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Do women really prefer daughters??

88 replies

zebra · 25/09/2002 14:21

After the news item on the front page of mumsnet. [But I can't get to it because I can't seem to log in (I have 7 email addresses & 5 usual passwords, and can't face trying all the combos).]

Anyway, we have the only girl on DH's side of the family (5 boys and 2 more on the way). Honestly I just want 'em healthy, but some friends have told me how much they really wanted a DD and it gives me the creeps.

[Part of the situation for me is I had a dreadful relationship with my mother who always wanted with me the relationship she didn't have with her own mother.]

And plenty of moms have told me that girls are sulkier as teens.

Why the obsession with DDs?
What's wrong with boys?

OP posts:
berries · 26/09/2002 10:42

Being a tomboy, I think (cant really remember) that I wanted a boy. Now have 2 beautiful dds and can't imagine why ANYONE would want anything different. I suspect I would have been exactly the same if I had had 2 boys though. Must admit, its been a bit of a struggle getting to grips with barbies, plaits (french braids no less) and all the other stuff my extremely girly dd1 wants, but fun. DH says hes going to leave home in 10 years time though - 2 lots of PMT and the menopause all kicking in at the same time!

tigermoth · 26/09/2002 11:12

All I can say is that over the past few days, two mothers I know with daughters only have said to me that they are just so glad they have girls.

I wanted a girl, too, but only until I'd had my son, then it didn't matter an iota. However I feel envious of my husband - he has so many skills that (sorry to stereotype) appeal more to little boys - and so can pass on lots of knowledge to them. So he's a hero while mummy knows nothing worth knowing. My skills and knowledge are far less relevant to them - I was a girly girl and I have boyish boys.

I wonder if fear of the unknown (a first baby) makes many inexperienced mothers instinctivley want a child of their own sex. I've got a feeling that second time and later mothers care a lot less. Did the survey separate mothers into first timers or not?

Ghosty · 26/09/2002 11:17

About stereotypes. When my niece was born my db and his wife decided that they would never encourage her to wear pink or play with dolls. My SIL is the most ungirly person you have ever met - only ever wears trousers/jeans/tracksuits (is a sportsteacher) wears very little make-up and never wears nail varnish etc. Somehow, 5 years down the line my niece is the most gorgeous pink princess you have ever seen! She will not wear anything unless it's pink and always plays with dollies. Her parents have positively discouraged 'pink' but it happened anyway!!!!
What does that mean??

Bozza · 26/09/2002 11:24

But Tigermoth they will probably idolise you when they get a bit older and any future DIL will have to match up....And you will be a rocking grandmother who takes your grandkids crabfishing and go-karting, lets them trash your house and buys them take-aways because you are too busy with the aforementioned so she's got no chance o)

On your point about fear of the unknown - my Mum is an only child with three daughters and when I produced her first (and so far only) grandchild - a boy - she did say that she wouldn't know what to do. But she does love him to bits and did from the beginning.

Azzie · 26/09/2002 11:50

Ghosty, interesting thought! My mum wanted me to be a girly girl, wear pretty clothes etc - maybe that's one reason I turned into such a tomboy . All you mums who dream of adorable pink frilly little girls, bear this in mind ... sadly this probably means that I should be forcing my dd out of the Thomas the Tank Engine sweatshirt (ds's cast-off) she currently lives in and into something entirely more feminine....

Batters · 26/09/2002 12:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CAM · 26/09/2002 13:00

Tinker and Twink, not only do I co-ordinate what I wear with what dd wears I make my dh join in too. So we go out like some ghastly catalogue family!!!!! For example, dd in navy hooded sweat jacket, dh in navy sweatshirt and mummy (!!) in navy cardi. All wearing jeans. Sad isn't it. Rhubarb, hysterical at your posts!
For the record, I wanted 2 dd's but both times believed I was pg with boys (maybe did't want to tempt fate). Got 2 dd's - but then I love dolls, I'm always dressing Barbie and the big dolls and playing with the doll's house. dd has more make-up than me and she's only 5. Pink is her favourite colour for clothes. Must stop now before I make you all feel sick.

Harrysmum · 26/09/2002 14:35

I really wanted a boy first time round and asked to know at my 20wk scan so that I could used to the idea if he wasn't. But he was and he's fab and he's more of everything than I could have possibly imagined. I thought that I would want more boys with the same intensity of desire as the first time and was surprised at how ambivalent I felt that either would be fine (obviously it would be fine anyway, it was more of just not having a preference). I think a lot of not wanting girls was being one - having the inside track on female thoughts, feelings, ways, means etc; that boys would be much more straightforward and much easier to have a longer relationship with (what does that say about my relationship with my mother!!). That and the thought of bras and makeup and boyfriends at 10!! However, now 25 wks and the ultrasound person at my 20wk scan was sure that he is another boy and we are just delighted that as far as they can tell he is ok (just irritated at the assumption the rest of the world makes that we should be disappointed because obviously we should have been wanting a girl for balance). I'm just looking forward to getting to know another little person.

binker · 26/09/2002 17:57

Give me a boy any day !!! I didn't mind what I might have when pregnant, but I'm so glad he was a boy !

Willow2 · 26/09/2002 19:02

Frankly, at the moment I would prefer a poke in the eye to my ds.

slug · 26/09/2002 19:48

Interesting this. I think women want girls because instinctivly we know where they are coming from. We were all girls once so we remember what's important to them.

I confess that while pg I was absolutly convinced I was carrying a boy. I suspect it had something to to with being madly in love with dh and wanting a little copy of him. (sigh) I was very surprised when the sluglet arrived minus a willy. (Actually we thought she was a boy for 20 minutes, but that's another story.) I wonder why that is why she's often to be seen crawling by in black trousers, a skull and crossbones t shirt and a leather jacket - though this could have something to do with her daddy's sad goth past. My excuse is that pink simply isn't her colour, but given that she's a blue eyed blonde, it's not one that people take very seriously.

WideWebWitch · 26/09/2002 20:55

Willow2 you often make me laugh. Now would that be with a sharp stick?

anais · 26/09/2002 22:15

I secretly quite wanted a girl 1st time round (though not desperately concerned either way, just wanted a healthy baby). I got a boy, and of course was delighted and wouldn't have changed him for the world. Second time I again, wasn't that concerned but thought it would be nice to have a girl - one of each. I had a girl. But I am always amazed how much it means to people. I was speaking to someone today who has just had a little boy, after having a little girl before. She says if it had been another girl, they'd have probably kept trying for a boy, but as they now had one of each they were stopping at two.

Maybe it's just me, and the fact that I want hundreds of babies, but I wouldn't have worried either way about gender.

MABS · 26/09/2002 22:40

Willow2 - just the poke for me please........

thumper · 26/09/2002 22:51

Got to admit, I cried tears of joy when I was told I had a girl, but then again would have cried tears of joy if she had been a boy after a 36 hour labour! Cried even more when they told me about the retained placenta!

Ghosty · 27/09/2002 09:22

I've got an admission....I am whispering in case DS hears this..... I was disappointed with my boy, I wanted a girl that badly. However, now would not change it for the world - My DS is the BIZ!
I am now ...sshh... whispering again... 6 weeks pg with No2 and although a dd would balance things out I really couldn't give a monkeys what I have as long as I have an easy labour, healthy child and no PND !!!!

Katherine · 27/09/2002 10:51

Have to agree here. Both my first two pg ended in mc but I was convinced both were girls as desperatly wanted one. Wanted to know sex of baby at 20wk scan for 3rd and happy pg - it was a boy! I was a bit shocked and have to admit on the way home I was sad and thought of my lost "daughters". But that was the only moment and once I knew we chose a name (Noah) and I got really excited. He's so lovely I'm ashamed I ever had those thoughts. When pg with no2 I was actually nervous of having a girl as I wouldn't know what to do. Didn't mind either way though. Turned out to be a girl and she's much more demanding than DS. Now with no 3 on the way I'd actually like another boy but only because I want a Reuben or a Jude! Would be a shame never to use any of those dresses again. I know he/she will be lovely either way. I think its natural to hanker after one or the other. Its a way of making it easier to imagine. I suspect a lot of the time its due to imaging certain situations, clothes etc rather than specifically wanting boy or girl. As long as you are not "disappointed" and keep an open mind.

KMG · 27/09/2002 10:56

I always wanted 2 boys. I was sure ds2 was a dd, as pg was so different from previous 2 pgs. When he was delivered I cried with joy and surprise that he was a boy.

... now that they are 3 and 5, I realise why lots of people always wanted girls! But I prefer the thought of 8-18 yr old boys than 8-18 yr old girls!

Some comments below on how great it is that you can dress them in anything now ... Girls you can, but not boys. My eldest ds has always loved anything pink, lilac, sparkly, shiny, ... In shoe shops he always wants the girls' shoes!

Rhubarb · 27/09/2002 13:36

MABS - that could be taken two ways!!

Scatterbrain · 27/09/2002 13:53

That reminds me of a tale my mil tells. One of her cronies, who sounds like a bohemian kind of lady, had 2 dss and 1 dd, the youngest ds always wanted to wear the girl's clothes and apparently for the first 4 years of his life went around in dresses etc - think he was even allowed long hair. By the time he went to school he was in boy's clothes but is a very soft sort of chap to this day, quietly spoken, artistic, kind to small animals etc - but perfectly masculine - 3 kids I think !

Just goes to show that sometimes going with the flow works - but imagine the comments she must have got !

Tortington · 27/09/2002 19:38

the answer to the question is no!, they want there hair pretty, they want to look pretty, they want make up and horse riding lessons and girly stuff, this all takes time and effort, rather like keeping a rare flower alive, i like my boys the way i like my plants - uncomplicated, they come home, put on scruffs play out, get fed, go out again , get a bath go to bed - rather like a cactus i would say
just water them now and again and they leave you alone

CP · 27/09/2002 20:01

To be honest, I really wanted a son first time around but am obvoiusly delighted to have a beautiful healthy girl. (All the bits are nicely tucked away and easy to clean!!!) She is ever so sweet and I would not trade her - but then I guess we all say that don't we?

bossykate · 27/09/2002 20:15

have to confess to a very mild twinge of disappointment when the sonographer told us it was most likely a boy. dh of course had a very mild surge of elation! (if it is possible to have a very mild surge of elation! oxymoron maybe?!)

of course now that ds is here, i think boys are fantastic and would probably have that twinge if it's a girl next time! funny isn't it?

interesting conversation

Lindy · 27/09/2002 20:36

I also own up to desperately wanting a girl, had a beautiful name planned, my mum was desperate for me to have a girl too ... we kept talking about 'her' and our plans. DH insisted he didn't mind either way. However, I had a lovely baby boy and now am just over the moon that I had a boy not a girl (I always knew I would only have one child so there's no question of 'next time' -even to the extent of looking at friends' little girls and thinking 'thank goodness I didn't have a girl' - is it 'nature' that makes us change our opinions so drastically (grandma is pretty chuffed too with her grandson, especially as we named him after her Dad!).

WideWebWitch · 27/09/2002 20:43

Hmmm, this is interesting I agree. I really wanted a girl and was convinced that was what I'd get: I was really disappointed when my 17 week scan showed a boy. But at least I had some time to get used to the idea. Now I reckon my ds is brilliant although I used to think that if I had another I would really like a girl (I have this idea that they're easier - go on, shout me down!!!) but have decided now that I wouldn't mind either way. I now feel I know about boys so a boy would be fine and I can't be arsed to work out ovulation times and all that malarkey you're supposed to do to try to get a girl, so it obviously isn't that important to me.

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