Eat what you’re given!

[SandMason]

Hi all,

Has anyone on here successfully managed to get their young kids to just eat what they’re given? A lot of mealtime advice is geared towards raising adventurous/healthy eaters, but to me it’s more important that they are respectful of the food (and by extension of the effort/time/money that’s gone into providing it) not wasteful, and grateful for what they are given. Am I deluded in thinking that it’s possible to teach these values around food and mealtimes? I’m allergic to the sight of them poking disapprovingly at food when elsewhere in the world there are kids eating out of rubbish bins. Not even that extreme - I mean how many families globally are in a position to provide a range of healthy meals and snacks at intervals throughout the day? As opposed to say, here’s the pot of what we’ve cooked, eat from it! Has anyone achieved this? And how?

I honestly believe that if you offer a very wide range of foods then you have a good chance of dc liking them. Both my dc hate tomatoes, I have tried but no go so I do not give them. One hates baked potatoes but will eat mash etc. They both eat lots of different things and over time genuinely have their own dislikes as I do. I have never done different meals but made sure that I never now serve a whole meal that they hate but might have one thing on their plate they may not love. It’s good to keep them trying foods, but also as they get older acknowledge that we all have different tastes.

@lazylinguist

An adult is unlikely to try a food 30 times if they don't initially like it. I'm not sure why anyone would think a child would. Yes, they may well try the food again when they are an adult and decide they like it then, but giving it to them again and again and again when they're a child and they dislike it seems utterly pointless tbh.

Exactly. I appreciate tastes change but no matter how many times I was forced to try cheese I still didn't like it and even now as an adult I dont like most cheese dishes. I often wonder if its because I don't actually like it or if it a subconscious reaction based upon my childhood experiences.

Who knows maybe if I hadn't been forced to try it so many times as a child based on the it takes 30 times to like it theory I might actually like cheese had I been able to try it on my own terms as an adult.

At boarding school the food was disgusting fatty stew we were forced to eat, to this day I’m very fussy about meat, unless crispy bacon and I mean crispy, i cut of all the fat from my meat.

Mine eat what they are given...but not because I force them. They are just good eaters 🤷‍♀️ I don't tell them to finish if there's leftovers, however I do question the if I think they haven't made a decent attempt. This doesn't happen often though and there's usually a good reason. Also I do only make one meal BUT I tailor them to their likes (DS doesn't like roast potatoes but will eat mash so I'll makes mash mostly!)
But they do try new things so it's good that they are open to things, when they say they don't like something then I truly believe them. As supposed to my sister when we were growing up (she would decide by looking at the food first)

I hate the 'eat what you are given' mentality. DS2 is autistic and starved (literally - his centile sdropped so steeply, he was skeletal as a baby) rather than eat. We had to negotiate every mouthful and never force food. A single teaspoon of something he didn't want could cause him to throw up everything else.

He has a reasonable relationship with food now. He's as adventurous as any neurotypical person, but that came about through a lot of very gentle introduction to foods, which he was in full control over.

Generally I serve food in the middle and everyone helps themselves. They have to have some veg and if you take it you need to have a decent go at eating it. Tend to do a mix of food everyone will eat peas, carrot sticks, houmous and a more adventurous veg. Pasta will get some plain served and then a bolognaise version type stuff. seperate bowl of cheese. Stuff from the central plates gets recycled as leftovers.

I think it makes for a relaxed dinner time. There isn't a lot of waste and it can go to the chickens or dog most of the time.

@SandMason

But back to the food itself and this idea of learning to tolerate foods you’re not in love with.... does that happen through repeated exposure? Like serving up the same meal on a semi-regular basis?

Btw, this is what we’re taught to do with weaning babies by our public health nurses.....

I just think you're making trouble where there is none. Most kids, if offered appetising varied food, will eat plenty of things.

Just present decent food and leave them to navigate it.

@BackforGood

My thinking is similar to *@mindutopia*'s.

I am also a person - like, I suspect the overwhelming majority of my generation (I'm mid 50s) - who was expected to eat what was in front of them and expected to eat it all up. I don't have a poor relationship with food, nor does anyone else I know, my age. There isn't the correlation that is implied by one or two folks saying they do. I would actually say my 'relationship' is pretty positive, and helpful. I will try anything, and am appreciative of the effort that someone has gone into making a meal for me, even if it wouldn't be my choice.
For my own (now adult) dc, they too have understood the message "This is what the meal is, take it or leave it". Like many (most?) families, we were at work in the day, and then in and out in the evenings for actiities and hobbies, and we were also on a budget. There just was never the capacity (budget or time) to start producing a menus of choices for a family meal. Now, before anyone has a hissy fit, obviously we would avoid anything one of them hated with a passion, or, of course, one could have more broccolli and no sliced beans, or whatever, but if that day it was spag bol, then spag bol it was for everyone.

Totally agree with this apart from eating it all. I preferred to allow mine to eat how ever much they wished but no messing whining for food later. Also absolutely no rudeness saying yuk or moaning. Its basic mannersb

Now as teens they are allowed a list of 3 things they wont eat and I promise not to serve them those things. Everything else may appear on the plate, although it's still their choice whether they eat it or not

This is exactly the routine I have with my tweens with the add on that they have to try a little bit and they shouldn't be rude about food other people have cooked.

My children dont always like what I cook and will sometimes leave the bits they don’t like and I am fine with that. I only cook one meal and make sure that there is something on the plate that they will like. They know it is bad manners to complain about a meal that I have spent time cooking and are always polite in thanking me for the meal whether they like it or not. Yesterday I cooked beef stew with rice. I served it with raw carrot sticks too because I knew one of my children wouldn’t like the coked veg in the meal. So one child ate the rice, beef, raw carrot sticks and left the veg from the stew. One ate most of it but left some beef. One ate it all except for the mushrooms. They just leave what they don’t want with no fuss or complaining. I would be cross if they picked at my food rudely or complained.

The issue in my house is politeness. I'm a fussy fucker so I understand very well the horror of being forced to eat something that tastes or feels gross, but my son will prod it around and vocalise his thoughts which is obviously not nice for the person who's cooked it.

We've managed to get DS to try new things with patience. If I put something new in front of him the rule is that he must at least try it. If he tries a good amount and genuinely doesn't like it then that's fine. He can go and have some fruit and I'll make him some beans on toast later. We always offer bland beans on toast as the alternative so it's not a reward for not eating at the table.

We've had a few occasions where he has been adamant he doesn't like something, then when he's had a good mouthful he's surprised himself and polished off the plate.

He's a funny fish, he'll happily eat salmon and pâté but won't touch tomato soup...

I meet him halfway. I always put something on his plate he likes. Only gets pudding if he tries everything. I don't make him finish his plate.

Op l never cooked different meals for my Dc, obviously l tried to choose meals that were nutritious, but they mostly liked.

Personally l think the best thing that helped looking back, is never having poor quality meals when they were tiny. As toddlers and pre schoolers, l used to plonk them in front of the tv for half an hour whilst l prepared dinner, with a bowl of carrot and cucumber, sweet pepper, green beas and berries. I could see themm from the kitchen.
Then they had had a fair amount of nutritious food, (and were usually tired and hungry by that time of the day so quite likely to eat anything l put in front of them!)

Then if they didn't eat all their meal there was no problem, (l wanted mealtimes to be relaxed and enjoyable not a battle)
However a dessert was always dependant on eating their vegetables, in the basis that 'to grow strong and be able to run fast your body needs the vitamins from vegetables first'

Unless for reasons of poverty, l can never understand why people start their small dc on rubbish sugary foods, that is the time to offer decent food, ie carrot sticks as opposed to just biscuits.

I think it's luck of the draw unfortunately.

I have 1 who has a list of about 20 foods in total that he will eat between 3 meals, he's never eaten a vegetable and only ever eaten the odd banana or grapes.The health visitors helpful advice of "no child will starve themselves" landed him in hospital when he was 3 years old and under dieticians advice we've just fed him whatever he'll eat since then.

My other child will eat everything except mushrooms! I didn't do anything different it's just different personalities.

@Annasgirl

No, but then I have a DC with medical eating issues. But you go off and feel superior with your perfect DC OP - I'm sure shaming other people's parenting makes you feel better - because why else would you do this?

Oh, and you are not alone - the number of people who have told me "just put it in front of them and make them eat it" including my obese MIL and SIL. Until you walk in someone else's shoes, please do not tell them how to parent their DC.

Oh get out of here with your fat-hating crap. I actually don't have strong opinions either way on this one but don't insert their weight into it as if it's somehow indicative of them being wrong.

Thanks to all those who have left really helpful tips and anecdotes, honestly it’s useful just hearing how mealtimes work in other people’s houses! Reading all these has made me realise quite how many separate issues are going on at mealtimes, from manners to food preferences to personality clashes to sociability.... when you break it all down there are probably ways I could improve every aspect. No wonder it’s so hard! Hopefully it’ll get easier as they get older....