Bored with newborn

[Givemeabreak45]

I feel bad for admitting this and I feel like no one else seems to feel like this but I'm really struggling with my newborn...

This is my first baby, no family has met her due to giving birth the day after we went into second lockdown and we are now in tier 2 and dh's family are in tier 3. We're in London too so probably imminently going into 3. We have no support.

Dd is taking ages to feed (bottle feeding) like sometimes 1.5hrs + and I'm so bored of sitting there with her. She's not good at winding, is sometimes sick and screams relentlessly. She's unsettled most of the time. We don't get to bed until 2am as she won't settle and then up again at 5ish.
I'm not enjoying her. I never get time to do anything I want and maybe that makes me selfish but I'm so bored of the endless feeding, trying to stop her screaming, washing and sterilising bottles etc...

I have a chronic illness too to cope with which makes it harder. My dh is amazing but I feel bad for him.

I don't know how people cope with this...

1.5hrs for a single bottle is excessive. Hospital nurses said 30mins was the absolute Max. If it takes longer they don't have time to digest and get hungry for their next feed in 3hrs.

Try Changing ur bottle teats for something faster and anti colic.

My premature baby (born at 34w) who is now only 3w uses Mam bottles with a size 2 teat. Our feeds take 15-20mins for 90mls.

If u crack the feeds life won't feel so bad as u will have a little time to urself in between. Also speak to ur gp, they may be able to offer support x

Maybe try different bottles, i had this with one of mine, and had to wind each ounce else was sick. I changed Dr Brown bottles as meant to reduce the intake of air. And maybe also try a different formula, had to change for one of mine as was screaming and drawing legs up. Also gave Gripe Water. It does feel awful when in the middle of it and everyone else seems to find it so easy

I felt exactly the same OP. I was convinced I had made a terrible mistake, would resent spending time doing boring things like wash and sterilise bottles and household chores, and anxiously wait for the baby to wake up and scream again. I would think back to my previous life without a baby and just cry tears of regret and bitterness.

I used to say to myself every day ‘fuck my life’!

I’m not saying I still don’t have those days, but as your little one gets older you will enjoy it more and more, and the change will be so gradual that you won’t even notice.

My DS is 15 weeks now and I noticed a difference around 8 weeks. What made a difference for me was keeping busy and distracted, reading books and stuff online about how to play with babies and their development (this made me feel less guilty), take the baby out for long walks.

The odd cocktail helped.

And just give yourself a break and allow yourself those feelings, they are valid and normal.

It can feel really lonely at the minute! I found out I was pregnant on the first day of the March lockdown and gave birth halfway through the second one! It’s been difficult but you are now entitle to bubble with another household as you have a child under one. This has been a godsend to me...it has meant that firstly I get adult company and secondly, I can get a few jobs done while my mum watches baby! Having a baby is a huge life adjustment and one made much harder for new mums this year due to the loneliness and isolation.

I felt like this too - I couldn't believe how boring and trapped I felt; I had this idea that it would be hard work but constant busyness and never a moment to sit down, etc., I wasn't at all prepared for feeling like I was under house arrest. People tell you to enjoy sitting on the sofa watching Netflix all day but I could have done that any time pre-baby and couldn't think of a worse way to spend a weekend, why would I want to do it now?!

It does pass. I now have a toddler who is the absolute light of my life, time with him is busy and non-stop and interactive and I love it. I still think the newborn bit was shit but now know it passes and is worth it - and I really must think that, because I'm 32 weeks pregnant with no. 2! Some women love it (lots of those then hate other stages - every person I know who adored the little baby stage isn't nearly as keen as me on the toddler stage) but it's fine to see it as something you endure to go onto better things! I wish I could go back in time and tell myself that; in hindsight my only regret for the newborn stage was the time I spent worrying that if I hated it I'd hate all of motherhoodd (people who said it was the easy bit really didn't help here), which turned out to be categorically not true.

Mine was also an epic feeder (breast, but I don't think it makes much difference) and I so remember feeling angry that I was trapped under him all day doing nothing, then feeling guilty that I felt angry, then feeling sad that I was felt so guilty...

Thanks everyone, I feel better that it’s not just me who has felt like this. Unfortunately we have no one to form a bubble with - my mum is dead and I don’t have a good relationship with my dad and have no other family. My DH’s family live 200 miles away so difficult.

Our midwife said dd does have a tongue tie but wasn’t an issue.. so I don’t know?

Yep I’m not much for sitting all day watching tv so find it hard.

OP - I mentioned tongue tie earlier. In my experience, midwives will not do anything for it if it's a bottle fed baby. I bottle fed from birth and got no support from midwives or HV for his feeding issues (they dismissed that tongue tie could be a problem for bottle fed babies - however my bottle fed nephew had previously had the same issue and nothing done and later had speech therapy due to severity of tongue tie when he was 4). I had to google a private lactation consultant who did tounge tie snips and it was very quick and not traumatic for DC at all. I can't stress how much difference it made. If you have a spare £50-80 defo have a google for local help on this.

Check for tongue tie, reflux/silent reflux and CMPA x

I felt the same as you do, absolutely hated the newborn stage. You sound like your coping pretty well tbh. What is DH doing? If baby is bottle fed there's really no excuse for the night shifts not to be split fifty fifty.
Like most people have said, I promise this relentless medium will improve as baby grows older. Hang in there. This is NOT your life forever.

Tedium!

It's hard. I remember feeling like that with DD1, I honestly don't know how I would
Cope if it was now in the middle of pandemic as my mum and friends helped me so much.

It really does get easier but it's hard to see at the time x

Newborns are quite dull to be honest. It’s ok not to enjoy it. They get better!

Can you form a bubble with a friend? If you aren’t one for TV then a sling and going out for a good long walk might help? Your DC will be fine tucked up in a sling and you might feel more yourself.

No advice as I'm right in the thick of it too, but I feel exactly the same and it does feel good to say it/see other people saying it. My little boy is nearly 12 weeks old and I feel like I'm living in Groundhog Day but with more screaming. He's a difficult, high needs baby who cries a lot but even if he wasn't I think I'd be struggling with the life change. I've sat and cried my eyes out thinking about how easy my life was and how I took it for granted. I almost feel like I'm in mourning for my pre-baby days. It's not to say I don't love him, I do, he's gorgeous - but most days I do feel that I'm not cut out for this. Parenting definitely doesn't come easily or naturally to me, but I'm hoping as he gets older things will be different. Sending supportive hugs!

The baby stage is so hard. I have a 3 month old who is a terrible feeder, pulls off and on the bottle, choking, crying and fussing. Feeds take about 45 mins now (they were 1.5 hours until maybe 10 weeks). DC has reflux and CMPA and is on special formula and omeprazole but it’s not making much of a difference. It is so hard.

However, my first baby was exactly the same as this - and I do mean “exactly”. It found it got a lot easier around 4 months and he became a fairly easy baby (I did introduce solids at 17 weeks and that made the world of difference to his reflux and feeding).

Things got so enjoyable that I was pregnant again when he was 9 months old. He’s now a toddler, and so easygoing and great fun - and full of mischief. I absolutely love the toddler phase. I’m counting down the days til DC2 gets easier and older.

Just try to take things day by day (I try to take it feed by feed) and time will pass and each milestone will make things easier.

@moonriver32
I was absolutely weighed down every day by a crippling sense of loss. It was by far the worst time of my life (and I've had some bad times).

Never again. Life is so different now.

How are you feeling now OP?

@WednesdayAllTheWay That's exactly it. And then you have the guilt for feeling that way when it's meant to be the best time of your life. It's bloody hard.

@moonriver32
Yeah the guilt of feeling like there is something wrong with you because you aren't enjoying it. I remember meeting the occasional mum who would tell me she was loving it and thinking what can you possibly find to enjoy about this utterly relentless hard work (and I was in so much pain as well with various things related to birth/bf). Now I know plenty of people feel that way, and the ones that don't are probably very lucky or have lots of time off!
Trust me OP, from what you've described you're doing great and things do improve, just not as quickly as we'd all probably want.

When my wee girl was a newborn, many of the pleasures I took were in having people visit, in getting out and about and chatting to other mums. I hated days when we were stuck at home alone because yes, newborns are incredibly boring! So massive for you dealing with all this in the midst of covid. It will get better. Restrictions will ease and your DD will get older and more "fun".