Delaying school starts of Summer Born children.

[ThornAmongstRoses]

Morning all,

I posted in AIBU a few weeks about me considering delaying my summer born from starting school next August, A week after turning four, and instead wait until the following year when he will just have turned 5.

I got so many conflicting replies - and although it left me a bit dizzy I could see both sides of the argument.

So now I thought I would try on here to hopefully get some real life stories of parents who had or hadn’t delayed their summer born’s start and how their child got on in school?

Looking for all honest experiences, good and bad.

Thank you.

I think it’s probably child dependent and you’ll know what’s right for your children. We didn’t have an option when mine were starting out. The girls started school at 4 plus 1 week and 4 plus two weeks.

They’d both had good nursery experience (one with same cohort one in different setting). Their nurseries were quite formal with French, Reading and writing, ballet, school lunches etc.

They were both clearly quite able, could read, could do basic maths, could focus, could follow instructions, could put on tights and use cutlery. They were continent and able to go the lavatory by themselves. If they couldn’t they might have not settled so easily.

They managed just fine. One thrived and ruled the roost. One was a bit apart from ‘the gang’, but always has been because she prefers studious activities to charging around a playground. She had friends well enough, but until she was at medical school and found others like her, she didn’t have soul mate type friends.

The youngest is small. She’s was 95th percentile at birth but by the time she started school she was below 10th and is now, as a young adult about at lower limit of normal size wise. For her it was rarely a disadvantage. She’s supremely confident and gregarious. She gets irritated when offered children’s tickets still but there are worst things.

The older one joined an established group which was more challenging. Her nursery was very small classes of about twelve children. Always calm. She entered a class of thirty and found the general pushing and shoving in cloakrooms and wide open playgrounds a bit tough to start with but found her place well enough. It gave her a grit and determination that I’ve yet to see equalled.

I don’t think you can base it on what was right for other children though. It has to be right for your child. Mine might not have fared so well if they were less able or less confident.

Summer born ds here- considered delaying but decided against for various reason and gave it a try. Reception was absolutely fine, year 1 a bit more difficult (but not academically, more behaviour expectations), but improved in year 2 and after. Never thought that we should have delayed, but had a feeling that he would be having it much easier and would have been probably top of the class academically had we delayed.

My dd is a 31st August baby - so had she been born 13 minutes later would gave been in tbe year below.
It has made no difference at all to her, even with the added difficulty of 2 different priimaries in year 1 ( lived in middle east, came home to have sibling) the a third new primary in year 3.
She coped incredibly well, yes was tired but always kept up with the work, and has gone on and just graduated with a masters in chemistry.
To be honest the ones who seemed to struggle more were some of the older ones who had been more tban ready to start school earlier. Also those older children who were used to "ruling the roost" at nursery seemed to find the transition more difficult.
Obviously any child with extra needs is different snd should be assessed on its own but generally I think I would still do the same again and keep the correct year group.

Our dd is year 2 now. We deferred and it's the best thing we did. She settled well and was mature enough to enjoy school from the beginning, my ds just started and hes 4 I can see the difference.

No regrets here, she was shy and I think at just turned 4 (August born) school would have be overwhelming not just academical but also socially I'd be worried about how assertive she would be with the 5 year olds.

Does your child go to pre school? Could they give you some advice? I have 2 summer born children. A daughter aged 12 who is a late July birthday. She always excelled at school, was very sociable and independent. She is now at an all girls grammar school and doing very well. I also have a 7 year old boy (late August born) who has just started year 3. I was worried about him starting school, I asked his pre school for their opinion and they advised me that he was ready. His speech, toileting and his social skills were great. He started school but he was by the far the smallest! He still is and he hates it. He enjoyed reception, our reception is mostly play based learning but struggled with the jump to year 1. Year 1 was a long year! Year 2 he was just finding his feet and then Covid happened. Year 3 and he’s doing well, had parents evening a couple of weeks ago & was told that he had a reading age of a 10.5 year old! Only you know your child. Good luck making your decision

I posted on your other thread. My August born son started at CSA and is in year 2 now. No regrets whatsoever. He fits in wjth the rest of the cohort and loves school. His best friends are just weeks younger than him but he is also friends with summer born boys in that year. I was never really in any doubt about it though. It really depends on your child IMO. My son would have struggled emotionally going to school at 4 and I knew that from him starting preschool. I had support from his preschool leader who agreed with my decision which helped.

My DD turns 4 next August and she will start school in September. She’s been in Nursery since she was 2, she is confident and loves Nursery. She keeps up no problem with the older children. If anything they have helped to bring her on. In my personal experience she is ready for school.. Every Child is different, you know your child better than anyone and if they would cope.

I have a summer born child who I felt would be exhausted by the whole process of starting full time school at a little over 4 years old.

So I applied for and got the school place.

I informed school we would not be taking the place in September but child would start at the beginning of the Spring Term in January. I also added they might only do Monday - Thursday.

They stayed on at their ore-school, doing morning sessions during the winter term.

School informed me that they would be able to keep the place for my child until Easter then would have to offer it to somebody on the waiting list.

The correct decision for my child, they started in the January and experienced no problems.

We didn’t delay and have had no problems so far, academically or emotionally

We didn't delay our late July born dd. She settled in very well and is now in year 1 and loving it. She had been doing drop off/pick ups for ds for a year so was familiar with school, she's an excellent talker and was just 'ready' IYSWIM. My ds is winter born so was months older at reception start than dd was and he wouod have really struggled going at just turned 4.

Thank you everyone for all your replies talking from your own experiences.

And to the poster who asked, yes I am in the UK.

He currently goes to a childminder three days a week but we have now been looking into pre-schools based on advice I got from my AIBU thread.

His childminder has no concerns about his development now. However she acknowledges that when children who have just turned four years old start school, they are not as emotionally able and mature as the older children and this is why they may struggle.

She said that just because he’s meeting his developmental milestones now, that doesn’t meant that emotionally and maturity wise, he will be fine to start school at just turned four years old.

I didn’t delay my son who is a middle August baby. I was worried about how he would do but only in the sense of his age; he was developing well & no obvious issues. He has been fine in his year group, now in year 5 and a academically I think is middle to top depending on subject! He is younger in how he behaves sometimes and struggles to concentrate but I think that’s as much personality as anything else.

I do know two children who have been kept down - both have other issues either around a learning difficulty/ developmental delay or trauma & emotional difficulties. In such cases I do think it’s better to take the option of delaying.

I guess my conclusion is that if no extenuating circumstances other than age then leave them in the right year, but absolutely consider it if there are other things going on.

Two summer born children here one in June and one in August. June born was a little delayed at first but soon caught up and now in year 5 does well in most subject. August born was ready even at 3 lol never had any concerns or issues. My December born just started reception and seems to be doing well so far.

Just a different perspective, I am a summer born child. Im 35 now, so I dont know if delaying was a thing when I went through primary school. Whilst I was in top sets for things in secondary school, I remember really struggling in primary. I must have caught up somewhere along the line, but I think I would have been better off had I been delayed.

I was a late July birthday and I hated it, btw. All my friends were nearly a year older, going into pubs and learning to drive and getting jobs ages before I was able to. The other girls in my year going to discos and getting boyfriends etc when the mere thought terrified me. Another year's maturing would have done me a world of good.

I'm currently having the same dilemma, although I haven't found out what the rules are around here yet... Everyone anecdotally tells me that if I were to defer my DS he would have to start in year 1, but I'm going to ask the school /LEA first to be sure.

I definitely wouldn't want him to miss reception, and I also wouldn't want him to skip a year later on so that he joins his original cohort either, so if this were to be the case, my decision is made and he'll start school next September, 2 weeks after turning 4...

Thing is, if it turns out he can defer and join the following year's reception group, I'm still not sure if it's the right thing to do. This is compounded by the fact that I have no idea if he's ready for school, or rather, if he will be by next Sept. (incidentally, this makes me feel awful... Like I'm a bad mum because I don't know my kid well enough ). My only frame of reference is my DD (7) who is a thriving September born girl. He's always been fine at nursery, although has always been quite boisterous (eg hitting other children when he gets frustrated etc). I moved him to the nursery of a pre-prep private school this year (my DD went there and I thought that the formal nature of it (eg uniform, structured lessons like French etc) might help him be more school ready) and he's fairly settled there.

Anyway, sorry I'm kind of hijacking (or maybe it's piggybacking?!) and that I have nothing useful to add except solidarity in the confusion ... But if anyone could tell me how they knew their child was (or would be) school-ready, I'd be very grateful.

Maybe I have missed a post but you don’t seem to have mentioned any actual problems with your son. Am I right? What are you actually worried about if he were to start in the correct year? I’m a very late August baby and I had no problems whatsoever. Plenty of summer borns at my grammar school. I do understand I’m just one person. Someone has to be the youngest. Someone has to be the slowest runner and the shortest and the worst at colouring in.

Everyone anecdotally tells me that if I were to defer my DS he would have to start in year 1, but I'm going to ask the school /LEA first to be sure.

Some schools say they will only accept delayed children into year 1 but in order to do this their have to provide a written statement as to why they believe it’s in the child’s best interests to miss Reception year and I’m not sure how any LEA could come up with an argument for that.

sophagain - no my son doesn’t have any developmental problems. It’s purely about wanting to give him the best start in life, I.e why would I want him to potentially struggle if I can do something to avoid it etc.

My son had no problems, I just felt he would cope better emotionally in the year below. It is possible for parents to do now so it's not anything illegal or wrong. The only issue for me is the postcode lottery meaning some LAs are on board with the government guidance and others aren't. That's not fair. Mine is, and we are not the only ones to have taken it up. It's a normal practice in Ireland I believe. Possibly also Scotland, I can't remember. I just felt, why not? He would almost certainly have been fine in the year above eventually. I just felt the year he is in suited him best. Anecdotally, his July born friends who did not defer are fine but have undeniably struggled with some aspects of being the youngest in the higher year. Anecdotally, struggling seems more common among boys. Anyway, my personal view is if this were more normal, like in other countries, people like the OP would see it as more of a normal thing and it wouldn't be a big deal. In practice I barely ever think about the fact that he is a few days older than his cohort and nor do his teachers or friends.

I’m having two thought processes at the moment:

1)

Start him in pre-school 1-2 days a week (alongside using his usual childminder) and then just send him to school next August and hope for the best.

2)

Keep him with his childminder until next August, delay his school start and then put him in pre-school 3 days a week for a year before starting reception at just turned 5.

I’m sure there are pros and cons to both - I just don’t know which route to follow.

I don’t see his childminder and my husband does drop offs and collections but she said she is happy to do a Zoom call with me so we can talk it all through in more details than the snippets of information she has given my husband. Hopefully talking to her might help.

All my friends were nearly a year older, going into pubs and learning to drive and getting jobs ages before I was able to.

Yes, this was a problem for July born DD. She missed out on a couple of 18th birthday parties in pubs, and couldn't go out in town past 10pm on Saturdays because none of the clubs allowed anyone under 18 inside after 10pm. She didn't have any fake ID that she could use either because no-one she knows looks like her.

Keep him with his childminder until next August, delay his school start and then put him in pre-school 3 days a week for a year before starting reception at just turned 5

If the pre-schools are full he may not get a place. If we weren't in the middle of a pandemic I would suggest he goes to pre-school sooner rather than later if you feel that he is ready.

If the pre-schools are full he may not get a place. If we weren't in the middle of a pandemic I would suggest he goes to pre-school sooner rather than later if you feel that he is ready.

The pre-school we want to send him to have places from February, so he’d have 6 months there before starting school next August, or we can just put his name on the waiting list for next August if we choose to delay him, and then he can just go there for a year before starting school in August 2022.

We didn’t delay our late July son, now in year 1. I was so worried before he started but we had decided not to delay after talking to lots of people with experience, both parents and teachers. He has not struggled at all academically or socially. Lockdown reinforced to me that we had made the right decision as he so obviously missed the stimulation of school and his wonderful teacher. The thing I found helpful to remember is that not all the kids are older or summer born. There is a continuum right across the year and teachers are very used to dealing with any issues it may create. And my friend who is a reception teacher said she’s never seen differences in social or academic ability break down simply on how old they are, there are lots of other factors too.

All my friends were nearly a year older, going into pubs and learning to drive and getting jobs ages before I was able to.

Surely this is just life

My DS is 4 and just started reception, he's a May birthday.

He has a speech and language delay and an EHCP, goes to a mainstream primary with a speech and language unit.

I was worried about him starting, not just his speech was behind but he wasn't very independent with dressing, his social skills were a little immature. Wondered if we should have explored delaying his start.

But, he's exceeded all our expectations. Adores school, making friends, loves phonics and wants to practice his reading and writing at home. We were worried about his stamina but he's been fine. No regrets at all.