Struggling, advice please!

[ExcavatorHater]

Hi so I am a SAHM to DS who is 2 years 9 months and I am also self employed working 20-25 hours a week when he is in bed.

The last few weeks everything is getting on top of me. DS is really challenging and pushing every single boundary. We get outdoors every day on his balance bike or to the park or to feed the ducks or something and I always make sure I give him some one to one attention where I sit and play with him.. but this is never enough.

I have other things to do during the day, cleaning, washing, cooking general house admin stuff and as soon as I try to get anything done he will literally demolish the house.

I'm not talking about just taking toys out, I mean filling the toilet with toys getting himself soaked in the process, grabbing a box of oats out the cupboard and chucking them everwhere, finding some of his poster paints and squirting it all over his playroom.

I know it's probably for attention, but then it means he gets less attention from me as I basically spend all day cleaning up all this mess and not being able to sit and play or do nice crafts or something with him. And I'm not joking about this level of mess, it is constant one thing after another.

I try to get him involved in helping me do tasks and sometimes he will, sometimes he isn't interested. His speech is fantastic and he knows he's not supposed to do these things but he just won't stop! I don't know what to do? Some days I feel as though I'm just telling him off all day and it makes me feel so guilty. If I didn't work I would have time to catch up on things when he slept but I don't even have the evenings to do that as I have to work.

I'm already not sleeping enough, I can't sacrifice anymore sleep to catch up so what do I do, I feel like I'm losing the plot. I can't carry on like this I just feel like I am failing at everything

Bump

He doesn't have any impulse control yet, so he just can't stop himself. Remove the opportunities. Lock the bathroom door, baby locks on the kitchen cupboards, paint out of the way. Babyproof your house.

Mine was a terror at that age too, really hard work. Locks for your cupboards are a must, mine liked to try and pull open any free drawers that he could and empty the contents every day for about 2 yrs.

Obviously paint/pens/crayons also need to be locked away.

Other than that it's just close supervision really, stair gates up in the doorways so you can keep him contained/in the same room as you whilst you do other things.

It does pass though, I promise!

That's a lot of hours to work with no childcare - when do you get the free nursery hours? Mine bit into one of those fairly washing tabs at this age after following me into the washing machine area while in was trying to get a wash on! That and trying to eat cat biscuits. 2 years old - mobile and senseless. It's a hard phase, I'd never have held down a job without nursery.

I'm counting down the days until this impulse control kicks in

Will be getting locks tomorrow! I did move all his paints and crayons but he managed to find a stray one today and thought the playroom would look good in a nice shade of blue!

Glad to hear it passes, I love being at home with him but my god it's hard work!

That sounds absolutely exhsuting, no wonder you are stressed. It does sound, however, like you may have unrealustic expectations about how much you can get done with a toddler in the house. I don't think his behaviour sounds attention seeking, he is just curious and wanting to experiment. He should get his 3 year old funded nursery place after Easter, which will meet his needs for exploration and variety. And you will get lots done and enjoy him better for having a break from him.

We won't get funded hours until September, I have been thinking about sending him for maybe 2 mornings a week from early next year though as I never get a break to catch up on anything. But then I feel guilty that I will technically be at home and I don't NEED to send him, I am choosing to. But he would be better off at preschool than at home with a stressed mum wouldn't he?

A lot of these behaviours should have been prevented.

I'm not talking about just taking toys out, I mean filling the toilet with toys getting himself soaked in the process, grabbing a box of oats out the cupboard and chucking them everwhere, finding some of his poster paints and squirting it all over his playroom.

There should be locks on the toilet and cupboards, and keeping paint within his reach is just asking for a disaster. He's not even 3 years old! You can't possibly expect him to have a shred of impulse control at this age surely.

I think the reason I'm struggling now is with all these lockdown no family has been able to visit, both of our mums love him and he loves them and I used to get my break when they came to stay with us! Obviously that hadn't been able to happen really since March!

The paint I should have moved earlier lol I take that on board, the toilet I can't really lock as he is not in nappies anymore. The dangerous cupboards are locked but will get more locks for non dangerous cupboards too!

You should get the nursery mornings - you're doing 20-25 hours of work a week, not many would attempt that without at least that much nursery. Where I am, 35 hours a week is a full time job in some sectors.

You can't follow then around all the time and you do need a bit of calm time. As you've had no family help respite either the two mornings is clearly a good idea.

Your ds still spends lots of time with you and it'll be a nice way to ease him into September.

I think nursery will be wonderful for him, and really wonderful for you! You need that time to yourself.

Can your partner help out more so you have less to do house work during the day?

He could batch cook and clean in the evenings?

Thank you I am think I need to sign up to the two mornings a week, toddler proof the house more and lower my expectations of my DS.

It's hard to forget how little they are sometimes when you're with them all the time!

Take him and his favourite teddy for a 30 min walk before you start work , whenever you can, rain hail or shine , or a 30 min walk at lunch. If you can gets in an hour of exercise a day in, either by toddler exercise video or dance music or whatever, he will settle down a lot better to a couple of quieter activities after. But do expect to play together and to need to keep redirecting to new activities , as you know, attention span is short and he needs your support.

Mine were exactly the same at that age, my daughter for light entertainment while pare were oblivious, quietly crayoned herself and the car on a car trip ,woke a bit earlier in morning and quietly smeared cot with poo
As @Cauterize @Ohalrightthen and @anon444877 have said, it’s a toddler thing and normal expression of curiosity, and baby proofing rooms , and containing in a room within your sight helps , but there will be mishaps so best to expect that and, where possible ( but not advisable with smeared poo ) , give him his own little broom, colourful cloth or wipes and make the cleaning up a game to do together 🤗

I've got two and I certainly think, looking back, my dc1 was excellent at speaking and perhaps I expected too much in terms of good behaviour from her, whereas dc2 always gets the benefit of the doubt as her speech is not as advanced so she seems younger than her sister at that age.

I meant it's easy to forget how little they are! That would be the brain fog

My partner works nights so it's awkward as his evening time is our mornings, he does cook us breakfast a few times a week but he doesn't get much time off so we try to do nice things together when he's off rather than housework.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=pISwIAgGRqk

Yeah I think that's what I do, his speech is so good I expect more from him, and now he's potty trained it feels like he's older I suppose. It's my fault I always say he is amazing and I know he's not doing it to be naughty, I just struggle to deal with the aftermath sometimes. That's my problem and not his fault which is why I am asking for advice

We definitely get our hour of outdoor activity in, even when it's freezing cold we just wrap up warm! He sleeps well too usually 10-12 hours a night so I can't complain in that respect.

Thankyou for the video @midsummabreak I will get him doing that when he wakes up he will love it!

Do any of you wise people have any tips on how to combat him messing in our dogs water bowl too? This is another issue at least twice a day he manages to soak himself and the floor with it, the floor is just mopped up but he gets through so many clothes changes because they're wet

A playpen and ear defenders are your answer😂

If I got a playpen I am pretty sure he'd launch himself out of it and somehow lock the dog inside

@ExcavatorHater

Yeah I think that's what I do, his speech is so good I expect more from him, and now he's potty trained it feels like he's older I suppose. It's my fault I always say he is amazing and I know he's not doing it to be naughty, I just struggle to deal with the aftermath sometimes. That's my problem and not his fault which is why I am asking for advice

We definitely get our hour of outdoor activity in, even when it's freezing cold we just wrap up warm! He sleeps well too usually 10-12 hours a night so I can't complain in that respect.

Just an hour a day? I have two toddlers and we're out multiple times a day.
Morning: playground for 1.5hrs
Lunch: play/chill/nap/TV
Afternoon: dog walk or other activity out of the home for 1.5-2hrs

I literally just exhaust my children so they don't go crazy when we're indoors.

Do any of you wise people have any tips on how to combat him messing in our dogs water bowl too?

I had this delightful issue when my kids (now adult) were little. The solution that worked for me was to give the dog water several times throughout the day with me standing there. I'd call the dog in, they would get a big long drink and then I would put the bowl up. At night, the water bowl would be available until morning. Honestly, it was the only way to deal with it. By 3.4 - 4ish this probably won't be an issue anymore.