Please advise - social services

[Jenna2]

Hi. We have a 11 year old son and 9 year old daughter. Our son got angry last week and hit a window pane. We took him to A&E. Thankfully he will be fine, very lucky. But hospital reported it to social services.

We know he has a developing anger issue. He's been through school nurse 'step 1' (didn't help at all), and after a lot of persuading to the school nurses from us, he is now on the waiting list for 'step 2'. But this week social services came to the house. They said they need to make sure our children are safe with us!!!!!

We've been asking help for our son for months and just keep get put on waiting lists. They said if the children are safe (!!!!!!) our son might get referred to step 2 (so the waiting list we are already on!!).

The said they will go and visit the children away from us, at school. To talk to them there alone. I'm terrified. I have hardly slept since. We have nothing to hide, but it will frighten the children and how do we know what they interpret the childen have said.

We had to email confirm that they can access all of our medical records!!!!!! In that same email, asking our concent to give access to our data they put all of our DoB. How on earth do they know those?!?!?!

I want our children's teachers there when Social services talk to the children. Will that be allowed? What will happen? I am so scared.

Hi op

I am a Social Worker. Firstly you need to clarify what they mean by 'if the children are safe with you', your explanation that it is potentially your sons mental health so this does not add up. I would ring them and ask them to read the Hospital referral to you so you know.

Secondly yes you can request that a teacher is present with the children during the school visit. Also we normally only arrange school visits like this if concerned about potentially the parents care for the child and need an environment elsewhere. Are you explaining the full information here? Have you any previous involvement with social services.

Social workers can access a lot of information prior to meeting you but usual checks like GP and Schools require consent. There for it is up to you if you decide to consent for this. I would not routinely check the parents GP unless there was specific concerns I wanted to address or confirm with Gp

If I was you I would ring them and ask them what their plan is and why. They have a duty to be open and honest regarding the process even if their is parental concerns.

@OhTheRoses Clearly you are defensive regarding social workers. How I type on an Internet forum does not dictate how I write reports and assessments for my role as a social worker obviously

I had a Social Worker in the area I fled domestic abuse from and although she was fantastic.. Her spelling and grammar left a lot to be desired for. So just because someone types out grammatical incorrect paragraphs of words doesn't mean they can't do their jobs.

@OhTheRoses OP has come on this for advice because she is worried about her family. I have two degrees and frankly my grammar could be absolutely shit but in the grand scheme of things my role is to build relationships with families, safeguard and protect children's welfare. I have excellent knowledge in this area and grammar is at the bottom of my concerns, thank you. If I wanted to be the best at grammar I would have become a teacher.

As you can tell I don't care about grammar. More important that the Job is done well.

Right roses so you make an error it's a whoopsie auto correct, someone else does and you deduce they are an "ill educated, fear inducing numpty"?

I'm sure you have nothing to worry about and it's just routine checks. Hopefully they will help liaise with the school and get your son prioritised for extra support. My friend's son finally got anger management support via the school after he'd hurt his sister and SS got involved. The school seemed to be very slow to act but SS seemed to give them a kick and get them moving.

Something sounds wrong here. I would definitely see if you can see the report from the hospital. Usually in a case you're describing, social services would have a chat with you and possibly the children's school. Either you're not telling us everything or you have had previously had intervention from services or the initial report was overly concerning. Honestly, if it was me I would be seeking third party advice before granting them access to anything

Hi. Yes, I am explaining everything. They told me on the first call that they would speak to both children in school. I questioned why but all they would say was they need to ensure the children are safe.
Our son is at secondary school now daughter is at a private primary. We've never had anything to do with social servies before.

If you could choose to have either a social worker who was street smart or book smart. I can guarantee you want a social worker who understands exactly what real life is like for families, their experiences, growing up in poverty, parenting with limited resources, living with domestic abuse.

You cant learn that from a book about grammar.

Also a social worker. Date of births for your family probably came from the hospital as they have to name the parents and other siblings.
I would need to know more information as to why the hospital referred to CSC but it is likely they just feel you need additional support rather than thinking you have harmed your child, as if they thought you had hurt him we would be doing a child protection investigation under S47 of the children's act and would not need your consent to get records etc, so that is a positive.

@OhTheRoses you are derailing this thread. The OP has asked for advice, not grammar lessons.

@Rockchick123

As I said you need to ring and clarify why they think the children are unsafe, what evidence do they have that would put this in doubt. You are the parent at the end of the day and if your not happy about a process then speak up and say. You need them to explain why this is necessary before they do it. If your not happy then state that they can speak to the children at home after school.

Also, it sounds like your social worker is not being clear with you about their concerns.. I would ask for clarity as to the aim of any assessment /visit.

Hi Jenna,

I'm a social worker. When I'm completing assessments with families I routinely ask for consent to contact GPs, schools, and any other support service the family is accessing. Most families consent, some do not.

Depending on the referral, I either proceed without their consent (in child protection cases) or agree not to contact other services. I always speak to the children alone. Quite often this is at home but sometimes it is in school. If there are child protection concerns I am more likely to speak to the children at school. Some parents and children prefer for a teacher to be present and I always agree to that when it is requested (this happens rarely though).

The reason I do all of this is to gather as much information about the family as possible so that any conclusions or recommendations are relevant and useful for the family (well, the children anyway). The more evidence I have, the more robust the assessment will be and the more likely it is that the help provided will work.

I completely understand that you are scared. Most families do not want social workers coming to the door. BUT if you speak honestly to the worker about the difficulties you are having, they are more likely to be able to help with your problem. I can smell lies and evasions and I guarantee your worker will too.

Your child was injured during an outburst of anger. He may have mental health needs that need support and you may need support to help him keep safe from further harming himself. That is what this is about. Some parents are able to do this without much further support but others may have other things happening in their lives that are making it harder to support their child. Many children do not want to worry or upset their parents by opening up about their feelings, so the opportunity for him to share what he was feeling with a independent person may help him, it is not an interoggation. As you say, you have nothing to hide, but I am sure you would want the help to better understand any reasons for this behaviour. The Social Worker has the same priority as you, to ensure your son is safe and happy. As long as you work with them to demonstrate your son's needs are your top priority, you have no need to worry. It is standard for them to ask for background information from school and health to get a better understanding of his background and any needs. Hopefully this will help you get the extra support you have been hoping for

@OhTheRoses

Have you been drinking? You aren't very coherent

@OhTheRoses

If was and were don't come naturally I suspect it does. Shouldn't even need thinking about if you were well educated.

Yes, a social worker did once ring me. He was completely inarticulate and I could not understand a word he said. He was Mr x; he used my first name. He asked if I needed support. I asked what support there was. He didn't understand and didn't know. I made a formal complaint and got a formal apology.

It related to A&E and they had told me at 7pm I had given my permission for SS to be informed. I had to be very firm. Later found out that the report was made at 4.15pm. Bit difficult to have had my permission when I was not notified dd was in A&E until 5.48pm.

So yes I am defensive. I am also well educated and honest which is a zillion miles away from the average nurse and social worker. Therefore my advice is to engage a lawyer to deal with people who are disingenuous, unintelligent and make it up as they go along because they personify everything that is not professional. The poor standards are a national scandal.

How dare you try to belittle someone because of their grammar. You're detailing the thread to bang on about being well educated. You need more education on grade and decorum. You're well educated in being a first class t**t.

@sunflower166
I have honestly told you everything, and we have never been involved with social services before. I gave concent as i didn't see why not. As horribly invasive as it feels, we don't have anything to hide and I was worried they'd think we did if we said no. But this all feels horrendously over the top given we have been honest about what happened and have been asking for help.

Derailing* do forgive me ontheroses ones phone did appear to auto correct