Feel like Christmas mum failure

[derbygirl23]

DS is 23 weeks old and feel like I’m such a poor excuse of a mum compared to others. Other mums have decorated Christmas trees and their houses look lovely - mine is covered in crap, baby toys everywhere, if I find time to Hoover I’m lucky. Feeling rubbish as want to make it a nice first Christmas for baby but just don’t see myself finding the time.

How is everyone so much more put together than me ☹️

I follow some mums on Instagram

This is the problem. Not your Christmas efforts (in November).

@bluebearss omg i love my DS but this is the hardest thing I’ve done in my life! I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks this, I literally feel like I’ve been hit by a ton of bricks. DP is very supportive but he works hard so feel guilty if I’m not fulfilling mum duties. Is your DS sleeping in his own room? Ours is still in with us so I go up to bed at 6:30, same as him!!

Don't worry your baby won't remember it anyway (it's for you) I'm more than 23 weeks old and I can barely remember what happened at last years Christmas 'do' .

I wonder what they put in my bottle?

Oh love, you're not alone. Mine are 4 & 6 now and it's SO MUCH EASIER!!! Babyhood is the trenches.

This helped me though- sod the house.

@derbygirl23 My guy was in our room until last week (grew out of his crib and went in his proper cot in his room), but I still used to put him to bed early, went back downstairs again and just came to bed quietly later. He does have a monitor on him too!

I know - people say 'it's the hardest thing you'll ever do' but you just don't realise it until you do it! Personally I think it's 100 times harder than my job, especially during the pandemic with no help! I tell DP so as well and expect him to jump straight in when he gets in from work. He's out 12 hours from 6-6, it's so exhausting doing it all alone!

My top tips for getting stuff done are putting baby in a high chair with toys so he can watch me cook/clean more easily, which keeps him entertained as I'll just chatter away. I also have a bouncer in the bathroom so I can have a shower, just put him in the chair and he can see me and just play with a toy or sponge or something. Oh, and I try and get out for a walk every day, usually for his last nap which I do in the pram, which means no last nap battle and gives me chance to listen to a podcast or music.

Deffo try to get a break whenever you can xx

In the nicest possible way- get off social media! Your baby could not care less. Having the "perfect" life and house for social media has nothing to do with good parenting.

Stop comparing yourself to other people and just do what you want to do! Last year at Christmas I had a tiny baby - we put up a couple of decorations and had no tree. This year we have a tree and just a few decorations. You can do as little or as much as you like and it will still be Christmas.

Give yourself a break, my kids are older 3 and 6 my house is messy, I don’t have Christmas decorations up yet and find it hard to have time to do my hair etc, at 23 weeks your child won’t care about Christmas one little bit! Your baby just wants you, not some tinsel or a scary looking Father Christmas.

Just chill, maybe tidy one room a day and then next weekend put up your tree if it will make you feel better. Don’t tackle all the cleaning at once it will just overwhelm you.

@HeeeeyDuggee reminds me of the time my SIL was trying to take a photo of me, DB and DN. DN ran away at the last minute leaving DB and I with arms around empty air 😂

This is exactly why I don’t do Instagram. It’s full of shite. People pretending. Stay away from it.

Honestly the people posting on Instagram are the ones who have posted one or two pictures of the only time they have felt ‘together’ since having a baby. My friends baby slept 20 hours a day - not even kidding she was all over face book looking great cos she was so bored. I was not!

I can tell right now what you baby wants most at Christmas- a shit load of mummy time - toys everywhere to catch there eye and inspire them. They won’t give a hoot about a Christmas tree until they are about 3. Enjoy having a 23 week old, I miss it (a bit) and I would give up a year of having a clean house or an instagram face for one hour cuddling my children at 23 weeks old. And they would be (even now) delighted for a chaotic house if it meant more mummy time.

Right, we put our tree up this weekend, since we have a 3.5yo who was desperate to do it after seeing them in people's windows, but before this year, we've had a tree once since she was born and that was last year (when she knocked it down within an hour of it going up and then ignored it for the rest of the time it was up!). Babies do not give a fig about decorations or presents or any of that crap. Give yourself a break! If you want a nice, easy decoration that your baby will like looking at then I recommend fairy lights in a vase. Dd would spend ages gazing at that at as a baby. If you do get round to decking the halls then great and, if not, then don't give it a second thought. Your baby won't care or remember!

Your baby won't care, also it's November.

Don't believe any sm as it's all smoke and mirrors. Honestly the only one worth following is the unmumsy mum as she's very honest about the chaos etc. As for xmas decorations, do them a bit at a time, also try using nap time to do bits for you rather than dashing round trying to make the house perfect.

Oh goodness don't worry at all OP! Your little one doesn't have a clue about Christmas, but will probably enjoy looking at the lights when they're up, but there's plenty of time! I do think it's important to make a bit of time for yourself though, I did the minimum to keep the house hygienic rather than sparking clean to be honest, but the suggestion of some sort of basket to chuck toys in is a good one; it makes it so much easier at the end of the day and can have a bit of living room back.

I used to feel like you OP, one of my friends is a total instagrammer and I thought she was so together and had an amazing life.

Then we spent a joint family weekend away and I realised how much more time she spent making sure her posts looked perfect than she did actually spending time with her kids. Total eye opener!

I'm another one with a massive toy basket, I throw everything in there the second my kids are asleep.

Mine are older (21m and 4). I have set up an Advent Window scene and taken a photo for a work social thing. It looks amazing, complete with smiley children in Christmas jumpers.

I won't be sharing photos of the toy strewn living room, the overflowing laundry basket or the screaming kids just before bedtime!

The government have decided families with a child under one can form a support bubble because it's that hard! Go easy on yourself but see if you can get some lights up ASAP. Everything looks better in mellow lighting!

Your baby won't give a shit about their first Christmas.

Stop looking at other peoples nicely decorated houses and snuggle your little baby and enjoy a lovely and quiet Christmas.

I'm personally sick and tired of people boasting about their bloody Christmas trees all over Instagram and Facebook ! Mine never goes up before the 14th December ! So much unnecessary pressure.

I mean this in a nice way and not to be critical but please do not compare yourself with others on Instagram. There really is no point.
My daughter is 3 and this is the first year shes even slightly aware of Christmas. I am on Facebook and I'm actually finding it slightly silly all the Christmas stuff people are doing when we are not even in December yet. I do understand it's been a grim year in many respects and I dont have any issue with people starting early this year but you really shouldn't berate yourself for not having done this or that Christmas activity...this really is not what being a good mum is about. X

@derbygirl23 we've all been there and probably all feel that way sometimes - I know I do. I hope you feel a bit better now.

It's all fake. I took a pic of my Ds3 in front of my tree today, but I had to quickly move all his toys, crumbs and random shit out the picture. It looks lovely, the rest of my lounge is a mess!!! Social media is full of "perfection" which is nothing like reality. No one is going to show you their messy front room!

Thanks everyone. I will lay off social media (or just use it to follow yummy food blogs 😝). This Christmas lark is just another mum thing to beat myself up over!

I always notice that alot of mums on SM only post pictures from one/two rooms... bet the rest of the house looks like a bomb hit it!
I now follow mum who are actually realistic - washing piled up high, kids screaming and not wanting to eat the food you lovingly cook etc. Because that is real life and no reason to make all these mum influencers make you feel bad.

I have 10month old twins and no chance I have a tidy house and brushed hair and make up on.
When they have a nap i take that time to relax, watch rubbish tv, bake (my hobby). Everything else can wait.

Definitely agree get a big toy basket - i bought two colourful XL washing bags that have a draw string on the top so I can throw it all in and close it at the end of the night.

I am going to put my xmas tree and decorations up in a few week as this year I think it will be a nightmare with the twins trying to pull it over!

A mutual friend on Facebook not only posts her enormous tree on her page she feels the need to also share it on the local community page for all to see argh !!!!!!!!!!