Please advise - social services

[Jenna2]

Hi. We have a 11 year old son and 9 year old daughter. Our son got angry last week and hit a window pane. We took him to A&E. Thankfully he will be fine, very lucky. But hospital reported it to social services.

We know he has a developing anger issue. He's been through school nurse 'step 1' (didn't help at all), and after a lot of persuading to the school nurses from us, he is now on the waiting list for 'step 2'. But this week social services came to the house. They said they need to make sure our children are safe with us!!!!!

We've been asking help for our son for months and just keep get put on waiting lists. They said if the children are safe (!!!!!!) our son might get referred to step 2 (so the waiting list we are already on!!).

The said they will go and visit the children away from us, at school. To talk to them there alone. I'm terrified. I have hardly slept since. We have nothing to hide, but it will frighten the children and how do we know what they interpret the childen have said.

We had to email confirm that they can access all of our medical records!!!!!! In that same email, asking our concent to give access to our data they put all of our DoB. How on earth do they know those?!?!?!

I want our children's teachers there when Social services talk to the children. Will that be allowed? What will happen? I am so scared.

Oh I also meant grace not grade. Roses is sat there having a field day now

@EatTheHamTina

I was just reading another thread and the same poster is criticising someone's grammar on there too.

Must be what passes for entertainment in their neck of the woods.

I am not a social worker but I know a lot of them get unnecessary bad reputations. From experiences I’ve heard from other people the social workers were lovely and really helped them in the areas they need. They are there to support your family and if you or your DC need extra help they are there to guide you. So although it’s scary just know that they are on your side and are going to try and help your son deal with his anger issues.

You've done the right thing.. The social worker will now (with your consent) be able to speak with CAMHS, GP, school and see what is already in place and either agree there is nothing more they can help with, or see some gaps in the plan and support you guys more. It's not meant to catch you out or make you feel bad, although I'm sure that's how it feels as a concerned mum. X

No I haven't been drinking but having encountered a social worker's attitude I reserve the right to advise another family to engage a lawyer to advocate if possible.

I don't recall the social worker who rang me being either professional or helpful and the first response on this thread did not appear to me to have been particularly reassuring. There also seemed to be an assumption that every family on ss's radar is underprivileged and that is not the case and it is not how helpful relationships are forged or children supported.

@Rockchick123

As you said you have nothing to hide so please try to not worry. As far as I am concerned I want to ensure families get the best support they can and if your worried about your sons behaviour then this will help him. A great thing about social services is the liaison they do between different settings such as schools, GP and other services. It's builds that overall picture and patterns that sometimes can be difficult to see when it's personal and within your own family.

You are well within your rights to get clear information about this whole situation. Give them a call on Monday morning and just be honest and state you need clarity. You as the parent should be fully informed about this social work involvement. As other posters have stated if it's not child protection then you have to give consent, therefore you can say no.

@OhTheRoses I would be interested if you could clarify where exactly I made the presumption regarding underprivileged.

No one is exempt from social work involvement including myself. You would be a fool to think this. I have worked with many families including solicitors, university lecturers and yes doctors. Shocking, no not really anyone with children could need support at anytime including myself. Who can say if my son in his teenager years may not go off the rails. You really don't make any sense. Goodbye.

Sometimes when I read a poorly written post with spelling and grammatical errors that purports to be from a professional, the message is lost because of those jarring errors.

@Dollymoo please read your post posted at 22.33.

If your son needs some support from cahms, the social worker may be able to help you access that quicker than the normal wait? I think many kids are feeling a bit angry/frustrated at the moment - your son is not the only one and hopefully some timely support might be able to solve things before it gets out of hand.

I think the danger in your household could be that your son might want to kick a door but ends up causing an accident that seriously injures him or your daughter.

Think of it this way, if your son was unsafe at home it would be pointless trying to address his anger as that wouldn't be the number 1 issue in his life. That would be being unsafe.

As others have said it seems very likely that contacting GP etc is a paperwork evidence gathering exercise (to document he is safe at home) as if there were major concerns we would be going down the legal route of investigations that don't require consent.

I hope you get the support you need for your son.

You shouldn't feel attacked or blamed, it's better that families like yours get looked over than a single child gets missed I'm afraid.

@OhTheRoses
I have read this. So your saying that someone who in your view is privileged cannot experience domestic abuse? Someone privileged cannot experience poverty or struggle with children beyond parental control, drug abuse, addictions, poor mental health? Thank goodness your not a social worker. The bottom line, we are all human regardless of privilege and a shame you think of life in this way.

@OhTheRoses

If was and were don't come naturally I suspect it does. Shouldn't even need thinking about if you were well educated.

Yes, a social worker did once ring me. He was completely inarticulate and I could not understand a word he said. He was Mr x; he used my first name. He asked if I needed support. I asked what support there was. He didn't understand and didn't know. I made a formal complaint and got a formal apology.

It related to A&E and they had told me at 7pm I had given my permission for SS to be informed. I had to be very firm. Later found out that the report was made at 4.15pm. Bit difficult to have had my permission when I was not notified dd was in A&E until 5.48pm.

So yes I am defensive. I am also well educated and honest which is a zillion miles away from the average nurse and social worker. Therefore my advice is to engage a lawyer to deal with people who are disingenuous, unintelligent and make it up as they go along because they personify everything that is not professional. The poor standards are a national scandal.

And yet you don’t even communicate in complete sentences.

Seriously, you were a dick. You used childish insults instead of making a cogent point. Perhaps you’re having a rough time for some reason — we all have our moments. But you are just making yourself look silly by trying to spin some bizarre justification for how a grammar error @dollymoo made on an Internet forum at 10:30 on a Friday night several glasses of wine in, or at least I am has any remote connection with being a good social worker.

Signed,

Someone who I can just about guarantee has more and better degrees than you do. And so fucking what.

@ParrotheadRedux cheers

The hospital acted correctly and I am sure we would all wish them to err on the side of caution when it comes to children and their safety.

It is in order for you to ask that a teacher be with them when the social worker talks to them - I can understand that you might want them to have someone familiar with them, rather then just the SW whom they do not know.

You are aware of your son's problems, and the SW will be aware of how difficult it can be to deal with and also how hard it can be to get the help you need. I hope very much that the SW might be the person to speed this help up.

Mental health services for children in this country are a bit of a joke - waiting lists are long and staff levels low, so I would get anyone at all on your side - the SW might be just the person you need.

@OhTheRoses

I'm sure your defensive, combative and superior attitude contributed to the experience you had when engaging with social services.

People who haven't experienced poverty or domestic abuse can be in need of support from social services. They can also be abusive or display a lack of ability to manage the behaviour of their children. They can also be rude, condescending and make themselves look stupid. Clearly.

If you are so passionate about your experience and evidently keen to talk about it at the first opportunity then perhaps it would be a good idea to start your own thread. The world doesn't revolve around you. Your anecdotal experience isn't one shared by everyone else.

I love that it was autocorrect's fault when you made an error but a sign of stupidity when someone else did. What an insufferable, condescending attitude. It must be exhausting being you, I hope you manage to work through your anger and find a way to communicate that isn't so nasty.

@PanamaPattie

Sometimes when I read a poorly written post with spelling and grammatical errors that purports to be from a professional, the message is lost because of those jarring errors.

I used to think like this too, until I made the mistake of underestimating certain people to my own detriment. My professional practice and my own personal interactions have taught me that you can’t measure a person’s skill, intelligence and even education by their grammar and spelling. Human brains are wired in so many different ways. I used to be as big a pedant as you but life is not so black and white — you are mistaken to judge a person or their message by an arbitrary set of rules. I promise you this kind of thinking will bite you in the ass someday.

Obviously if a written message is so poorly written as to be impossible to decipher that’s a problem. But seriously, @dollymoo’s grammar errors really aren’t that bad! I’ve seen way worse from some legitimately brilliant folks.

@Jenna2 my sister has gone through a similar process. Her son has been diagnosed with adhd and is known to have violent outbursts at home (she has 2 other kids) so SW wanted to ensure they where safe aswell. Everytime there is an incident they report themselves to social services so they have a record of the events. It has helped as he is now on medication attending a specialist school and has a support worker who takes him out two days a week in the evenings to give the other kids a break. If you have nothing to hide then see this as an opportunity to finally get some help as you say you have been trying for ages they may be able to push things along faster if they know the full details including previous events and how other kids feel etc.

I agree with the PP’s regarding @OhTheRoses harsh comments. Absolutely no need.

Someone came on looking for advice and @dollymoo kindly offered her input as she has experience. She’s not at work, she didn’t need to. Then you jump on her grammar etc...

It’s an anonymous internet form, not a final written report at work. Good grief, when I send messages to our work WhatsApp group, I often think bludy auto correct 🙈 and I wrote ‘willy’ instead of ‘wooly’ jumper the other day 🤣😂

And..... Sometimes my 12 year old corrects me in general and...... I have a degree!

OP I hope it all works out for you. X

I'm glad social workers have been able to give you helpful advice op. It's a shame the thread has been derailed by a poster who seems to feel the need to constantly tell people how marvellous her grammar is compared to other people's. Very sad

@RebeccaGillies

I'm glad social workers have been able to give you helpful advice op. It's a shame the thread has been derailed by a poster who seems to feel the need to constantly tell people how marvellous her grammar is compared to other people's. Very sad

And they have also pulled up people on a different thread on their grammar. How bizarre....

Yes and they've had Namechangearoo's post deleted for pointing out her own grammar mistakes i see

Ss can help you get the support you need. So tell them yes you are already serking support and anything they can do to push him up the wait list will be welcomed.

As was said
Your child was injured during an outburst of anger. He may have mental health needs that need support and you may need support to help him keep safe from further harming himself. That is what this is about

Accept this as a way to get support
And to ensure your other child is not at risk of injury by accident
Ask about sibling groups or other support
Ask about support for your ds
Use this to your advaNtage

In my friend's case they were more concerned about the violence at home from the son directed towards his younger sister. It seemed very much a focus on keeping her daughter safe and confirming the violence wasn't coming from the home environment.

They wanted to make sure my friend's daughter was being protected at home. They told her it was his male hormones and early puberty although no medical checks were done AFAIK. It calmed down in the next few years but now her daughter is being a moody teenager so her home is not so restful again..