Delaying school starts of Summer Born children.

[ThornAmongstRoses]

Morning all,

I posted in AIBU a few weeks about me considering delaying my summer born from starting school next August, A week after turning four, and instead wait until the following year when he will just have turned 5.

I got so many conflicting replies - and although it left me a bit dizzy I could see both sides of the argument.

So now I thought I would try on here to hopefully get some real life stories of parents who had or hadn’t delayed their summer born’s start and how their child got on in school?

Looking for all honest experiences, good and bad.

Thank you.

@OrangeGinLemonFanta

I was a late July birthday and I hated it, btw. All my friends were nearly a year older, going into pubs and learning to drive and getting jobs ages before I was able to. The other girls in my year going to discos and getting boyfriends etc when the mere thought terrified me. Another year's maturing would have done me a world of good.

I have considered this for our son. It might not seem important now but at 17 and 18 his social life will be a huge issue.

Ive got two summer babies. The first was flying along and I had no qualms about sending him to reception at just turned 4 as he had settled and done so well at the school nursery.

My second kid is a little less mature, I'll think hard about delaying him this time next year. For me it's a totally subjective decision about how you think they will cope - especially with the transition from reception to year 1 (as a lot more sitting is required).

I guess I'll look at how happy he is, how his concentration is, how he is listening to instructions. Is he all good on potty training, personal care skills etc. Is he starting to play beside others? But it's just a best guess with the info that you have.

We have delayed. DC was delayed in development due to prematurity & late August birthday, so it was a no-brainer. He wouldn't have stood a chance if he'd started at just 4.

Started school age 5 & is loving it. Still behind some of his classmates (despite being the eldest) but keeping up & getting lots out of it.

Not my kids but I was born 31st Aug, 7 weeks early. I started at 4, I don’t think delaying was even a thing 30 years ago.

I had no issues at all and have gone on to be a successful academic. The worst thing about it all is everyone tended to be on holiday for my birthday parties! My summer born DD formed a friendship group with the youngest girls in her class early on but since year 1 she had made a broader range of friends from the class. I did the same actually and my closest primary friends were also July/August so I think there is a maturity difference that can case different friendship groups early on.

Like me, my DD is having no issues at all from being summer born. My youngest (also summer born) starts next year and I will have no hesitation sending her at the earliest opportunity.

@George22

Our August born son started school at CSA and we have no regrets about it. I think he would have coped academically if he had started at 4 but would have struggled emotionally. He’s now in year 2 and loves school (helped by an amazing teacher this year). It’s obvious who the summer born boys are in his year as most of the girls are autumn / winter born.

My DC is the same, July born, now in Y1. Absolutely loves school and would’ve probably been ok academically at 4, but found reception hard in terms of making friends and having the confidence to speak to the teachers when he needed to. I am certain we made the right decision for him to defer.

When you have your chat with the childminder discuss the pros and cons of pre school with her. My children stay with me until they start school. Some other local childminders prefer to send the children to pre school.

Being the youngest can sometimes mean that they are pulled along and challenged to achieve more at a younger age. This could be seen as an advantage rather than a disadvantage. Also in my admittedly limited experience the kids who messed around the most were the older boys who were quite often very cocky and sure of themselves.

The other thing to remember is that they are only in Reception and Year 1 for a short time and there's always a shake out later on. Frequently the younger ones will start to find their natural level around Yr2 and 3. The kids thriving academically in Yr 6 are very rarely the ones you'd expect from glancing around that Reception class.

My oldest DD, now 15, is summer born (last week of August). In our area at the time she was starting school, summer born children started school after Easter, so only had a term in Reception.

It didn't work out well for her. She was small for her age, painfully shy and extremely introverted. She was very behind all through infants school, and struggled socially also. She did eventually catch up, obviously, but it was really tough on her, and she didn't like school much.

If I could have my time again, I would 100% delay her entry to the following year, so she got a full year in Reception, but also so that she was more emotionally ready for school.

I have put an application in to delay my late July born son to start reception a year later. Since starting pre school he has really struggled with his social emotional development, has become aggressive and struggles to interact with other children. For me, starting school just turned 4 is too young, look at other countries in Europe where children start later and thrive. Not only is he summer born and struggling with his personal, social and emotional development but we are all in a global pandemic where they’ve not been able to go to toddler groups and friends and interact like normal toddlers. He’s behind in every sense.
For me and my son it feels like the right thing to do - I am very aware for other parents it isn’t. Surely it’s an individual choice and who knows their toddlers/children better than their own parents...

Since I last posted on here I have been in touch with the LEA, looked around two pre-schools and also emailed another three schools to ask them how they manage the admissions of delayed Summer Born children. One of the Headteachers emailed me back straight away and I have a Zoom meeting next week with him to discuss it in depth. I also have a Zoom call booked this evening with my son’s childminder (I never see her face to face) so I can chat to her about it too.

So steps have been made in the direction of investigating our options further...

I posted on your previous thread OP.
I would echo my previous thoughts of:

• wanting your child to thrive rather than cope
• doing what is best for your child, not how they fit into age hierarchy / compare to others in either year.

Also to reiterate how helpful the Facebook groups are.

DS was born into the wrong year, he was 10 weeks prem, health issues, speech delay. Not ready to go to school this year. He will go into reception aged 5 next year. That doesn't give him an advantage. It gives him the opportunity to enjoy school and not feel like he's constantly catching up when he's already had a shit start to life.

Emotional and social maturity is often overlooked, it shouldn't just be about academic milestones. DS struggles to wipe his bum and do his coat up. He often has wee accidents still. He can be frustrated by these things. Another year to 'grow up' will massively help his self esteem.

I'm not really sure how much more you can get from these threads; my experience and my child is not yours - you are mummy, what is best for YOUR CHILD?
If you are that unsure, apply for school and get him in reception with his cohort. He'll either sink or swim. If he sinks, take him out and reapply next year. Just bear in mind you'll lose your 30 hours funding for childminder.

(If that thought fills you with dread, you know your decision. Hope you can make one soon
)

My summer born daughter is in reception and there is no doubt in my mind starting was right for her. She is very capable and up there with the older children. There was one boy in her nursery that delayed and again it was 100-% right for him as he was quite behind. Where it’s harder is the few august borns where it wasn’t as clear cut. There are a couple that went up from nursery and could have possibly benefited from the delayed start. However being older is no guarantee of school success. One of the little boys in our class is autumn born but finds it all so hard and is in tears a lot.

I have two late July summer borns and kept our son down so he did Year 1 twice when we moved area so a new school with no stigma of him staying down a year. He has absolutely benefitted from this, academically and socially he was floundering (he is dyslexic also) and he has been average within the new cohort and feels totally right in that year. Many of his friends are September born boys so only a few weeks younger than him and he's in the right place. My daughter is one of the youngest in her year and does ok socially but could definitely have benefitted academically from another year, she is only just finding her feet and she's in Year 4. In my experience teachers and other parents don't take into account the age of the child in the year so we've had compliments on how mature and sensible my son is for example and some disparaging comments about my daughter when it's clear to me that their age is a massive factor!

I had the planned Zoom call with my childminder and it really helped.

She said that my son was very bright in lots of areas but said she can understand why we would be conflicted about what to do.

She said that readiness for school is not to be judged solely by their academic abilities (I.e how bright they are) but just as much about their emotional readiness - and this can be where Summer borns are at a disadvantage.

She said that if she was in a similar position then she would delay her child’s start until they were 5.

We are pretty much decided that we are going to hold him back - but I will see what comes from the Zoom call with the school tomorrow.

We just started DS in reception at CSA and I am very pleased we did. We had no reasons to do so other than thinking just turned 4 is too young. He is doing well at school now & I just don’t think he had the maturity for it last year. I know two other mums from his baby group who sent their July/Aug boys last year, and are now ‘boisterous’ and ‘naughty’ in Y1 - obviously it’s been a very weird school experience for these kids but I also wonder if they are just too young to cope with the behaviour expectations, & I think DS could have been the same.

I have an end of August DD who is now in year 4 (English curriculum).

I did not hold her back. She seemed happy and settled with her nursery peers and there had been no issues raised re her development etc.

She’s doing great. She’s an avid reader and was devouring Roald Dahl in the autumn term of year 1 - nothing to do with us, not hot housing here.

She has exceeded expectations for everything in the last few years.

She has a good group of friends and is happy at school.

I think you have to look at the individual child. If they are struggling developmentally then I would hold them back,

If not then I’d keep them with their year group.

DD is the youngest in her year, so is technically the most disadvantaged solely on age.

I think it’s more about maturity than academics, as you can support the academic side at home if needs be.

I'm in a weird position as DC 1 is early August, did reception last year then we moved to Scotland while schools were shut and as an August Birthday she's now in P1, but it's a small school so it's a mixed P1/P2 class and she's working with P2s on phonics and maths and has friends in both years (within that bubble)

I think that starting in England at 4 was the right decision but starting in Scotland at 5 would have been "right" too.

I'm not sure starting in England at 5 would have helped her fit with peers - she's quite a dominant personality (bossy, controlling) and physically confident - won races at nursery sports day as the youngest in her year (age 3 - no sports day last year). She had reached all bar one of the reception targets by the end of the Spring term.

I do have some doubts about how well she'd fit in a "pure" P1 class, but most of that is probably that she had a whole year of mornings in a school environment plus 2 terms of full time reception - so the same amount of school as the P2s. We did very little home schooling knowing she'd be starting in first year - reading/maths apps twice a week plus access to drawing and colouring was as good as it got!

I'm in Scotland and have two winter born DDs so we could have deferred both of them. In both cases nursery advised they were ready to start school at 4.5. I have just had their school reports and they are both doing very well. However, in both of their classes most parents choose to defer boys as they felt that socially they were less ready for school. It seems much more common for boys to be deferred in Scotland.

I'm in Scotland where things are slightly different. The calendar year is used for admissions and it's quite common to delay the start of children born in Jan and Feb. So no one starts school until they are at minimum 4y6m and my 2 Feb born dc went to school at 5y6m. My 3rd dc was 4y10m and seemed terribly young to be heading for school!!

I've not ever regretted delaying their start to school, they were a year older and had that time in nursery which was great, and they went into bilingual education (English/Gaelic) with more of a grasp of the second language.

They're now all left school and I still don't regret the decisions I took about school entry. It gave them an extra year of being small, and if I could have deferred dd2 I would have.

To the two posters in Scotland....

So the thought of children starting at just turned 4 years old must be quite alien to you - and seem odd I assume?

I think it’s really great that they don’t have to start so young up there.