Bored with newborn

[Givemeabreak45]

I feel bad for admitting this and I feel like no one else seems to feel like this but I'm really struggling with my newborn...

This is my first baby, no family has met her due to giving birth the day after we went into second lockdown and we are now in tier 2 and dh's family are in tier 3. We're in London too so probably imminently going into 3. We have no support.

Dd is taking ages to feed (bottle feeding) like sometimes 1.5hrs + and I'm so bored of sitting there with her. She's not good at winding, is sometimes sick and screams relentlessly. She's unsettled most of the time. We don't get to bed until 2am as she won't settle and then up again at 5ish.
I'm not enjoying her. I never get time to do anything I want and maybe that makes me selfish but I'm so bored of the endless feeding, trying to stop her screaming, washing and sterilising bottles etc...

I have a chronic illness too to cope with which makes it harder. My dh is amazing but I feel bad for him.

I don't know how people cope with this...

Just to say you're not selfish or alone. It is hard but it does settle down.

I know it sounds weird maybe but you have to accept how much life has changed - that it's all about your wee DD for now. Do all the feeding, winding, changing etc and just try to do it as comfortably for you as you can - watch TV while feeding, go to bed early, get a baby swing, go for walks in sling to calm her during the day, whatever works really. Just try to find something to do with get that you do enjoy - maybe skin to skin, or walks through the woods? Ime the more you resent the life change the harder it will all be.

This will pass and it does get easier.
I felt similar with my 1st.

Try to stay positive and have something interesting/enjoyable on the TV in the background whilst you feed her. Sometimes I would be rocking my DD to sleep for so long and I was so bored I put headphones in and a podcast on whilst I paced the room with her in my arms.

Honestly before you know it, they are crawling/walking/talking/eating catfood and drawing on your walls and you miss the newborn snuggles.

Sending you virtual hugs!!

You're not alone and you shouldn't feel guilty. I remember feeling quite angry in the early weeks of motherhood, like I'd been lied to. I know it sounds trite and meaningless to you now, but not only does it get much, much easier, it also becomes enjoyable. These early stages are relentless and thankless, but they'll be miles behind you soon enough. Hang on in there, it's tough, but it will all be worth it.

Ps I had my DD when corona was just a brand of terrible lager. I have no idea how new parents are managing the early newborn days in lockdown. You're doing a great job under horrible circumstances

I could have written this a few months ago. I absolutely hated the newborn stage, it is relentless feeding, cleaning etc. My baby also took ages to eat so by the time she had finished, it was almost time for a feed again! Please believe me when I say it gets better. By 2 months we were into a rhythm and she was sleeping through the night and just become a delight to be around. Have you tired swaddling her for sleep? Works wonders for mine.

From 2nd December you're allowed to form a childcare bubble with another household in tier.

It does get better. I have a 4 month old and I couldn't help thinking I'd ruined my life at first. No one can understand how hard it is until they experience it. I still have tough days but I wouldn't change my life for a second. I promise it will get better and you will sleep one day. Go easy on yourself and take it a day at a time. Remember you can bubble with another household as you have a child under 1. Xx

Still bored 2 years later!

It does get better. The early bit can be boring and shit but it will get better

Youre not alone. Lots of people feel like this at the beginning. My second was a screamer. He spent most of his days and nights screaming at me and I ended up very depressed.
Have you tried a dummy, swaddling, anything to help her bring up the wind?

God I remember feeling exactly like this! Even the feeding was the same!

Re: bottle feeds taking ages and wind issues, I took mine to a tongue tie specialist for a check as all friends babies guzzled bottles whereas Dc took hour+. Turns out he had tongue tie - she snipped it there and then, £80 and within a day or so he was feeding so much better and far far less windy and grizzly. Best money ever spent

The transition from old carefree life to parenting can't be underestimated. It feels hideous at the time but you'll eventually adjust.

Agree that I didn't like newborn phase though. Bloody boring!

It is hard and covid has just made it even harder; it does get easier though. They get more enjoyable, they sleep more and to a certain extent you get used to the tedium of bottles although I still remember the happiness of putting the bloody steriliser away.
If you can then and find ways to meet other mums; a walk and coffee with people going through the same thing does help and it passes the time

So, I wasn't quite as unhappy with the new born phase, but I'd suggest:

• wireless headphones and a good series on Netflix
• download your local library's app and read some free books
• co-sleeping safely. You will feel better if you get more rest
• use a sling in the daytime.

Things will improve, give it time

It sounds completely normal.
Newborns are repetitive and worrying hard work. And at the same time you're doing it on hardly any sleep while recovering from pregnancy and birth. You will turn a corner in time. 2/3 months saw an improvement in both of mine.

I think your DD is born the same time as my now teen DS was. Until Xmas I was basically winging it, badly. I remember being utterly bored sitting on the sofa too.

I think there is something a bit 'thankless' in the first few weeks. You do everything to make your baby happy and are rewarded with screaming and sleep refusal. I love my little boy, and he was a very much wanted and planned baby, but during those first few weeks I wondered if I was cut out for this or if we'd made a mistake,although I would never have said that out loud.

He's 11 weeks now and his little personality is developing. His smiles and coos just make me melt and make me feel like I'm doing something right. Our days are quite repetitive, but the way I look at it is, he won't be this small forever. Due to complications when he was born, it's likely we won't have another child. I've taken the approach of embracing everything that is thrown at us. When he's screaming, I take a moment to look at his little scrunched up face, cause its kind of cute! When he's refusing to sleep I tell myself this won't last forever, enjoy holding him because soon enough he'll be too big to fit in my lap.

I was also going to suggest getting baby checked for tongue tie, it isn't only an issue with breastfed babies. Both of mine had TT, I bf them both but DS2's TT was so severe he couldn't bf or bottle feed really at all until it was divided. It's worth getting it checked if you can.

Although I had four children and I fostered newborns, it was a long time ago, so I'm happy to be told "We don't do that any more". What I found was that some babies did better with a teat with a larger hole. A feed should take about 20 mins maximum. Often if the hole was too small the baby suffered more wind pains, and that does sound like your baby.

Aw it's so hard especially when your little one takes so long to feed before you know it uv just finished a feed and it's time for next one. It is so hard in the newborn stage but it does get better, slowly but surely.

My second baby was awful at feeding it cld take an hour+ to get her to take an ounce. We tried several different brands of bottle that might be worth trying. We tried nuby but were recommended Nuk by the midwives. She was better on them but still not great so last resort we tried mam and again she was better with them. Least she wld take 2oz in an hour! We also went for a vari flow teat on those bottles. She can take 8oz now! But took until about 8/9 months old to get to that point.

May want to check signs of reflux or silent reflux too.

www.tongue-tie.org.uk/tongue-tie-information/

Oh yeah mine had tongue tie too but they didn't tell me about for 2/3 wks mentioned by HV by chance! They did nothing for it as we had then given up on breastfeeding by then.

Honestly, OP, that sounds exactly like my experience of the newborn stage, except I panicked and thought I needed to embrace motherhood and, as it was summer in London, I was always out walking for miles, at NCT coffee mornings, and attempting nonsense like baby massage classes that DS loathed and roared through.

If I had a time machine and also recognising retrospectvely that this time, though awful, is finite I would pull out every old black and white film I owned, and line up a stack of novels, and just amuse myself. DS needed nothing but my physical presence. I should have just cuddled him and zoned out on books and films a lot more.

Nobody ever seems to tell you in advance but newborns are absolutely awful. It's really boring and relentless and no time to do anything you want to. I coped by taking breaks from mine - they're meant to sleep in same room as an adult it doesn't have to be the mum, so I used to have a night off a week in the spare room whilst DD slept in crib next to DH. And I used to hand her over to him for 3 hours every evening which meant I wasn't 'on call'.
It does get better. I really didn't like mine for the first few months and thought I'd made the biggest mistake of my life. But I found it got easier at 6 weeks, 3 months and then 6 months.

I felt just like you. Podcasts were my friend and kept my sanity. I could listen to something funny, interesting, topical etc and take my mind away from the boredom.

Omg the baby stage is soooooo boring! I went from full time job to just staring at the click willing it to be time to put baby to bed and my husband to come home.
We joined post natal group when he was three weeks, I went out for a long walk every day (stopping for coffee half way), but my goodness it was dull. It is definitely better when they start interacting with you, but I was happy to go back to work part time when he was five months.