think - I've been psycho-analysing my feelings since yesterday and think I wanted a girl so much because I wanted to have a really close relationship with her. I have a very bad relationship with my mum, and as an only child don't have that female closeness from having a sister.

I'd always envied girls who had great "friendly" relationships with their mums. And I always wanted a little sister too !

VJR · 26/09/2002 10:18

My ds (almost 5) when asked what 3 colours he would like to paint his new room chose pink, lilac and cerise! Needless to say he did not get his own way and these choices gradually merged into blue, orange and green. I'm all for giving children a bit of leeway in these things but I didn't really fancy painting his room again in a years time when his school friends start questioning his choices!

He is loving and affectionate but is not at all boisterous like boys are supposed to be. I have to drag him out to the park and am always the one starting a game of footie. He is very lazy and would much rather stay home and play games/do puzzles. Does any one else have children like this?

I am not really complaining about this and now he has just started school I'm sure this will change but I hate to think of him not getting enough exercise.

Enid · 26/09/2002 10:22

Tinker, did I? Sorry, that doesn't sound like me. Scatterbrain, I apologise, wasn't pointing the virtual finger, sorry if it sounded like it.


Azzie · 26/09/2002 10:27

Interesting discussion - I'm glad to see that I'm not alone in wanting a boy (I'd heard before that more women wanted daughters and was starting to feel a bit odd there ).

The one thing I have learnt from having babies is that when they arrive you love them whatever they are - because they are them, and a unique person, not a boy or a girl.

I do sometimes wonder what happens when someone who wants a daughter to enjoy dressing them up, going shopping with them, having a friend etc gets a stroppy little jeans-loving tomboy like me instead .

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