Feel like Christmas mum failure

[derbygirl23]

DS is 23 weeks old and feel like I’m such a poor excuse of a mum compared to others. Other mums have decorated Christmas trees and their houses look lovely - mine is covered in crap, baby toys everywhere, if I find time to Hoover I’m lucky. Feeling rubbish as want to make it a nice first Christmas for baby but just don’t see myself finding the time.

How is everyone so much more put together than me ☹️

Big toy basket. Come 6 pm shove it all away barr a bedtime book..
Evenings without looking at dc crap are a boost ime..

It's not even December! Give yourself a break. I mean this kindly but your lovely baby will not give one shit about Christmas. There's so much pressure and social media hype but it really doesn't matter, it's one day.

@DisappointedkoalaYou’re right - I follow some mums on Instagram who have babies the same age as mine and they all seem to be doing much better than me and have more time! Not to mention not looking like a mad scarecrow all day without having time to brush my hair...

Maybe when DS is in her own room and I get my evenings back then things will feel better.

He won’t really ‘get’ Christmas until 2023, so stop beating yourself up and get off social media.

Instagram is definitely not a representation of real life. Those mums have their tree up and in the picture it looks amazing, but I'm sure the rest of their house which they arent photographing looks just line mine or yours. Please dont compare yourself and feel bad.

Your little baby will have a fantastic Christmas even if you have no tree and you eat beans on toast for dinner. Shes got a mum who clearly loves and cares and that's all that matters.

You’ve got a couple of years Before your little one will notice or care. If where you live people do a lot of outside lights pop baby in the pram of an evening and have a nice walk to see the lights. Enjoy other people’s efforts and give yourself a break!

I have a baby slightly older.

Basket for toys (throw in at the end of each day)
Hoover - I bought an eufy Robot hoover last month. Fabulous. It hoovers for me at 7am every day
Christmas isn’t even December yet. Put tre sup in a few weeks

They are babies, they really won’t care what you do this year. So do what you have energy for and don’t worry.

Instagram is completely fake. #instasham

There is what looks amazing on Instagram - perfect Christmas trees, and what a 23 month old would actually enjoy - spreading toys around his house! Sounds like your little one is having a great time.

But I second the poster who mentioned the big toy basket, it makes for a much more pleasant evening if you can take 3 mins to chuck the toys in a basket and close the lid straight after he’s gone to bed!

Step away from Instagram! The best Christmas you can give your baby is one full of love and maybe some twinkly lights to look at. He won't care about anything else. Don't worry about unbrushed hair, my DDs first Christmas photos include me sporting a fringe that I thought would make me look Claudia Winkleman-esque. The reality was rather more Janet Street-Porter

I took two pictures earlier of my 1 yr old in her Xmas dress just from slightly different angles. Picture 1 you’d think my house had been hit by a bomb toys and things everywhere (because we’d spent an afternoon playing having fun) picture 2 your classic perfect Instagram picture room looks spotless

I put picture 1 on my SM! I’ve been trying to get away from this perfect picture nonsense I’d bet all those other mums pictures you see they’ve spent ages arranging things to his mess or taking a ton just to get that one perfect shot!

Right, not to be a martyr but why do some mum's not manage to brush their hair? What are you doing instead? I'd put my girl in the bouncer, bounce it with my food and sing songs while getting ready for the day. Babies sleep, use the time wisely if you can. Put them in a carrier and get on with jobs.

Of course if you're happy doing what your doing, then that is fine! But don't get upset that others are managing, you can manage if you want to. I managed to put my Christmas tree up last year while my daughter had a tummy bug, my husband helped. Do you have a partner?

By the same token, it is still November so having the house decorated isn't essential. How many toys goes your 23 week old have?? Chuck em all in a box at the end of the day, 2 second job. Tidy as you go, be organised. You can do it.

My baby is 17 weeks and we put a few decorations up today, but definitely took a very less is more approach, small plastic tree, lights, few baubles, bit of tinsel over the fireplace. Took bloody ages in between looking after the baby and whilst it looks quite pretty a) I still haven’t hoovered b) there’s still a Moses basket, play gym and bouncy chair taking up all the floor space and assorted toys, musilns and other baby related detritus scattered everywhere and c) the rest of the house still leaves a lot to be desired.

We only put the bits we did up today to see if the theory that it will cheer up a tough year will work - normally i wouldn’t dream of it until a good way into December.

Stop following instamummies - guaranteed way to feel better!

Your little one will have a lovely Christmas I’m sure. In the sense that he’ll enjoy looking at some coloured lights and ripping up a bit of shiny paper, maybe playing with an empty box or two. I really don’t think they care about much else.

Decorating a tree takes about an hour? What’s getting in the way OP?

@jomaIone maybe slightly exaggerating with the scarecrow reference, I think I just feel rank compared to my usual self where I would shower and do my hair and make up everyday, and have a perfect house full of decorations! To be honest it is probably just me adjusting that things won’t be picture perfect this year, you’re right, I do need to pull myself together.

Instagram is the devil. Thanks everyone for reassuring me that real life is not like that!

@IntoP20 you’re right! But it used to take me ages to make it perfect, perhaps have to lower expectations

Please don't let people's SM accounts influence you or marr your time with your son - it's completely wasted time that you won't get back. A friend, quite succinctly, described SM as a shop window (years before Instagram and FB was still new). It's not real or every day life, it's simply a snapshot. Step away from Instagram, get a big toy box and enjoy your time with your son. The days, are long but the years, are short - terribly clichéd but terribly true.

@Cam2020 that’s exactly how I feel, the days are so long but the weeks seem to roll by. Thank you for saying this, I needed a reality check to appreciate each day and not wish them away.

Ignore social media, it's the devil when it comes to making people feel guilty/inferior.
If I was to put a picture up of me watching tv once dd is in bed, my living room looks amazingly clean, clutter free and like an adult room. However what people don't see is the corner where I've shoved all my dds toys,

Sorry pressed post too early 🤦🏻‍♀️
My theory is by the end of day, as long as it's out of sight it's out of mind.
Enjoy your little baby, this is the best time and a perfectly tidy/festively decorated home won't be the things you remember when you look back at this time.

My DS is a couple of weeks older than yours, and you'd see me on Instagram with a full face of hair and make up looking happy with the decs up. But in reality, 6/7 days I have scraggly hair, unshaven legs, baby sick on a tatty jumper and might be crying at 3pm counting down the minutes until bedtime!

It's bloody hard work, OP, so solidarity! Have you got a supportive partner? I find having DP take charge of all things baby one of the weekend days gives me chance to catch up on self care, have a nice bath, do my make up etc. If your partner isn't stepping up, ask them to, so at least you get a bit of you time!

Also, I implemented a 6:30-7:00pm bedtime a while ago and that evening time is a godsend honestly! If you're able to, just do it!

Plenty of time to get sorted in DECEMBER. You're fine. Next week while baby is napping you can use the time to make a start & get organised.
Lovely to have a baby around for Christmas

'A full face of hair' I mean, I could perhaps use a wax but that wasn't quite what I meant.

Social media isn't real life. Comparison is the thief of joy.

Wait a minute, no, he's actually 23 weeks, same as yours - d'oh!

Have a long hot bath (with baby if no other option). Relax and forget about the house. Then order a big wicker basket or something you like the look of online tomorrow to chuck all the toys in.

My house is still a tip but floors are always hoovered, dishwasher unloaded and kitchen surfaces clean. Only reason for this is because they're "kettle chores"... I do them while waiting for the kettle to boil. It's amazing how much you can do in that 2 mins...unload a whole dishwasher, do a basic hoover of one room, put a load of washing on.

A baby of that age doesn't need any special Christmas activities but maybe decorate the tree together? If you have a DP, get him to put it up, then let baby see/touch the tinsel and baubles (under supervision to ensure they don't go in mouth!). Tell them what each decoration is as you hang it. Put on some Christmas music and sing some Christmas songs. Forget about Instagram.