Is it ok to keep the older DS in nursery half day when baby arrives?

[frolicmum]

My DS is 21 months and will be 2 years and 4 months when baby arrives in May.

I have spoken to my husband and we can afford to keep him in nursery half day every day. I would drop him at 8, and pick up at 12:30am.

Should I feel guilty for keeping him in the setting and not having them both at home all day? I personally feel like it will be easier for me to cope when I have baby alone in the morning.

I enjoyed going to sensory classes, breastfeeding group etc with my first (who knows that'll be open next year in May/June) but I can't see how I could potentially relax or enjoy this with my DS (he's great and I love him dearly but he's full of beans, runs around all day causing mischief in a nice way of course).

Does he go every day currently? Assuming so, I think keeping him in his routine and having a bit of time with the new baby on your own is not just fine but probably a good thing. I'm due in Feb, DS will be 2.5 and it hasn't even occurred to me that he wouldn't keep going to nursery two days a week, as he currently does, or that I'd feel any guilt about it - DS loves nursery, stopping him going at the same time as he gets a new sibling feels like it might upset him; his little world will already be changing enough! We'd also lose his nursery place if we did, which I wouldn't want to do as we're very happy with it.

Yes.

I felt the same when dc2 was born - dc1 was 3. Dc1 was in nursery 3 days a week and I felt I should reduce this as I was on mat leave.

I decided to keep him in as usual for the first few months as you definitely need that time with the new baby, and then considered dropping down to two days after that.
Well, the time never came when I thought I could sacrifice that day, and Dc1 was fine!

In your shoes I'd probably consider dropping one or two of the days at nursery, so you can have the odd day or two with both of them - I just brought the baby along to dc1's toddler groups and it was great. It won't be long before the baby will actively enjoy being at home with their older sibling.

Surely taking him out of nursery will be disruptive for him? I'm assuming he enjoys it and benefits from playing with his friends etc? I don't really understand why you would stop sending him unless it's a money issue

I had the same guilt but we needed to keep our place at nursery. If you remove them completely you might not be able to get them back in again.
Our little one went to nursery and to be honest I think they liked playing with friends and having the attention. With a little one at home you can’t dedicate as much to the older one

Definitely - it will be good for all of you imo. Personally I'd be tempted to swap at least two half days for one full day so that you have a bit of flexibility otherwise you can only ever do things in the morning or the afternoon but not both or crossing over the time (11-1) for example.

Yes, I would keep him at nursery if I could afford it, and it was part of his routine . One thing to consider is if the drop off and pick up might end up more stressful than him not going. Can your DH do some of it, so you can sleep? Especially if you're EBF and therefore doing all the night feeds.

Of course it is

Not at all. My son was 20 months and went to nursery two full days a week when my second was born. Felt no reason to change that - if it's what you are doing now why change? It will allow you some one to one time with your baby. There will be plenty of time for family time.

A million times yes - everybody wins from this arrangement!

Everyone I know did this including me (although DS was a bit older so was getting the free hours). If you can afford it I think it's so great to have time with just the baby going to groups etc and for the older DC to be active, with their friends and staying in their routine. It worked really well for us!

Yes, dont feel guilty!! My DD is 4 and my second DD is 3 weeks old. My eldest is July baby so she started school this year. It's been a Gods send that she goes to school!! She loves school, so she gets to go and be with her friends, run around and when she comes home we focus on her. Our baby isnt sleeping that well at night so we dont do much while she is at school .. I'm currently in bed now while baby sleeps!! Your DS will probably appreciate keeping his routine, being able to see his friends and still having time with you in the afternoon. I think my daughter enjoys having time away, she I always so excited to see her sister when she gets home. Part of me thinks she would of been fed up of it all by now if she was around it 24/7. It's been great for us to have a break in the day, as the baby is great, very chill, but very nocturnal!! Dont feel guilty at OP. I think that's the best plan.

Thanks everyone.

At the moment he goes 2 full days but would change it to 5 half days, but we would consider changing this a month or 6 weeks before the baby arrives (we never truly knows when they will arrive).

Would it not be better sticking with the 2 full days? Personally, I think the mornings would feel a bit rushed by the time I did nursery drop off, came home, baby might need fed and changed then I'd be watching the clock for pick up. The full days would give more opportunity for baby classes etc?

But no, I don't think it's a bad thing. My eldest was 3.5 when his brother came along and stayed at nursery for his 2 full days. He had me at home the other days rather than me being at work and him with grandparents so he still got more time with me. I was able to take him to some sports classes on those days with baby in the pram so it was a nice balance. I really enjoyed my second mat leave.

Personally I’d keep him in for the current full 2 days. Otherwise I’d worry you’d feel rushed every morning and won’t have much break before you’re heading out the door to pick him up. Especially if you have a bad night and all you want to do is all watch films on the tv while you recover etc

I’ve recently had a baby and my eldest is 3. He would be gutted if I pulled him out of nursery as he loves it. He goes for 3 full days and spends 2 days at home just us and the baby. It works well for us.

I'd also stick with the two full days. A few hours every morning really doesn't buy you much time. When babies are teeny, those few hours often fly by, if you both sleep.

I would go for longer days tbh. With a newborn you are not going to want to be up and out of the house twice in 5 hours. Can you do 3 full days instead?

Update: husband does nursery drop offs, not me so no rush for me.

Ah yeah, that's better op. In that case either would work. Don't feel guilty, whatever one you do!

Don’t feel guilty! I left my eldest in full time childcare as she would have been bored at home with me and her sibling.

She absolutely adored nursery and would have been sad not to go. Financially for us it wasn’t an issue, while I was on enhanced pay (full for 26 weeks) I paid so there was no change to our income, once I dropped to SSP as it was a workplace nursery, work covered the nursery fees - we actually used her hours by 2 a week at this point.

Not as mercenary as it sounds, she wouldn’t have been able to attend the Christmas party as it fell on her ‘hours out’, they gave me enough notice that I could extend her hours so she got to go to the party

Ok, lots to discuss with hubby. He actually just said, maybe it's good for him to to 4 full days but that seems so much?

Lots to discuss at home it seems and the best solutions etc.

I would check with nursery that once you’re back to work you can change back To the 2 Full days, Some won’t guarantee this

In that case why don't you start with three full days as a compromise but don't make the mistake I made and have them as Monday to Weds as I used to wake up with a sense of dread on Thursdays (eldest is lovely but needs lots of attention!!) - I'd go for Monday, Tues & Thurs or similar so that you spread it out.

You could try the four full days and see how it goes. One of my friends kept her eldest in full time nursery, but for her, she felt she was missing him and felt he was missing out on a relationship with the baby. We all thought she was crackers , but she reduced his nursery hours by half. I think she had a really easy going second baby though. I think what she did worked well, as she had the option to keep the older one in full time nursery if she needed, but she found she didn't need it. Maybe worth checking how your nursery would deal with you doing that as a sort of test and if they'd be able to fill your place if you found you didn't need it.