Baby hates formula and I am at the end of my rope

[Eggcellent29]

DS is 9 months and FF.

He was initially EBF but a very serious PPH and the shitest HV in the world put a stop to that.

He has never liked formula. Every single bottle has been a battle since we swappe over 8 months ago. And I mean. Every. Single. Bottle.

He has reflux which doesn’t help but has meds for this.

He has only EVER had formula when asleep. When he is awake, you’d like I was trying to force feed him razor blades. But now that he’s getting older, finding that sweet spot between totally asleep and awake is almost impossible. It’s also impossible for us to get out anywhere because I can’t just get him to nap in car or pram etc because he needs a bottle.

We are losing naps because when I give him the bottle he wakes and kicks off. If I don’t give it to him, he wakes from hunger or won’t settle

It is really, really, really grinding me down. I already feel like a shit enough mum that I could carry on BF and it feels like I can never get away from that shame because three times a day we go through this hell. The thought of another three months is overwhelming

People around me are suggesting cows milk instead. He already has one small bottle during his second nap (he had been refusing formula for weeks in the day so it’s not replacing it ifyswim) and it’s bliss - he drinks it and goes right off and I don’t spend half an hour crying

Has anyone else been in this situation? I’ve honestly never met a baby that hates formula so much. He eats loads of solids so I’m not worried about nutrition as such. HV said to drop to just two bottles but then he’s hungry

Has anyone else just given two formulas and two cows milk at this age? I know the guidelines say no blah blah blah, but they also say all sorts of stupid shit like demonising any mum who gives their baby purée one second before they turn 6 months, which is perfectly fine. I’ve never met ANYONE who has kidney, digestive problems etc because their mum gave them cows milk before they were one, so why am I so worried about it?!

If you had he same problem but didn’t use cows milk, what did you do instead? I’ve tried all the ‘obvious’ things and none of it has made a blind bit of difference

What sort of formula have you tried?

I would try and make up intake through food too e.g. offer full fat dairy products like yoghurt, fromage frais, cheese, etc
How much formula are they having?

Have you tried formula in a bottle?

If he still has had reflux 9 months I would wondering if he has an allergy.

Normal, reflux, hungry, various brands, instant, powder.

Baby has plenty of variety and dairy in diet, so I’m not worried about that.

I’m not sure what I’m worried about really.

I guess it’s the ‘you should do this’ thing.

Between 16-20oz but it’s torture. If it was up to him I think he’d have about 8 🤷‍♀️

Oh yes, sorry I should have said that I’ve tried four different types of ‘cups’ and more bottles than I can care to remember 😂

I hadn’t considered an allergy! He’s fine with cows milk and dairy, what could be in the formula that’s causing an allergy?

From about 10 months around 400mls would be recommended which is around 13oz. That doesnt all need to be as a drink so I think your idea of a mix of formula, cows milk and full fat diary would be ok.

Have you tried using a cup rather than a bottle - either one with a spout or a sippy cup (Doidy?)

I had a slightly different issue with my DD in that she was EBF, but wouldn't switch to bottles at all -even expressed. She never drank formula, nor cows milk. Still doesn't at 16yo!

We just switched to lots of yoghurt, fromage frais etc as part of her diet. Lots of milk in porridge. Could you try something like that before bed so that they're not hungry at night?

I'd start shifting over to cows milk personally. The emotional impact on you both has got to be shit. Just make sue he's taking a good vitamin

Not quite the same issue, but I just accepted that my baby was a little and often eater. He never had more than 6oz at a time. My DM was convinced that I was just too impatient or not waiting a sufficient time between feeds, but when she looked after him for a day admitted defeat. Basically, if giving 8oz at a time solves part of your problem then I'd do that!

My baby was happy on formula until we started weaning and from then on just decided she much preferred food to milk! At 9 months only had a 7oz bottle before bed and would not persuaded to have any more. The paediatrician (we were living abroad where it’s normal to see one for routine care) said this was fine as she was eating/growing well, to feed plenty of full fat dairy products and to add in a multivitamin- we had some drops that we hid in yogurt.

Have you tried different formulas? My youngest would only drink one specific formula. My eldest refused all milk and I could only get about 100ml a day into her. I was told to make sure she had yoghurt and cheese and to give her a multivitamin. That was nearly 15 years ago though so might be different now

Sorry more posts since I started typing. I see that you have tried different formulas.

If he has reflux then big bottles won’t be great to be honest. Little and more often may be a little better for him.

I think the reason cows milk isn’t advisable for younger babies is because it’s from such a big animal that it’s harder to digest for a smaller animal. If you’re really concerned about it I wonder if it would be worth trying sheep’s milk. I’ve no idea how readily available it is though. woodlandsdairy.co.uk/why-sheep-milk-is-better-for-you-than-cow-or-goat-milk-nutritional-benefits-of-sheep-milk/

This probably isn't helpful but my mum reared all her children on cow's milk from the early 50s to late 60s. It was very common then. I don't think we suffered at all!

I'd do what you planned and supplement with vitamins A,C and D as recommended between 6 months and age 5 anyway, if taking less than 500mls of formula

Gosh I've never come across a baby who hates formula. I've come across a few who hated bf but really loved formula.

Hope somebody can give you some good advice

@Eggcellent29

Normal, reflux, hungry, various brands, instant, powder.

Baby has plenty of variety and dairy in diet, so I’m not worried about that.

I’m not sure what I’m worried about really.

I guess it’s the ‘you should do this’ thing.

Between 16-20oz but it’s torture. If it was up to him I think he’d have about 8 🤷‍♀️

16-20oz seems a lot at his age considering his diet. If you drop the bottles when he fights them, his appetite should pick up to compensate after a few days.

Possibly a daft question, but do the bottles have the right teat size/flow speed for him as that can cause issues with babies?

Cows milk isn't bad, it just doesn't have as many nutrients. If you give a vitamin supplement and try to use formula in food e.g. cereal, omelette, cheese sauce, then you could probably give more of the bottles as cows milk. You could also try mixing the two but that might put him off all together I guess.

OP this was my middle child! Always had to be dream fed, got to 7 months and that stopped too so I was pulling my hair out! The HV said as long as she was getting plenty of full fat dairy i shouldn't worry. I made lots of things like cheese sauces, rice pudding, custard etc on top of yoghurt and cheese and she remained on her centile and grew well. She never did take to drinking cows milk so hasn't had a milk feed since 7 months. 6 years old and perfectly fine now. Try not to worry and just up the dairy in foods.

"He was initially EBF but a very serious PPH and the shitest HV in the world put a stop to that."

"It is really, really, really grinding me down. I already feel like a shit enough mum that I could carry on BF and it feels like I can never get away from that shame because three times a day we go through this hell. The thought of another three months is overwhelming"

I don't have anything to add about the formula but I just want to pick up on this.

It's not your fault you can't breast feed and you need to stop feeling bad about it. You didn't choose to have a serious PPH! As for the HV they are hit and miss and BF support is absolutely shit in the UK. You tried and it didn't work. It's not your fault.

I know people who BF one baby but couldn't BF another. It's down to the baby as well as you. You didn't have the right support so the odds were against you anyway! There is nothing wrong with FF and a fed baby is best. Please stop feeling bad about this. You are a great mum and you are doing your absolute best in a difficult situation. Your baby is lucky to have a lovey mum like you. Please be kind to yourself.

Thank you all so much for your kind and thoughtful responses. I am having a little cry over how many of you have responded with such kindness and helpful tips for me.

He’s had some cows milk and is sleeping happily. I went and picked up some vitamins as well.

It’s so good to get a variety of views from other mums - I think this is something that us pandemic mums have really lost out on with the groups etc being cancelled/so limited - and you all raise some valid points.

I honestly can’t tell you how much better I feel ❤️ And baby must be happy too because he’s sound asleep!

Mine was literally down to one milk feed at 8months and that was in the morning. Just wanted food! Used to make lots of things with formula to get it in to her - mash, custard etc and use it on cereal - could get about 5oz in to a weetabix. I used to worry like mad!! Believe it or not she is now 4 and begs for milk several times a day and drinks more now than she did as a baby 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ She is fit, strong and thriving - it did her no harm to have very little milk and mainly food. If your little one is hungry without the milk feed could you maybe give a small portion of ready break/porridge/weetabix made with formula before bed to help with sleep? Also if you’re worried about giving cows milk could you maybe do 1/2 cows milk and 1/2 formula in the bottle instead? It’ll taste more like cows milk but you have the reassurance of him having some formula too? Personally, If he is happy drinking cows milk then I would just go with it and not worry too much. You sound like a lovely caring mum doing your best to make sure your little one is happy. Well done you xxxx

You aren’t alone - my son was the same!

He was tongue tied and had silent reflux due to this (has your soon been properly assessed for TT?)

I think my son had some kind of bottle aversion for a while, even after TT was resolved.

Anyway, I got as much dairy in him through his diet (porridge with milk, cheese sauce, yoghurts etc) Switched him to cow’s milk at 11 months and he definitely preferred it, but still didn’t take big milk feeds.

God knows how or why, but from about 14 months he suddenly loved bottles of cow’s milk. He’s 21 months now and really enjoys a bottle.

It’s so hard, but it passes. You do what you have to do to get through until it all clicks in to place. Personally, i’d be giving him the cow’s milk.

I had to try a lot of different cups. The best were the cheap £1.50 IKEA cups. It was prescription formula I was force feeding once a day.
If it’s calories you are worried about the Ella’s kitchen coconut and I think bananas has double the calories or any of the other pouches.

You poor thing. The only reason cows milk is suggested after 12 montbs is to appeal to lowest common denominator type people who would probably switch to that at the earliest opportunity and not fortify with vitamins. Talk to your HV but mine was clear that after weaning and up to 12 months cows milk was fine but you do need to provide a good baby vitamin.

Oh and if possible try Graham’s Gold (the channel island gold top milk). It has more protein, more fat, and channel islands cows produce more omega 3s - all of which are good for babies and kids.